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#1 of 47 Old 03-27-2006, 10:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My dh and I do not have a son yet. We'd like to one day. We have just started the ttc talk. With my last pregnancy we dodged the circ debate after our 18 week u/s revealed our baby was a girl. Whew!
Now the ttc talk has begun. We've had 3 arguments so far about circumcision, and I am not even pg yet. I am against circ, he is very much for it. I cannot convince him. He says I don't know what it's like to have a penis, I am not a man, ect. Tonight we had the worst argument yet about it. He went so far to say that he'd go behind my back after delivery to ask them to circ a son. He said that I might as well divorce him because he will not back down. We're at a point now where we are just stuck.
I don't know what to do. He's a good provider, a good husband, and a good father to our dd. He just really feels strongly about circ, and he's so misinformed but he doesn't care. I don't know what to do. Anyone out there face a similar situation?



Update: He was willing last night to read the information I have ready for him. Small victory here.
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#2 of 47 Old 03-27-2006, 10:50 PM
 
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What are his reasons?

I would personally make an good effort to prevent pregnancy until you can work this issue out, better to figure it out now then later when a baby's on the way, the pressure is on, and things are likely to be more stressful.

If you share more with us about what reasons he's throwing out, we can help you address them.

I would not TTC with someone who is saying, up front, they would go behind my back and do something I believe whole-heartedly is abusive. I would not want to TTC with someone I couldn't trust, or who I couldn't trust to put the safety and wellbeing of our child above all else, which I consider the most sacred duty of parenting.

Good luck, keep us updated...

Jen
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#3 of 47 Old 03-27-2006, 10:54 PM
 
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I honestly would not have another child unless I was certain that DH shared my views.

Unassisted birthing, atheist, poly, bi WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wes (14) Seth (7) Pandora Moonlilly (2) and Nevermore Stargazer (11/2012)  Married to awesome SAH DH.

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#4 of 47 Old 03-27-2006, 11:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sharlla
I honestly would not have another child unless I was certain that DH shared my views.
Ditto.

What a tough place to be in. I'm so sorry.

-zak- Mama to three fantastic sons - 2005, 2007 & 2010 and expecting a daughter February 2012!

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#5 of 47 Old 03-27-2006, 11:29 PM
 
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I went through very similar talks with my DH and it made me get as much information together to present him with as possible.

While it is true that I do not have a penis and don't know what it's like to be a man, he does not have an intact penis and does not know what that is like so as far as I'm concerned we have the same authority there.

I read like six different books and everything in these forums and had a comeback for every possible argument (which surprisingly were few, he hadn't really thought about it and had no reasons other than the typical "they say there's more infections" and stuff, so it was pretty easy to rebut him) I encouraged him to read the books I had, but he doesn't really do that.

The real clincher came when after months of me bringing it up whenever the timing was right (like NOT when we were already fighting about something else and definitely NOT when any of his buddies were over) I read a story about the babies who had gotten herpes from the jewish circumciser in New York that still practised the mouth-to-penis sucking the blood from the wound thing that they used to do.
story

I printed off the news story and my dh was so disgusted by that that it got the gears turning and he started to think more about what circumcision really is and where it came from and by the time my son was born he was "converted" and now even realizes that something was taken from him, and wishes he himself hadn't been circ'd. He doesn't really hold it against his mother though, cause he knows times were different, but I am just glad that I was able to get him to see the light.

It wasn't easy and I had to really do a lot of work and prepare myself. The good part is that I learned so much more than I ever could imagine about circumcision and I am thankful for that knowledge, even if it makes me sad for all the boys out there (my nephew for example) that are still being circ'd.

The good news is, you have time. Start accumulating facts and information to present in response to whatever reasons he comes up with. And make sure he knows that "going behind your back and doing ANYTHING" is completely unacceptable under any circumstances. That is the worst thing your partner could ever say to you, I am so sorry you had to hear that.

