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#1 of 44 Old 12-12-2006, 07:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I was thinking we had this ironed out already.
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#2 of 44 Old 12-12-2006, 07:27 PM
 
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Please tell him calmy and with strong convictions you'll deal with his selfish insecurities later. What's important is putting your son [B]FIRST[/B]!

Good Luck!
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#3 of 44 Old 12-12-2006, 07:36 PM
 
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Wow, Sarah! This is definitely not the time for you to be stressing about circumcision! Just make a decision that it's not going to happen and tell your dh that you're not discussing it until you've recovered from childbirth.

Honestly, you can go 'round and 'round with the research. Anyone can find sites and studies to back themselves up. What's not so easy to argue with is "No one has the right to cut off his private parts" and "I gave birth to this perfect baby and I am not letting anyone pry him out of my arms to cut him."

Gosh, good luck. Let us all know when the baby is born!!!!
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#4 of 44 Old 12-12-2006, 07:37 PM
 
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Wow - talk about manipulation. Ask him if he REALLY wants lasting marital problems because he was not there for you when you REALLY needed him. He needs to be a man and do his job - support you in labor. You are working hard girlfriend. I'm so sorry he did this to you now.

http://www.nocirc.org/articles/
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#5 of 44 Old 12-12-2006, 07:41 PM
 
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what a time to drop this on you! i would pull the "over my cold dead body" card -- it may not be the most "fair" but it is *definitely* not fair to bring this up while you're trying to labour.
: mama, i wish you a safe delivery!

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#6 of 44 Old 12-12-2006, 07:56 PM
 
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Here's a lengthy rebuttal to the infocirc site:

http://www.circumstitions.com/Morris.html

Brian Morris has been promoting circumcision for years. He is about as far as one can get from "unbiased"!

Medicirc comes from Edgar Schoen, who is so taken with circumcision that he writes poetry about it. Again, hardly an unbiased source. The last link is an article by Dr Schoen.

All you need is a little bit of common sense.

Circumcision reduces the risk of UTIs? But boys already have a very low risk of UTIs (compared to girls). Breastfeeding reduces their risk even further. And if an intact boy gets a UTI? He receives EXACTLY the same treatment that a girl or circumcised boy would get.

Circumcision reduces the risk of penile cancer? Not according to the Americal Cancer Society. They recommend good hygiene, safe sex, and not smoking to reduce penile cancer risk. And to put it in persoective: our sons are more likely to get breast cancer than penile cancer. How many men do you know with breast cancer?

Circumcision reduces the risk of STDs? Guess what? Our baby boys are not sexually active, and already have ZERO risk of STDs! Of our sons believe that circumcision will somehow protect them from STDs, they have every right to get circumcised later. Also consider the high rates of STDs in the US, where the vast majority of sexually active males are circumcised. Obviously circumcision does not offer very much protection, and suggeseting that it offers any protection at ALL is highly dangerous, if it leads men to forego condoms.

What your DH's links do NOT include (which is another huge clue to just how biased they are) are the risks and harms of circumcision. 100% of circumcised baby boys forever lose a sensitive, specialized part of their penis, and can never get it back. Sure, a circumcised penis can still function, but it does NOT operate the way it was designed to.

Immediate risks include hemmorage, infection, and amputation of the glans or even the entire penis. Later complications include adhesions (where the remaining foreskin tries to heal itself back onto the glans) and meatal stenosis (which sometimes requires surgery to correct). Every year, a few normal, healthy baby boys DIES from circumcision complications. No baby ever died from having a foreskin.

Tell him to show you just one medical organization that recommends infant circumcision, and then you might consider it (don't worry, he won't).

Hugs and best wishes to you!

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#7 of 44 Old 12-12-2006, 08:34 PM
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Happy birthing!!!!!
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#8 of 44 Old 12-12-2006, 08:42 PM
 
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WTH?? Talk about sneaky...wait until you are in labor and your weakest! I would tell him when hell freezes over. End of story.

Sorry you are going thru this!
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#9 of 44 Old 12-12-2006, 09:22 PM
 
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Has he watched the video?

I mean, yeah, I agree with eveyrone else here, shitty timing by him and over my dead body. But he needs to watch that video, at least before he ever brought this up. And while you are in labor? WTF is he thinking> He needs a slap down, sorry.
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#10 of 44 Old 12-12-2006, 09:34 PM
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Read my signature. And stick up for yourself and your baby!

