having issues with DH being circ'd - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 173 Old 10-07-2006, 04:31 PM
 
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Originally Posted by aisraeltax View Post
i see what you are saying. i was just pointing out that it isnt always better with an intact partner. many factors are involved other than circ.

i do have to say that this thread has been very educational for me. I never realized that women had sexual issues with circ'd men. It never occured to me that a circ. penis "operates" differently inside a woman differently than an intact mans (in my mind's eye, i thought the foreskin just pulled back and stayed back during intercourse). This was very enlightening and gives me one more reason to be an advocate against circ. It also makes me much sadder for my first 2 sons who are circ'd. I will definitely speak to them about foreskin restoration, but how exactly does that work? Isn't that another operation? Does anyone know whether there is a lot of pain involved?

Perhaps i should start another thread.

im sorry for all the mamas that have issues with this.
It isn't surgery -- it is just gentle stretching using tape or a device(when there is enough loose skin) for several hours per day...it takes a long time, but a lot of women on here say they could feel a difference just within a couple of weeks.
I believe www.norm.org tells more about restoration.
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#62 of 173 Old 10-07-2006, 05:22 PM
 
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Thanks for the feedback to my questions. I hope it wasn't offensive that I asked.

I totally hear and respect what you ladies are saying. You have my support and attention. I want to learn more about this aspect of circumcision and I'm going to check out the link. Thank you for posting it.

I'm looking at this like a puzzle. There seem to be multiple parts to it and, like aisraeltax mentioned - I too believe there are other factors that can contribute to healthy sex vs. painful sex.

I have never been sexually involved with an intact man. To tell you the truth, this thread title caught my attention b/c I am curious if it would be even better if my partner weren't circ'd. But I am clear that it is just a matter of degrees, and that my feelings are only based in curiosity as opposed to necessity. We don't have any sexual problems together and never have, even while pregnant. I HAVE had sexual problems with other partners in the past, however. I associated those experiences with the emotional qualities of those relationships. I know that even with my partner, sex during emotionally-challenging times is not as good as when things are more peaceful, but it's still good. I guess I hust don't know how to tell the difference between, yk?
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#63 of 173 Old 10-07-2006, 07:25 PM
 
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I just don't think the two parallel -- because the mastectomy thing would be more a cosmetic/psychological issue and not physically inhibit intercourse. Really, how can one parallel breasts and penii??

A better comparison would be the woman having some kind of surgery on her vulva/vagina that desensitized and hardened her to the point she needed to move in an unnatural way and concentrate intently to climax which made sex painful as well as detached for the man and made his penis sore, red and swollen after intercourse...not to mention that he hardly ever gets to climax because by the time his girl is done, he is already too turned off by the pain and the artificial mechanics. To top it all off -- the frankenvulva wife/gf tells HIM that HE has the problem and he must just not be into her...oh yeah, and maybe he should look into some herbs to deal with the chafing etc.

We aren't talking about asking these men to restore for cosmetic reasons, rather -- to restore a basic functionality to the marriage bed!
Just had to say, I loved this post! It really articulates the frustration I have felt about this issue and how important this is to those of us who have been "rubbed the wrong way" and told it is US who are the problem and not the mutilated, unnatural penises that hurt us.

I am 22. Dp no longer "pounds away"- he has to try hard to glide and hit the right spots. It's like he has to consciously mimic what would be a natural motion for an intact penis.

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#64 of 173 Old 10-07-2006, 09:48 PM
 
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From reading other threads here, it also makes a difference whether the man has a tight or a loose circumcision, i.e. how much of the foreskin was removed. If all of the foreskin and the frenulum were removed, he has a tight circ. If it's only part of the foreskin, it's a loose circ. Women with a loosely circ'ed partner tend to have fewer complaints.
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#65 of 173 Old 10-07-2006, 09:55 PM
 
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Thanks for the feedback to my questions. I hope it wasn't offensive that I asked.

I totally hear and respect what you ladies are saying. You have my support and attention. I want to learn more about this aspect of circumcision and I'm going to check out the link. Thank you for posting it.

I'm looking at this like a puzzle. There seem to be multiple parts to it and, like aisraeltax mentioned - I too believe there are other factors that can contribute to healthy sex vs. painful sex.

