Regarding the graphic circ video - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 20 Old 10-03-2006, 09:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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#2 of 20 Old 10-03-2006, 09:22 PM
 
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I guess only you can decide...you know your son best.

Personally, I would not. I would wait until he is older. You explained what happened and apologized. I don't have the guts to watch it, I am not sure about a 5 year old, especially when it is something that was done to him.

JMHO
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#3 of 20 Old 10-03-2006, 09:41 PM
 
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My boys both learned at 4 what circumcision is- in the same sort of way- just sorta stumbled on it while I was working on my site. They both seem aghast at the idea and at the same time confounded at why someone would want to do something like that! (As it should be!)
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#4 of 20 Old 10-03-2006, 10:57 PM
 
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While the decision to show your son the video or not is your's (though, circumcision is not! hehe), I guess I would recommend you show it to him.

He now has a fuzzy definition of what a circumcision involves and an uncertain acceptance that it hurts, since it was a pro-circ video, heavily edited in both video and audio. You told him it hurts and he has no reason to doubt you. Parents tell their children not to touch a hot stove because it would hurt them and you don't need to burn them for them to get the message. Your word should be enough.

Something that I think factors into it highly in the fact that he is a circumcised male. Children can show empathy when it comes to other people's pain [the one regular poster here... forgive me, but I forget your ID, who has the signature where her sons watched the circumcision video and when told their father was cir'd, said: "Why would anyone want to do that??!! Poor daddy! He's missing the best part!"]. But in this case, it's you worrying about his own thought process to what happened to him and how he will deal with it. Whether it be at 5, or 8, or 12, one day you'll present him with ALL the facts about circumcision-- in a better way than (((MOST))) boys learn about it/that it happened to them ("oh, some boys have skin covering their head and I got mine cut off when I was birth"). Yes, he most certainly (((WILL))) grieve his loss. I suppose it's gauging when the best age is, KWIM?

Just something to throw in: During a certain type of genital cutting ceremony baby boys have within the first week of life (not saying the day) and it's a family gathering and all watch, including toddlers to those in their late-teens... and that's in-person!
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#5 of 20 Old 10-04-2006, 12:10 AM
 
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At age 5 I would absolutely NOT show him the video, any more than I would let him watch violent TV or a real-life murder, rape, torture, any of that. A 5 year old doesn't need to have those images in his head. I think you can explain to him verbally well enough.

I think you might really traumatize him if you show him the video. Really, he doesn't need to see it.

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#6 of 20 Old 10-04-2006, 12:32 AM
 
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I personally would not show that video to such a young child.

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#7 of 20 Old 10-04-2006, 12:44 AM
 
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Well, you do know your son best, but I think that's too much for that age. Heck, I'm almost 30 and I won't watch it.

I would just remind him that you love him very much and at the time you thought (doctors told you?) it was the best thing. Now you know better and you are sorry. You could tell him that yes, a lot of babies do cry during a circumcision.

I saw a scary movie when I was around six years old and had nightmares for years. I know it isn't exactly the same, but he probably doesn't have the coping skills needed for that at this time. I know you're trying to do the best thing for him!

Casey
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#8 of 20 Old 10-04-2006, 01:01 AM
 
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hmmm that's a hard question. i can't say with certainty what I would do as I have yet to watch it (the really bad one). I have a very difficult time recovering from things like that. On the other hand you want to show him, he wants to see it, and while kids are quite empathetic I don't think it would be the same kind of empathy and horror we anti-circ adults have to it. If you show it to him you could warn him that it is very sad and that the baby really screams a lot and that you can turn it off any time he wants.

I think there is a difference between a scary movie which usually involves scary things that come out of the dark without warning - and watching a surgery that while awful does not lurk in closets.

If your son had never seen any video I would say wait wait to show that kind of video until he was closer to puberty. But now that he's seen a positive happy-go-lucky circ video it seems wrong to let him have the impression it is just a little snip.

hmmmmm

ok, after thinking about this I would still wait to go into detail and true education about penis's till he is about 9-11 years old. Five is just too young for me.

Laura

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#9 of 20 Old 10-04-2006, 02:23 AM
 
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I agree that you have to decide for yourself, based on your son. My ds (6) and my dd (3) both came in and started watching the graphic circ video while I was watching it. I didnt realise they were watching until they asked why the baby was crying and what they were doing. I told them matter of a factly, let them know that yes, it hurts, but most parents dont realise that what they are doing is not a good thing. I let ds know (again) that he is intact, that that didnt happen to him, and both kids seemed fine with it. It really didnt bother them a huge amount, although they didnt like the baby crying and ds said how it was wierd they would be doing that to him.
Anyway, the difference to me is that A.) my ds is not circumcised, so he had a lot of relief knowing that it didnt happen to him and B.) my kids watch scarey movies and ER and stuff from the time they are born, so they are much less sensitive than some kids would be (I'm not saying this a good thing or a bad thing-I love scarey movies and my kids like to watch them with me, that's all). I do think that for a child who was circumcised, like your son, it might be a good idea to wait until he is older and better able to understand to show him....though I also wouldnt wait too long and risk him having a "I dont give a poo" attitude.

