Do I say anything? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 04-21-2004, 10:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
ekblad9's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Just a slingin'
Posts: 8,130
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
An aquaintance from my homeschooling group just adopted a baby from China. He's 8 months old. Anyway, she sent an email today asking for prayers on a certain day because she's having him well, you know. The "c" word. Anyway, I don't know her that well but we have had some pretty personal conversations. Should I say anything or just mind my own business? She said the baby has to be put completely under for this. I can't imagince risking surgery for something like this.

Amy - Blessed wife to Jesse (the best dad in the world), mother of 10 on earth plus 8 in heaven.   PROUD to be a Catholic! : winner.jpg familybed2.gifhomeschool.gif

ekblad9 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 04-21-2004, 10:52 PM
 
LavenderMae's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: where I write my own posts!
Posts: 12,213
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yes, I would say something. I would also give her some info about circ maybe a book or printed out info. I hope she changes her mind.

OUR DAUGHTERS ARE PROTECTED SHOULDN'T OUR SONS BE TOO! :
LavenderMae is offline  
Old 04-21-2004, 10:54 PM
 
Marsupialmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: St. Louis MO
Posts: 9,039
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I would.

Be prepared for religious arguement.

And to look like others.
Marsupialmom is offline  
Old 04-21-2004, 11:41 PM
 
house elf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 151
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh, that makes me so sad to read about that... yes, at the least, e-mail her the Fleiss article.. the site that changed my mind about circ was http://www.mothersagainstcirc.org Maybe you could send her that address?
house elf is offline  
Old 04-22-2004, 12:28 AM
 
Irishmommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: In the bat cave with heartmama
Posts: 45,457
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hasn't the poor baby been through enough? Definitely talk to her.
Irishmommy is offline  
Old 04-22-2004, 12:40 AM
 
hvl25's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Posts: 1,921
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I would definately send some links to her and talk to her. I hope she doesn't do it. Does she know exactly how this is done and the amount of pain he will be in?
hvl25 is offline  
Old 04-22-2004, 12:41 AM
 
Quirky's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Princeton, NJ
Posts: 11,770
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I would definitely say something about leaving him the way God made him - God doesn't make mistakes, right?

Come visit the NEW QuirkyBaby website -- earn QB Bucks rewards points for purchases, reviews, referrals, and more! Free US shipping on great brands of baby slings and carriers and FREE BabyLegs or babywearing mirror on orders of $100+. Take the QB Quiz for personalized advice!

Quirky is offline  
Old 04-22-2004, 12:42 AM - Thread Starter
 
ekblad9's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Just a slingin'
Posts: 8,130
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Well, I would have to say yes. I mean, she has a son that's 6 who was also adopted from China. I'm assuming she had to have the same thing done to him? I feel a little bold sending her this info but I'm going to do it!

Amy - Blessed wife to Jesse (the best dad in the world), mother of 10 on earth plus 8 in heaven.   PROUD to be a Catholic! : winner.jpg familybed2.gifhomeschool.gif

ekblad9 is offline  
Old 04-22-2004, 12:44 AM
 
hvl25's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Posts: 1,921
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
good for you Amy! I hope she listens!!
hvl25 is offline  
Old 04-22-2004, 12:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
ekblad9's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Just a slingin'
Posts: 8,130
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
OK, I did it. I'll keep you posted. I feel a bit like I was out of line but I wish someone would've told me before I did my first two sons, KWIM? Thank God I figured it out by the time I had my third son. Anyway, I'll keep you posted!

Amy - Blessed wife to Jesse (the best dad in the world), mother of 10 on earth plus 8 in heaven.   PROUD to be a Catholic! : winner.jpg familybed2.gifhomeschool.gif

ekblad9 is offline  
Old 04-22-2004, 12:58 AM
 
WindyMoments04's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Neither here nor there...
Posts: 124
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Seriously, what is wrong with people?
The baby has been through enough!
WindyMoments04 is offline  
Old 04-22-2004, 12:59 AM
 