I have never been sexually involved with an intact man. To tell you the truth, this thread title caught my attention b/c I am curious if it would be even better if my partner weren't circ'd. But I am clear that it is just a matter of degrees, and that my feelings are only based in curiosity as opposed to necessity. We don't have any sexual problems together and never have, even while pregnant. I HAVE had sexual problems with other partners in the past, however. I associated those experiences with the emotional qualities of those relationships. I know that even with my partner, sex during emotionally-challenging times is not as good as when things are more peaceful, but it's still good. I guess I hust don't know how to tell the difference between, yk?
Well, I think this is key. I feel that it's because of the compound factors that the major role circ plays in this problem is minimized.

I thought it was, well, just about anything else than circ for years. I thought it was issues around my fundamentalist upbringing or past sexual abuse that made me clam up - even though I'm generally very sexually open and comfortable. I thought it was a fight we'd had weeks ago... You get the idea. But in a more global anaysis it can't be avoided that circ is the common thread. And IM current O, why woudln't it be?! Take away a major part of a moving, working mechanism, and how can there not be a breakdown?

There is a cycle too, that women who have decent sex lives may not understand. I didn't until with DH. When we have a painful or negative encounter, we get a little wary the next time because of the memory, so it's harder to get aroused. When it's harder to relax and get aroused, the next experience is even worse, and the cycle continues...

It's not the same as a generally good sexual relationship that occassionally turns out a bad experience, that you overcome with a few healthy romps. There is no easy way out of this because our partners are permanently damaged. Some to the point they don't even understand what the sexual response is or how it works. This was really big for me to wrap my mind around. They don't know how to help us when we're talking about something outside their paradigm completely.


I'm not offended at all that anyone is asking about this. In fact, I hope that we can talk openly about what it's like. If new mothers really knew about this for what it really is, I don't think a single one would allow their sons to be cut. IMO it's extremely important that we help women understand the true root of what I imagine many must be experiencing. The devestation of circ would be real to them, and not debatable, theoretical, or easily forgotten.
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#66 of 173 Old 10-08-2006, 02:03 AM
 
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From reading other threads here, it also makes a difference whether the man has a tight or a loose circumcision, i.e. how much of the foreskin was removed. If all of the foreskin and the frenulum were removed, he has a tight circ. If it's only part of the foreskin, it's a loose circ. Women with a loosely circ'ed partner tend to have fewer complaints.
Probably.
My DH's circ looks bad, but it's not that tight and even when he's hard the skin will move quite a bit. I think he has unconsciously helped himself out.
I'd only had one partner before DH and he masturbated the "normal cut way" with lube. When I met DH I was surprised to see him do it differently, I have come to find out that he pulls his skin more like a whole man would. I'm not sure if it's because he had more skin to begin with or if it's given him some basic stretching over the years. That's the first step for some men to restore and I think my hubbs has been doing it without even knowing it!
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#67 of 173 Old 10-08-2006, 04:24 PM
 
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I ducked into this thread a couple of days ago, and quickly ducked out again. I was so offended, for some reason, that women would so actively think of sleeping with another man just because their husbands were circ'd, and I felt like I should just stay out of it. But I couldn't stop thinking about it and felt like I had to come back here and post my thoughts.

Please know that I am firmly and have been for over 10 years.

IMO, it is as much or more about the PERSON as it is about the PENIS.

I am (nearly) 38. In my 20's, esp., I was very sexually active. I've had over 20 partners, about equally split between circ'd and intact. I've had very good and very bad sex on both sides of this fence. That pounding, jack-hammering type of sex? The worst of that I ever had was with an intact partner. It was awful, painful, and I never felt more like I was just a hole to him. Some of the best sex I've had was with a circ'd partner. My husband is circ'd and the sex is usually very good (we all have our bad days!).

After reading the pages of posts that came after I first read this thread, I realize that it is often the degree of the circumcision that contributes to the problem, so perhaps I am generalizing too much in my opinions. DH has loose skin, even when erect. Some intact men don't have much skin movement when erect (in my experience...). Would sex be better with my DH if he were intact? Maybe for him. It's pretty damn good for me at the moment.

