who or what influenced you to give your son the responsibiltiy of his intact genitals - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 75 Old 05-30-2004, 07:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I owe the first conscious thought about this to my ex-husband who had been circumcised and not happy about it. I am glad his story came into my life to educate me. Even so, it took a lot of researching to understand that the cultural norm which surrounded me was not to be trusted or followed.

Let's hear more.

Ann

PS
My apologies because I realise that the question "who or what influenced you to give your son the responsibiltiy of his intact genitals" assumes to some degree that circumcision is a parents choice even though I tried hard to avoid this. But honestly that is where so many parents are coming from, though not through any fault of their own but because of cultural expectation, concious or unconcious.

How about rewording the question: How did you come to the realization that the decision for your son's intact genitals was in his lap, not yours?
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#2 of 75 Old 05-30-2004, 07:12 PM
 
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I decided not to when I went to visit a friend of mine that had just had a baby. I got off the elevator and heard a baby screaming its head off. As I got closer to the screaming I realized it was coming from behind a door with a do not enter circ in progress sign on it. At that moment I said no way, no how. I have 2 intact sons and don't regret it a bit!!
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#3 of 75 Old 05-30-2004, 07:13 PM
 
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Myparents. They left my 4 brothers intact.
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#4 of 75 Old 05-30-2004, 07:30 PM
 
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Several years ago I saw a circ debate on a board (it was not a parenting board, we were not even thinking about kids yet). It was really one anti-circ against a whole bunch of pro-circs. What this one woman had to say shocked me and got me interested. I was pretty neutral on circ, just figured it was a painless, simple procedure that all boys had done. She linked to www.mothersagainstcirc.org and that was it for me. I am thankful to her every day! This is why I always put my two cents in circ debates, because maybe I could return the favor to other future mothers (and their future sons).

I actually wish I could find her and thank her personally. That debate was on a board called The Bored Board. So, if you are out there... Thanks!
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#5 of 75 Old 05-30-2004, 08:56 PM
 
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When I was pregnant with my daughter, my doula and I were going over my birth plan. I had checked "yes" to circumcision if I gave birth to a boy because I didnt know any different and she kindof questioned me about it and gave me some info. which I then looked up and found that it is not medically necessary. I also spoke to my parents about it and found out that my dad is intact! His parents couldnt afford to have the procedure done when he was an infant (they said it was $2.00, I dont know if they were joking or not!) and he never had any problems because of it.

We decided to leave any future sons intact. As time goes on, I feel more and more strongly about it and very disturbed when people decide to have it done without doing any research beforehand.
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#6 of 75 Old 05-30-2004, 08:57 PM
 
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I never even thought about circ until my sister had her son and didn't circ him. That got the wheels turning in my head. When I got preg a couple years after my nephew was born I made sure to read about circ in the baby books I had, which were crappy btw, one being What to Expect, ugh. However, just the little bit of info (all which at best was neutral) in those few crappy books was enough for me to know I would never do it. I had a girl though. While I was pregnant with my son (before I knew he was a boy) we had the internet for the first time and I read everything I could find on circ. I was forever changed into a very anti-circ mama after that. Having my own intact son has only reinforced that.

OUR DAUGHTERS ARE PROTECTED SHOULDN'T OUR SONS BE TOO! :
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#7 of 75 Old 05-30-2004, 09:04 PM
 
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Lynsey, I don't think they were joking about the $2. The reason why my sister didn't circ was because her exdh's best friend's (B) dad was intact and told B why it's better (unfortunately B was circed before he was adopted by said dad). The dad of B was left intact because his parents were so poor they couldn't afford the $2 to have him circed. B is the dad of two intact boys now!

OUR DAUGHTERS ARE PROTECTED SHOULDN'T OUR SONS BE TOO! :
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#8 of 75 Old 05-30-2004, 09:05 PM
 
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I'd never even really heard of circumcision, and certainly never given it any thought, didn't have a clue what it was. My dh was actually the one who first brought it to my attention. I have no idea what I would have done if I had had a circumcised husband instead of an intact one. I like to think I would have done some research and decided against it, but I honestly don't know. So my dh is really the one responsible for ds being intact because I don't know if it would have happened with a different dh.

mom to all boys B: 08/01ribboncesarean.gif,  C: 07/05 uc.jpg, N: 03/09 uc.jpg, M: 01/12 uc.jpg and far too many lost onesintactlact.gifsaynovax.gif

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#9 of 75 Old 05-30-2004, 09:10 PM
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I didn't give my son the responsibility of his intact genitals. God and/or Mother Nature already did that.

I was already leaning against circ'ing my son when my doula said that she would regret circ'ing her son for the rest of her life. That sealed it for me.

