Husband wont budge on Circumcision - Mothering Forums

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Old 10-17-2006, 01:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I havent seen another recent thread on this and I am really emotional about my husbands absolute refusal to leave our son intact. "There is no discussion" he says. I am 22wks pregnant so there is time to figure this all out. He has already "given in" to my desire to give birth at a birthing center naturally, with a doula & midwife. He has been very understanding about everything except this. I do not want to circumcise. I cry when I think about doing that to my baby and dont think I will be able to keep my composure if I actually have to go thru with it. We fought about it, then I decided he needed to have some say in this baby and allowed him to decide whether we should cut or not. But I am so unhappy about it. I dont know what to do.
He has 3 kids from a previous marriage and the two boys are circumcised like he is. He wants them to look like him and be normal in the locker room. I have already talked about a lot of the down sided of circumcision and he wont listen, besides that he is a very good lawyer and can argue any point to death. Ugh an thoughts or ideas on ways through this? It almost makes me wish for a girl.
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Old 10-17-2006, 01:49 PM
 
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Just bind up your courage and tell him "No circumcision, and that's final. I'm not discussing this with you." And if you need legal counsel, contact David Llewellyn from Atlanta, GA. His username here is Dave2GA. He is an anti-circ lawyer and often helps people out for free.

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Old 10-17-2006, 01:52 PM
 
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I havent seen another recent thread on this and I am really emotional about my husbands absolute refusal to leave our son intact. "There is no discussion" he says. I am 22wks pregnant so there is time to figure this all out. He has already "given in" to my desire to give birth at a birthing center naturally, with a doula & midwife. He has been very understanding about everything except this. I do not want to circumcise. I cry when I think about doing that to my baby and dont think I will be able to keep my composure if I actually have to go thru with it. We fought about it, then I decided he needed to have some say in this baby and allowed him to decide whether we should cut or not. But I am so unhappy about it. I dont know what to do.
He has 3 kids from a previous marriage and the two boys are circumcised like he is. He wants them to look like him and be normal in the locker room. I have already talked about a lot of the down sided of circumcision and he wont listen, besides that he is a very good lawyer and can argue any point to death. Ugh an thoughts or ideas on ways through this? It almost makes me wish for a girl.
Well, sounds like he is being a total, complete @$$. I would tell him that he's right, it isn't up for discussion and you're going to let some perv doctor chop off part of his penis OVER YOUR DEAD BODY. Don't argue, don't discuss -- if he hasn't seen all the info already -- lay it out for him. Show his the awful circ videos etc...but don't budge.
Normally, I would recommend a more gentle, compassionate approach -- but he sounds totally inexcusably intolerable.
Please protect your child -- as a mother, you must protect your baby. I think you know this -- I'm so sorry he is being so awful. I would leave my dh and never look back if he acted so disgusting after knowing all the facts.
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Old 10-17-2006, 01:58 PM
 
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I would let him name the baby instead maybe. I would not allow my son to be circumcised, not for anyone. Since you can't agree on circ then the default should be to leave your son how he is born, intact. I'm truly sorry your dh will not listen to reason and because of that I would stop trying to convince him and just make damn sure that everyone invovled with your son's birth (midwifes/nurses, ped....) knows your son is NOT being circumcised.

OUR DAUGHTERS ARE PROTECTED SHOULDN'T OUR SONS BE TOO! :
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Old 10-17-2006, 01:59 PM
 
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Well, sounds like he is being a total, complete @$$. I would tell him that he's right, it isn't up for discussion and you're going to let some perv doctor chop off part of his penis OVER YOUR DEAD BODY. Don't argue, don't discuss -- if he hasn't seen all the info already -- lay it out for him. Show his the awful circ videos etc...but don't budge.
Normally, I would recommend a more gentle, compassionate approach -- but he sounds totally inexcusably intolerable.
Please protect your child -- as a mother, you must protect your baby. I think you know this -- I'm so sorry he is being so awful. I would leave my dh and never look back if he acted so disgusting after knowing all the facts.
ditto this.
My dh wasn't difficult to convince, but I told him it would happen over my dead body - and if it came down to it, I would've left. Just as I would've left if he had insisted on circ'ing a baby girl. When I put it in those words to him, he understood how much this meant to me. Do not try let him try to negotiate "If you get to choose the birth center, I get to choose circ" or anything like that. Do not let him negotiate with a part of your baby's body.
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Old 10-17-2006, 02:06 PM
 
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For him to say that shows an utter disrespect for your natural instincts in protecting your child. Vincent Bach did a nice paper on circumcised men when they have sons "the vulnerability of men."