I must admit I was afraid to tell my family at first that I would not be circumcising my son, because I didn't know how they would react, and one of my biggest fears was that someone would try to circumcise him behind my back, but by the time I was done with my research I was armed to the teeth and more than willing to loudly tell anyone within earshot exactly why I would not be circing my son and no one questioned me.

good luck mama, get ready to fight for your boy-to-be!

-Prensa

6/9/2005 6/30/2007 10/17/2009 (Ebstein's Anomaly)
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#6 of 47 Old 03-27-2006, 11:30 PM
 
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He doesn't know what it's like to have an intact penis either so you're on equal ground there. And I'd make him prove to you why it's medically necessary.

And no way would I advise TTC until this is resolved.
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#7 of 47 Old 03-27-2006, 11:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for all your replies.
Here is the one link he did present to me.

http://www.circinfo.net/#benefits
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#8 of 47 Old 03-27-2006, 11:59 PM
 
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That is a bunch of lies. I don't have time to rebut each "benefit" right now but we all could do it easily. But, most basically, 80% of the world's men have their foreskins and are happy and fine.

DS1 2004 ~ DS2 2005 ~ DD1 2008 ~ DS3 2010 ~ DD2 due Dec. 2014
On hospital bedrest for pPROM since 23 weeks
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#9 of 47 Old 03-28-2006, 12:45 AM
 
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the sticky threads at the top of this forum will help you in discrediting the opinions on that link

6/9/2005 6/30/2007 10/17/2009 (Ebstein's Anomaly)
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#10 of 47 Old 03-28-2006, 01:15 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by msumomma
Thanks for all your replies.
Here is the one link he did present to me.

http://www.circinfo.net/#benefits
That's the personal webpage of Brian Morris, who is not a pediatrician or a urologist and has an unnatural interest in circumcision, traveling abroad to watch ritual circumcision ceremonies and such. And, both is website and his arguments are out of touch with every medical organization in the world NONE of which recommend routine infant circumcision.

There's also a complete rebuttal available online...

Rebuttal Part 1

Rebuttal Part 2

I would tell him, "Since I checked out your page, I want you to watch these..."

---

“The Prepuce”

(WMP, Streaming):

http://www.doctorsopposingcircumcisi...C/prepuce.html

(WMP, Download-use “save link as”):

http://www.doctorsopposingcircumcisi...TSC_256k_D.wmv

---

http://asp.noterik.com/video/michael/CIRCUMCISION.mov

---

http://ftp.intact.ca/images/new025.mpeg

http://www.cirp.org/library/procedur...ibell/circ.mov

Jen
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#11 of 47 Old 03-28-2006, 01:31 AM
 
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In male babies the foreskin is lightly attached to the penis underneath it, much like the skin on an orange, and comes free over the course of the first few years of life.

This is as far as I got on that site... uh... sorry, but my ds's foreskin is not LIGHTLY attached!!! I certainly do not know HOW strongly it is attached because I have not tried to find out. But it is not lightly. How irritating.

I would agree with the previous posters that you should settle this before actually ttc- let him know for sure how serious you are about it.
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#12 of 47 Old 03-28-2006, 01:38 AM
 
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Read up on those sites shown above.

If your dh believes in and understands evolution...
All mammals, male and female have foreskins. All human males are born with a foreskin. If having a foreskin reduced a person's long-term survivability or in any way reduced fitness and/or reproductive ability, then there wouldn't be foreskins. In fact, the highly developed, refined foreskin shows that the foreskin on the male is very necessary and contributes to fitness and reproductive success. It keeps the glans and urethra clean. Do you think a female would permit painful, dry copulation in a time without artificial lubricants? The foreskin keeps the glans moist and lubricated and the foreskin itself acts as a gliding bearing, greatly reducing the need for female lubrication.

Any logic and statistics that pro-circers throw at you are hogwash. Evolution speaks for itself.

And in the end, it's not your husband's penis. It's your son's penis.
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#13 of 47 Old 03-28-2006, 01:46 AM
 
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You may not have a penis (which you kind of actually do, it's just small), but you have a foreskin. He doesn't. You know what it's like to have a foreskin, he doesn't. So that argument doesn't work.