hvl25's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Posts: 1,921
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
i got lucky I guess. i went to visit a friend of mine after she had her baby. I get off the elevator and hear this baby screaming. I'm walking down the hall wondering what the heck is going on and I pass a room that says circumcision in progress on the door. The baby inside is screaming like crazy. At that point, I said I will never do that if I have boys, and thankfully both of mine are intact
hvl25 is offline  
Old 04-22-2004, 03:22 AM
 
wintermom14's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: So CAl
Posts: 8
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I had a friend that worked in a Dr's office in the 90's who said it was common to see post adoption circ procedures on males adopted from Bosnia. It made me upset, though most of the ones that she had seen were over 5 years old, that moms would be dragging thier adopted sons into an office for an procedure that was not even needed. Pretty sad.
wintermom14 is offline  
Old 04-22-2004, 10:19 AM
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Posts: 4,669
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hoping it goes well. Poor kids.This also will affect their cultural identity.What a terrible thing,imo,to do to a child-In order for us to accept you as one of our own we MUST cut off parts of your genitals.
Sick
Sara
mattemma04 is offline  
Old 04-22-2004, 02:50 PM
 
WindyMoments04's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Neither here nor there...
Posts: 124
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
When I had my dd, they put me in a recovery room across the hall from the circ room. Hearing those babies scream and cry for 3 days made me change my mind about circ. Sometimes you have to have something put right in your face to finally "get it".

My ds is circ, and now I feel like crap for putting him through that pain. He was perfect to begin with, and I had him mutilated.

I swear I will never have another ds circ'ed.
WindyMoments04 is offline  
Old 04-22-2004, 03:15 PM
 
jennay's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: DC Area
Posts: 1,137
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm glad you sent her the info. I wish someone had sent some to me. My two boys are circ'ed and I wish we had not done so. I feel remorse every time I change their diapers. Any future sons will not be circ'ed.
jennay is offline  
Old 04-22-2004, 04:28 PM
 
Sarah's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Indiana
Posts: 2,093
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh that is about as tacky as if she wanted to fix his eyes so he wouldn't look chinese. What a moron. And adoption agencies tolerate that kind of stuff?

Like- you think they would let a baby girl go to a man who wanted to cut her vagina?

What is wrong with people?
Sarah is offline  
Old 04-22-2004, 05:59 PM
 
DesireeH's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Orange County, CA
Posts: 8,218
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Ditto to Sarahs post! That is craziness! Glad you sent her the info!

Desiree

DesireeH is offline  
Old 04-23-2004, 12:13 AM
 
Evergreen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Where all the women are strong
Posts: 5,295
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Did you tell her you wish someone would have sent you info like that when your oldest sons were babies? Sometimes a personal touch like that is all that is needed.

Evergreen- Loving my girls Dylan dust.gifage8, Ava energy.gifage 4 and baby Georgia baby.gif (6/3/11).

Evergreen is offline  
Old 04-23-2004, 12:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
ekblad9's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Just a slingin'
Posts: 8,130
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yah, I said that. I haven't heard from her and I'm a little nervous. Oh well. I don't think she checks her email everyday. Maybe I should call her this weekend?

Amy - Blessed wife to Jesse (the best dad in the world), mother of 10 on earth plus 8 in heaven.   PROUD to be a Catholic! : winner.jpg familybed2.gifhomeschool.gif

ekblad9 is offline  
Old 04-23-2004, 12:21 AM
 
EFmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 7,802
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I've got two kids who were adopted from China. The last thing children need when they are trying to adjust from about as major a life change as you can get is totally unnecessary and painful surgery. I can't imagine that it exactly helps the bonding process. :

As for the comment about the eye modification surgery, I think that's off base. The Chinese people I know IRL here are just as likely as the general population to have their sons circed, alas. I know many adoptive parents (mostly from EE) who have circed boys, but none that have had their children's eyelids altered. Whether we like it or not, most parents just assume that boys must be circed, and don't think beyond that. It is not about rejecting their ethnic identities. If they had adopted an intact child domestically, they would circ him as well.