I would get your husband to read everything, and make an effort to get him educated. However, you are this child's mother and your most important function is to protect him. Therefore, you are within your rights as his mother to say no to circumcision.

It would have been an "over my dead body" thing for me as well had my husband not agreed. My husband is circumcised as well (and also an attorney) and he couldn't argue with fact or evidence as once he read everything it was flat out obvious. It sounds like your husband doesn't even want to read/research about it. Perhaps as he doesn't want to deal with the idea that he nor his other sons were harmed.

But, don't give up Momma...stand firm!!!

Perpetually breastfeeding or pregnant ENFP mom to a lot of kids...wife to a midwestern nice guy...living in tropical paradise...pink cats and homebirths rock!

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Old 10-17-2006, 02:08 PM
 
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How about this idea I got from my mw: agree to not do it in infancy and that if at any point the boy himself decides that he wants the operation once he know what it is, then take him and pay for with a clear conscience.
I know for me, I wanted to have a nose job when I was young and my parents told me that they would have no problem with that once I was 18. By the time I hit 18 I felt better about myself and looking different and researched the operation and decided to stay as is.
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Old 10-17-2006, 02:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for your responses. I feel like I may have described my husband as a monster, which of course as I chose to be with him and love him, he is not. He dialogues very well with me about all of my ideas. My ideas are the opposite of what he and his previous wife had (epiderals, c-section, petocin, circumcision, hosptial all the way). That is just not what I want for my body and baby and he has come to support that. I have no desire to destory our relationship over this, but it is like running into a brickwall. He is supportive and giving in every aspect except this. I suppose it hurts to think of him in a negative fashion b/c I dont think that it is fair to judge him as a person over a belief he holds, but rather I hate his belief (ie that cicumcision is the only option). If I dont sign paperwork will that halt the circumcision? That seems like a last minute drastic measure, but one I might take. Any other ways people have convinced or enlightened their significant other? I dont see myself taking hostile action against my husband, rather I would rather not cooperate, and would ultimately prefer to reach a resolution thru brilliant disscusion (I just dont know what to say anymore).
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Old 10-17-2006, 02:17 PM
 
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Welcome!!

There is a ton of information on this board. Tell your husband that he's right, it's not up for discussion. Until he has done research and can prove why your son needs it you will not be concenting to unnecessary cosmetic surgery on the baby. Period. It's the default. Babies are born intact. You wouldn't have any other surgery without much research and evidence that it is necessary. This is the same kind of thing. It's surgery. No one has surgery unless it is absolutely necessary. Not grown-ups, and certainly not babies. He needs to bring the proof to you, you don't need to do a thing until he gives you information to refute. But surgery "just because I want him to look like me..." Absolutely not. That is the most ridiculous reason ever.

Stand strong mama, protect your baby boy. It can't be done without your permission, so just don't concent, and don't let that baby out of your sight once he's born! Tell your midwives, doctors, and pediatrician that it is absolutely not to be done no matter what without them speaking directly to you. Tell your husband that you made a mistake, there is no decision about a child that only one parent should make, especially when the other parent feels so strongly about it. This is an amputation you are talking about. It's not a decision you can barter.

You still have a long time left in your pregnancy. With patience you can turn your husband around.
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Old 10-17-2006, 02:24 PM
 
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I believe Cindy Crawford had a similar situation... her DH "let her" have a natural birth/midwife, but wanted at least one decision to be his. She didn't want her son circ'd, he did, so she let him have that. She regretted it.

I was in a very similar spot as you. I know exactly what you are going through right now. I wrote my sad story on the long, mothers who regret? thread.

Bottom line, I know you feel lost and emotional. That is part of the problem. You are sooooo very vulnerable right now, and your DH might see that as a weakness "my poor, unrational, emotional wife" (at the moment) and "I (your DH) need to do the thinking for the 3 of us right now and do "the right thing." That's why he is taking a hard stand.

