Your parents reactions to not circ'ing? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 120 Old 04-29-2007, 07:25 PM
 
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I think that we would of had a problem if we had decided TO circ. No one in my or DH's immediate families is circ'ed except my brother. He smooshed his penis badly with the toilet seat when he was being potty trained. It didn't heal right and was circ'ed at 6. It probably didn't have to go that far but my parents didn't question the doc. So for us it was never a question, we just didn't circ. I never knew it was a big deal either way until MDC. Now I can't imagine ever doing it. I am so glad that even though we were uninformed that we made the correct decision.

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#62 of 120 Old 04-29-2007, 07:40 PM
 
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My mother had 4 girls, and even then she told me not to circ my sons, my father is not circed, and told me not to circ, my inlaws think it is disgusting and nasty to not circ, but these are the same people who claim that nursing 9is perverted and if god wanted it, then he wouldnt have created formula.......

None of my 5 boys were circed.
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#63 of 120 Old 04-29-2007, 08:34 PM
 
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My Mom told me my son would hate me for not doing it. After I told her how a circumcision is performed (she thought it was a snip like the umbilicl cord) the functions of a foreskin and that there are no health benefits, she's pro-intact. My Dad has never mentioned it.

DH's parents would flip out and try to get him circed behind our backs. They're Muslim.
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#64 of 120 Old 04-29-2007, 09:47 PM
 
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hmm..my mom, she was a tthe hospital with me.
my mom asked the oncall ped when it was being done. she said it was 350 out of pocket. my mom told me that id have to pay for it, i said i idnt give a crap how much it was cause it wasnt being done, even if it had been free. she then tried to convince that doc to get me to do it. oh yeah THAT makes sense!
but anyway, she explained that a lot of people in that area dontdo it, and if she thought it should be done to make him like other kids, thats stupid, and about it costing money, and its not mediaclly needed, etc, and had a comeback to everything my mom asked of her to try to get me to do it.
then, she had tried to get nurses, and another doc in the hspital to get me to do t. ummm..no.

ANYWAY, so yh. shes still not thrulled hes not circd, but oh well. she wont discuss with me much of anything other than she thnks youre supposed to if youre christian. :sigh: but..yeah.
my 8yo brother had iot done, and she said that..like im supposed to want my kid to look like my brother? oh yeah and my sons dad is..so??
:

my dad i dont think he knows. he isnt..or didnt used to be anyway, i dont know about now, since theyve been apart almost 15 years, and none of his family has seen my son naked, so none of them know either LOL so i dont know what theyd think or if my 7yo cousin is or not, i dont remember what they said about it...but anyway, yup. she is irritated about it, and my dad has no clue.
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#65 of 120 Old 04-29-2007, 10:05 PM
 
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The only one besides Lucas who knows that I do not plan to circ our future sons is my mom. I told her about the video I watched of the procedure. She immediately felt guilty about having my brother circ'd in 1982 and said that if she had been more knowledgable, he would not have been circ'd. When my brother was born, the doc said, "You are having him circ'd right?" Back then, it was just assumed that it would be done. I honestly don't know how my dad or Lucas' parents would react. Lucas' mom is a "do what you want without worrying about offending others" type of person, so I think she will be fine with it. The one I worry about the most is Lucas' aunt. She is one of those people who feels the need to give her advice/opinion on everything, so I expect to hear some complaints from her if she ever sees our future Atticus naked. But then again, her middle son is married to a woman from Bulgaria. I don't know what Bulgaria's rate of circ is, but I doubt it is as high as the US. It's possible that their son is not circ'd. If he isn't circ'd then maybe we won't get as much grief.
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#66 of 120 Old 04-30-2007, 12:23 AM
 
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My inlaws have never actually said anything about it to me. I don't know if they have to dh or not. If so he hasn't mentioned it. I totally forgot the first time they babysat to give them the run down on not messing with it. I made dh call his mom and just let her know that he didn't need retracted at diaper changes. I think dh said "penis" about 30 times in that conversation cause he knew it would make me blush and he knew is would fluster his mom. He's such a nut.