I would not TTC with him until I was positive that he would not mutilate my child.

Mom to Dakota (6), Coy, (4), Max, (4), Lily (4), and Auri (June 19th 2010)!
Visit Lily's site at www.caringbridge.org/visit/lilymathis1
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#14 of 47 Old 03-28-2006, 01:56 AM
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He gave you a link to a circumfetishist, I'd ask him to find a source that was a bit more medical.

Here's a few refutes for you.

Quote:
(There are no deaths today from medical circumcisions in developed countries.)
Dustin Evans Jr was born in Cleveland, Ohio in October 1998. He was circumcised by a Dr Russell soon after, who took so much shaft skin that the scar healed as a wideband stricture (a tight "collar") around his penis, preventing him from urinating. When he was given sevoflourane, an anaesthetic, in order to "revise" his circumcision, he immediately died of cardiopulmonary arrest.

His father said, "You think, 'What could go wrong with a circumcision?' The next thing I know, he's dead."

Ryleigh McWillis - death from blood loss
(1) Immediate cause of death: a) Multi-organ ischemia, due to or as a consequence of b) exsangination [loss of blood], due to or as a consequence of c) circumcision
(2) Other significant conditions contributing to death: Post-surgical exsanguination

Classification of the event: Accidental
Date signed: 19 January 2004
T.E. Chico Newell, Coroner

Those were in the US and Canada respectively.

Quote:
Studies of middle class British [172] and Scandanavian [259] schoolboys concluded that penile hygiene, as such, is at best poor and at worst non-existent.
And that's why over 90+% of them never end up circumcised right? Not to mention, elementary school kids don't REQUIRE any "special" penile cleaning.

Quote:
"What man after a night of passion is going to perform penile hygiene before rolling over and snoring the night away (with pathogenic organisms multiplying in the warm moist environment under the prepuce)" [301].
Replace man with woman and penile with vaginal. Women are fine washing in the morning, so are men.

Quote:
Smegma is produced by the foreskin’s inner surface and contains neutral lipids, fatty acids, sterol and exfoliated cells. Excretion of smegma increases in adolescence and peaks at age 20–40 years. Whereas initially it is a lubricant having a white or pale yellow color, with time, chemical transformations take place and it becomes mixed with epithelial cells, dirt and micro-organisms; these form aggregates and produce foul odors. The bacteria alone give off an offensive smell and most people consider smegma to be unclean [405].
Women have more smegma than men.

Quote:
Between 1988 and 2000 the rate of circumcision of NEWBORNS BEFORE HOSPITAL DISCHARGE POST-BIRTH has increased 6.8% per year in the USA [242
Absolute BS. http://www.icgi.org/Downloads/normal...ircumcised.htm

And if you read most of his rates they're from the 70s. The NZ one is a joke really. Yeah in the 70s it was 40%. Now it's under 1% (non-religious). Same with the numbers for England and Canada. Here are the numbers from Wikipedia

United States 2002 60.1% [81]
Canada 2003 11.5% [82]
Australia 2004 12.7% [83]
New Zealand 1995 0.35%* [84]
United Kingdom 1972 0.41% [85]

And an article on the declining rates
http://www.cirp.org/news/iowacitypresscitizen07-28-03/

His physical "problems" list.

Phimosis: Completely normal until puberty and a bit after. The foreskin usually "loses its hold" on the penis completely upon the onset of masturbation.

Paraphimosis: Ridiculously rare but treatable without surgery

Zipper Injury: My cut partner has caught his glans in his zipper several times, should we cut it off?

Elderly men: I don't know about you but I'd like to have and enjoy my parts and if they have to be cut off when I'm old, that's well and good.

Bathroom splatter: A load of bollocks and easily preventable. And honestly, any guy can be messy, foreskin or not.

Balanitis: Since when was redness/itching a cause to cut off a body part? And honestly, frequent balanitis is a warning sign of diabetes that cut men don't have. A friend of mines dad got cut over frequent balanitis and turns out, he was diabetic - had he have known that was the cause, he would have been able to detect his diabetes sooner.