Well, he's dead wrong.

You need to take a deep breath and remain unemotional. I know how hard this is right now. But don't do what I did... just roll over and play dead and give in. You need to center yourself and find your strong backbone.

Don't beg or plead. When you do that, you put him in a position of power to deny you or give you want you want. :

You need to tell HIM, we are not circumcising him. PERIOD. YOU BECOME THE BRICK WALL. That was my biggest regret. I didn't become the brick wall. When you become the brick wall, then he needs to convince you and maybe it will be a more even field, where there is some discussion going.

So he can argue anything. So what? You can calmly read up on everything you want to now and argue with him when you are in a better state of mind.

When you give birth in the hospital, you tell the nurses, your OB and pediatrician, I DO NOT CONSENT to the circumcision. In fact, you should find a pediatrician now who is pro-intact, not some twit who will side with your OB (so they both gang up on you.) The hospital will present you with a form to sign. Don't sign it. If you must, then keep your baby in-arms so he doesn't take him away to have it done without your consent. (Can the DH do that? Even though he isn't the patient???)

After DS was born, I found Fleiss' article originally published in Mothering (wish I had found it BEFORE I gave birth ) and that clearly laid out the cons to circumcision. When I presented it to DH, he scoffed at it and didn't even want to read anything that came from a "natural living" magazine.

But I left it with him and he did read it on his own. Then he came to me later and ADMITTED that it was a mistake and if we were ever to have another son, we wouldn't circumcize. :

10 - boy
5.5 - girl
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Old 10-17-2006, 02:29 PM
 
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as an attorney myself, i always prefer to use logic when making decisions. so, have him answer these questions:
1. what does circ entail? (he will have to watch a circ video--there's a link in one of the posts here--in order to understand the procedures. then you can show him the statistics that nearly all circs are done without anaesthesia, and show him the function and benefits of the foreskin)
2. who recommends circ? who does not? (no medical organisation in the world recommends routinely circ'ing. as well, many insurance companies do not cover it any longer because it is considered elective *cosmetic* surgery)
3. given these first two, what are his reasons for still wanting to circ?
*"to look like me" -- um, what will he want to do to the baby if he has a different colour of hair/eyes? should you get him a nose job as well so he can "match" dad? sounds ridiculous, right? its just as ridiculous to circ.
*"its cleaner/healthier" -- there are tons of resources here debunking these myths

whatever "reasons" he can come up with can be easily debunked by the smart posters here. please, please, please dont let him pull a guilt trip on you about "you're deciding everything else so i get to decide this" -- let him decide on the name, the nursery colour, that you call his family first when baby arrives. sending good thoughts your way.

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Old 10-17-2006, 02:32 PM
 
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You know what I think? Any parent that wants to mutilate their poor DS should have to be the one that cuts the foreskin after the wretched doc had it ready to cut. I bet 1 out of 100 parents would actually do it, and that makes them sick in the head.
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Old 10-17-2006, 02:35 PM
 
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I do hope you can change his mind without a battle. Maybe you could get a copy of Penn&Teller's BS. You know, give it to him from a guys angle? Please don't wait until the last minute. Good Lord forbid that anything should go wrong during your delivery but you may not be in the frame of mind to even know what is going on, let alone stop a circumcision. EVEN with my husband on my side, a big red X on the consent form and telliong my OB no less than 10x, hospital staff still came to take my 1st DS to get circ'd!!! I agree with letting every midwife at the center know how you feel and maybe letting them work on DH. Does he go to your check ups?
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Old 10-17-2006, 02:44 PM
 
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Has he seen videos of circ? You might try asking him if he thinks its humane to cut off an infant's genitals-something tells me he doesnt "get it" kwim? He has no right to mutilate this baby. Perhaps seeing the actual procedure and hearing an innocent child screaming in pain will change his mind.
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Old 10-17-2006, 02:48 PM
 
