Even though I had a botched circ and a botched re-circ, I really didn't start to pull my head out of my a$$ on this issue until I was about 34 and got hooked into the internet where I could do some research without any embarrassment. Up until that point I suppose something in the back of my mind never seemd right about circ (why does a baby's penis NEED an operation at birth???!!!), but I bought into the socio-cultural brainwashing that it was a necessary, must-do thing. I just figured I must've had defective genitals or that my penis just didn't respond properly to the circ....there must've been something wrong with ME.
I actually thought I had a "foreskin problem" when I was young. I thought the constant, painful tampering with my penis and bleeding and infections were what happens when you DON'T circ. After doing some research and piecing together my recollections, I confronted my mother (when I was 35,lol) and she confirmed what I had put together: Loose circ = adhesions = painful reseparations = constant infections = a tight re-circ from he!!. She claimed she didn't know it had caused me problems, but it must've been blatantly obvious that it wasn't right. My nomal penis that hung out over my testicles became nothing but an acorn-style glans poking out.
And I guess it was somewhat my fault as well. I remember once when I was 11 or so and while I was bathing at my grandmother's house she had gathered up my clothes to wash them and noticed blood in my underwear. My erections could be so terribly painful and still split the skin open in places up until my early teens. My mother came over and they both pled with me to let them see, but I adamantly refused. I didn't want them to see my shame and I wasn't about to have them take me to a doctor to mess with my penis again.
Beyond that, it never dawned on me why I always hated my penis. Why I didn't even know I could masturbate until I was 16 (which I came to find out was on the late side, lol), because I got so little pleasure out of it. Why I had to regularly pluck hairs off the shaft (which was only visible during erections) before I was out of HS. Why I had sex once at 17 and never thought it was worth bothering again. Why I actively avoided relationships or sabotoged them before they could get intimate. Why, why, why....
But information is power, and it all started to make sense to me. There wasn't anything wrong with me. For all their supposed good intentions, they wrecked my penis. And it was all for a bunch of nonsense!
Still, it wasn't until about two years after this revelation that I became an outgoing intactivist. My sister I was closest to and who I first told my story to and had encouraged me to confront our mother had my nephew. She STILL rolled the dice and had him cut. She might as well have stabbed me in the heart. I guess I always thought if what I had been through would make a difference for anyone it would be for any nephew(s) she might have. We didn't speak for two years and only started then when my niece was born with a severe heart defect. Our relationship will never be the same, but I will never have kids of my own and I do love my niece and nephew and want to be a part their life. It's still very hard for me to see or speak to her (I don't blame her dh at all, he would've went along with whatever she wanted) without thinking of the awful thing she did.
Sorry for babbling, but I guess that's what I like about this forum...being around so many wonderful parents who are willing to look past social convention for the sake of their children. You're all the best!