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Will you critique my letter? (re: regretting circ) UPDATED letter

973 views 18 replies 11 participants last post by  Revamp 
#1 ·
***I'm going to mail my letter today. There's no sense in waiting. If you would, please read my new letter in post 18, and let me know if are any big changes that should be made. Thanks to all that had recommendations, and thanks Paq a lot. I think it sounds better now.

*****************
This is a rough draft of a letter that I've wanted to write for a year and a half. It's to my ob/gyn who is the one who brought up the issue of circing my son, and who performed the surgery.
Please be kind but give me constructive criticism. I need to send a letter to her, for my own peace of mind (well, sort of peace).
I just had an idea, and sat down and words came out. I don't want to be too quick to revise it myself, so I'm just going to copy paste what I have.

Thanks!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Please forgive me for sending this letter so long after the fact, but I have to get this off my chest.
I have to tell you that I am very disappointed in one aspect of the care that I received while I was pregnant and when my son was a newborn. Specifically, what I am referring to is that I really feel that you did not adequately inform me of the risks, benefits, and alternatives to circumcising my son. Furthermore, I feel that YOU are the one who suggested an unnecessary surgery, which in my understanding is unethical for a doctor to do. I believe I did not bring up the idea.
I am deeply disturbed that I had my son circumcised. I cannot believe that I allowed a normal, natural, useful body part to be cut off of him. As a 2 day old baby, no less! On top of that, is the pain that he had to endure for weeks as that very sensitive part of his body healed.
His circumcision did have complications- the skin adhered to itself, and it was a long process in getting it separated with the least amount of pain possible. When I think of all the pain I could have saved my precious baby, by just being informed enough to say "NO!" to this antiquated practice.
I did what I did, and I deeply regret that, and I will not make the same mistake again. Unfortunately, my son has to live with it. I did read, and felt that I researched the subject enough to make an informed decision. Regrettably, I was wrong. I believe that the lack of proper information from you, as my doctor, lead to my decision.
Please do your future patients (the mothers and their sons) a favor, and inform them of the risks of circumcision, and of the alternatives (namely, leaving their child intact). Inform them that the foreskin is nature's way of keeping the penis free from infection from feces and urine. That it is easier to keep an intact penis clean than a circumcised penis, in the first weeks. Inform them of the foreskin's other purposes, and benefits that continue as a man ages. Inform them that the risks (including complications of the surgery itself) do indeed outweigh the benefits, or at least that the benefits do not outweigh the risks.
I have to live with my decision, but perhaps this letter will make you rethink the information you give to parents faced with the same decision, so that they will make a better choice.
 
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#3 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Revamp
Excellent!

Apart from a reference to the AAP that you could slip in somewhere I think that it is perfect! I hope that other mothers who regret their decision would do the same since it really is a great idea.

Hope it achieves the desired affect!

excellent idea! I think I'll print out the aap statement and include it too. Oh, and I do remember doing research that no major medical institution recommends routine circs (like children's hospital).
Thanks!

Any more suggestions?
 
#4 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Deva33mommy
excellent idea! I think I'll print out the aap statement and include it too. Oh, and I do remember doing research that no major medical institution recommends routine circs (like children's hospital).
Thanks!

Any more suggestions?
Their statement really adds some force, especially if she left you under the impression that there was some massive medical benefit that was unanimously agreed upon. I doubt she mentioned it to you, that is something worth critising.

I am not sure if you are totally correct in your assertion, no major mainstream medical advocates it but I have no idea about institutions, look into it though as that could definetely help and if not just include the fact that I just said.

Apart from that I am not too sure, it seems pretty much perfect other than that as far as I can see. Perhaps mention in that bit on pain that no studies have conclusively proven whether this damages the developing mind one way or the other? It is not evidence for anti as such but the fact she witheld this (as all pros seem to) is pretty important.

Hope that I was of some help! Once again, great idea and all the best luck!

Edit: Actually, my suggestion might not have been so good. Not sure...Well, you decide I guess. Great letter so far.
 
#5 ·
I think it's great!

Either he's a jerk and it won't have any impact, or he's a human being and it will make him think.

Don't expect any response from him, regardless of what he thinks. He won't want to acknowledge the fact that he obtained inadequate informed consent prior to performing surgery, which is a breach of standard of care.
 
#6 ·
Good job on actually DOING something. I think writing letters to our health care providers is wonderful. I think your letter is more than sufficient as is, but since you did bring up ethics in it - it might intrest you to know that OB/GYNS aren't even supposed to do circs. It is not covered under their specialty. The board of OB/GYNS frown on the practice of them doing the circs. Malpractice insurance wouldn't cover if they were to be sued for doing something that isn't part of their licencure. (OF course if the OB is a family practitioner first it might make a difference.)

Good job mama!
 
#7 ·
I think my SO wrote off a similar letter to her Son's pediatrician/hospital.

Great letter, really reads like it comes from the heart and not some cut and paste copy of some clinical letter.

I'd add a copy of the AAP as another sheet of paper, wouldn't add it to the letter personally, just as an extra bit of info on another sheet. Make refference to it in the letter but wouldn't add the whole thing to that page.

great work

 
#11 ·
maybe all parents should write their letter of regrets to their doctor of those who have regrets maybe that will 'freak out doctors' but can a mom sue a doctor of complication of circ because I believe if a unneeded surgery comes out with a complication that the signer wasn't aware of they should have the right ?
 
