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#1 of 29 Old 10-18-2013, 02:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We don't know what we're havign yet, but I am hoping for a girl. I brought the subject up and he is very adament about having it done citing "religious" beliefs. Theat man is the FARTHEST thing from being religious I know of. I personally, don't want it done, especially since we're not planning on vaccinating out kids and I don't want them to pick something up in the hospital.

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#2 of 29 Old 10-18-2013, 04:53 PM
 
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If he wants it, by all means, he could get one for himself.

 

 

 

 

Sorry, not helpful, but I couldn't help myself :duck

I hope other people have more constructive suggestions to add.


Ds 9 and dd 5
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#3 of 29 Old 10-18-2013, 05:43 PM
 
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May I ask which religion?  

 

I know for Christians it is not mandated anymore because of the new covenant.  Not sure on the other ones, however.


Mom to two boys, ages 8 and 11, and one blessing due May 8th.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 baby.gif 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40

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#4 of 29 Old 10-18-2013, 08:25 PM
 
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Originally Posted by TakeItSnape View Post
 

We don't know what we're havign yet, but I am hoping for a girl. I brought the subject up and he is very adament about having it done citing "religious" beliefs. Theat man is the FARTHEST thing from being religious I know of. I personally, don't want it done, especially since we're not planning on vaccinating out kids and I don't want them to pick something up in the hospital.

He is cut, yes?  Then the reason he's adamant is because it can be quite the difficult task for a father-to-be to recognize that something was taken from him without his consent.  There have been many threads here from moms-to-be in your shoes.  The one I remember in particular was by a mom w/ the name "Tammy..." I don't remember the whole username, but I think if you search on Tammy, you'll find it.

 

An article for you to read is this; it'll explain it in more detail: http://www.udonet.com/circumcision/vincent/vulnerability_of_men.html

 

Here's a few strategies I've read other mothers use (my dh didn't argue, so I didn't have to use any tactic): 

 

- video by Penn & Teller’s Bullshit, humor in there, but also shows some of a circ (maybe all, I tried really hard not to watch that part) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLGcqPE7xu0&oref=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DvLGcqPE7xu0&has_verified=1  be sure to listen w/ the volume on.

- Search for circumcision in youtube.  Play it when your dh is around w/ the volume on full blast.

- Print articles (if he believes drs know their stuff, then maybe from www.doctorsopposingcircumcision.org) & leave them in the bathroom or in other places around your home

- He's the one who wants it done.  The onus should be on him to prove why removing healthy, functional body parts is the way to go.

- ask him to watch this, very well done, video by a PhD, I believe.  Search on youtube for The Elephant in the Hospital.

 

And, if he's citing other reasons, remind him that not everyone is doing it anymore: http://tinyurl.com/bre3bcf

 

Please keep posting.  We'll support you in protecting your child.

 

Best wishes,

Sus


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#5 of 29 Old 10-19-2013, 11:53 AM
 
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just remember, Mom, YOU are the one who is the patient at a hospital birth. YOU have to sign for any circumcision. 

simply say no, and stick to your guns.

your husband has to PROVE to you why a SURGERY is necessary on your son, whose genitals are perfectly healthy and normal. 

you don't have to prove anything to him as to why to just leave your son's perfectly healthy and normal genitals alone.

(not to mention, the genitals belong to your SON -- who will grow into a man very soon, and have to live with the genitals for the rest of his life.)

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#6 of 29 Old 10-19-2013, 08:48 PM
 
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The perfect normal is for all men to have a foreskin. To be born without one is a birth defect.

Stand tall, mama!
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#7 of 29 Old 10-20-2013, 09:30 AM
 
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I find this video is a sort of calm, rational one that's not hard for dads to watch:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hi6A7wP7dKw

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#8 of 29 Old 10-20-2013, 09:32 AM
 
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I find this video is a sort of calm, rational one that's not hard for dads to watch:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hi6A7wP7dKw

Ah, yes, that is a good one also!

 

Sus


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#9 of 29 Old 10-21-2013, 10:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all SO much. I am going to look into a few of things and talk things over with him. I am not entirely sure of his religion, he's NEVER spoken of it before, but the moment I said I don't want to, he was all, noooo he needs one! And I just went, "Why? Why does he need one?" and he just walked away. He's very adamanet about like not wanting to vax the kids and I am A OK with that, especially since my friend just had her youngest vaxed and then they both got flu shots and 2/3 flu shots her family got had adverse reactions. I'm honestly surprised he was like no, it needs to be done when he wants things as natural as possible, homebirth and all that...

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#10 of 29 Old 10-21-2013, 10:34 AM
 
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Thank you all SO much. I am going to look into a few of things and talk things over with him. I am not entirely sure of his religion, he's NEVER spoken of it before, but the moment I said I don't want to, he was all, noooo he needs one! And I just went, "Why? Why does he need one?" and he just walked away. He's very adamanet about like not wanting to vax the kids and I am A OK with that, especially since my friend just had her youngest vaxed and then they both got flu shots and 2/3 flu shots her family got had adverse reactions. I'm honestly surprised he was like no, it needs to be done when he wants things as natural as possible, homebirth and all that...