"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
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#11 of 44 Old 12-12-2006, 09:57 PM
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Ask him if he can find you legit information from medical associations, not people who wank to videos of babies being circumcised. Tell him THEN you'll talk

Long distance Mom to boarding school superstars E (9) and Layne (6).
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#12 of 44 Old 12-12-2006, 11:50 PM
 
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I agree that you should tell him that you are NOT having the baby cut, and tell him that you will not discuss it further until after you have recovered.

He probably won't care....but in the province I live in, circumcision USED to be covered by health care....NOT ANYMORE. Why? Because even the politicians have decided that it's unnecessary, and the taxpayers shouldn't be paying for a surgery that is purely cosmetic!!

The hygiene argument is RIDICULOUS. Tell him if HE doesn't want to teach your son how to properly clean himself, you'll be more than happy to do so!

Oh, and infants don't feel pain (or hey, they use anesthetic!)....um...whatever!! Ask him if HE would watch, and if HE would hold the baby down? If not (and I hope not!), then how can he just send his son in there and pretend it's not happening??

Good God woman....I hope you can just forget about this for now, and enjoy your labour!! Your son is SO lucky to have a mother like you, fighting for his human rights before he even enters this world!

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#13 of 44 Old 12-13-2006, 12:15 AM
 
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http://www.circinfo.net/

Is this the site run by the fetishists?

http://www.medicirc.org/

This site is run by the wierd doctor who wrote that foreskin poem.

http://adc.bmj.com/cgi/content/full/...ild%3b77/3/258

This article is written by that same wierd doctor who writes poetry about circ.

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#14 of 44 Old 12-13-2006, 12:18 AM
 
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POETRY!?!?!? OMG that is disgusting...just ONE more reason not to get it done....the dr. who does it might be a PERV!!

Mom to two amazing boys, C (July 2005) and D (May 2010)

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#15 of 44 Old 12-13-2006, 02:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Fi. View Post
Ask him if he can find you legit information from medical associations, not people who wank to videos of babies being circumcised. Tell him THEN you'll talk
Do we have proof/info about this circumfetishist/circinfo link? I'd really like to point that out to him.

My leak has either resealed or been blocked by a babyhead, and contractions have petered out for now- maybe baby tomorrow, who knows... yi. yi.

I knew about the poetry (where's that pukey smilie?), and noticed the bottom of that last link has commentary basically rebutting Schoen's article- methinks dh didn't read the whole thing!

But yeah, baby WILL be intact and blissfully whole. Hopefully marriage will be too.
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#16 of 44 Old 12-13-2006, 02:56 AM
 
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Do we have proof/info about this circumfetishist/circinfo link? I'd really like to point that out to him.
I'm not sure it's why I put in a question mark. I know there is one that ends in ".net" I thought maybe this was it. I'm always warry of sites that end in ".net" and not ".com, .org, .gov or .edu" b/c that means that someone else already took ".com" and I wonder if they are trying to pretend IYKWIM.

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#17 of 44 Old 12-13-2006, 11:09 AM
 
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Hugs to you...

Please bring a big "no circ" sign to the hospital, and put it on the bassinet. And I would also suggest notifying the hospital and ob/gyns (and even pediatrician!) in writing that there will be no circ. It will be clear to everyone that way, and they hopefully won't come around asking.

If you give a refusal in writing, the baby should be safe at the hosptial.

Have you talked with the pediatrician? (without the husband present, cause who knows, you could have a pro-circ pediatrician) If the ped is on your side, this could help convince your husband.

And note to your husband:
* God has made your baby perfect
* Hospital circ has risk of severe infection
* Babies have died from hospital circ, in the United States
* Leaving baby intact gives him a choice, as an adult.
* If you read the hospital "consent" form, it will say that circ is only a cosmetic procedure. It will not promise any "medical benefits"
* Circ will hurt the baby. Open wound will be exposed to urine and feces.

And let me assure you you are doing the right thing. Both my DH and DS are intact. Details available by PM, but I am really sure that intact males have more fun .
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#18 of 44 Old 12-13-2006, 01:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Please bring a big "no circ" sign to the hospital, and put it on the bassinet.

Have you talked with the pediatrician?
A benefit of birthing at home, is that there is no hospital, doctors, pediatrician, etc.. to contend with. So nothing can happen on the sly Yay for that!
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#19 of 44 Old 12-13-2006, 01:59 PM
 
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Here is something you can do to ensure your sons foreskin. Even though it will cause major problems in the relationship.


When they ask who the father is, tell them you don't know and you don't consent to any surgeries BEFORE you give birth.


Tell them that your husband doesn't know it may not be his and you want to keep it that way and you will sue the hospital if they perform any surgeries on your son without your expressed verbal and written consent directly to the surgeon who would be performing the operation.