UTIs: Why cut a body part off to prevent this? Girls are more likely to get them than intact boys, should we cut them up too?

Bacteria: Should we cut off the hoods of women and sew them shut, because they've got way more than men.

STDs: Condoms, not surgery, prevents STDs.

Cancer: An intact man has a higher risk of breast cancer than penile cancer. Enough said.

Prostate cancer: I fail to even see how this one is related seeing as ALL MEN HAVE PROSTATES.

Cervical cancer: Cervical cancer is caused by HPV which is an STD. See my response on STDs.

http://www.circinfo.net/scaleat_end.jpg
That chart is just a joke

http://www.infocirc.org/uti2.htm
That one is much better.

Also, I'd go with the "you may have a penis, but I have a foreskin" on this one. Tell him you quite like your foreskin and he seems to enjoy it as well (if thats true hehe).

Long distance Mom to boarding school superstars E (9) and Layne (6).
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#15 of 47 Old 03-28-2006, 02:17 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gridley13
In male babies the foreskin is lightly attached to the penis underneath it, much like the skin on an orange, and comes free over the course of the first few years of life.

This is as far as I got on that site... uh... sorry, but my ds's foreskin is not LIGHTLY attached!!! I certainly do not know HOW strongly it is attached because I have not tried to find out. But it is not lightly. How irritating.

I would agree with the previous posters that you should settle this before actually ttc- let him know for sure how serious you are about it.
That quote jogged my memory to a quote from the Men's Health article, Separated at Birth:

"The foreskin is peeled away like the rind of an orange. The baby is still crying. After several minutes, the doctor removes the clamp, pops off his gloves, and leaves. The nurse quickly applies an antiseptic ointment and returns the trembling child to his parents."

http://www.noharmm.org/separated.htm



Jen
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#16 of 47 Old 03-28-2006, 02:39 AM
 
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That's a really tough situation. I agree with the others though that I would not TTC any further with a man who was openly declaring that he would go behind my back to do something that I felt was offensive and abusive.


I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Hopefully he'll come around. After all, if this is a topic that is not up for discussion then he'll have to agree if he wants any more children.
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#17 of 47 Old 03-28-2006, 02:43 AM
 
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How horrible! I am shocked he even wants to go through with circumcising, but especially shocked he'd go ahead and do it without your agreeance. I would not have another child with him unless he does the research and sees how barbaric, inhumane and cruel circing is. I wouldn't go ahead and get pregnant, in hope that he'll change his mind before baby is born, because he might NOT change his mind. And one day he might come home with a little boy with no foreskin Perhaps you can ask him to go along with you to a GP or Paediatrician (whom is anti-circ) for a chat about how unnecessary it is. He might be more convinced when hearing it from a medical professional. Otherwise, both of you compile a list, him of the benefits of circing (there aren't any but I'm sure he thinks there are) and you of the risks and downsides. Then compare them. Show him video footageof the procedure, links, get him to speak to other Dads of uncirced boys, and circed men who wish they'd been left intact. If he still maintains he's getting your son circed, I would actually consider whether you want the relationship to continue more than you want your child to be safe. I would NEVER have a child with someone so incredibly set on circing our son. To me, it's abuse. Sorry.
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#18 of 47 Old 03-28-2006, 03:11 AM
 
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I agree that this is something that should be settled before trying to conceive. This would be a deal breaker for me.

He has presented you with the website of a well known circumcision fetishist. While the internet is an amazing resource, anybody can publish anything on it and you have to have the ability to separate those people who want to appear to be experts from those who really are and those who have ill intent from those who have your best interest at heart. You've got to hold his feet to the fire and make him present only sites of known medical associations from anywhere in the world. Absolutely none of them recommend circumcision! And some of them speak quite clearly against it.

