A friend circ'd her older boys *Updated post #64* - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 75 Old 07-21-2006, 04:36 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Update here.

A friend of mine had her older boys (ages 5 to pre-teen age) circ'd not long ago. Her reason was, they didn't wash themselves as well as they should. She shows them over and over how to take proper care of themselves (not just their privates, but all over) but they still don't wash properly while taking baths/showers.

So this was her reason for having them circ'd, because they wouldn't have to clean that area as well once circ'd (her words).

They all went in on the same day and had it done. They all complained of pain, were on meds for it and basically sat around doing nothing for a week due to the pain.

When I first heard of her doing this, I was just in shock. I've never once had a problem with friends that circ. I don't agree, but I offer my advice and knowledge and leave it at that. I only pushed my cousin to not circ her boy, but her mind was made and what her Mom (my Aunt) said mattered the most - she recommended getting cousin's son circ'd of course. I was a bit upset about that.

But this friend having her older sons circ'd - I just wanted to scream and cry. I've never had such emotion in reaction to a friend making whatever decision for her children. I'm still steamed about it and finding it hard to let go. I don't feel it's my place to say anything. It's too late now, she's done having kids as well.

I am just a little upset w/ MYSELF now for feeling so negatively towards her. How do I move past this? Everytime I see her or her sons, I just think about her decision for them. :
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#2 of 75 Old 07-21-2006, 04:39 AM
 
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I'm so sorry. This would be a total and complete friendship breaker for me because I couldn't be friends with someone who used mutilating surgery as a punishment for her children. It makes me sick to think about and I don't even know her. Good luck with deciding how to handle it, for me I would just sever contact.

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#3 of 75 Old 07-21-2006, 05:40 AM
 
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thats ridiculous that a mother would do that. first of all, how does she know? does she inspect their privates after bath time or have her nose in their crotch all the time?
this story is awful, i have no advice for you but to say how can you not feel negative toward her?
I just feel sorry for those boys.
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#4 of 75 Old 07-21-2006, 06:17 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't think it was meant as direct punishment of course. She was just worried about infections happening, since she knows they slack in the tub when it comes to cleaning themselves.

I'm just not used to feeling this way towards someone, friend or not. I just felt intense anger when I first found out. I had to have a couple of days to digest the news before wishing her sons well with their surgeries. Granted, I do not approve, BUT I of course hoped their surgeries would go well.. at very very least.
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#5 of 75 Old 07-21-2006, 08:48 AM
 
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That is just wrong. I could never be friends with someone like that again. She sounds like she has to have a screw loose - if they weren't actually HAVING infections, etc. then what she did was just plain sexual abuse, pure and simple.

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#6 of 75 Old 07-21-2006, 09:22 AM
 
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I think what she did was just sick. I can see how a child might feel that he was being punished (by having part of his body cut off) because he didn't wash well.

I'm pretty sure those boys would have learned to wash well the minute they got romantically interested in a peer.

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#7 of 75 Old 07-21-2006, 09:52 AM
 
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That absolutely sounds like punishment to me, I'm sure the children saw it that way too. Imagine what kind of mental impact that has on the children. "If I don't do what Mom says, she can cut off part of my penis." That's messed up. I could see some long-term mental instability coming from this punishment/surgery. Especially with the age that the children are. A lot of children circ'ed at that age end up developing circumcision fetishes, because this surgery ends up being their first sexual experience.

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#8 of 75 Old 07-21-2006, 10:02 AM
 
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I...Uh, do not know what to say.

At all.
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#9 of 75 Old 07-21-2006, 10:30 AM
 
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I'm with Quirky.

OMFG! I'd sever that relationship and tell her exactly why. She's insane.

Those poor boys. How many sons did she have chopped?
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#10 of 75 Old 07-21-2006, 11:01 AM
 
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Poor kids : .

What is it about this country that the male genitalia is so mysterious and prone to be lopped off? Hey, my girls soak in a tub and apparently that is enough for their labia and clitoral areas?

Do people even see the logic? I mean, if we were created with body parts which were prone to disease/required exhaustive levels of care then we wouldn't have survived as a species!

So sad.

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#11 of 75 Old 07-21-2006, 11:20 AM
 
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Wow, my heart broke reading you post.

If you seriously want to continue the relationship with her, I would think you would need to share your feelings about this and have a discussion with her on the issue and let her know how much it bothers you and why...have you talked to her yet about this or did you hear it from someone else??

No doubt she'll be offended, but who cares!! At least she will have known that ther's one person out there that doesn't agree with her decision.

What must those poor boys be thinking?? That would be incredibly traumatising!!

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#12 of 75 Old 07-21-2006, 11:38 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by QueenOfThePride
That absolutely sounds like punishment to me, I'm sure the children saw it that way too. Imagine what kind of mental impact that has on the children. "If I don't do what Mom says, she can cut off part of my penis." That's messed up.
Yea it is. Holy cow. I'm in shock. I honestly think I would have trouble staying friends with her.
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#13 of 75 Old 07-21-2006, 11:59 AM
 
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How is this legal?!?!?! How in the world can a parent just take her children, especially OLDER children to a doctor and tell the doc to chop up their genitals? Any DOCTOR who would consent to perform such "surgery" should never be allowed to practice medicine and be thrown in JAIL. Did these children have any say in what happened? Were they asked if they wanted to be circ'd? I am....wow.. i just don't know what else to say.
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#14 of 75 Old 07-21-2006, 12:04 PM
 
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How can this possibly be legal?