What I've bolded is pretty common to an emotional, irrational response to this topic.  And, I am not criticizing your dh; this can truly be a monumental thing for some dad's-to-be to overcome, unfortunately.  He is wounded.  Treat him w/ care while being firm & resolute that your child will not have any body parts amputated.  It can be done.  :Hugto you both.

 

Best wishes,

Sus


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#11 of 29 Old 10-21-2013, 01:17 PM
 
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You can also counter with your own religious beliefs: The Golden Rule, Do Unto Others, etc.  

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#12 of 29 Old 10-21-2013, 05:18 PM
 
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It was hard for my husband to really look objectively at the procedure, since doing so would involve admitting that he was victimized himself. What helped him ease into it was that we discussed the fact that it can always be done later, when the child/man is old enough to understand what is happening and choose it. That helped him feel more comfortable, like just postponing the decision. We talked about the fact that a newborn is so vulnerable and fragile, that being in diapers makes it easy to develop an infection, that they are often not given any anesthetic, that parents often aren't allowed to go with them, that sometimes it is quite traumatizing, etc. I tried to not polarize the discussion, and to talk about everything from a risk/reward perspective rather than claiming that ALL people suffer from having it done (although I believe that may be the case). It helped that we ended up deciding to have a home birth and so it would have required a special trip to the hospital.

 

Once he saw his son and got to know him, my husband quickly realized how perfect he is just the way he came.

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#13 of 29 Old 10-22-2013, 01:01 PM
 
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Thank you all SO much. I am going to look into a few of things and talk things over with him. I am not entirely sure of his religion, he's NEVER spoken of it before, but the moment I said I don't want to, he was all, noooo he needs one! And I just went, "Why? Why does he need one?" and he just walked away. He's very adamanet about like not wanting to vax the kids and I am A OK with that, especially since my friend just had her youngest vaxed and then they both got flu shots and 2/3 flu shots her family got had adverse reactions. I'm honestly surprised he was like no, it needs to be done when he wants things as natural as possible, homebirth and all that...

You are having a baby together and you're not sure of his religion? Are you married?
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#14 of 29 Old 10-22-2013, 07:28 PM
 
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It sounds like her dp isn't a practicing anything.  So whether she's married or not has nothing to do with the topic at hand.


 
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#15 of 29 Old 10-22-2013, 08:36 PM
 
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Echoing tropicana, you are the one who can legally make the decision. If you don't want it, don't do it. Sure, it may cause friction in your relationship, but hopefully your partner will eventually see the light. You are the mom, you grew this child, you will birth this child, and you are the boss. Men can choose to support decisions you make but you make the decisions. 


Jean, feminist mama raising three boys: W (7), E (5) and L (2.15.13)

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#16 of 29 Old 10-23-2013, 11:14 AM
 
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It sounds like her dp isn't a practicing anything.  So whether she's married or not has nothing to do with the topic at hand.


If they were married, I would be surprised that someone would make that sort of official commitment without knowing where someone stands on such a big topic.

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#17 of 29 Old 10-23-2013, 12:51 PM
 
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Religion or circumcision?

 
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#18 of 29 Old 10-23-2013, 01:54 PM
 
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If you are married, your husband has just as much (legal) right as you do to authorize a circumcision. In my state, when the parents are married, consent is needed from only one parent. So, a father could request and authorize a circumcision without the mother's permission (and vice-versa). I'm not saying that's right; but, that is how it is.
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#19 of 29 Old 10-23-2013, 06:43 PM
 
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Religion or circumcision?

 



both.
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#20 of 29 Old 10-25-2013, 01:31 PM
 
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Circ never came up as a subject when I was dating now dh. It never even crossed my mind or dh's. I didn't even think about it until I was pregnant. Even then I didn't put much thought into it until someone asked me what I was going to do about circ if I had a boy. Thank goodness someone asked while I had time to research and give dh the info. But. I don't think a lot of people think about it, unless they've actually been exposed to it as an issue. You see post after post about partners fighting about it, so I'm not surprided in the least aboutthat.

 
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#21 of 29 Old 10-25-2013, 05:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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For the record, we are not married. Religion, for me, isn't a big deal. It's not something that has EVER been brought up and from the way he talks and ALL his other beliefs about things, led to me to believe he was like me.

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#22 of 29 Old 10-28-2013, 02:26 PM
 
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As a guy who is most distressed about having his foreskin whacked off, I certainly agree with all the pps who state that there is no decision to make. The default is to make sure the baby stays as nature made him. It is his penis, and only he should get to decide if surgery is performed on it.

