Who made the circumcision decision for your child? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: who made the circumcision ( or not circumcision) decision for your child?
My partner and I both did 201 100.00%
I did 72 100.00%
My partner did 24 100.00%
Family member(s) helped 4 66.67%
the doctor helped with decision 6 100.00%
Other 13 100.00%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 6. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 03-10-2003, 02:49 PM
 
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thanks frank- I am new so I got confused and thought it was a reply to my post. It was just so descriptive it really upset me.I apologize to the poster. I am still trying to figure me in & outs of the board.
Kat- keeping my mouth shut, lol
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Old 03-10-2003, 06:37 PM
 
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Kat:

Welcome to the board! We're a very forgiving gang here!



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Old 03-10-2003, 06:56 PM
 
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Kat- I am sure Jennie didn't mean for the post to be offensive I know it's hard, but try not to feel bad about your decision. Like you said, you do not need to have your future children circ'd...

Take care!

Francine
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Old 03-10-2003, 10:37 PM
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I also made the decision for my daughter. I decided not to let anyone cut her genitals, either. So BOTH my children are intact! (My girl and my boy.)
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Old 03-10-2003, 11:52 PM
 
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Kat:

I saw more of your story on another board and I feel so sorry for you. It is evident that the doctor did not know about intact little boys and did a horrible thing that was not necessary. I certainly hope you are not using this same doctor anymore.



Frank
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Old 03-11-2003, 12:18 AM
 
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i made the decision. I had intended on discussing w/dh, but never did. DS came 5 weeks early- the nurse asked if we were going to. I said I still needed to discuss w/dh. The next day, nurse asked again and I said no, still haven't had a chance to discuss. I told DH on the way home from the hospital. He was a little weird at first, I told him I watched the video and he could to, and if he still thought it was necessary, he could take him to the ped to have it done. DH wouldn't watch it.

I haven't really mentioned it to anyone. I don't think that's the kind of thing that needs to come up in general conversation, but DH has told his family and friends- about everyone he knows- most think it's weird, but I don't care and he doesn't either.

I found out after the fact they really shouldn't do it on preemies anyway- so not sure why they offered.

sorry for typos- nak

Michelle -mom to Katlyn 4/00 , Jake 3/02, and Seth 5/04
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Old 03-11-2003, 06:40 PM
 
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Originally posted by solekat205
why would you post this as a reply to me after I said I already felt bad for being misinformed? I think this was cruel of the poster. My feelings were extremely hurt by this.
I posted it in reply to the post I quoted above it. I didn't see your post. It was only about the video that is mentioned. That's it. My opinion of what's on that tape.
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Old 03-12-2003, 11:37 AM
 
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Jennie,
Im sorry I know that now. It was the first time someone replied to any of my posts so I thought it was a direct reply to me, I was just confused. Plus it was so descriptive & I am already upset that I had it done I guess it got me rattled & flustered.
Kat
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Old 03-12-2003, 08:40 PM
 
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We both made the decision, but I was the one who did all the research. Wish I had done it before we circ'd our first son, but you can't turn back time. When I told dh that it was important to me that he not be circ'd and for what reasons, he agreed with me. He is pretty pro intact now, even though he is circ'd.
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Old 03-12-2003, 08:48 PM
 
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Kat, I know exactly how you feel. Three years later, things like that still make me tear up and cringe every time I read them because we had our first baby circ'd. As a new mommy, I know it makes you feel even worse. I only wish I knew these things *before* it was too late. The best we can do is learn from our mistakes and never repeat them. The moment my poor ds (who was also a colicky, high needs baby, and I do wonder if the circ was why) came back from getting it done, I knew I'd *never ever* do it again.
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Old 03-12-2003, 11:17 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by solekat205
Jennie,
Im sorry I know that now. It was the first time someone replied to any of my posts so I thought it was a direct reply to me, I was just confused. Plus it was so descriptive & I am already upset that I had it done I guess it got me rattled & flustered.
Kat
Sorry. I wouldn't have said that about it had I known how it would affect you! I had seen the video a couple years ago when I was email the VHS copy and I guess it was burned into my memory. (That and I watched it several times just to figure out what they were saying!)
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Old 03-15-2003, 02:25 AM
 
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I voted "other" because the one who will make the decision is the owner of the penis and nobody else.
I was just going to say...I would have to vote as "my son made his own decision."