#12 ·
maybe all parents should write their letter of regrets to their doctor of those who have regrets maybe that will 'freak out doctors' but can a mom sue a doctor of complication of circ because I believe if a unneeded surgery comes out with a complication that the signer wasn't aware of they should have the right ?
 
#13 ·
Don't apologize at first. In fact, don't apologize at all.

Perhaps start out with, "I've been angry at you for a year and a half, and I need to tell you why." Perhaps that will get her attention.
 
#14 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by blessed
I think it's great!

Either he's a jerk and it won't have any impact, or he's a human being and it will make him think.

Don't expect any response from him, regardless of what he thinks. He won't want to acknowledge the fact that he obtained inadequate informed consent prior to performing surgery, which is a breach of standard of care.

She, her. (Not he, him).
 
#15 ·
You make many good points.
But it is a touch rambly, and emotional in some parts. Of course this is an emotional thing; I can only imagine! But it can tend to cloud the issue in writing. My humble suggestions:

Please forgive me for sending this letter so long after the fact, but I have to get this off my chest.
I would probably strike this, or perhaps replace with simply. "I apologise that I did not send this sooner." I think that's clear that you're apologising for the time delay, NOT for what you have to say, and saying "I have to get this off my chest" sets up to expect a rant and puts the reader on the defensive.

Specifically, what I am referring to is that I really feel that you did not adequately inform me of the risks, benefits, and alternatives to circumcising my son.
I would remove "I really feel that" and possibly "specifically". I would change "risks, benefits, and alternatives" to "risks and lack of medical indication for" or something like that. Since there are no benefits, and the only alternative is to leave intact.

Furthermore, I feel that YOU are the one who suggested an unnecessary surgery, which in my understanding is unethical for a doctor to do. I believe I did not bring up the idea.
I think this needs some reworking. "I feel that you suggested"; replace "understanding" with "opinion" (granted, it's most people's opinion that it's unethical for doctors to push for unnecessary surgeries, but it is still an opinion). I would probably also strike the second sentence altogether.
 
#16 ·
Wonderful! I agree that you should change what paquerette mentioned. Maybe also adding what the benefits of being intact for older men are. She really may not know what the lifelong benefits are (hence her suggestion that your son be circ'd). Other than that and the ideas already mentioned it's a great letter! Good for you for sending one


love and peace.
 
#18 ·
Here's my revised letter.

*************
I apologize for not having sent this letter sooner. I have to tell you that I am very disappointed in one aspect of the care that I received while I was pregnant and when my son was a newborn. What I am referring to is that you did not adequately inform me of the risks and of the lack of medical indication for circumcising my son. Furthermore, it is my understanding that it is considered unethical for a doctor to recommend cosmetic surgery.
I am deeply disturbed that I had my son circumcised. I cannot believe that I allowed a normal, natural, useful body part to be cut off of him. As a 2 day old baby, no less! On top of that, is the pain that he had to endure for weeks as that very sensitive part of his body healed. His circumcision did have complications- the skin adhered to itself, and it was a long process in getting it separated with the least amount of pain possible. When I think of all the pain I could have saved my precious baby, by just being informed enough to say "NO!" to this antiquated practice.
I did what I did, and I deeply regret that, and I will not make the same mistake again. Unfortunately, my son has to live with it. I did read, and felt that I researched the subject enough to make an informed decision. Regrettably, I was wrong. I believe that the lack of proper information from you, as my doctor, lead to my decision.
Please do your future patients (the mothers and their sons) a favor, and inform them of the risks of circumcision, and of the alternatives (namely, leaving their child intact). Inform them that the foreskin is nature's way of keeping the penis free from infection from feces and urine. That it is easier to keep an intact penis clean than a circumcised penis, in the first weeks, and that after that all that is necessary is normal hygiene practices. Inform them of the foreskin's other purposes, and benefits that continue as a man ages. Inform them that the risks (including complications of the surgery itself) do indeed outweigh the benefits, or at least that the benefits do not outweigh the risks. Inform them that the AAP recommendation on circumcision is that "the benefits are not significant enough for the AAP to recommend circumcision as a routine procedure."
I have to live with my decision, but perhaps this letter will make you rethink the information you give to parents faced with the same decision, so that they will make a better choice.
************

I did leave the "it is my understanding that it is unethical" because I think I read that it is considered unethical by medical boards for a doc to recommend a cosmetic surgery.
The things I'm wondering about, is should I add something about the benefits as men get older? I know my letter is already kinda long. Plus, I don't know exactly what to say about it. Ideas?
And, should I change this:
"Inform them that the risks (including complications of the surgery itself) do indeed outweigh the benefits, or at least that the benefits do not outweigh the risks. Inform them that the AAP recommendation on circumcision is that "the benefits are not significant enough for the AAP to recommend circumcision as a routine procedure."
my thoughts kinda were that the AAP rec isn't strong enough. As far as, if you really take just a minute to think about it, you can plainly see that the risks far outweigh the benefits. kwim?

oh, and I'm going to print out this http://www.aap.org/advocacy/archives/marcircum.htm and include it with my letter.

Thanks so much for taking time to help me in this. Hopefully it will help others too.

My next letter is going to be to the hospital where we took our parenting classes when I was pg. They went over the birth, diapering, feeding, etc. So why was there only a one sentence mention of circ? Even dp is bothered by the fact that they didn't give us any info on such an important thing.

Thanks again
 
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