Every person is different, every penis is different. No two circ'd penii are the same, and no two intact penii are the same. Some men just have horrible sexual technique, and need to be "taught" how to better pleasure a woman (I'm NOT saying this is the case with anyone in this thread! Just in general...). Some men's technique can make up for their, ahem, short-comings. That's life.

I doubt this would ever happen, but it would be interesting to see the results of a clinic trial where women experiencing painful sex with a circ'd parnter were to have sex with an otherwise-identical (hah!) intact man. How much difference would there be in the pain/pleasure ratio? Maybe not as much as you think.

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#68 of 173 Old 10-08-2006, 05:01 PM
 
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I ducked into this thread a couple of days ago, and quickly ducked out again. I was so offended, for some reason, that women would so actively think of sleeping with another man just because their husbands were circ'd, and I felt like I should just stay out of it.
really? people were saying that?
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#69 of 173 Old 10-08-2006, 05:07 PM
 
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I think the women here were joking about having dreams about Eurpean men. No one was saying they were going to leave their dh for an intact man.

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#70 of 173 Old 10-08-2006, 05:16 PM
 
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Karen1968: So, are you saying that you think the problem lies in the relationship and that the missing body part has nothing to do with the consistent painful sex for *so many* women(who have had plenty of partners btw!)?
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#71 of 173 Old 10-08-2006, 05:48 PM
 
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I am uncomfortable with the continuing blame on women for this problem, & making people afraid to openly discuss it for fear of being ridiculed & minimized & invalidated concerns me. IF you don't believe a mutilated body part can contribute to painful intercourse, can you (general 'you', I've seen this before here) please express it without the 'I can't believe!' & 'I'm shocked' &tc?

We are finally starting to have a meaningful dialogue beyond 'OMG, I can't say this, it'll hurt someone's feelings, & it's probably all my fault anyway', & I don't want to move backwards here. Honesty can only help.
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#72 of 173 Old 10-08-2006, 05:58 PM
 
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I am uncomfortable with the continuing blame on women for this problem, & making people afraid to openly discuss it for fear of being ridiculed & minimized & invalidated concerns me. IF you don't believe a mutilated body part can contribute to painful intercourse, can you (general 'you', I've seen this before here) please express it without the 'I can't believe!' & 'I'm shocked' &tc?

We are finally starting to have a meaningful dialogue beyond 'OMG, I can't say this, it'll hurt someone's feelings, & it's probably all my fault anyway', & I don't want to move backwards here. Honesty can only help
Thank you. This is a really important topic and I appreciate everyone's support and honesty. It is not an easy thing to discuss.

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#73 of 173 Old 10-08-2006, 06:24 PM
 
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With regard to the mastectomy comparison, I wanted to say that I agree with the others who have pointed out that breasts don't impact the mechanics of intercourse...but also that the psychological affect is different. Firstly, because our society has never seen the absense of breasts on a woman as 'the norm' and secondly because the scar she bears is generally the result of a life-saving surgery. In the case of circumcision, the scar represents ignorance, senseless violation, robbery, etc.

Like a scar resulting from torn labia caused by sexual abuse during childhood, the fact that many women react to the sight of it with anger, grief, and resentment that someone they love so much was hurt so badly only proves that they are human.

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#74 of 173 Old 10-08-2006, 10:10 PM
 
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Karen, I have been thinking about your post and I have a few questions if you don't mind. I'm not being snarky - I really want to understand.

Do you actually see in this thread that we are saying that circ = bad lover and intact = good lover? Because I really don't see that said or implied anywhere in our stories, but it does seem that you are characterizing it as such. We have said overtly that we love our partners and are glad to be with them. I'm a little put off by the implication that we objectify our spouses just because we are grieving their multilation and it's effects on our marriages.

Is your purpose for posting what you did to say that, because of your experience with a variety of lovers, we who are suffering along with our partners from their circ are mistaken about the cause of the problem? I ask this because it really feels dismissive to me that you seem to be trying to discredit our feelings and experiences.

And if we are saying that circ can't possibly do anything positive for anyone's sex life, are you disagreeing with that? I see that you are opposed to circ. So what is the problem when we share how it's hurting us, our DHs, and our marriages?