Even though I don't have a son, if I did, I would just have to guess what he would want as a newborn. And I bet I would guess right if I guessed that he wouldn't want a piece of him cut off.
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Old 03-15-2003, 06:25 AM
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I actually know someone who said to me, "He will want this done to him." (So he won't be 'different' was the argument.)

Can you imagine the ignorance? After I gave this guy/his wife all kinds of information. Oh, my heart aches for that baby, who is due any day now.
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Old 03-15-2003, 07:46 PM
 
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i said i did, but dh agreed with me, so i didn't have to convince him. it was basically "no son of mine will ever have that done to him" and he was like "okay." hee. he's like that with most of my parenting decisions. now, two years later, he is as anti-circ as i am.
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Old 03-16-2003, 06:51 AM
 
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We both did. My husband has a bunch of funny little things he likes to say. Long before we even had kids, he would say "Circumcision is not your decision." Obviously, once the time came and we had a son, the "decision" was already made. Oh, not to circumcise, that is.

Laura
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Old 03-19-2003, 01:02 AM
 
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I was uninformed. Family, the doctor, dh and I, all decided our son's fate. No going back now. It has been almost 3years since he was cut. I wish I knew then what I know now.
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Old 03-21-2003, 08:13 PM
 
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After reading this thread I feel I was a very fortunate mother. First, I was 39 when I had ds and was already well-informed on the debate of circumcision. While all the males in my family (that I know of) were circumcised I was the lone stand out against it. I actually got into quite a heated argument with my sister for circumcising her two sons years ago.
My husband is intact which meant no argument or convincing there.
We were also completely supported in our decision by my OB and our family practitioner. No one even questioned our decision. It was just "Do you" "no" "ok" and that was the end of it.
Man, do I feel blessed!
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Old 03-22-2003, 07:49 AM
 
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Miss Kitty. your post is so refereshing. Thank you.
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Old 03-31-2003, 09:01 PM
 
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It's really nice to know someone who already had information concerning making a knowledgeable decision. This is what these boards are all about.
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Old 04-11-2003, 04:23 AM
 
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I voted I did, but it was more like we discussed it, I told dh I was against it, he wanted to do it, I dug my heals in untill he finally gave up

I had made the decision a long time before I met dh and had ds, it's not my penis and it's not my choice. Luckily for me my father and one of my two brothers are intact (the other was circed for "medical reasons" my mother told me why the doc told her she should have him circ'ed but I've forgotten, he was one when it was done ), my mother is very anti circ and I was around for a few circ debates with her friends while I was growing up. I think that if it hadn't been for that I would have just went along with it. I tried to be civil while discussing it with my dh (even though it's a very touchy subject for me), I went online and did a lot of research hoping to get him to change his mind and agree with me, he never did read any of the stuff I printed off but it sure strengthend my resolve. When ds was born we still hadn't had the "disscusion" the one where the final "decision" was to be made.

When the ped came to the hospital for the first time to examine ds he asked us if we where going to circumsise, I imediatly said no, dh said we hadn't decided yet. Well the subject was never brough up again and ds is now 6 months old and happily intact.
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Old 04-19-2003, 04:29 PM
 
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I did the homework and decided I didn't want it done; but I left the final say up to DH. He decided not to have it done. For a long time I thought it was to appease me (as I'm sure you've noticed, I can be quite opinionated). Now he says he went with my wishes, not to keep me quiet, but because he trusted my analysis. That made me feel better.

I've been really lucky, none of my family members have been upset by "our" decision (I love the concept that it's really the son's choice). MIL was talking to my birth-mom and was a bit surprised that we didn't have it done. Birth-mom said, "well, hasn't he been through enough?" (c/s, possible GBS infection, low oxygen levels, IV, monitors, tons of pricks and pokes, poor guy) MIL agreed and that was that. =) It's funny, now I talk to all three of my moms (MIL, birth, and step who raised me) and give them all the reasons I find (and keep finding!) not to have it done and they agree. This is odd becuase MIL had her son, my DH, circ'd and step mom had both her sons circ'd. I try very hard not to "you should have" them, I know that when DH was born it wasn't really an option not to. Not unless you were *very* concerned, it simply wasn't really questioned. Now it is and I feel so lucky that information is out there and people are thinking twice.