My mom asked when ds2 was a few weeks old why we hadn't had him done. Ds1 is cut, it was done at the hospital without my permission and I was too young and uneducated about it to know to be upset. I just told her that new studies show that there is no reason to do it. She just said "oh, when we had your brother they said there were medical benefits." And that was the end of it. My dad went on about it for a while. Asking wasn't it a problem that he didn't look like dh or ds1 (this is the man who wouldn't help my brother learn to use the potty because he didn't want brother to see him naked. He is uber private about it). I told him we just did what is in ds's best interest. He does ask from time to time things like "who will teach him how to take care of it?" I don't know if he is trying to be difficult or genuinely concerned. It's hard to tell with him, and I have a tendency to get defensive. I just tell him not to worry it's easy to take care of and dh can show him even though he is cut. What I haven't said is that dh is planning to restore so they will look alike. I just worry about poor ds1 if dh restores. He will be the odd one out, and I won't be able to say "but it is better to be intact." to help him.
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#67 of 120 Old 04-30-2007, 12:42 PM
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Only my 1st or 2nd post but had to vent about my mom...

I researched before my son was born and decided to keep him intact. We ended up having him at the wrong hospital (long story) with the majority of the patients being Hispanic. If I wanted my son circ'ed I would have had to wait and have the ped do it as they didn't circ routinely at this hospital.

I feel so lame because that's the excuse I used on my mom. Just recently I was complaining about my son's behavior and she told me "See, if you would have had him circ'd he wouldn't be acting like that" HUH? My son is 3 years old and she's still throwing those nasty comments at me. Needless to say she got an earful and then a click.

I have two brothers who are circ'd and I think deep down mom feels guilty about it. Another comment she made was "what, is your son better than mine?" when I tried to explain my reason for not cutting my boy. I also let a lot slide because she's 75 yo now and has MS and I don't want to upset her, just yes her to death.

IL's didn't care either way. I did find out my fil was intact.
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#68 of 120 Old 04-30-2007, 02:10 PM
 
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They were totally supportive. All the men in my side of the family are intact, same with DH's family. Both sides find circumcision horrifying. They are mostly all Americans btw. If I had decided to circumcise it would have caused a huge family uproar. Of course that was never an option.
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#69 of 120 Old 04-30-2007, 03:53 PM
 
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My mom's reaction when I told her we didn't plan to circ any future sons was curiosity then regret at having had it done to my brother. I don't actually know my dad's reaction since he wasn't part of the conversation, but I imagine it would be the same. My MIL didn't learn about the evils of circ until after she had her 2 sons, but about a year ago out of the blue over dinner she took it upon herself to apologize to my DH for having his "poor little penis" cut instead of protecting him. Yeah. He was like "thanks, Mom."

Hey, it's the thought, right?

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#70 of 120 Old 04-30-2007, 04:02 PM
 
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DH's parents were a bit surprised, as I'm pretty sure that every other male child and grandchild in the family has been circ'd. Once we explained our reasons for opposing circumcision, they were completely supportive. My family was completely supportive; they are accustomed to my doing things the non-mainstream way.
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#71 of 120 Old 04-30-2007, 04:13 PM
 
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My mom's reaction makes me so happy. At the time she didn't say anything and was just sort of neutral about it. Later, she told me that she thought it was "a little weird" when I first told her we were going to keep our son intact, but that the more she heard from me about it the more she came to realise that RIC is wrong. This is a big deal for her too- she is a nurse and her branch of the family is very medical, and very supportive of the medical model and mistrustful of anything outside it. So this is a big turnaround for her. I'm so glad she kept an open mind about it. She works as a school nurse in an elementary school and she's always telling me that when she sees an intact boy now, she feels like the penis looks so natural and so protected, and that circed boys look so raw and wounded to her now. And she's also told me that the circed boys often come in because their penises hurt from being chafed against rough material, and that this never happens to the intact boys.

Go mom!

My dad's barely in my life, so I don't think I've ever had a conversation with him about it.

The inlaws were another story- they are orthodox Jewish, so they were horrified. They tried to sell DH the whole "it's just skin" thing, and at one point when DH said "I don't want to cut off part of his penis," FIL said "it's not part of the penis!" : But to their credit, they didn't say a word once DS was born.

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#72 of 120 Old 04-30-2007, 05:38 PM
 
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My mother is the only grandparent who has said a word - she told me that he would hate me when he's 14 or 15 because we didn't circumcise. I told her that when he's 14 or 15 he'll probably hate me for all sorts of reasons and if he hates me for not cutting off part of his body, I'm sure I'll get over it. I didn't add "as soon as he has sex and realizes how very nice it is to be whole" because I didn't want to give her heart failure, but I think she got that it was implied.

