One is, one isn't . . . - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 04-25-2003, 11:43 AM - Thread Starter
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I'm sure this has come up before, but how do you explain to the circ'd son why he is different? (and, I guess to the intact son, as well).

We circ'd our 4-1/2 year old bc. at the time, we thought it was marginally the right thing to do. By the time #2 son was born, we decided it was the wrong choice. #1 son had never noticed the difference until this week in the tub. "Denny's penis looks different". "Yes", my husband said, "everyone's body is different." This seemed like an ok answer for now, but I'm guessing it will come up again, and that someday Denny will ask, as well.

Our plan is to say that when Daddy and Colin were born, doctors were still saying this procedure was probably a good thing, but that by the time Denny was born, the doctors no longer recommended doing it. I want to reassure both boys that their penises are both fine--just different. I don't want to get political with them--you know? I mean, it is too late now, so I just want to reassure them both that they are perfectly fine.

Any thoughts?
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#2 of 4 Old 04-25-2003, 01:38 PM
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Sounds to me like you've got a great game plan. =)
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#3 of 4 Old 04-25-2003, 03:05 PM
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Your, and your dh's, explanations are excellent. Even if both were intact they could look considerably different from each other. By The Way, do you know anything about foreskin restoration?
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#4 of 4 Old 04-26-2003, 11:38 AM
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At this time and age, you are using the right approach. Little ones just can't digest much information. As they get older, they will ask for more information but in most cases I have seen such as yours, it's not much of an issue. In almost every case, the older one is glad his brother wasn't done and would prefer that he wasn't done but accepts that what was done was thought to be in his best interest and accepts it. In all of the cases I have heard of, it hasn't been a major issue and all has been well when dealt with openly and honestly.

The only cases I know of where there has been a major issue is where a child was circumcised and as a teen or later learned the truth and the parents didn't consider his concerns valid and didn't deal with his feelings openly and honestly. In these cases there have been some very intense confrontations that have threatened the integrity of the family. That's so sad!

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