Then follow up with 'and no, I do not want to be asked if I will be having himc circed, the answer is no, don't bother asking'

Partner to :Jessica(??) papa to Jake(7) and : Kaiya (2)
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#20 of 44 Old 12-13-2006, 02:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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yoshua dear, see post immediately before yours. the only way a circ could happen is for dh to take a newborn homebirthed babe 45 minutes one way into town for the purpose.

So since it won't happen with my consent, that won't be happening. I just really want him to accept it without strife.
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#21 of 44 Old 12-13-2006, 02:17 PM
 
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Have a wonderful birth! Congrats on your baby!!!

Melanie
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#22 of 44 Old 12-13-2006, 02:24 PM
 
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Could you perhaps find a physician that disagrees with circ? Maybe AFTER having the baby, take dh to see that physician and discuss it.

If he keeps throwing a fit, tell him he has no choice in the matter.
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#23 of 44 Old 12-13-2006, 02:27 PM
 
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Oh, Eli's mommy, that's a great idea!!! When my son was born, we had a wonderful anti-circumcision pediatrician who was very open in telling us that it was totally and completely unnecessary....

melanie
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#24 of 44 Old 12-13-2006, 03:25 PM
 
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I had not thought much about circumscision (my brothers were all circumsized sp?) and my husband is not, but we had a daughter last time. I did not view the video but saw the pics and my heart was pounding. I know now that I could NEVER do that to my baby and I am crying now just thinking of all the helpless little boys who have been subjected to this.

Why did I not know this sooner?

I think the best point is that if they want circumcision for themselves when they get older then okay! But not when they don't have the choice. Thanks for the info, you have saved me from a terrible mistake.

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#25 of 44 Old 12-13-2006, 03:51 PM
 
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Kristin,
I'm so glad you saw this too! And it's great that your husband is intact; you most likely won't have to deal with what Sarah is going through right now. It is such a shame that so many women like us--who would be appalled even at the thought of circumcision if we knew what it entailed--don't find out until it's too late. But it's not too late for you. Hooray!
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#26 of 44 Old 12-13-2006, 04:59 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Eli's_mommy View Post
If he keeps throwing a fit, tell him he has no choice in the matter.
Don't say, "You have no choice in the matter." That's very patronizing. And not just due to male ego: I'm sure most women would be offended by such a statement as well.

Just state that it's not going to happen. Period.

If he pokes and prods, you can frame it in terms of you having no choice either, because it's your son's body, not yours. That way you group yourself in the same boat as your husband in having no choice in the matter.
Emphasize that it's your son's choice, and you're just protecting your son's say in the matter, because it's his preference that is overwhelmingly the most important, not yours or your husband's.

If your goal is to patronize your husband, then by all means, pull out the "you have no say in the matter" line, implying that it is your choice but not your husband's.
But if you'd rather be a bit more honest in your implications, then group yourself in with him as having no say in the matter. Because if you consider circumcision a human rights issue (and I hope you do), then you oughtn't consider yourself to have a say in the matter either.

You're just protecting your son's rights, as you are obligated to do (being his parent and all).
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#27 of 44 Old 12-13-2006, 05:29 PM
 
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A benefit of birthing unassisted at home, is that there is no hospital, doctors, pediatrician, etc.. to contend with. So nothing can happen on the sly Yay for that!
:

Got to love UC!

So, basically what you are saying is it is nearly impossible for your son to be circumcised, you just want DH on the same page. I think once your DH sees his perfect whole son, he won't even consider it.

I hope you have a beautiful, gentle, empowering birth!
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#28 of 44 Old 12-13-2006, 05:35 PM
 
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Tell him that you absolutely cannot make a decision like this while you're under this much stress... inform him that you can discuss it AFTER you and DS are safely home...

and then, of course, refuse!!!!
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#29 of 44 Old 12-13-2006, 06:03 PM
 
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I told my husband that the only way I would agree to circumcision of our son was for him to watch a live circumcision of another child beforehand. Knowing fully that my husband would never do this anyway (he doesn't like gross medical procedures like this) I then told him he would have to be there with our son during the circumcision. (Hell, I would never let that happen either!) He zipped up real quick after that. I also informed him of how it damages the breastfeeding bond. He really came around after that. I love him!! : )
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#30 of 44 Old 12-13-2006, 11:23 PM
 
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I got my hubby on board by forcing him to watch several videos of circ. After video #1 he said it was barbaric, after video #2 he said no future child of his would have that done and after video #3, he appoligized (crying) to James.

Renae wife to J :, Mama to 4.5y/o J-bird and 2y/o A : and E coming in late Dec/Early Jan. My husband had a living donor kidney transplant! :
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