As a man, the one that got me was that circumcised men suffer impotence 7 - 10 years earlier that intact men. Is that something he would want to visit on a son? I'm betting he wouldn't. If he would just to have him circumcised, he has no business having children. (Sorry, that's just the way I believe)



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#19 of 47 Old 03-28-2006, 03:21 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sunflower_mommy
That's the personal webpage of Brian Morris, who is not a pediatrician or a urologist and has an unnatural interest in circumcision, traveling abroad to watch ritual circumcision ceremonies and such. And, both is website and his arguments are out of touch with every medical organization in the world NONE of which recommend routine infant circumcision.

There's also a complete rebuttal available online...

Rebuttal Part 1

Rebuttal Part 2

I would tell him, "Since I checked out your page, I want you to watch these..."

---

“The Prepuce”

(WMP, Streaming):

http://www.doctorsopposingcircumcisi...C/prepuce.html

(WMP, Download-use “save link as”):

http://www.doctorsopposingcircumcisi...TSC_256k_D.wmv

---

http://asp.noterik.com/video/michael/CIRCUMCISION.mov

---

http://ftp.intact.ca/images/new025.mpeg

http://www.cirp.org/library/procedur...ibell/circ.mov

Jen
: : : :
what great info
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#20 of 47 Old 03-28-2006, 03:36 AM
 
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Eeeeeeeeewww. He gave to link to one of the biggest circ fetishers out there. He is laughed at here in Europe. Sad case.

I think you allready got the link to the circ video so as return, make him look at site you choose and show him the video.

There is also excellent information on Fathering Magazine;
http://www.fathermag.com/health/boy-care/

Want to know what foreskin is;
http://www.foreskin.org/page2.htm

Also you might want to read this to understand your husband better;

http://www.udonet.com/circumcision/v...ty_of_men.html

Ask your husband does he know why circumcision is practised in USA(while almost 85% of world's men are intact). If not, show him this, "A Short History of Circumcision in the U.S. In Physicians' Own Words";

http://www.sexuallymutilatedchild.org/shorthis.htm

Here in Scandinavia circumcision is viewed with same horror than FGM. Doctors refuse to do it. Ask your husband why he think that is? Why world's men are totally happy & healthy with their foreskins .

Make him think. Make him say aloud the reasons why he wants his son circumcised. And I agree with others - I would wait with everything until you have resolved this issue. Otherwise it will stay and haunt between you two forever. Sending you good thoughts.
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#21 of 47 Old 03-28-2006, 04:16 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gridley13
"In male babies the foreskin is lightly attached to the penis underneath it, much like the skin on an orange, and comes free over the course of the first few years of life."

This is as far as I got on that site... uh... sorry, but my ds's foreskin is not LIGHTLY attached!!! I certainly do not know HOW strongly it is attached because I have not tried to find out. But it is not lightly. How irritating.

I would agree with the previous posters that you should settle this before actually ttc- let him know for sure how serious you are about it.
:

nak

that's as far as I got too... think more like fingernails to fingers rather that orange peel to orange... holy hotdogbuns (I wanted to say something far far stronger...), if it begins with THAT I can't even imagine what else it says. He needs to prove it's necessary. He also needs to prove why it's better for HIM to make that decision about SOMEONE ELSE'S penis than to let the OWNER OF THE PENIS make the decision when he's older and can have pain meds...

my dh is VERY VERY HAPPY (so am I ) that he has the whole penis. I would never have a child with a sneaky abuser (sorry, but that's what he sounds like in this case at least ) even if he did think he was doing the "right thing".

love and peace.

mama to two girls and due in November!
: Circumcision can never be undone :
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#22 of 47 Old 03-28-2006, 08:27 AM
 
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There is no way I would ttc until ur dh changes his mind. If u were to get pg and it was a boy and he was still this adament then u would have a situation were he would take the child behind ur back and mutilate him and then u would end up with a divorce anyway. Or at least i would divorce my dh if he did that to my son. To me it is no different than if he sexually abused one of the kids.

Explain to him about the guy who wrote that site how he gets off on watching little boys in pain and will do anything to keep the barbaric practice going.

Make him find a legitamite medical site that is for circ. He will not be able to. Even the AAP (american academy of pediatrics) site is against circ. 80-85% of the worlds population is intact and have NO issues with there foreskin. They live there whole life without trouble.