"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
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#10 of 75 Old 05-30-2004, 09:23 PM
 
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as soon as i heard of it (and it was early, as i am an inveterate dictionary reader), i said to myself, "whoa... that's not good!" later experiences showed me that my response was correct insofar as it works better & feels nicer, if common sense hadn't already told me it was a pretty stupid thing to do to start cutting off pieces of a baby. reading mothering (twenty years ago!), immaculate deception, etc., only reinforced my knowledge. was glad to find out i wasn't the only one who was appalled! like bfing, leaving babies intact just seemed the normal thing to do.

suse
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#11 of 75 Old 05-30-2004, 09:54 PM
 
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Can I just be the cheap one here and say, its because we were uninsured and the hospital wanted $50 bucks to do it, and we didn't have $50 bucks.
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#12 of 75 Old 05-30-2004, 10:52 PM
 
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One day before I was pregnant I asked DH (who is circ'd) if we would circ a son if we had one and he casually said "nah, probably not." I was pretty neutral but had heard the propaganda about cleanliness, cervical cancer for partners, etc so decided to do some reading about it on the internet. Many hours (and several glasses of wine ) later I came up for air, and what I had learned about circ absolutely horrified me.

I am now pregnant with our first child, a son, and there is no way I would let anyone do that to him. After we found out the gender my m/w said "OK, first question - are you going to have him circumcised?" My response was "H*LL NO!", which surprised her a little.

I actually have DH to thank for most of the good plans we have for parenting. In addition to making me question routine circ, it was also his idea to cloth diaper, breastfeed (DH - "what do you think about breastfeeding? My step-mom did it and it's supposed to be good for the kids", which led me to research that too and decide I wanted to bf), and the latest thing he mentioned was making our own babyfood. He prompted me to do the research that saved this little one from being FF, disposable diapered, allowed to CIO, etc.

edited because I can't spell today.

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#13 of 75 Old 05-30-2004, 10:55 PM
 
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we didn't do it because in chile (where we're from) it's not common (no one does it, actually) so it was just a natural thing for us... dh is intact too so he was all for letting our ds be natural!
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#14 of 75 Old 05-30-2004, 11:27 PM
 
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Nobody. It was always common sense to me.
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#15 of 75 Old 05-30-2004, 11:35 PM
 
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I was a maternal-child nurse for years and had to assist with circs during my job. What a horrible procedure! I hated it. the babies were restrained and usually not given any pain meds. they would scream until their whole bodies turned red and they would vomit. I have seen some bad circs done by residents where little boys wer maimed for life. I ALWAYS tried to get out of assisting if I could get another nurse to do it. I would also inform the parents that it was not a medically necessary procedure, it was for cosmetic reasons only. I vowed NEVER to do that to my baby. What a cruel way to start a life...
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#16 of 75 Old 05-30-2004, 11:41 PM
 
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Mamabug,

Sounds like you have a wonderful husband! Must be nice to be married to someone who cares so much about your parenting decisions.
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#17 of 75 Old 05-31-2004, 12:47 AM
 
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Thank you! I can't wait to see him as a dad.

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#18 of 75 Old 05-31-2004, 06:36 AM
 
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When I was 6 my bro was born......I remember being outside the door with my mom while he was screaming and we could hear him, my mom was crying too.

But I didnt think of that again until later. I kind of just always knew I wouldnt do that if I had boys.......when I got married and we started ttc I started looking it up on the internet. I saw that one on cirp and omg, I was sick at how anyone could do that to their kids!! I started doing more and more reseach and learned about the purpose of the foreskin and of course I have an intact son.

Desiree

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#19 of 75 Old 05-31-2004, 09:02 AM
 
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My situation is the one you are all working towards - circumcision didn't even cross our minds when our son was born.

He was born at home. I held him and nursed him. Our daughters came up to meet their little brother and the midwife gave him a bath while the girls watched.

I went up to the hospital a few days later for a pediatrician to just check him over. She had a look at all his 'bits', checked his hips, etc., etc. - then congratulated me on the birth on my son, and I went home with him.

Circumcision never even crossed my mind (and I've been a member here for almost 2.5 years - had the occasional look into the forum, but that was it) until a good friend called from the States. Half way through the conversation, she asked if we'd had ds circumcised.

I remember being totally shocked and told her immediately 'of course not'. Then she went on a bit about how lucky I was not to have to make that decision and talked a bit about circumcising her two sons/friends who had circumcised their sons.

It sounded like all these moms had done it reluctantly, as the dads wanted it. Or even if the dads hadn't really cared - it was just the 'done' thing.

That really woke me up...I've been active in this forum ever since, and I fully intended to make sure every expectant parent I know in the States has all of the relevant information before making this decision for their son.

I feel very, very fortunate that I live in the UK and am married to an intact Brit. Circumcision is just a non-issue over here. Which is as it should be.
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#20 of 75 Old 05-31-2004, 09:32 AM
 
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#21 of 75 Old 05-31-2004, 09:54 AM
 
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I had thought a little about it, but never really understood what it meant to a man to have that done. When we found out we were having a boy, I looked up info on circs, and I came out very anti-circ! I now have a healthy 9 month old intact son! I even recently convinced a friend not to circ.
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#22 of 75 Old 05-31-2004, 10:17 AM
 
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Having been a jew and married to a muslim it was ofcourse expected. Whatever happened during dd's pregnancy TOTALLY changed my whole outlook on parenting and life in general. I was the one who said-NO. And after much soul searching I also decided that religions that require genital cutting was not to be a part of our children's upbringing. Genital cutting is wrong.No excuse makes it acceptable.And like someone else said-it is sexual abuse. I am amazed that it took me all these years to realize that.I will make sure my kids and other young adults know early on know ALL about circumcision and why it should be stopped.