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#10 of 20 Old 10-04-2006, 07:37 PM
 
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I personally would not show that video to such a young child.
I agree. Maybe when he is older.
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#11 of 20 Old 10-04-2006, 08:46 PM
 
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My 4 yo dd happened to walk by when I was watching it, and she said, "why are they hurting that baby?" and "Did you let the doctors do that to Eric and Joey?"
I just said no, I didn't let them do that, and she seemed releived. I don't know that I"d show it to my 6 yo and he's intact. I certainly wouldn't show it to a circumcised boy, not at that age. As a teenager, definitely ALL people should see it. I think it should be a requirement in health class. Dream on, Kim!
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#12 of 20 Old 10-04-2006, 11:44 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Quirky View Post
At age 5 I would absolutely NOT show him the video, any more than I would let him watch violent TV or a real-life murder, rape, torture, any of that. A 5 year old doesn't need to have those images in his head. I think you can explain to him verbally well enough.

I think you might really traumatize him if you show him the video. Really, he doesn't need to see it.
i agree. but i would definately let him watch it when he's (much) older.
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#13 of 20 Old 10-05-2006, 12:43 AM
 
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Maybe a compromise would be to find a b&w drawing of a circumcision or even a still photo (but that's still graphic), I'd go with the line drawing.

See if that satisfies his curiousity?

Jessica

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#14 of 20 Old 10-05-2006, 04:00 PM
 
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While I was watching a video on circ my 7yo son asked me why is the baby crying? What are they doing to him? At first I didn't want to tell him but after him bugging me to tell him I finally told him that they were doing a circ on the baby. Then he asked what they did. After explaining what they did, ds told me to stop talking about he didn't want to hear anymore of it cause he was ready to cry. And even now if we would start talking about it he tells us to stop. The poor little guy can't even hear people talk about it and he is NOT circ. I can't imagine the questions he would have if he was.
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#15 of 20 Old 10-05-2006, 04:12 PM
 
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I have to say, I won't even watch a video here. I know I couldn't take it, the pictures and the look of a newborn's circumcised penis are enough to make me feel sick. One time, part of a documentary I watched had some of the audio from a circ and I swear for days after I could hear those little boys screams.

You obviously know your son best, but I think if he knows and hears what it is and is knowledgable of how painful it is it will be disturbing to him because he is circ'd. I think knowing that it "hurts" and hearing how much are two different things. You could tell him that hearing the baby cry because it hurt would be too scarry and it would be better to wait until he is an adult. I tell my kids sometimes that certain things are "adults only", maybe this could be one of them.

My DH is in his 30s and there is a limit as to how much I can share with him even regarding circumcision. He can't take it and he knows maybe 1/50th of what I know about it....he is circ'd and it's too emotionally painful. His demeanor changes and he does anything to avoid it.

Perpetually breastfeeding or pregnant ENFP mom to a lot of kids...wife to a midwestern nice guy...living in tropical paradise...pink cats and homebirths rock!

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#16 of 20 Old 10-05-2006, 04:40 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Quirky View Post
At age 5 I would absolutely NOT show him the video, any more than I would let him watch violent TV or a real-life murder, rape, torture, any of that. A 5 year old doesn't need to have those images in his head. I think you can explain to him verbally well enough.

I think you might really traumatize him if you show him the video. Really, he doesn't need to see it.
I was thinking along these same lines. It's a video of real life torture and sex abuse, basically. I wouldn't show it. I think you telling him it hurts is enough, no doubt he believes you. That's enough at that age, I think.

Single mom of 2 boys
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#17 of 20 Old 11-13-2006, 10:46 AM
 
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I think you might really traumatize him if you show him the video. Really, he doesn't need to see it.
I think 12 or more might be an ok age to watch it. Or 10 if he was really mature and only if he really wants to.

If you can get traumatized by watching it, imagine how traumatic it would be if it actually happened to a boy.
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#18 of 20 Old 11-13-2006, 11:12 AM
 
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*I* can't even watch that video, I wouldn't let my five year old watch it.

Carol
Momma to Patrick (8) Corey (7) Lilah- My UBA2C (11 months)
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#19 of 20 Old 11-13-2006, 11:14 AM
 
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I would not show him the video. Why? Do you want to apologize to him, tell him exactly what you did wrong, so he can forgive you? If it's that, it is about your needs, not his.

If you want to educate him so he doesn't do it to his own children, well there is lots of time for that.

I would wait. Definitely wait.
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#20 of 20 Old 11-14-2006, 02:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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UH no( sence alittle bit of snarkyness here). I know what I did was wrong, I am NOT going to show it to him so I can feel better, what kinda comments is that? He wanted to see it, he is a very mature child for his age, and does not get scared or tramatized on such graphic stuff or have nightmares. FWIW I did not let him watch it.
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