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#23 of 29 Old 11-07-2013, 10:47 AM
 
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I always liked the advice of be a tree swaying in the breeze.  Let your partner yell, scream and throw fits.  Listen and bend but don't break.  You just focus on making sure that on birth day, it. does. not. happen. period.  Again, he may complain for a while after, but he'll get over it, or he'll stop talking about it.  Honestly I think many men who have been cut just need to not be the one making the decision.  When it is made for them, when the mother of their child puts their foot down, I think it is easier for them to tell themselves they could not stop it and therefore it is not worth continuing to be upset over.  

 

Just one of the many approaches.  You will have to think about all of them and see what style applies to your partner the best. 


{Partner to DH  and Former WOHM, now SAHM  to DD, DD , and DS } *** ***
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#24 of 29 Old 11-07-2013, 02:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I found out that he's Christian, and there's nothing I find that says they HAVE to be, more actually things telling them NOT to circumsize. Personally, I think it's more or less because he doens't want to go that extra step with the foreskin cleansing. It's just funny to me that he doens't want vaccines (neither do I) and he wants things natural, but he wants to cut something off if his son that doesn't belong to him...

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#25 of 29 Old 11-07-2013, 07:04 PM
 
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I found out that he's Christian, and there's nothing I find that says they HAVE to be, more actually things telling them NOT to circumsize. Personally, I think it's more or less because he doens't want to go that extra step with the foreskin cleansing. It's just funny to me that he doens't want vaccines (neither do I) and he wants things natural, but he wants to cut something off if his son that doesn't belong to him...

I don't think it's much more of an extra step to clean the foreskin. I guess you could ask him if he thinks you should cut off one of the baby's ears so there's less to clean.
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#26 of 29 Old 11-07-2013, 08:59 PM
 
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What I've bolded is pretty common to an emotional, irrational response to this topic.  And, I am not criticizing your dh; this can truly be a monumental thing for some dad's-to-be to overcome, unfortunately.  He is wounded.  Treat him w/ care while being firm & resolute that your child will not have any body parts amputated.  It can be done.  :Hugto you both.

 

Best wishes,

Sus

 

 

Quote:
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I found out that he's Christian, and there's nothing I find that says they HAVE to be, more actually things telling them NOT to circumsize. Personally, I think it's more or less because he doens't want to go that extra step with the foreskin cleansing. It's just funny to me that he doens't want vaccines (neither do I) and he wants things natural, but he wants to cut something off if his son that doesn't belong to him...

It doesn't make sense because it's not a logical response, it's an emotional one.  He doesn't feel wounded to his core by the vaccinations he received.  He doesn't feel threatened by doing things naturally; he does by the thought of his son having something he had forcibly taken from him at the most vulnerable time in his life.

 

Did you read the Vulnerability of Men article?

 

Best wishes,

Sus


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#27 of 29 Old 11-07-2013, 09:09 PM
 
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Originally Posted by TakeItSnape View Post
 

I found out that he's Christian, and there's nothing I find that says they HAVE to be, more actually things telling them NOT to circumsize. Personally, I think it's more or less because he doens't want to go that extra step with the foreskin cleansing. It's just funny to me that he doens't want vaccines (neither do I) and he wants things natural, but he wants to cut something off if his son that doesn't belong to him...

 

You do know that you don't clean the foreskin, right? You just leave it alone and don't mess with it. It gets as clean as it needs to be in the bath.

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#28 of 29 Old 11-08-2013, 05:57 PM
 
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right. everyone: you don't clean under the foreskin. you clean a baby penis just like you clean a baby finger. leave the foreskin the heck alone. (retracting the foreskin of a baby in order to "clean" it before it is ready to retract can damage the baby's penis, and lead to problems such as infections that can actually cause doctors to recommend circumcision to "correct." 

 

just, don't clean it. wipe off any baby poop with a diaper wipe on the outside of the penis only. don't retract. soak the baby in a bath, rinse with water, pat dry with a towel. just like a hand or a finger. 

 

over and out. easy peasy. no muss no fuss. for real. it's THAT EASY.

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#29 of 29 Old 11-19-2013, 07:48 AM
 
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In my experience circed men are very offended when they hear their wives/partners don't want to circ their sons. All the articles and videos posted explain well why. My husband at first was very mad, but then got over it. It's such a non issue these days. He even forgot about it I think. Once he said he now thinks circs shouldn't be done which is a huge leap forward because during the pregnancy I fought him so hard on this, meaning I just maintained hell no not gonna happen. I showed him research and that usually doesn't sway men. So I just maintained my point, didn't yell/fall for arguments and once DS was born he didn't even mention it. He changed diapers and cared for DS while I was recovering from a rough ride birth and it was such a non-issue. It was amazing!

 

Btw, we knew our religions, but gosh no we never debated circumcision when we dated or were engaged. It never crossed my mind. I'm European and circing isn't on my radar. I always figured DH was circed due to phimosis. It wasn't until I was pregnant with DS that the real reason surfaced (MIL: it was just done at the hospital, the doctors said it was better blablabla).

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