If she had given them marijuana she would have been jailed for at least twenty years...
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#15 of 75 Old 07-21-2006, 12:11 PM
 
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I don't usually post here, but I couldn't read this and not comment. I'm crying for those boys reading that. I could never be friends with somebody that did that to their children. It's abuse. I'd never be able to look at her without feeling sick. I just know that I couldn't move past it.

Shelley
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#16 of 75 Old 07-21-2006, 12:13 PM
 
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That is beyond f'ed up. Those poor boys. I'm sure that did wonders for their self esteem. Great way to make them feel dirty about their genitals. The message that mom sent to her sons makes me want to vomit. I know I couldn't remain friends with her, I would want to hurt her every time I saw her.

OUR DAUGHTERS ARE PROTECTED SHOULDN'T OUR SONS BE TOO! :
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#17 of 75 Old 07-21-2006, 12:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phatchristy

Do people even see the logic? I mean, if we were created with body parts which were prone to disease/required exhaustive levels of care then we wouldn't have survived as a species!

"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
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#18 of 75 Old 07-21-2006, 12:18 PM
 
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Way sad. I would never talk to her . I would definetly tell her what I thought of her and how stupid she was to do this. If my kids were friend with her kids & you have to be around to 'see' her because since the kids got punished once they shouldn't lose their friends because of her stupidity.

I would just stuff my mouth so full of food that I don't have to talk to that otherwise I would 'swear so much bad stuff at her if I did.

Talk about the lack of doctor ethics actually during a circ on older kids with no problems just for they hygiene unbelivable.
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#19 of 75 Old 07-21-2006, 12:29 PM
 
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But most evil of all was the doctor that operated on normal genitalia merely to get that fee! This will never cease until either a doc gets put in jail for mutilating a boy without medical justification or gets the pants sued off of him by a boy who he needlessly circed and who has just reached the age of majority. This just points out one of the real problems with the medical profession in this country - particularly on this issue.
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#20 of 75 Old 07-21-2006, 12:42 PM
 
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Sick, wrong, disgusting. I'd try to get those poor boys some info on restoration before I severed the friendship. I hope they sue her and the doctor both when they turn 18. That woman needs some serious mental help, and now I'm sure those children will too.
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#21 of 75 Old 07-21-2006, 12:44 PM
 
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That's really creepy ... it's like she's punishing them for lack of general cleanliness and that is extremely disturbing.

Dave is absolutely right though: shame on the docs for conducting surgery with no medical justification.

I really wish boys' rights were better protected.

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#22 of 75 Old 07-21-2006, 12:52 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Quirky
That is just wrong. I could never be friends with someone like that again. She sounds like she has to have a screw loose - if they weren't actually HAVING infections, etc. then what she did was just plain sexual abuse, pure and simple.
ditto. Yikes.
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#23 of 75 Old 07-21-2006, 12:54 PM
 
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Originally Posted by snowbunny
I really wish boys' rights were better protected.

Too true!

I found this simply shocking, especially considering I recently read the BMA's report on non-theraputic circumcisions!
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#24 of 75 Old 07-21-2006, 01:21 PM
 
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I was thinking of this all night, and I came back to read that they "just werent washing themselves right"

you said they were between 5 and 12? chances are they werent even fully retracting at that age, what the (*&*^ were they supposed to be doing that they werent? not even stepping in the shower? and less skin is supposed to cure the aversion to a bath? because chances are they werent even fully retractable, or even needing to be being prepubecent children in the first place.

SICK SICK SICK and totally a bs reason to do that.

not washing well enough as a 5- 12 year old, thats like chopping off their arms in 5th grade if they havent started using deodorant yet.

what a load.
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#25 of 75 Old 07-21-2006, 01:22 PM
 
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I see two really disturbing messages that those children could pick up from this.

First, the whole "Mom can have parts of my body cut off if I don't obey her" thing. Ick!

And second, the whole "Penis = Dirty" message. Another Ick!

I'm with the others here. I would find it damn near impossible to be friends with this person again. She violated her own children!

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#26 of 75 Old 07-21-2006, 02:33 PM
 
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I think that mfp02 should maintain contact with the boys at least. Then when they turn 18 tell them that they have the option of bringing a lawsuit against the doctor that circ'd them. If you, mfp02, can find out the name of the doctor, the date of the surgery, and the location of the hospital, keep that information to help them get ahold of their medical records in the future.

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#27 of 75 Old 07-21-2006, 02:55 PM
 
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but I can no longer be friends with people (including my own sister) who harm their children in this manner. Even if they do it out of sheer ignorance or illness I think it reflects very poorly on their characters. I no longer choose to keep close company with people like this.

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#28 of 75 Old 07-21-2006, 02:57 PM
 
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I think that allowing older children who have problems to be circumcised when they feel they want it, after other avenues are exhausted is perfectly acceptable, but this ..... is a bit over the line.
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#29 of 75 Old 07-21-2006, 03:15 PM
 
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I agree with all the previous posters. This woman should go to jail for child sexual abuse.

Can you imagine if I pulled all of my 5 -12 year old children's teeth because they don't floss?????
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#30 of 75 Old 07-21-2006, 03:36 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by christifav
I agree with all the previous posters. This woman should go to jail for child sexual abuse.

Can you imagine if I pulled all of my 5 -12 year old children's teeth because they don't floss?????
Hrm can I try the teeth thing with my 13yo? He really needs to learn better teeth hygene
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