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I do hope you can change his mind without a battle. Maybe you could get a copy of Penn&Teller's BS. You know, give it to him from a guys angle? Please don't wait until the last minute. Good Lord forbid that anything should go wrong during your delivery but you may not be in the frame of mind to even know what is going on, let alone stop a circumcision. EVEN with my husband on my side, a big red X on the consent form and telliong my OB no less than 10x, hospital staff still came to take my 1st DS to get circ'd!!! I agree with letting every midwife at the center know how you feel and maybe letting them work on DH. Does he go to your check ups?
I agree - when you turn in your registration information to the hospital, include a document that says in no uncertain terms that you do NOT give them permission to circumcise, regardless of your husband's wishes. The DH, as far as I know, does NOT have authority to sign the circ consent, however, I wouldn't take that as foolproof. Contact one of the NoCirc lawyers and ask them to draw it up, if necessary.
Also, unless you continue to work on him and as someone else said BECOME THE BRICK WALL, you run the risk of him doing it behind your back if he truly feels this strongly about it. There would be nothing illegal about him taking the baby to a pediatrician, by himself, after you all get out of the hospital and having it done. You just have to keep trying.
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Old 10-17-2006, 02:51 PM
 
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You're duty is to protect your child, and put his health, safety, and well-being above you're husband's superficial, selfish desires or baseless fears. If he won't discuss it and is not open to research or reason, he doesn't deserve to have any say in the decision at all, because that's simply not responsible or loving parenting.

You're child's genital integrity is his birthright, just like his arms, legs, fingers, toes, eyes, ears, earlobes, nose...Amputative, cosmetic surgery on a non-consenting minor without a medical indication is a violation of his basic human rights. It need not even be put on the table for discussion. As our dear Frank always says, our children's genitals are not a bargaining chip.

Do you see circumcision as unnecessary, painful, and damaging? Is it an abuse...of his human rights, and your authority as parents? If so, can you imagine another situation where you would allow your child to be irreversibly harmed in order to preserve a romantic relationship?

Consider how you will feel if you allow this to happen, by supressing your protective maternal instincts and allowing him to do this to your son merely because they are the same gender. Realistically, who's going to be changing the dressing on his wounds? Who's going to be changing the majority of diapers and giving most of the baths? Who's going to be faced with seeing his surgically altered, exposed penis every single day, multiple times per day, for at least the first few years of you're son's life? You.

The guilt and resentment giving in to his demands and failing to protect your child may breed will likely have a far more negative effect on your relationship than putting your foot down and saying "No." to cosmetic, genital reduction surgery on your healthy baby boy.

Please don't assume that you're signature will necessarily be required for him to have it done. Some men will go behind their partner's back and have a circumcision performed against her wishes. It has happened. If you refuse, and he's still adamant and threatening to do it anyway you will have to be dilligent in keeping your son with you at all times and might wisely consider a protective order or some other sort of legal action (contact arclaw.org) to restrain him from having it done without your consent.

It's ideal of course to reach a mutual conclusion of protecting your son from unnecessary pain, loss, and harm by keeping his body and choices intact. However, if this becomes impossible I implore you to protect your son at all costs, no matter what. He's depending on you, and sacrificing his foreskin to maintain your marriage is not a reasonable or ethical price; it doesn't belong to either of you.

Please also read through the circumcision regret thread.

Positive thoughts, courage, and perseverance to you...

Jen
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Old 10-17-2006, 02:51 PM
 
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You can convince with rhetoric all you like, after being 'the brick wall' (I like that phrase'). No. Period.

I'm sorry that during this emotional time he is being obstinate. Be more obstinate. It's not his choice. It's not his decision. (If it helps in your head, pretend he's talking about circ'ing a dd.)
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Old 10-17-2006, 03:00 PM
 
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You know the best way to deal with your dh.

With my dh, after dd was born (thankfully, my first was a girl, if she had been a boy, I would have probably circ'd out of ignorance, as I didn't learn all it was until after her- I thought it was 'just a snip') I decided if we had a boy, he would not be circ'd. I mentioned it to dh, 'you know, if we have a boy, I don't think I want to circ'. He was shocked and a little freaked out 'WHAT, why???, etc., etc., etc.' I let it drop. Didn't bring it up again.

After ds1 was born (in a hospital) dh was home w/dd when the nurses asked if we were going to circ. I said we hadn't discussed it yet. The next day, same thing w/the nurses- we still hadn't discussed it, but I told them no. I told dh in the car on the way home. I figured we could always do it later, but we cant UNdo it. He was shocked and surprised. Talked to everyone he knew and got their opinions (though I could care less about that) and decided it was 'ok' to not do it.