I'm hoping you will be willing to clarify the reason for your post. That is, I'm hoping that I misunderstand your point.
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#75 of 173 Old 10-08-2006, 10:27 PM
 
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Karen1968: So, are you saying that you think the problem lies in the relationship and that the missing body part has nothing to do with the consistent painful sex for *so many* women(who have had plenty of partners btw!)?
Not at all! In fact, if you read my post, you'll see that I said: "IMO, it is as much or more about the PERSON as it is about the PENIS." As much. Not only.

I don't think you can put ALL the blame on the circ, just like you can't put ALL the blame on the person, either the man or the woman.

As for whether or not the relationship contributes? In some cases, I'm sure that it does. Occasionally, intercourse with my husband becomes painful. When it does, I tell him, and we change what we are doing - usually to a position that feels better for me, where I am the one in charge of angle and depth. That usually releives the problem for us. I realize that won't always work with all couples.

Look, what originally prompted my post were comments like these:
"I think of how I would feel if I did get to meet someone who was uncirc'd and what if it really was all that much better? I would always think of that when I was with DH and that would kill our relationship."
and
"im having a hard time accepting the fact that i will never experience sex with an intact man"
and
"knowing what i know now, its hard to even look at it without seeing that awful circ scar."

There were only four or five posts at the time.

Perhaps I should have stayed out of this thread. But the OP ended her post with: "anyone have any suggestions how i can just forget about it?" I was trying to share my experience that sex isn't always better with someone who is intact; in fact, it can be worse.

Before I read this thread, I would not have thought a circumcision could cause such problems because it's never happened to me. I still don't think you can put the blame solely on that, but I now realize that it can be a contributing factor, and even a significant one.

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#76 of 173 Old 10-08-2006, 10:49 PM
 
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I don't think you can put ALL the blame on the circ, just like you can't put ALL the blame on the person, either the man or the woman.
i don't think anyone's blaming all their sex problems on circ, but it is certainly a huge contributing factor, that's all. when a major part of a sexual organ is missing, it's safe to assume that, hey, maybe this is why its not as good as it could be. it's not his fault, and its certainly not a reason to up and leave your dp/dh, but it just...sucks.

i think i can safely say that mostly, we are just bothered by the fact that our men aren't in their natural state. its very sad to a lot of us when we realize what our men had to go thru as infants.
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#77 of 173 Old 10-09-2006, 12:12 AM
 
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You are lucky that circumcised sex isn't painful for you. It never was for me until I hit my late thirties. Now it feels like I'm being poked and prodded rather than being made love to. Even with lube, I'm just not enjoying the lack of mobile skin that would provide the necessary glide that would make sex more pleasurable.

I don't think it can be compared to a mastectomy. The man is not going to experience painful sex just because a breast is missing. Psychologically he may have a hard time with it but not physically. I don't have issues with dh because of what his penis looks like but because of the limited ability of what it can do. And it makes me angry, not only for him, but for me too.
I DO have pain, but I have decided not to let it affect how I feel about my DH because he's more than just a penis,
And I'm not comparing the procedure to a mastectomy. Good grief. I only meant that it would make me feel like crap if my dh was unhappy with me because I was missing a part of my body that was beyond my control. It would absoulutely devistate him if he thought that I was discontented with him because someone else chose to mutilate him.
Honestly.

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#79 of 173 Old 10-09-2006, 12:53 AM
 