Sara
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#23 of 75 Old 05-31-2004, 10:21 AM
 
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When I was 7 years old, I saw Ricky C. standing next to me at the urinal in the boys restroom at school. He had something I didn't have and that lead me on a journey of discovery. By the time I was a teen, I knew I had been cheated out of something I really wanted. As the years have continued, I have realized the horror of why I really wanted it. Education can be a very disturbing thing but it is better than remaining ignorant. In this issue, education will end perpetrating this on future generations.





Frank
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#24 of 75 Old 05-31-2004, 10:48 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bestbirths
Can I just be the cheap one here and say, its because we were uninsured and the hospital wanted $50 bucks to do it, and we didn't have $50 bucks.

This is a prime example of why Medicaid and insurance shouldn't pay for circumcision.

"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
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#25 of 75 Old 05-31-2004, 11:00 AM
 
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I have a daughter but we didn't know the sex and had decided not to circ. I feel I never thought it was a "normal" thing to do but, at the same time, I probably would have been a person to "let the father decide" --- before I read more about it.

But, DH was against circ even before we got together so it never would have happened if we had DS together.

In addition to all of this, many of my friends became anti-circ when they began thinking of having children, the books and pregnancy & child development classes I took addressed the issue and I think my midwife would have "educated" me if I had not told her about our decision not to circ.

Mama to DD September 2001 and DD April 2011 *Winner for most typos* eat.gif
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#26 of 75 Old 05-31-2004, 04:07 PM
 
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For me the clincher was the pain factor. No way was I going to allow anyone to cause my baby pain. I just couldn't fathom doing it.

We didn't have a computer when I was pregnant, so I didn't really do any research until after the fact anyway. Dh and I basically figured it was unneccessary, so why do it?

Knowing what I do now, I am SO happy that we didn't let that happen to ds.
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#27 of 75 Old 05-31-2004, 04:36 PM
 
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Tradition.

As far as I know, FIL is the only male I'm related to that is not intact. My dad is intact (and as we were a very open family so I saw it, his is the prototype 'normal' as far as my own mental preconceptions are concerned), my brothers are intact, my husband is intact, uncles, grandfathers, etc, etc, etc. So I've always been able to laugh off the if-you-don't-do-it-then "horror stories" as none of them have ever had problems (believe me, I'd know, we know what kind of birth control everyone is using, who has what disorder, everything, seriously, it's not a very 'private' family).

Mama, homeschooler, midwife. DD (13yo), DS (11yo), DD (8yo), DD (3yo), somebody new coming in November 2013.

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#28 of 75 Old 06-01-2004, 12:06 PM
 
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first it was my family - my brothers are intact and my mother would have ripped me to shreds if I'd done that to her first and only grandchild!

Then I actually got to see him for the first time and he was so beautiful and perfect! I'd spent 8 months taking the best care of him I could while he was inside me and there was no way I was going to let anyone hurt him after that.
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#29 of 75 Old 06-01-2004, 02:09 PM
 
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[QUOTE=Frankly Speaking]When I was 7 years old, I saw Ricky C. standing next to me at the urinal in the boys restroom at school. He had something I didn't have and that lead me on a journey of discovery. By the time I was a teen, I knew I had been cheated out of something I really wanted. As the years have continued, I have realized the horror of why I really wanted it. Education can be a very disturbing thing but it is better than remaining ignorant. In this issue, education will end perpetrating this on future generations.



Frank, do you ever think Ricky looked at you and all the other boys and wished HE looked like YOU? Just wondering...

Anyway, I agree with the other poster, *I* didn't give my son the responsibility of whole genitals, someone or something much bigger than ME decided what he should be born with. I guess it was my godparents who led me to the idea that circ was bizarre/silly...my godmother told me my godfather said, "why would you want to cut off something so good?" (that was after I noticed my godbrothers were intact and asked about it, I think...I was 12, they were 3 and 5).

Julie
Mom to a whole boy
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#30 of 75 Old 06-01-2004, 02:16 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DesireeH
When I was 6 my bro was born......I remember being outside the door with my mom while he was screaming and we could hear him, my mom was crying too.

But I didnt think of that again until later. I kind of just always knew I wouldnt do that if I had boys.......when I got married and we started ttc I started looking it up on the internet. I saw that one on cirp and omg, I was sick at how anyone could do that to their kids!! I started doing more and more reseach and learned about the purpose of the foreskin and of course I have an intact son.

My "friend" was inside the room when her brother was circ'd and she is still going to circ her son at the end of the month when he is born. We haven't spoken in over 2 weeks over it and I doubt she will speak to me again. I made my feelings known about it, provided her with some literature and she flipped and hasn't spoken to me since or answered any emails :
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