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Old 06-12-2003, 09:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So, I've been lurking here a lot, reading a lot, as I wanted to convince my dh that we shouldn't circ any future sons (I'm preg. now) although we did our first son.(well, the Dr. did it, not us, YKWIM)

It was awful, no "complications" *just* screaming and a glazed look that lasted a couple of hours, but I will never forgive myself for having him mutilated.

Anywho, I got emotional and told dh that I was hoping this baby would be a girl so that it wouldn't be an issue, and he said, "Alright then, whatever, if you don't want it done, we won't do it" (he's really hoping for a boy ) anywho, I told him all kinds of stuff I learned on here, and he just said, "ok, he'll look weird, but ok"

I know that doesn't sound all that positive, but I'll take what I can get, and my future boys will be whole when we bring them home

:Patty :fireman Catholic, intactalactivist, co-sleeping, GDing, HSing, no-vax Mama to .........................:..........hale:
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Old 06-12-2003, 09:26 PM
 
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Congrats! I just recently helped my hubby learn more about it and decide not to ever circ another boy again, too. After we did it, I found this magazine and board and started learning more about it, and I too regret having made the decision to circ our son. Especially since we were so unsure! But in thinking about future sons, hubby started with the whole "I don't want brothers to look different" idea... and thankfully I was able to help him see the error of that line of thinking. Anyway, didn't mean to hijack your story, just wanted to say that I can empathize and am glad you at least don't have a fight on your hands anymore!
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Old 06-12-2003, 09:54 PM
 
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A suggestion: now that's he's said that, completely drop the topic. Don't talk about it with him at all. He's made his statement that you won't circ, and that's enough. Don't let him overhear you talking about the issue with others, either, until long after the baby's born.

My DH and I had heated discussions/arguments on the issue of our second son (1st ds was circ'd) and once my DH said we wouln'dt circ, I wanted to talk it through with him. He got angrier and angrier and felt that I was crowing, or throwing it in his face. Finally he just asked me not to discuss it, we wouldn't circ, end of discussion. I respected that, and now, 14 months later, DH is ardently ANTI circ.

But I think he felt very alienated and like I was rubbing the issue in, and he needed some time and space to gain perspective.

Just my 2 cents.

Mel
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Old 06-12-2003, 09:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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thanks ladies!

:Patty :fireman Catholic, intactalactivist, co-sleeping, GDing, HSing, no-vax Mama to .........................:..........hale:
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Old 06-13-2003, 12:04 AM
 
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I don't think the look funny comment was that bad at all. I see it as him trying to bow out of the past decision as quiently as possible. Chances are he feels as crummy as you do about that first circumcision- and he is greatful to you that you "gave him an out" of having to do it again to another son. He will get over it, I suspect that he already is.

Congrats on a boy OR a girl! It's so exciting to wait to the end.

Love Sarah
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Old 06-13-2003, 10:47 PM
 
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My circ'ed son's "glazed look" lasted a long time. He almost never made eye contact with me till I had my last baby and then I gently encouraged him with sticking out my tongue, etc. I saw the difference in the two Babes. Of course there are numerous factors involved but they seem to all fit like a jig-saw puzzle. A Mother truly understands what external stimuli may have affected her offspring and their subsequent actions/reactions.

Becoming pro-active (learning how to approach future situations) can be very healing. Learn about *foreskin restoration*.

- and in the words of -

~ Maya Angelou ~ "I did then what I knew how to do. When

you know better, you do better." ~

My dh took some time to *deal* with the fact that he himself may be *missing* something and reacted similarly at first even though I <ahem> made very clear I loved him the way he is. He is now telling pregnant womyn NOT to circ. Yay !!
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