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Probably.
My DH's circ looks bad, but it's not that tight and even when he's hard the skin will move quite a bit. I think he has unconsciously helped himself out.
I'd only had one partner before DH and he masturbated the "normal cut way" with lube. When I met DH I was surprised to see him do it differently, I have come to find out that he pulls his skin more like a whole man would. I'm not sure if it's because he had more skin to begin with or if it's given him some basic stretching over the years. That's the first step for some men to restore and I think my hubbs has been doing it without even knowing it!
I had a conversation with my dh a while back about this very thing. He was confused about the scar and how does it make a band all the way around (I don't think he really understood the whole double layeredness of the foreskin at the time) and I couldn't explain it without a visual, so he pulled his out and we talked and I pointed and tried my best to gently explain how they did it. In the process, I also explained that his is a relatively loose (no coverage, but moveable skin when erect), and that some are tighter and have no moveable skin and he had an "Aha!" face, and said, "that's why there's all this talk about using lube or lotion or something when guys masterbate, I never knew what they were talking about." Honestly, until that very moment, I had never put the two things in context either.
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I feel like this too. And whenever I think about my poor DH being strapped down and cut without no anesthesia I cry pretty hard.
I know. I went to a conference over the weekend about prenatal and perinatal psychology, and basically learned that they remember everything, at least on a cellular level, and I came home and hugged dh and cried a little and said, "I'm so sorry they hurt you." He said, Oh that's alright. and I said, "no it's not, they shouldn't have done that, and I'm sorry and I love you." But I completely understand you getting upset and the thought. My heart aches for little baby dh, strapped down and cut, with no one to love him right then, so scared and alone. Sometimes it's hard not to feel sad, even when we are being intimiate, and then I get distracted, not because I'm repulsed or dont find him attractive, but because I get sad he was hurt. It's hard not to remember that when it's in use. And I can't tell him then, because the last thing I want to do is make him think too much about it, or for him to feel I don't want to be with him. I love him and don't want to add to the pain. So even if the damage isn't physically affecting the relationship (with pain with intercourse), it is emotionally. And I'm not saying it's leading us down the path to divorce or anything, but I should be able to have sex with my husband without feeling sad.

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#80 of 173 Old 10-09-2006, 12:59 AM
 
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My heart aches for little baby dh, strapped down and cut, with no one to love him right then, so scared and alone. Sometimes it's hard not to feel sad, even when we are being intimiate, and then I get distracted, not because I'm repulsed or dont find him attractive, but because I get sad he was hurt. It's hard not to remember that when it's in use. And I can't tell him then, because the last thing I want to do is make him think too much about it, or for him to feel I don't want to be with him. I love him and don't want to add to the pain. So even if the damage isn't physically affecting the relationship (with pain with intercourse), it is emotionally. And I'm not saying it's leading us down the path to divorce or anything, but I should be able to have sex with my husband without feeling sad.
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#81 of 173 Old 10-09-2006, 11:26 AM
 
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dnr3301, I totally agree with your entire post. Thank you for saying it so clearly.

Karen, I see better where you are coming from. Thanks for explaining. I think that where I see it differently it that you are drawing a line between the person and the penis, stating that it's more about the person.

Well, true, but it's not so simple a dichotomy IMO. My DH is a whole wonderful person whom I love dearly and am proud to be married to him. But he is profoundly impacted by the abuse of his circ, and not just the mechanicals of sex. His psychology and emotional selves were severely traumatized as well and his penis. So I can't separate the pieces so easily.

I mean, I'm not really able to divide out what parts of me are sexual and what aren't - it's all a part of my identity as a human.

I said before that something that was major for me to understand was that he can't even understand a normal sexual response because he's never had one. It's outside of his sexual paradigm. I don't think he's ever actually orgasmed. I think he simply ejaculates and that's all he knows about that pleasure. This is directly because he has very little left of his erogenous tissue. This is a penis problem that affects the whole man I love.

He used to lose patience with me because he didn't even realize what I was expecting to experience and I lost patience with him because I expected that he knew what sex was like. But he doesn't.

Over the years we're learning to work together about dealing with drastically different sexual responses. Even that has been difficult because he is extremely closed to talking graphically about sex in a personal sense. He talks like a guy a lot - in that locker room sort of way, but once it turns personal about us he gets very defensive and makes nervous jokes to break the tension.

Is that person or penis? I think both. The person is emotionally scarred b/c of what was done to his penis. So I can't draw that line.

So to rephrase something I said before, there are certainly degrees of this. My past lover was very sexually open and loving. I had a wonderful experience with him and am grateful that my first was such a caring partner. He was circed. Not so thoroughly as DH, but still mutilated.

Even though my first experience was wonderful, I know that he was still mutilated, and not experiencing what was his birthright about his body - even though it wasn't as extreme as DH's handicap.