Like some of the pp's have said since your dh dosnt have a intact penis he is no more a expert on them than u are since u are intact then u actually have more expertise on it that he does.


I have heard many times about how it is his child to and he should have a say I agree on that to a point. There are some things that are just not up for debate. This is a major one. If your dh was for beating the child and locking him in the closet then of course u would be right in stoping it. Or if he wanted to send the child to say military school when he turnes 5 if u didnt want to do that u would stop it. I know I am not very good at putting my thoughts into words.

What it comes down to is it is not yours of ur dh's penis to be cutting on.

Just step back on the ttc until u get this all figured out. I wanted a second child so bad and I wanted a son but if my dh had told me what ur dh did then we wouldnt have our ds and prolly I wouldnt still be married to my dh. I couldnt stay married to someone who would not listen to the facts and who wanted to inflict that kind of pain and damage on my child.

You said that he didnt want to hear the facts that tells me that he is in denial that could very well change. I would just keep at it till u get the issue resolved then go ahead and ttc then.

 
SAHMlady.gifread.giflovin' trekkie.giffan intactivist.gifwinner.jpg to loveeyes.gifenergy.gifDD 10/00 & superhero.gifmoon.gifDS 10/04 ribbonpb.gifIf your ds is intact, keep him safe, visit the Case Against Circ forumnocirc.gifCirc, a personal choice, Your sonsyes.gifbrokenheart.gif11/98brokenheart.gif6/99ribbonbrown.gifanti-tobaccoribbonyellow.gifThyroid cancer survivor. With cat.gif& goldfish.gif & (Boxer)dog2.gif wishing 4 whale.gif&ribbonwhite.gifsigncirc1.gifselectivevax.gifdelayedvax.gif

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#23 of 47 Old 03-28-2006, 12:00 PM
 
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I am with all of the other people...don't ttc until he has changed his mind. And, I have met some of the most stubborn people out there, who upon reading have changed their minds. When you see everything in its entirety it is overwhelmingly obvious to keep a child intact. The thing is, it is painful of a thought for him to think that what was done to him was a violation or it was wrong. It might take a while, but if he is a reasonable person he is going to see it...it might just be to emotionally difficult now and in the immediate future.

Perpetually breastfeeding or pregnant ENFP mom to a lot of kids...wife to a midwestern nice guy...living in tropical paradise...pink cats and homebirths rock!

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#24 of 47 Old 03-28-2006, 12:01 PM
 
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It is not his choice to make.Or yours.

Circumcised men grow up and learn to deal with what was left. Sadly most often the cycle of abuse continues into the next generation unless the mother prevents it.

Some intact men grow up with inappropriate genital care, and are taught falsehoods about being intact/normal.Often this leads them to want to cut their boys,so the boy can avoid the treatment(stupidity) they we exposed too.

No need to argue just say: no son of mine will have half his penis removed for ANY reason. End of discussion. Sometimes people cling to a stupid idea to the death, and it is really a waste of effort trying to convince them otherwise.
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#25 of 47 Old 03-28-2006, 02:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kxsiven

Also you might want to read this to understand your husband better;

http://www.udonet.com/circumcision/v...ty_of_men.html

OMG this IS my dh!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for all the support and great info so far. What makes me so sad about this whole situation, is that he just shut right down and is willing to loose our marriage over this. Then he says that I am the one willing to throw away our marraige over this. Ugh!
We are not ttc just yet, my dd is just about 14 months and ideally I was to nurse her at least 2 years and won't ttc before then, I just want to be sure we are on the same page as we both really wanted a boy this time around and I was going to read and use the shettles method to try to up our odds. He says I never had these "crazy" ideas before I started on this site with all of you treehuggers (I didn't find this site until after my dd was about 2 months old and I was looking for bf support). I tell him people change and ideas change and we've been together 8 years and I wasn't supposed to grow intelluctually or spiritually? He also said last night I have ruined his dreams of ever having a son. Ugh.
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#26 of 47 Old 03-28-2006, 02:52 PM
 
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Nearly half of baby boys in the U.S. are being left intact these days. It's really not unnusual anymore, let alone 'crazy' to leave your son's perfectly normal, healthy penis alone.