Adoption agencies do not get involved in the medical care of children once they are adopted, as they should not. Obviously circ isn't needed for any medical reason, but that's still not how most people see it.
EFmom is offline  
Old 04-23-2004, 07:42 AM
 
earthmama007's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,989
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think it is awesome you wrote her. Maybe she will see that she doesn't have to put her DS through such a horrendous ordeal. He deserves better than that. I have said this so many times, children can't always voice their opinions so we have to be their voices. Good job mama! It is great that you can tack on your own exoerience.
earthmama007 is offline  
Old 04-23-2004, 12:53 PM
 
so_silly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: NY
Posts: 4
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I know it's too late but I'd probably reply to her email about praying for his circ with this:

"Oh my! I had no idea that "X" was sick and in need of a circumcision! Have you gotten a 2nd opinion yet? I know that it's very rare for a boy or man to actually NEED a circumcision and there are more conservative treatments for almost every problem that might occur! I have a lot of information on circumcision from when I did research before my son was born...here's a wonderful article by Dr. Fleiss to start you off. I hope you'll keep me posted!!"

I wish it wasn't even offered to parents by doctors as an option. It totally validates it.
so_silly is offline  
Old 04-23-2004, 05:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
ekblad9's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Just a slingin'
Posts: 8,130
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
She called me today. I'm calling her back in a bit. Wish me cyber luck!

Amy - Blessed wife to Jesse (the best dad in the world), mother of 10 on earth plus 8 in heaven.   PROUD to be a Catholic! : winner.jpg familybed2.gifhomeschool.gif

ekblad9 is offline  
Old 04-23-2004, 05:35 PM
 
LavenderMae's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: where I write my own posts!
Posts: 12,213
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Good luck to you and especially good luck to baby boy!!!!!!!!!!!!

OUR DAUGHTERS ARE PROTECTED SHOULDN'T OUR SONS BE TOO! :
LavenderMae is offline  
Old 04-23-2004, 05:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
ekblad9's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Just a slingin'
Posts: 8,130
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Well, we talked. She said thanks for the info but that her adoption worker said that they should do it for identification purposes. So he won't feel different than the rest of the family. Apparently she left it up to her dh and he wants to do it. I'm so sad. I tried to talk her out of it. She said their older boy is done as well as the dh. Apparently they didn't take the decision lightly. She thanked me many times for the info. Argh. I feel like such a failure.

Amy - Blessed wife to Jesse (the best dad in the world), mother of 10 on earth plus 8 in heaven.   PROUD to be a Catholic! : winner.jpg familybed2.gifhomeschool.gif

ekblad9 is offline  
Old 04-23-2004, 05:51 PM
 
AnnMarie's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 2,946
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
For "identification purposes" ?!?!?!

That pisses me off. Send her a video. Tell her how f'n stupid that is.

Grrr, I have NO tolerance for people lately.

You did the best you could. It's not your fault she's ....... never mind, I will be nice.
AnnMarie is offline  
Old 04-23-2004, 05:55 PM
 
house elf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 151
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Grrr!!

I am majoring in social work -- maybe I can change some attitudes like this! (that is, if I get a job in adoption services)

Well, you have done all you could. It is too bad he will have to be put through this, but I can't think of anything else you could try. Maybe someone has an idea.
house elf is offline  
Old 04-23-2004, 07:51 PM
 
Sarah's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Indiana
Posts: 2,093
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Well then... see!!! he needs his EYES "fixed"... not his PENIS!

IT"S RACISM!!! They are ERASING HIS CULTURE OFF HIS BODY.

(and just to be clear because twice in one day I have said "fixed"... I DO NOT REPEATE- DO NOT--- think that ANYTHING about ANY BEAUTIFUL child needs "FIXING" not their beautiful EYES... and not their tender still forming little baby sex organs EITHER!)

Those evil pukes... I think I have to vomit.
Sarah is offline  
Old 04-23-2004, 10:21 PM
 
Sherry's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: next to my embroidery machine
Posts: 316
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
her adoption worker said that they should do it for identification purposes. So he won't feel different than the rest of the family.
yeah i cant remember the last time my circ'd dh stood with our 3 uncirc'd booys and said 'WOW!! look we are different!'

sheesh that mentality never ceases to amaze me...i mean its not like they are going to stand around one day and compare penises!!
Sherry is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off