With my dh, the more you argue, the more he digs his heels in, so it's about finding a way to either make it his idea or at least not make him 'wrong', you know?

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Old 10-17-2006, 03:10 PM
 
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Thanks for your responses. I feel like I may have described my husband as a monster, which of course as I chose to be with him and love him, he is not. He dialogues very well with me about all of my ideas. My ideas are the opposite of what he and his previous wife had (epiderals, c-section, petocin, circumcision, hosptial all the way). That is just not what I want for my body and baby and he has come to support that. I have no desire to destory our relationship over this, but it is like running into a brickwall. He is supportive and giving in every aspect except this. I suppose it hurts to think of him in a negative fashion b/c I dont think that it is fair to judge him as a person over a belief he holds, but rather I hate his belief (ie that cicumcision is the only option). If I dont sign paperwork will that halt the circumcision? That seems like a last minute drastic measure, but one I might take. Any other ways people have convinced or enlightened their significant other? I dont see myself taking hostile action against my husband, rather I would rather not cooperate, and would ultimately prefer to reach a resolution thru brilliant disscusion (I just dont know what to say anymore).
I am so sorry you are dealing with all this stress during your pregnancy! This is the last thing you need right now. I will share with you my story. When I was pregnant with my first (we knew he was a boy) my own natural instinct, without reading anything, was to leave my baby intact. I could not imagine hurting him like that and I figured boys were born with a foreskin for a reason. My dh is circ'ed and was very adamant about our son being circumcised. It was a constant source of tension and anger and it was really stressing me out. I had not found MDC yet and didn't really know much about circumcision but I had found enough on the internet to know it was not necessary. I had not one friend in real life that said I should leave him intact. In the end I began to doubt myself and think "well maybe my dh is right." Right up til they very end I was unsure about it, but we ended up going through with it. We had him circumcised when he was 8 days old, and the dr. who performed it even told us it was not necessary. It was the worst mistake I have ever made and I will never, ever get over it. I just cannot describe the anguish. That was over 3 years ago and I have learned alot since then, and so has my dh. He has come around and is very anti-circ now and our new little boy is intact. I know what you are feeling right now. I am sure your husband really is a great person and only wants what is best for your son. But he is wrong and he just does not know it yet. Even if you cannot convince him, it is your job to protect your son. Do not allow this to be done to him under any circumcstance. It is not necessary, it is torture and it is harmful. No matter how angry or threatening your dh might get, do not give in. I know it is hard to have this argument when you are pregnant and then after giving birth with all your post partum hormones. But I promise you if you give in, you will regret it for the rest of your life. Anyway, I am not sure if I helped or not, but I have been there and my heartfelt advice is to protect your son and not let this be done to him under any circumcstance. Even if you don't feel like you have a great knowledge of the harm of circumcison or the benefits of being intact, that's ok. At least you know not to do it, and the knowledge will come in time as you research more. Don't be bullied into doubting yourself when your dh and others come at you with myths. Stand your ground-your son will thank you for it!

Blessed mama of four
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Old 10-17-2006, 03:16 PM
 
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Oh my Gosh Mama.....

I agree with everyone else. Just tell him it is not a subject open for discussion. You carry the child for 9 months, you give birth, you recover from the birth, you get up at all hours to breastfeed, the circumcision "decision" is YOURS to make. Let him name the baby, but under NO circumstances should the baby be circumcised just because HE wants it done and he thinks that because he has the parts it should be up to him. Just flat out tell him that if he does this to your son, you will forever hold resentment.

: Robyn : Increasingly crunchy Mama to Kya (8) , Makena (7) , and Keegan (4) :
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Old 10-17-2006, 03:19 PM
 
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Have you read this? ;

http://www.stopcirc.com/vincent/vuln...ty_of_men.html

Also. Does your husband know the facts? Locker room myths are long gone since only 1/2 of American boys are circumcised anyway - and circ rates are dropping every year. By the time your son goes nude in locker rooms, foreskins are normal sight in USA.