I'm really uncomfortable with any arguement that we should minimize the impact of circ if it's "not that bad". I'm uncomfortable about that thinking in any sense - like I often hear that if a child is only spanked rarely that it's not abuse because other kids are beaten daily. Some people even claim that it's offensive to call spanking abuse because it waters down the word from when it describes emotional torture. But if abuse isn't abuse if there is worse abuse in the world, then by that logic no one has been abused if they weren't holocaust victims or tortured by a sadistic serial killer.

Can we all agree that any amount of mutilation and loss of innate sexual feeling qualifies as a problem? Can we then take that further that any effect circ has on a sexual relationship - even if it's just a little - is still a violation of the sexuality of the people involved - and stop making disctictions about the degree and whether it qualifies as a problem? I think it's a disctraction taking away from our solidarity about identifying a and speaking with one voice about an atrocity.
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#82 of 173 Old 10-09-2006, 11:40 AM
 
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I don't think he's ever actually orgasmed. I think he simply ejaculates and that's all he knows about that pleasure. This is directly because he has very little left of his erogenous tissue.
Would you mind elaborating on this? I always thought that the only time men orgasmed was at ejaculation. Am I missing something? I have never been with an intact man so I fully admit there is a lot I don't know.

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#83 of 173 Old 10-09-2006, 12:14 PM
 
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Aria - I'm not trying to draw a line between person and penis; I think they are intrinsicly entwined.

And I'll repeat that my post was intended to address the original posters, who did NOT have the degree of difficulty experienced by you and your husband, or others who posted after. They merely expressed curiosity about what the "other side" was like, and regret they had never experienced it.

I'll admit that i have a hard time understanding what you are going through, because I have never experienced it. It is mind-boggling and horrible that such a degree of disfunction can occur from a circumcision. I'd never heard that before reading this thread.

This is obviously a highly emotional subject about which *I* am not highly emotional. So, it's time for me to bow out of this thread.

Karen love.gif James -- DS drum.gif (2/07) DD baby.gif (11/05/10) angel1.gif (9/05) (10/09)
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#84 of 173 Old 10-09-2006, 01:00 PM
 
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Karen, I do appreciate where you are coming from, and I'm glad to hear that you have not experienced this issue to the level some of us are describing. I really hope you're not leaving this thread because of me - I'm sorry if my back-and-forth was too strong.

Sometimes things are hard to see or understand until we take it to a hyperbolic extreme so that the nature of the thing we are looking at becomes more obvious. I hope that the fact that I (and several others here) are actually experiencing such a hyperbole will clarify this problem better to those who are having only minor circ-related issues, but can't quite identify them. Maybe they can do something about it before it gets out of hand.


Gemelos, from what I understand, the original purpose of RIC was to remove as much sensual feeling but still leave the ability to procreate unaltered. IOW, do just enough damage to stop sexual pleasure without ending the species.

Also, I know from other men with full functioning, that they can actually experience orgams and train themselves not to ejaculate until they want to. Apparently, it takes time and concentration, but is possible. For those men who have learned to control it, the sensations are very different, and they describe ejaculation as pleasurable in it's own right, but in a different way than orgams.

So it does seem plausible to me that the two functions - orgams and ejaculation - are well connected, but not the same thing.

In my observations of DH, he shows no signs whatsoever of orgamsing. Ever. No build up of energy, no muscle contractions, no point of concentrating only on that feeling, no change in heartrate or facial expressions. Nothing. He comes with just a little stimualtion and then it's over. So I believe that he only experiences the equivalent of minor arousal, and finds ejaculation pleasurable and equates that to orgams.

But IMO, he has never gotten to that point. He doesn't understand when I describe it, and can't describe any sensations of orgams himself.

I hope that explains better what I was getting at... DS calls!
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#85 of 173 Old 10-09-2006, 01:05 PM
 
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Would you mind elaborating on this? I always thought that the only time men orgasmed was at ejaculation. Am I missing something? I have never been with an intact man so I fully admit there is a lot I don't know.
Most people aren't aware that just as women can orgasm and ejaculate seperately (many women don't ejaculate at all), so can men. Ejaculation and orgasm, while usually simultaneous, are not the same thing. Some men are able to have multiple Os without ejaculating.
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#86 of 173 Old 10-09-2006, 01:14 PM
 
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Ok, this is amazing to me. I have never heard of such a thing. Both being able to orgasm and not ejaculate and ejaculate without orgasm. I really want to learn more about this. So is orgasm without ejaculation a normal with intact men? I have asked dh before if sex even feels good before ejaculation and from what I understand it is just a nice feeling but not anything amazing. It sounds like circ'ed men just work towards ejaculation and that is their main sexual feeling. I am so glad we are talking about this because I am just clueless.

