So, my sister is having a boy... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 13 Old 11-07-2005, 05:48 PM - Thread Starter
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I know I want to bring up the circ issue with her, but I'm just very discouraged already. She already has a circ'ed son and a circ'ed step-son. When she found out I wasn't having DS circ'ed she asked me why and my biggest thing (at the time) was the pain factor and the things that can go wrong. She insisted that her DS didn't feel anything because he got a numbing shot and nothing went wrong so he's "just fine".

She actually debated doing it with her first DS but her doctor "highly recommended it" : so she did it.

I think I'm going to have to take a different approach with her, but I just don't know what at this point.

The pain thing doesn't get to her. The possibility of complications doesn't bother her. She doesn't necessarily believe that circ'ing will curb infections or whatever, but still, the fact that it is unnecessary doesn't bother her either.

If I bring up human rights, she will probably be offended because I will be suggesting that she violated her first DS's rights.

Aaahhh...it's just so frustrating!

And if I can't get through to her, I know I'm not going to be able to visit them in the hospital because I know that they are going to be doing THAT to him and I won't be able to stop it.

My whole family already thinks I over-react about the issue and I'm going to look like the bad guy when I can't even look her in the face.

I'm just rambling now.....I want to cry.
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#2 of 13 Old 11-07-2005, 05:57 PM
 
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I don't have any advice really , anything I'd suggest seems like it wouldn't matter to her. I know it's hard. I wish you much luck!!!!

OUR DAUGHTERS ARE PROTECTED SHOULDN'T OUR SONS BE TOO! :
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#3 of 13 Old 11-07-2005, 06:38 PM
 
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Do you maybe think the Mothering article would work for her? It covers pretty much every angle and yo can order it in a nice glossy package.

Good luck,
Tara

Tara Momma to Callum and Gavin
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#4 of 13 Old 11-07-2005, 06:42 PM
 
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Tell her to go to www.intact.ca and if that doesn't change her mind, I'm not sure if anything will
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#5 of 13 Old 11-07-2005, 06:50 PM
 
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Do you think she would read the Mothering Pregnancy issue that was just out before this one? It had great articles on circ, breastfeeding and lots of other stuff. After she reads it you can ask her what she thought.

~*Kristi*~
Tallulah Dare 8-01,  Marcos Gael 12-04, Cormac Mateo 9-09, Leonidas Ronan 11-11

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#6 of 13 Old 11-07-2005, 08:40 PM
 
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You could always invite her to this forum, maybe tell her to look at the "Web Resources" thread. I don't know of a better place to get information.



Frank
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#7 of 13 Old 11-10-2005, 04:46 PM
 
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Maybe something a little in the middle and non inflammatory would work? Dr. Sears has a great article that I used to send to my DH. He likes and respects Dr. Sears, so it was nice to see his opinion on this issue as well. Here's the link to it: http://askdrsears.com/html/1/t012000.asp

I'm quite positive my sister would circ too, but I for so long didn't see a problem with it...I can't possibly put her down for her beliefs. Just two years ago...I would have done the same if dd was a boy. In the same situation, all I could do would be to present the info, and let her decide for herself...and respect her choice.

Mandy

Mandy - chicken3.gif  candle.gif candle.gif novaxnocirc.gif  hbac.gif  h20homebirth.gif  h20homebirth.gif  goorganic.jpg  homeschool.gif

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#8 of 13 Old 11-10-2005, 08:09 PM
 
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I will always present the info, and of course every parent makes the decision one way or the other. But I could never respect someone who harmed their son after I had given them that information. Not even if she was my sister.

~*Kristi*~
Tallulah Dare 8-01,  Marcos Gael 12-04, Cormac Mateo 9-09, Leonidas Ronan 11-11

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#9 of 13 Old 11-14-2005, 03:47 PM
 
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Hi there-

Good for you to try and help your little nephew. One argument that I always enjoy is the one that if her son happened to be born without foreskin, it is considered a birth defect (aposthia). Why would she WANT to give him a birth defect?

Good luck!
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#10 of 13 Old 11-14-2005, 08:17 PM
 
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It is so hard to talk to people about circ. I chose not to circ my ds but alot of my friends who have boys did circ. It makes me sad, but there's not much I can do since it's not my decision. One of my very good friends is pg with a boy and we already had the circ talk...and although I pointed out stuff she'd never even thought of, deep down I know that little boy will be circ'd.
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#11 of 13 Old 11-15-2005, 01:44 PM
 
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If she is not persuaded by there being no real benefit and is willing to do it even if she admits that it is solely cosmetic or based upon her preference, I am wondering if you will have better luck if you approach it from the benefits of not circing. In other words, if she sees both as equal -- no harm, no foul either way and she just wants to go with one equal option -- perhaps you need to point out that there are significant benefits to leaving him intact.

Rather than the immediate benefit (not going through unnecessary surgery), maybe gather up a packet of info on the long-term benefits of being intact (sexual pleasure, and whatever else you can come up with).
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#12 of 13 Old 11-15-2005, 02:57 PM - Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChristaN
If she is not persuaded by there being no real benefit and is willing to do it even if she admits that it is solely cosmetic or based upon her preference, I am wondering if you will have better luck if you approach it from the benefits of not circing. In other words, if she sees both as equal -- no harm, no foul either way and she just wants to go with one equal option -- perhaps you need to point out that there are significant benefits to leaving him intact.

Rather than the immediate benefit (not going through unnecessary surgery), maybe gather up a packet of info on the long-term benefits of being intact (sexual pleasure, and whatever else you can come up with).
I think I might do that. Thanks! I never thought about it that way. It might just work...I hope.
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#13 of 13 Old 11-15-2005, 03:32 PM
 
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Another tactic is this - talk about how awful it would be if there was something wrong with the baby, if he had some congenital defect that required immediate treatment/surgery. I know as a parent I hoped and prayed every day that my babies would be born healthy, normal, perfect. The stereotypical new parents first count fingers and toes to ensure that their baby is normal.

After wandering down this path a while, say "After being blessed with a healthy, normal, perfect baby, doesn't it seem bizarre to sign him up for an operation he doesn't even need?"

If the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

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