My OB/GYN didn't really push either way which was nice. The ped asked at our first visit if we were going to have it done there (because of course we're going to have it done) and we told him no. He didn't push either; but his expectation bugged me. Whatever.

All these stories of, "I didn't know at the time," tells me doctors are failing to do their job of informing patients. It's not your fault. You did the best you could at the time, that's all anyone can ask of you. If you've learned and grown, then you've proven yourself to be strong and should be commended. My respect is very high for you moms! *hugs*

~Melissa
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Old 04-20-2003, 12:50 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by MelissaEvans
All these stories of, "I didn't know at the time," tells me doctors are failing to do their job of informing patients.

The disturbing thing about this is that the AAP's statement has remained essentially the same for 30 years and there has been little new research and nothing ground breaking since the first statement but the doctors are using the same old justifications. The only thing that is changing is a better informed patient thanks to the internet and parents talking to parents. This has caused many doctors to re-assess their position and become educated. It's got to be embarassing when the patient knows more than the doctor.





Frank
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Old 04-20-2003, 12:59 AM
 
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The final say went to my Jewish DH.

"The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie, deliberate, contrived and dishonest, but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic."
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Old 04-27-2003, 01:53 PM
 
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My brother (20) is not circumcised, and I thought it was kind of sick to do it to poor babies in the first place. (And also thought it was very wrong that some of the same people AGAINST female circumcision were FOR male circumcision - it just didn't make sense to me)

In the end, my SO (who was circumcised) and I didn't even really discuss it. I told him I didn't want it done, he said okay, the midwife asked at his 3 day check up, I said no, she said good (and said that the dr she consults with will only do it very hestitantly if the parent insists on it) and that was that. Gavin's dr has never mentioned it and has never asked if we were planning on it. The IL's have never mentioned it (they know it's none of their business hehe) and my mom was relieved at our decision.

If he wants it done when he's an adult, all the more power to him, but we're not making that decision for him.
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Old 05-23-2003, 08:27 PM
 
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It was important that my husband and I agree on this issue. Lucky for us, it wasn't an issue at all. Even though my husband was circumsized as a baby he felt no need for or son to be. My husband says he wants or son to enjoy what he has missed. LOL I've always felt why cut it off if it's supposed to be there. I mean really . . . do you think little boys would be born with something they didn't need??

Jaime
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Old 05-23-2003, 09:38 PM
 
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We agreed but even if we hadn't it would not have happened. No one is cutting anything off a child of mine.
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Old 05-24-2003, 04:43 AM
 
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Originally, DH wanted it done. Same old sad reasons:
it's cleaner
...want him to look like me
etc, etc
I told him all the reason these thoughts were untrue.
He still thought we should do it.
I said if you think you could hold your boy when they cut off a part of his penis I will consider it. The image put an end to DH's wish to circ. If he had agreed to hold babe while someone did this, I would have put my foot down. But I knew he needed to come to same conclusion as me. Now he tells friends and family why it's wrong to hurt little boys this way.
After DS was born, DH's mom says having her boys circ'd was something she would always regret. She can still hear his screaming down the hall when it was done.
Makes me cry to think of the pain he went through.
I smile everytime I change DS's diaper, bath him or just plain air out his butt - So does Dad!: )

-Sara, working Mom to Fletcher (2003) and Magnolia (2008):, wife to Jim the best SAHD in the world (1999) NVC has changed my life
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Old 05-26-2003, 05:39 AM
 
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We both desided to it becuase of the religious contect and because of what happened to my brother. It all went well, in the Temple with me nursing immediately. I think it is a personal deision and people should do what makes them happy
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Old 05-31-2003, 03:22 AM
 
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Totally Off Topic - but I was wondering "what happened to your brother" ??
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Old 05-31-2003, 03:30 AM
 
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Infections upon infections. Despite good hygene, homeopathy, antibitotics, spells, herbs etc etc etc. He was cirked at 7 with anestesia. He has no regrets.
My cousin, at the age of 6 insited on being cirked for religous reasons. He pestered his very reluctant parents will they gave in. He had it done int he hospital. Says he has no regerets
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