First son circumcised, want to keep second son intact. Anyone have experience with this? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 22 Old 11-05-2013, 01:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi everyone,

I really did NOT want to circumcise my son and it pained me greatly doing so. However, my husband felt  very strongly about this and wanted it done. We have compromised on other things such as vaccinations where I have gotten my way.

 

How do I bring up the topic this time around? Please help!!!

 

I think it will be fine to have one son circum. and the other not. Will they pay much attention to this?

 

Anyone else have one son that is and one that isn't? Care to share?

 

thanks!!

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#2 of 22 Old 11-05-2013, 01:50 PM
 
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Both of mine are uncircumcised, but i do understand the concern of having them different. I wouldn't say, however, that its a reason to circumcise this time around if you don't want to. if the topic ever comes up between them you could just give a quick anatomy lesson of why they look different. 

i had a friend who had her boys circumcised. her first, it was so that he looked like her husband, but then later, it was so that the brothers would look alike. She told me she always wished she kept the brothers intact even though the older one was not. 

good luck mama!

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#3 of 22 Old 11-05-2013, 03:59 PM
 
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Good luck, mama! There are lots of threads here with moms who have kids where the first son is circumcised and subsequent children are intact. The inconvenience (if any) of explaining it to your sons is worth it to keep your son whole!

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#4 of 22 Old 11-05-2013, 07:17 PM
 
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I have a circumcised 4 year old and an in tact 3 year old and they haven't said anything about it yet. And they've definitely seen each other, they take baths together regularly.

I should also note that sometimes things like this just don't matter to kids... My oldest is my step son whom I have raised as my own: he is a fair, blonde hair, blue eyed boy. My biological son takes after my mixed race looks (black&white) he has dark curly hair, brown eyes and dark skin. I thought they would start asking why they look so different by now, but it's not even on their radar! I think differences matter more to adults and maybe our kids only notice when we make a big deal about it.

Love my 3 boys! joy.gif
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#5 of 22 Old 11-06-2013, 01:26 PM
 
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My oldest is circumcised and my two younger boys are not. They're (almost)7, 5 and 1 - there have been zero comments or questions amongst them.


DH and I - totally winging life with our four children, DS1 (6.5yrs), DS2 (5yrs), DD (3yrs) and DS3 (1)!

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#6 of 22 Old 11-10-2013, 11:43 AM
 
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I was circumcised, my younger brothers were not. No issues.

I am circumcised, my two sons are not. No issues.

I will point out that I wear glasses, am 6 feet tall, have a beard, not to mention pubic hair. I have trouble seeing how these differences should be used to do something other than explain how to accept diversity.

Further, if I had lost an arm or leg, would I then consider amputating my children's arms or legs to save them from being traumatized by being different? I hope not!

My parent's taught me that two wrongs do not make a right....I think that applies in this situation.

Regards
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#7 of 22 Old 12-23-2013, 03:56 PM
 
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My son is intact.no problems at all 

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#8 of 22 Old 01-21-2014, 05:47 PM
 
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I have two boys who don't "match."  The first I had on my own, in college, and my parents were my support system.  I didn't want to circumcise him, but my mother is an RN and she swore it was so much better, I was being ridiculous, etc., and my dad swore people would make fun of him, so I let it happen.  MAJOR REGRETS!  When they brought him back from the procedure, it was as if I could SMELL the pain coming off him, and his whole body was quivering with agony.  Immediate remorse - I've never gotten over the regret.

 

Six years later, I had DS2 - his dad is British and uncircumcised and was very opposed to circumcision for his son, so no conflict there.  The boys have asked about it, and I just explain what happened matter-of-factly.  DS1 says he's fine with his, no resentments, etc., and DS2 went through a period of mild sensitivity about its appearance during late elementary school, but he's cool now, too.  In fact, I posted about it on here way back when he was experiencing concerns and someone replied with a list of things a foreskin is good for, and one item on the list was "jewel-smuggling" - I showed it to him and he thought that was great.  I guess that's what 9 year-olds go for.  <@@>  They're 23 and 17 now, respectively, and the only thing I notice is that the uncirc'ed one is messier when peeing - I don't know if it's the foreskin or just a lack of attention to detail.

 

I'm currently expecting a girl; my lovely husband is circumcised, but before we found out, he was supportive of not circumcising if we had a boy.

 

Holly


So...I'm 43 and pregnant with #3 - how'd that happen?  

 

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#9 of 22 Old 01-21-2014, 06:19 PM
 
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Hey, I found a similar version of the list another momma posted so long ago!!  The "Other" section is particularly hysterical.  Anyway, this list (or one very similar) made my DS2, then aged 9, feel great about his foreskin - maybe it will sway your husband, as well.

 

 

http://www.circumstitions.com/Functions.html

 

Holly


So...I'm 43 and pregnant with #3 - how'd that happen?  