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#87 of 173 Old 10-09-2006, 01:48 PM
 
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It sounds like circ'ed men just work towards ejaculation and that is their main sexual feeling. I am so glad we are talking about this because I am just clueless.
Yes. And I think those who initated RIC back in the day were exactly trying to achieve this.

I don't believe (from what I've heard - not that I could know) that O and E are easily separated in intact men. I think those who are interested in controlling it practice it. I have heard this from intact men, and read in (IIRC) the kama sutra translations that it was a spiritual practice undertaken to achieve hightened states, and to conserve life energy lost from E.

It was long ago that I read this - I don't know if I have that just right...
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Also, I know from other men with full functioning, that they can actually experience orgams and train themselves not to ejaculate until they want to. Apparently, it takes time and concentration, but is possible. For those men who have learned to control it, the sensations are very different, and they describe ejaculation as pleasurable in it's own right, but in a different way than orgams.

So it does seem plausible to me that the two functions - orgams and ejaculation - are well connected, but not the same thing.
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Most people aren't aware that just as women can orgasm and ejaculate seperately (many women don't ejaculate at all), so can men. Ejaculation and orgasm, while usually simultaneous, are not the same thing. Some men are able to have multiple Os without ejaculating.
I've never come across this being discussed anywhere before, but my circed dh is able to have 'multiples'. The way he describes it is a lot like I describe my orgasms...having a release, but not letting go of the tension completely, then letting it build again. I suppose the difference is that he generally ejaculates, at least a little, with each orgasm. Generally, two is his limit...but when we were first together, I remember him getting 4-5 orgasms in one session.

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#89 of 173 Old 10-09-2006, 02:03 PM
 
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I've never come across this being discussed anywhere before, but my circed dh is able to have 'multiples'. The way he describes it is a lot like I describe my orgasms...having a release, but not letting go of the tension completely, then letting it build again. I suppose the difference is that he generally ejaculates, at least a little, with each orgasm. Generally, two is his limit...but when we were first together, I remember him getting 4-5 orgasms in one session.

Jen

My first (circed) partner was also able to do this, and could have powerful orgasms. It's my assumption that most circed men orgasm to some degree. I assume that those with very extensive removal of erogenous tissue are the ones who possibly never O.

But again, these are just my speculations... FWIW.
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#90 of 173 Old 10-09-2006, 02:07 PM
 
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Yes, you read correctly, as horrible as it is! This is such an awesome thread, I had not thought about circ. affects our sexual relationship. My DH decided to have the surgery even though I didn't think it was a good idea. It was very important to him so I stopped trying to dissuade him. I wish I could have shown him this thread though since he decided to get circ'ed for sexual reasons. I would have tried harder to dissuade him If I had read this first!

The recovery was horrible, although I think the doctor considered it pretty normal. There was alot of sweling and bruising, its so sad to think of this being done to a little baby. The worst part for my husband was how worried he was that he would be deformed when he saw all the swelling and bruising in such a sensitive area (physically and emotionaly). To me he is a walking anti circ advertisement!

I have a question since so many people on this thread know quite abit about the sexual effects of circumcision. My husband decided to get the surgery because he felt like he didn't get enough sensation on the head of his penis, like the foreskin just stayed over it all the time instead of moving over it. Normally though the foreskin was easily retractable when not having intercourse. So I don't really understand his theory, but he used to take 45 minutes to climax and now it only takes 20 minutes or sometimes less. Anyone know why that would be? I don't know if its an emotional difference or what, but he still takes awhile and has to concentrate quite hard. I would appreciate any ideas and HIS STORY IS IN NO WAY A PLUG FOR GETTING CIRC'ED! I just would like to get some help for this since 20 min. is still to much for me, especially with the stronger thrusting.

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