In the end the ball is on your corner, you make it clear in hospital that you are not going to give permission to cut.
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Old 10-17-2006, 03:22 PM
 
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I would rather give birth in a hospital (ick!) and leave my son intact, than anywhere else and have him circumcised. Likely, though, it wouldn't matter if you let him decide on everything else, sounds like he will still want your son cut. I would try to get him to watch a video, read articles, and if nothing worked, I would put my foot down. Nobody will take my son away from me to hurt him. I would make it very clear to my doctors (any that dh might try to take your son to) that if he is circumcised, I will sue. Goodluck

Mama to my little social butterfly 6/13/09

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Old 10-17-2006, 03:32 PM
 
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Originally Posted by pdx.mothernurture View Post
You're duty is to protect your child, and put his health, safety, and well-being above you're husband's superficial, selfish desires or baseless fears. If he won't discuss it and is not open to research or reason, he doesn't deserve to have any say in the decision at all, because that's simply not responsible or loving parenting.

You're child's genital integrity is his birthright, just like his arms, legs, fingers, toes, eyes, ears, earlobes, nose...Amputative, cosmetic surgery on a non-consenting minor without a medical indication is a violation of his basic human rights. It need not even be put on the table for discussion. As our dear Frank always says, our children's genitals are not a bargaining chip.

Do you see circumcision as unnecessary, painful, and damaging? Is it an abuse...of his human rights, and your authority as parents? If so, can you imagine another situation where you would allow your child to be irreversibly harmed in order to preserve a romantic relationship?

Consider how you will feel if you allow this to happen, by supressing your protective maternal instincts and allowing him to do this to your son merely because they are the same gender. Realistically, who's going to be changing the dressing on his wounds? Who's going to be changing the majority of diapers and giving most of the baths? Who's going to be faced with seeing his surgically altered, exposed penis every single day, multiple times per day, for at least the first few years of you're son's life? You.

The guilt and resentment giving in to his demands and failing to protect your child may breed will likely have a far more negative effect on your relationship than putting your foot down and saying "No." to cosmetic, genital reduction surgery on your healthy baby boy.

Please don't assume that you're signature will necessarily be required for him to have it done. Some men will go behind their partner's back and have a circumcision performed against her wishes. It has happened. If you refuse, and he's still adamant and threatening to do it anyway you will have to be dilligent in keeping your son with you at all times and might wisely consider a protective order or some other sort of legal action (contact arclaw.org) to restrain him from having it done without your consent.

It's ideal of course to reach a mutual conclusion of protecting your son from unnecessary pain, loss, and harm by keeping his body and choices intact. However, if this becomes impossible I implore you to protect your son at all costs, no matter what. He's depending on you, and sacrificing his foreskin to maintain your marriage is not a reasonable or ethical price; it doesn't belong to either of you.

Please also read through the circumcision regret thread.

Positive thoughts, courage, and perseverance to you...

Jen
ITA

If your husband wanted to drive around town with your baby out of a carseat, you would put your foot down and do what you had to to protect your child.
You must do what you need to, to protect your child.
I have been with an intact man for over 8 years. I wouldn't have his penis any other way. He never recieved any complaints, any teasing, and he was born in Idaho in 1965!
The funny thing I think that men don't realize is that the penis grows 'into' the foreskin. Your little baby boys penis isn't ALWAYS going to look like it does when he is born. By the time he is a man, it will be just a little bit more skin that when he is erect, retracts and glides but isn't a 'hood' by any means.
That skin has sooo much feeling, and pleasure that my dh wonders why anyone wouldn't want to have their foreskin! I think if a baby had the choice, it would be a most definite "NO", don't put me through a painful procedure that takes away something that I'll eventually use and enjoy.
You will be so tired and shocked, and maybe on a birth high after birth that you might 'gift' your husband with the 'choice' of circ'ing your son, this isn't your gift to give. PLEASE, PLEASE, protect your child while you still have time, the means, and are not overly horomonal.