 

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#10 of 22 Old 01-31-2014, 09:12 AM
 
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I fought this battle almost 4 years ago. Our first was circumcised because we honestly didn't know any better and neither one of us really talked about it. We just thought it's something you do when you have a boy. I found mdc when he was a few months old and started learning about it, and decided that any more sons I had would be left alone, but hubby was not down for that at all. He also wasn't ok with a homebirth, but I got my way on that one after discussing risks vs. benefits and how much more relaxing a hb could be compared to a hospital birth. Our ds was born at home 27 months after our first was born, and the midwife mentioned how glad she was that her son was intact. I never brought it up....I just avoided the subject altogether, and showed him tidbits of information every so often. We never had it done to our second, or third. :joy:thumb I just told him it was never going to happen when he was a few months old, and he agreed, and now he is totally anti-circ.


None of the ideas expressed above are actually mine. They are told to me by Luthor and Ferdinand, the five inch tall space aliens who live under my desk. In return for these ideas, I have given them permission to eat any dust bunnies they may find under there.shine.gif

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#11 of 22 Old 01-31-2014, 05:32 PM
 
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Funny how so many DHs come around like that!  I would love to know what is initially in their head that they are so pro RIC, and then what it is that turns those perceptions around down the road so that they either become ambivalent and accepting, or better still anti-circ.

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#12 of 22 Old 09-04-2014, 05:21 AM
 
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4 boys, only 1 circ

My firstborn was circumcised, my next 3 weren't!! It makes the oldest feel better that his dad is also.
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#13 of 22 Old 09-15-2014, 09:38 PM
 
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My oldest is almost 8, he was taken out of my room and circed without permission. My youngest is only 14mo and intact. I havent had to deal with many questions yet. My son did ask me what is wrong with his brothers penis tho when I was changing him. I told him the truth. I told him that that is how a penis is supposed to look and told him what happened to him. I told him that the doctors when he was born thought it was better for him to cut that part off and that they took him without me knowing. I also said that it made mommy very mad that they did this. He asked me if it hurt. I told them that they are supposed to give medicine to help it not hurt but that it does. My son told me that he will beat the doctor up if they tried to do that to his brother. He also said when he is a grown up and has a son he will not let them do it. That was pretty much the talk on it.

My oldest does have a botch as well, he may need another surgery because he says it hurts from time to time. He has a VERY thick scar line with bunched up uneven skin all around. It pains me to think about it
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#14 of 22 Old 09-15-2014, 09:47 PM
 
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Think of it this way, regardless if a child is circed or intact his penis wont match his fathers. Just like a girls vagina wont match her mothers. It could also be said that the child's penis does look like the fathers, but the father had cosmetic surgery to alter his. Should we subject our kids to cosmetic surgery to match us? Nose jobs? Face lifts? All that fun stuff? No. That would be silly.
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#15 of 22 Old 09-16-2014, 11:37 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MeganKulage View Post
My oldest is almost 8, he was taken out of my room and circed without permission. My youngest is only 14mo and intact. I havent had to deal with many questions yet. My son did ask me what is wrong with his brothers penis tho when I was changing him. I told him the truth. I told him that that is how a penis is supposed to look and told him what happened to him. I told him that the doctors when he was born thought it was better for him to cut that part off and that they took him without me knowing. I also said that it made mommy very mad that they did this. He asked me if it hurt. I told them that they are supposed to give medicine to help it not hurt but that it does. My son told me that he will beat the doctor up if they tried to do that to his brother. He also said when he is a grown up and has a son he will not let them do it. That was pretty much the talk on it.
Your post highlights the fact that children seem to be way more logical about this subject than most adults. Your ODS seems to have accepted what happened to him while realizing that it was not for the best and is therefore very protective of his younger brother. I think you handled the explanation very well.
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#16 of 22 Old 09-26-2014, 03:41 PM
 
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My son is intact. My now boyfriend is not, and if this baby is a boy, he wanted to cut him. I put my foot down and made him read. I explained to him that the only reason why they started cutting boys in the US was to stop masturbation and clearly it hasn't worked. (I found this website that listed notes from medical journals from the turn of the last century, basically doctors explaining that patients no longer masturbated when they got cut.) By boyfriend tried to play the whole, I want him to look like me card. And I said, he will look like himself and that's it. I'm not having one intact and one cut son. I've seen what they do and I ain't having it.


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#17 of 22 Old 09-27-2014, 05:44 AM
 
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Good for you !! Did your boyfriend back down? I have never understood the "look like me" issue. They will likely have many other differences - hair , eyes, who knows what else. I always want to ask "Why, are you planning on sitting on the couch together watching a game with your penises hanging out, comparing?"
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#18 of 22 Old 10-01-2014, 12:17 PM
 
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I'll make him back down, but now he keeps on saying he's hoping it's a girl. I'd really like a girl too, but if we find out it's a boy I'm going to keep talking to him about it.


