What made you decide to leave your son intact? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 73 Old 04-27-2005, 11:41 PM
 
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I had always assumed we would do it since I knew nothing about it. DH is and I just figured it was something that was routinely done.
I am so very glad I did some reading of my own and talked to our family doctor about it (she sees no reason to if non-religious). I could never subject my baby to unnecessary pain. It makes me want to cry to think of it.
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#62 of 73 Old 05-02-2005, 11:28 AM
 
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Simple, he was born perfect, exactly how he was meant to. Also that it's not my body so it's not my choice.

Me and DW debated this right up until he was born, we even picked out a urologist to perform it, but the second I saw him, there was no way we would be cutting him. Only later did I learn how horrifying a procedure it is. All I can say if I'm happy I'm a woman, or else it would've been done to me too.

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#63 of 73 Old 05-02-2005, 02:10 PM
 
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and we don't know the gender, but we are definitely not going to circumcise. It seems to me that circumcising a child to prevent potential (and unlikely) medical problems later in life is akin to preventative tonsilectomy or appendectomy. I simply can't imagine cutting off a piece of my baby "just in case."

My husband happens to be intact (his mother is European and considers routine circumsision very bizarre) and is quite pleased to be so despite having dealt with some minor foreskin-related problems in his life.

If we do have a son, and he chooses to be circumcised as an adult, he's welcome to do so. But I will not make that decision for him.
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#64 of 73 Old 05-02-2005, 03:14 PM
 
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Originally Posted by saratchka
It seems to me that circumcising a child to prevent potential (and unlikely) medical problems later in life is akin to preventative tonsilectomy or appendectomy. I simply can't imagine cutting off a piece of my baby "just in case."

Over the years, we have had thousands of intact men and parents of intact males visit this board. There have been problems brought here for help of course and to my knowledge, every single one of them have been resolved with medication or with no intervention at all. In most cases, the medication was not even oral, it was a topical cream. To my knowledge, there has not been a single circumcision. That would make it seem like burning the house down to get rid of mice. Yup, it would work but it's extreme as is circumcision.



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#65 of 73 Old 05-03-2005, 12:56 AM
 
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Jumping in late ...

I had no idea how important the foreskin is, how firmly attached it is or how much tissue circumcision removes. I really did think it was just "snipping the tip".

But I knew there was no medical reason for doing it.

And I knew it would hurt.

And that was enough.

I thank my good luck every day that Ds was born right after the AAP "decided" circ was not medically necessary, because if it had been different, I might very well be filled with regret today.
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#66 of 73 Old 05-03-2005, 06:17 PM
 
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I won't circ my son for the same reason I won't pierce my daughter's ears. I refuse to mutilate someone else's body without their permission. Period. If they are old enough to understand what they are asking for and actually want to do it, then that's a different story. I will not do it, though, and I'm very happy both my children are totally intact.
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#67 of 73 Old 05-03-2005, 07:09 PM
 
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Instinct

I believe it is a mother's instinct to protect her child from harm- when we were asked abou circ my immediate gutteral, almost violent reaction was "NEVER!" Never will I let someone hurt this baby!

I had been aware that it was unnecessary since having some intact boyfriends so I viewed it as torture- why would you inflict unnecessary pain on a baby?!

I also respect my son too much to alter his body- its his penis, he can do to it what he wishes, I have no right

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#68 of 73 Old 05-03-2005, 07:13 PM
 
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That would make it seem like burning the house down to get rid of mice.
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#69 of 73 Old 05-04-2005, 12:32 AM
 
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I've been reading this thread and pondering how to answer it.

First, instinct caused me to enquire about the circumcision procedure. I thought, 1) that's GOT to hurt 2) what do we need to know 3) it MUST be necessary since doctors do it. (I started off with the assumption that we would circ because that was all I was familiar with- I had many subtle biases and misinformation about intactness- didn't really even know the term foreskin).

When #1 was confimed and #3 was not proven I sought (sp??) out more information. I immediatly found out that most doctors and almost all mohels don't use pain relief despite AAP's guidelines and IMMEDIATLY instinct kicked in and I became VERY suspicious about the whole thing.

My dh is Jewish (but not particularly religious) so that brought another element into the picture. After deciding that I didn't want to do it for american cultural or medical reasons I had to learn about the religious aspect of it- and get dh to discuss (which he just didn't want to do).

He eventually told me that he understood that I didnt' want to do something that was painful (he totally was against the bris ceremony-still wanted to circ but didn't like the celebratory aspect of it). I explained that the circ. wouldnt' make our son Jewish or not. I also pointed out that dh and I have pretty much picked and choosen what things we do that are religious- I had a BIG problem with my dh choosing something body altering FOR our son when he rejects many of the other traditions (for example we dont' keep kosher and we only occasionally celebrate holidays and shabbot).