Best wishes mama,


Katie
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Old 10-17-2006, 03:34 PM
 
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The place to have your baby needs to be a place you feel most comfortable becasue your the one who will be in labor and have to deal with the intensity of labor...where you are and who is with you will make a huge difference. It isn't about leaving your partner out...there will be plenty of diapers to change, baths to give, etc. It's the same line that some parents use to bottle feed over nursing...as not to leave out the Dad. There is plenty a Dad can do to care for and be a part of his child's life. Same goes now with the issue of to cut or not...It would be great if you can get your partner on borad with this decision. Do what you can to that end. Show him how you can take a stand too. In the end though if he is not on board, it's really up to you to stand up for your child.
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Old 10-17-2006, 03:34 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phatchristy View Post
For him to say that shows an utter disrespect for your natural instincts in protecting your child. Vincent Bach did a nice paper on circumcised men when they have sons "the vulnerability of men."
My husband was the one who did the research on circ. I had no idea and no opinions having been raised in an all girl family. By the time DH had researched it he said he was angry at his parents for having done this to him.
At the time I was quite surprised by his emotion.

DH said that if ds1 wanted to get circed as an adult ds1 would have that choice still available to him.
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Old 10-17-2006, 03:35 PM
 
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Sorry.
In our house, if you don't do the research, you don't get a vote.
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Old 10-17-2006, 03:41 PM
 
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Wife wont budge on intactness

(It could be as easy as that)

Wife and baby won't budge on intactness

(Because as a siggie once said 10 out of 10 babies oppose circumcision)


I know it's not easy, but you have as much of a right to put your foot down on this one as your husband does. Let us know what questions come up and if you need any help. Review the 'regrets' thread, when you need a boost to keep fighting.

s:

Jessica

Jessica..lady.gifintactlact.gif Falling in love all over again..... 
Dhprivateeyes.gif, Joshua rolleyes.gif Rebeccagrouphug.gifand dog2.gif.    candle.gif for Laura
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Old 10-17-2006, 04:05 PM
 
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Have not finished reading this whole thread yet but...

He's a Lawyer...make him prove that your babies foreskin is guilty of something before he sentences it to death.

Also, remind him that he may be the one with the penis, but you're the one with the foreskin, so you know better. Maybe he should just leave it up to the one who has the equipment.

Victim of Birth Rape & Coerced ribboncesarean.gifUnnecesareanribboncesarean.gif What makes people think they can cut up someone else's genitals? nocirc.gif
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Old 10-17-2006, 04:09 PM
 
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I havent seen another recent thread on this and I am really emotional about my husbands absolute refusal to leave our son intact. "There is no discussion" he says. I am 22wks pregnant so there is time to figure this all out. He has already "given in" to my desire to give birth at a birthing center naturally, with a doula & midwife. He has been very understanding about everything except this. I do not want to circumcise. I cry when I think about doing that to my baby and dont think I will be able to keep my composure if I actually have to go thru with it. We fought about it, then I decided he needed to have some say in this baby and allowed him to decide whether we should cut or not. But I am so unhappy about it. I dont know what to do.
He has 3 kids from a previous marriage and the two boys are circumcised like he is. He wants them to look like him and be normal in the locker room. I have already talked about a lot of the down sided of circumcision and he wont listen, besides that he is a very good lawyer and can argue any point to death. Ugh an thoughts or ideas on ways through this? It almost makes me wish for a girl.
I haven't even read ANY replies but I want to respond. Let me tell you from personal experience. If you do NOT want to circ your baby, and you do it because your husband is adamant.......you will forever regret it. Your husband will get over "losing" this battle, but you will live with the fact that you circ'ed your son. I do. Every day. If I ever have another boy, be DAMNED what dh says...... If the child wants his penis cut when he's an adult........he can go ahead and do it then.

It was hell, I cried so much over this. Only now (after 2.5 years) am I to the point that I realize I can't take it back, why make my baby feel inadequate over a decision that I ultimately made (after all it was MINE, I'm the one who signed the papers, if I'd have been stronger I wouldn't have).

Show him as much information as you can gather, try to educate him..but if he won't budge, its YOUR decision ultimately. And you can choose to make no decision, by not cutting your baby. Let your child decide for himself when he's an adult.
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Old 10-17-2006, 04:15 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by twins10705 View Post
I would leave my dh and never look back if he acted so disgusting after knowing all the facts.

Exactly. I would have left Dh had he insisted on circumcising our little guy, and he would have left me in a heartbeat for the same reason. Neither of us would sacrifice our helpless, nonconsenting, innocent son's body for any reason, much less to protect the feelings of an adult. :

~Nay

Reneé, 34 year old mom to Antonin 8/04 and Arianna 9/06  (6 weeks) 5/08. Married to Matt since 6/03 .  
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