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#19 of 22 Old 10-05-2014, 06:56 AM
 
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I'll make him back down, but now he keeps on saying he's hoping it's a girl. I'd really like a girl too, but if we find out it's a boy I'm going to keep talking to him about it.
Great !! If you need more ammunition there are many wonderful websites out there. One of my favourites is www.doctorsopposingcircumcision.org - watch the video "The elephant in the hospital" if you have not seen it already. No, have your boyfriend watch it !!
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#20 of 22 Old 11-05-2014, 06:26 PM
 
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Good for you for standing up for your unborn baby. I think it can be a good idea to take the stance that since you want nothing to be done to the baby, left status quo, as they say, the burden of proof should be on your boyfriend's shoulders to find factual info supporting his side of things, since he wants something done to your baby. I had to stand up to my husband on this issue as well, and as a result our youngest son is intact. He wasn't very receptive at first, but after describing the procedure and telling him some other facts, he got on board.
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#21 of 22 Old 06-28-2015, 04:35 AM
 
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I'm scared to tell my hubby to go research. Right now his ammo is just, i want him to look like me, I don't want him to be teased and it's healthier. I can deal with that. If I force him to research he might find some convincing pro circ website. I've found some that made me question my stance and I'm anti-circ!!
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#22 of 22 Old 06-28-2015, 07:17 AM
 
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Thammy, sympathies, a man cut from birth may struggle to contemplate that life could have been different. There is nothing he could have done, and little he can now do, to alter his situation. He will only see the arguments that are positive to him, and close out anything that would raise questions. The following would not be positive information for him. But as you contemplate the future of you son, please read on, and for a few seconds shut out any social or medical conventions that may surround you.

My recent activity on blogs tells a simple story : At 45 I had spent life with a healthy foreskinned penis but was cut during an emergency operation to repair a sudden vein microfracture. I now still have the same healthy penis, in fact the repaired vein is stronger, I just dont have a foreskin anymore.

So I have a very clear, and rare, experience on what life with and without a foreskin is like for a man.There is no social, medical or religious influence around me. No outside coloring, this is a simple black and white tale of how it has been, for me.

In short, I would sell all my worldly belongings and mortgage my house to the hilt if it would enable me to get back my foreskin and retrieve the natural comfort and pleasure it used to contribute to.

Sexually, being cut holds me back, just like the puritan practitioners of circumcision intended in earlier societies. I dont pretend to have ever been a wild stallion, but now I am definitely bridled.

I see sensitivity slowly reducing, which will bring further challenges for my wife and I.

It must be hard for a cut-from-birth man to understand, you cant miss something you never had. I have quiet sympathy, I dont rub my experience and conclusion into their face. But I do want mothers to learn from my story so they see the full picture from a real life, unbiased and down to earth "with" and "without" male experience.

The sheath-like gliding movement of a sensitive foreskin over the male gland is uniquely pleasurable, whether "inside" or "outside" your partner, and no longer naturally possible to reproduce once removed. Lubrication is often needed, and is far from the same feeling. I have yet to have a full body orgasm the way I used to with my lifelong partner.

My wife describes the impact on her : before our intimacy was like a summer beach holiday, varied, fun, carefree - but since my cut its now like a winter beach holiday - it has its moments, but its basically a bit raw, simple and predictable and just isnt as varied and pleasurable. She isnt as "sun fresh radiant" after as she used to be. And its not for lack of trying. We are not a shy pair. We have been lovers since we were teenagers. I havnt changed as a lover, its just my equipment is so different now. Its very frustrating.

The protective function of the foreskin prevents loss of sensitivity and provides natural moisture and is what evolution developed for us. I really struggle to understand why anyone would remove it unless as an adult it was not working correctly.

Fear of teasing ? Oh dear. Ladies ask yourself what is going on with that situation. If the issue is correctly and openly discussed, this would not happen. It seems teenage girls need to learn too.

Healthier ? Removing a foreskin does not miraculously turn a dirty man into a clean one. At the end of a long day you either are keen to wash you mouth, hands, armpits, feet, fingernails, rear-end and penis or you are not. Soap and hot water is a wonderful thing, teach your boy to use it, all over.

I no longer have a foreskin and I am sad, but not ashamed, to admit openly that I am not the contented man I used to be, in so many ways,. So much has been compromised in comparison to the natural life I had before. I hope the writing of my experience contributes to female understanding and compassion. Please think very carefully, and openly, before altering nature and changing the contents of a future mans life.

My experience challenges all arguments for cutting except for last resort medical intervention. I wish it were otherwise. My foreskin wasnt giving me any trouble, ever, and I am not in a better place for losing it, on any level. Far from it.
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