I think dh backed down because I wouldn't let him say, "you just make the decision" and I told him that I needed to understand WHY he wanted it done. When he couldn't really come up with anything and saw the facts he also wanted to protect his son- but was torn between honoring the tradition, etc.

In the end, we both wore each other down (my son was a little early and we still hadn't decided so it was VERY stressful). I agreed to let a circ happen if dh found a mohel that used pain relief AND that dh changed every fricken dipe till he healed. Of course, as soon as I was alone with my ds, I realized that I would back out of that- I couldn't do it even though I had half convinced myself that everythign would be okay and that my son wouldn't be one of the ones that was traumatized by a circ. Dh never followed up.

So, in a way it was a nondecision and the time just ran out, but I was so upset by the whole thing I would have fought more not to circ- or been incredibly traumatized if it had happened. My dh was VERY supportive of delaying circumcision when I was having problems breastfeeding... so it was a weird experience. DH does not really talk about things (and of course, he is a reluctant diaper-dude), but he has remarked "are you online talking about penises again", with some humor.

We survived, barely.

Jessica

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#70 of 73 Old 05-04-2005, 10:28 AM
 
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thank you for sharing, jessica. i got a lot from your story. i have friends who will do it for the religious reason and b/c they have never considered any alternatives. it was good to see your thought process. obviously if it was meant to be, things would have fallen into place to let them happy. glad your baby is intact.

ps. my dh also ask me about talking about penises on-line again :LOL

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#71 of 73 Old 06-29-2005, 11:00 PM
 
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Part of our preparation for getting pregnant involved my running to the bookstore and buying every book about babies on the shelf, including one against circumsion. My dh is circumcised but my previous long-term relationship was not. I definitely noticed that foreplay with a circumcised man is much more difficult than with an uncircumcised man. That extra skin protects the head of the penis and keeps it extremely sensitive, as opposed to rubbing against clothing all day and becoming desensitized. I can think of a part of my body that I wouldn't want rubbing against my jeans all day long, ouch.

Once I read about the history of circumcision, thought of the brilliance and foresight of Mother Nature and considered that circumcision to prevent UTIs in .5% or 1% or 5% of uncircumcised males seemed like a very silly thing to do, particularly considering the possible adverse effects of the operation itself.

I had been strongly against female circumcision but for some reason had never equated male circumcision with the practice, until I really started to think about it.

Then I thought...what if I get my son circumcised and something goes horribly wrong...how is he going to feel if he grows up with a botched circumcision (say, overcutting) and what is he going to say about the practice? Is he going to care if he gets UTIs?

Recently, I was sitting around a table at a party with 9 other moms and the topic of circumcision came up. One mom had a newborn and someone asked if she was having him circumcised....she said yes, once he gets old enough (he was preemie) because her husband wanted her son to look like him. That started a discussion, mostly me stating reasons not to and everyone else saying that it was their husband's decision, not theirs, and that it was for cleanliness and medical reasons. I thought it was very interesting how many moms were willing to mutilate their sons without even researching the subject to make an informed choice. I don't believe I influenced this mom at all, either, as she insisted it was her husband's choice, he should know better than I, and she wasn't interested in butting her nose into it.

I told the ladies that the part of the penis removed is the most sensitive pleasurable part for the man and they stated that they didn't even want to think about their son's sex lives at this point, didn't care whether they had more pleasure or not. Wow. I wonder how their sons will feel later in life, should they hear that.

Incidentally, when I made my case to my husband prior to the birth of our first child (a boy), he also thought you just did what everyone did, circumcise and he thought it was for medical reasons, too. But once I told him all of the medical reasons why not to [I particularly was interested in hearing about men who were circumcised as adults and reported an intense loss of sensation and pleasure], he reported having heard the topic in many different places...including the Howard Stern radio show (ugh!!!) but all of them were anti-circumcision and he swears that he would NEVER ever let a son of his be circumcised. He also wishes that his parents hadn't just blindly circumcised him.
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#72 of 73 Old 06-30-2005, 01:09 AM
 
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#73 of 73 Old 06-30-2005, 02:55 AM
 
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My sister took a human sexuality class in college where they discussed circ (and in a negative way, yay!). Anyways, she shared this info with me WAY before I got married or was pregnant. I decided then that circ was wrong and unneccessary (not to mention risky!). I honestly hadn't even thought about it before then. When I was pregnant, one day my dh looked at me and said "if it's a boy, do you see a point in circing?" and I said "no" and he said "me either" and that was that.

I researched more after ds was born (thanks to this board) and now am ready to educate any future pregnant friends about this topic.

Happily married to my dh, mama to ds1 (01/2005), ds2 (07/2007)  and dd (07/2009).
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