I think, in your situation, I would focus on two things:

1.) Stroke your husband's ego. Reassure him. You love him, sex is good, and you enjoy his penis and his sexual skill. Try to minimize the idea of leaving your son intact being a threat to his manhood...

2.) Tell him that circumcision is painful, unnecessary, and carries risk. Don't go into the sexual differences/benefits of a foreskin at this point; keep it simple. Tell him it's not going to be done if it isn't necessary, any more than you would cut part of your daughter's genitals off if it wasn't necessary. A foreskin comes standard; it's the default.

He's the one advocating action, the burden of proof is on HIS shoulders.

Jen
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#27 of 47 Old 03-28-2006, 03:11 PM
 
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Thanks for all the support and great info so far. What makes me so sad about this whole situation, is that he just shut right down and is willing to loose our marriage over this. Then he says that I am the one willing to throw away our marraige over this. Ugh!
We are not ttc just yet, my dd is just about 14 months and ideally I was to nurse her at least 2 years and won't ttc before then, I just want to be sure we are on the same page as we both really wanted a boy this time around and I was going to read and use the shettles method to try to up our odds. He says I never had these "crazy" ideas before I started on this site with all of you treehuggers (I didn't find this site until after my dd was about 2 months old and I was looking for bf support). I tell him people change and ideas change and we've been together 8 years and I wasn't supposed to grow intelluctually or spiritually? He also said last night I have ruined his dreams of ever having a son. Ugh.
Oh my gosh that MY DH!!!

Well my Dh is probably not quite that extreme. But I think the dramatics kick in when he doesn't know what to say...when there is no reasonable explanation for what he is arguing. I usually tease him out of it. Like if he had told me I had ruined his dream of having a son I would have told him that maybe his next wife would be willing to let him perform cosmetic surgery on a newborn.

Anyway...My husband and I never discussed the circ issue until I was pregnant. I didn't realize it was even a bad thing to do til I had a baby growing in me...and even then it was just a feeling. I had no "evidence". So my story is not going to be terribly helpful to you except that my husband did ultimaltely "let me have my way" and now admits that its not a big deal that our son's are not circ'd. His argument was always the "medical" one but my point is that minds can change.

Hang in there. And don't let him get away with being a drama queen. If he is so bent on having a son that "looks like him" let him get restored. He is ruining his own dream by not being willing to see logic. Ask him if your son died from circ complications how would he feel?

Casey
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#28 of 47 Old 03-28-2006, 03:18 PM
 
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Forgot to add...this link shows complications from circ. (including death)

http://www.circumstitions.com/reasonsnotto.html

Show him the photo of "Galloping Gangrene" and see if thats part of his dream of having a son. If you desparately want a son is this something a sane person would risk happening to that son?

Casey
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#29 of 47 Old 03-28-2006, 03:28 PM
 
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Originally Posted by msumomma
He went so far to say that he'd go behind my back after delivery to ask them to circ a son.
I would NOT have another child with this man!

Unless he changed his views, and even then, I'd wait a while to make sure it "took".

Sorry to be so blunt.

Ann-Marita. I deleted my usual signature due to, oh, wait, if I say why, that might give too much away. 

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#30 of 47 Old 03-28-2006, 03:44 PM
 
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wow, i love how all of you moms are so great at supplying info/links/etc.

i agree with trmpetplaya that if a male decides to circ when they are old enough to make an informed decision-that's fine. my dh was mixed about circ because he is (and even stated the "silly" arguments (in my mind) of looking the same--what penises intact or not look the "same" anyway?!?) we ended up deciding that if our son wants to circ when he is older (informed, medicated, etc) then it is his choice. dh and i were both satisfied with that....

i hope everything works out for you...
kris

mama  to 3 farmboys (, & ) and 1 farmgirl ()
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