ready to cry... how can I see him tomorrow? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 05-22-2003, 11:57 PM - Thread Starter
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Am supposed to go with my sister in law to visit our new nephew tomorrow. My mother in law just called and casually mentioned that he may be a bit fussy because "he was circumcised today." It was all I could do to keep my mouth shut. In fact, I kind of didn't because I think I gasped "Oh my god, that's AWFUL. The poor guy" and a couple of times started to go there and made myself stop.

It's ultimately none of my business and what hurts most is I'm sure they never even considered not doing it or researched it at all. I don't want to hurt them or say anything because it's too late now, but my heart is breaking and I don't know how I can see him tomorrow and not cry.

You know, it amazes me that more guys are not outraged. They must feel so incredibly driven to not feel "less manly" that they don't go there. But having been with an uncircumcised man for my first marriage, the difference is quite quite apparent. I try not to talk about it too much around my DH because I am enormously sad that he was circumcised (both for himself and for my own selfish reasons,) and I don't want him to feel bad. I know that if we have a boy, he does not want to circumcise and that's a beautiful thing.

I just have to keep my mouth shut and I just want to scream!!!
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#2 of 8 Old 05-23-2003, 09:42 AM
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You're right that it's too late. However, if you think they may have more children, it is imperative that you bring it up at some point, just not now.

People can not imagine what it would feel like to have a tail the same as surgically altered men and women can not imagine what it would feel like to have all of their parts Women who have been mutilated support the surgery the same as circumcised men support the surgery. It is because they feel absolutely normal in the context of their society. However, that is changing. Women in circumcising societies are being made aware that the proctice is illegal in other countries and men are being made aware that there is much controversy about male genital alteration. For both sexes, this makes for an uncomfortable situation. Some accept the information and some reject it. As the information becomes more widely known, more will accept it.

Male circumcision in America is a really new issue. The discussion was started by Marilyn Milos only about 20 years ago and it has really only started catching fire in the last 4 or 5 years. An explosion is coming and you will see the same intense attention paid to it that was paid to FGM about 8 or 10 years ago. What has happened so far has happened in a tick of the clock time wise. In perspective, the first country to outlaw FGM did it almost 15 years before everybody else jumped on the bandwagon and the African countries where it is practiced have not gotten there yet. America will jump on the male circumcision bandwagon fairly quickly because of better communication and our desire to be "politically correct."

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#3 of 8 Old 05-23-2003, 06:20 PM
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I would go and take the opportunity to see what a newly-circ'd penis is really all about. Watch her change him, and plain just see what one really is like. Just to have first-hand experience to relay to others. But that's just me.
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#4 of 8 Old 05-24-2003, 01:36 AM
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If you see that newly circumcised little penis it may just break your heart more. When I worked in the hospital it just made me sick when I was with a mother/baby couple and a nurse would come in to check the baby's circ. Oh, it looks too pitiful.
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#5 of 8 Old 05-24-2003, 09:15 AM
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You could also give them info on how to properly care for the cut penis.So many times they don't get any info and the little guys go on to develop adhesions and infections.
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#6 of 8 Old 05-26-2003, 07:17 PM
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Amen! I had no idea that I would need to take extra care of my son's circ to help keep adhesions from forming. I didn't even have any idea what an adhesion was!! Oh, how I wish I had found this site and Mothering's articles about 13-14 months ago. At least our future sons will be intact.
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#7 of 8 Old 05-26-2003, 11:01 PM - Thread Starter
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Thanks everyone - My DH came home and I ended up bursting into tears and having a big boo-hoo sobfest on his shoulder. (Dontcha just love pregnancy hormones?) Made me feel much better. Very cathartic. I guess I felt guilty because it honestly didn't even occur to me that they would do this -- it seems so obvious to me that one would question this kind of thing and clearly they didn't. Felt like I should have done something & blew my opportunity.

My sister in law K. came over the next day and I had another mini-sob fest before we went over to see the new little one, and she confirmed for me that her sister just kind of is a go-with-the-flow kind of person who just doesn't dig very deeply about stuff. She is, don't get me wrong, a TERRIFIC mom - I've seen her with her older boy and she is beautiful to watch with him. They're very respectful & loving toward him and I've never seen any action of theirs toward him that would make me go "ick".

On the plus side, I am pretty confident that if my sister-in-law K. ever has a baby boy that she will NOT circ. And, if sister-in-law J. & her DH ever have a 3rd baby and it's a boy you can bet they'll be getting a pile of literature from moi!

Am pretty sure they're OK with taking care of his wound. This is their second boy and I wouldn't feel comfortable advising since I am childless, kwim?

The community here is so wonderful and THOUGHTFUL about decisions they make and questioning things. I love it & aspire to be that way also, and I forget that we really are the minority

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#8 of 8 Old 05-30-2003, 10:34 PM
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Make a couple of copies of the following in a "booklet" form, one for you and one for her :

Then you can read it and ask/answer appropriate questions at an opportune moment. Hope This Helps.
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