Apparently my grandfather "had" to be circumcised when he was in his 60s and it was "so painful". My response was that at least my grandfather was unconscious and got pain relief he could control, unlike infants, so, well, forget it.

And that was the end of that. I did make sure that when she first changed him, she knew not to retract and we haven't had any issues on that front. I think she has chalked it up to me being (as compared to anyone else in our entire family) a liberal hippie weirdo.

My in-laws would die before they'd even think of talking about DS's penis. My dad knows it's none of his danged business, and my step-dad heard enough about the discussion between my mom and me to know to not even go there.

Mama to DD : (7/23/03) & DS : (10/27/06) married to DH 7/20/01
and yet 90% more mainstream than the rest of MDC
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#73 of 120 Old 04-30-2007, 06:29 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Katielady View Post

The inlaws were another story. They tried to sell DH the whole "it's just skin" thing, and at one point when DH said "I don't want to cut off part of his penis," FIL said "it's not part of the penis!" : But to their credit, they didn't say a word once DS was born.
Wow. That says a lot about the state of denial, that some circed men are in...:
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#74 of 120 Old 04-30-2007, 06:52 PM
 
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My parents-in-law are fine with it since they didn't circumcise any of their 3 sons. My dad, who wasn't circumcised either, was disappointed and said he would have voted FOR circumcision...I told him that's nice to know but this issue was never up for voting! Since then, he's never mentioned it.
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#75 of 120 Old 04-30-2007, 07:02 PM
 
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there was no reaction...I'm not even sure if my il's know or not, and my mom couldn't of cared less what decision we made.

Jillian wife to Ryan and mommy to Janelle Ashlynn (9/09/2002), Kincaid Chance (3/29/2004), Travis Neil (8/13/2007) and River Anderson (5/02/2009).
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#76 of 120 Old 04-30-2007, 07:13 PM
 
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So far the only parent that knows is my mom (the baby isnt due til July) so its likely it wont come up with the others until after babys born.

When dh & I were debating to leave intact or not my mom very sadly said "I cant believe they are still doing that to little boys!" Which really surprised dh as she's pretty mainstream & often doesnt give her opinion (ie, well, you need to look at the facts & do whats best kind of answers). Even I didnt think she would be against it so I was a little surprised too (I was just trying to show dh it wasnt a big medical deal to leave intact & was looking for a neutral reaction from her)! But her reaction was one of the two things that helped dh look at the research material much more closely so it was really great!

I also told me sister. She just said wants to see it as she's never seen an intact penis (her son is circ'd).

My family is pretty supportive on most things (or at least arent negative if we do something different) so I would be surprised to get any negatives comments from that side. My in-laws are more opininated so I may hear something from them. . . but we dont see them as often and they dont really "do" diaper changes much so it could be some time before they even know.
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#77 of 120 Old 04-30-2007, 10:27 PM
 
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My parents were very supportive. My father is intact and very happy that way. My mom is now married to a Chinese American who is intact as well. So it was completely a non issue.

My husbands family asked when we were having it done while we were in the hospital and I told them we weren't. I think they thought it was just more of my more "crunchy" lifestyle, I guess. You know, the wooden toys, the organic food, etc.

My MIL still tells me I will regret not circ'ing. Apparently her uncle had to have it done at 40 yrs old due to some sort of infection. I don't even try to go into why this happens sometimes. :

Dana, mom to Avery & Natalie 7 , Cole 4 , and Baby #4 on the way!
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#78 of 120 Old 05-01-2007, 10:47 AM
 
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Well, since my family has never circumcised and my mom describes circumcision as "mean", this has definitely NOT been an issue on my side of the family. I probably would have been disowned if I'd done anything that cruel to one of my babies!

My in-laws carefully avoided the subject from day one. I know they disapprove, and my brother-in-law (the "golden boy" of the family) proudly mutilated HIS son : . We're the black sheep since we homebirth, breastfeed for over a year, etc. anyway
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#79 of 120 Old 05-01-2007, 11:01 AM
 
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Wow. That says a lot about the state of denial, that some circed men are in...:
I know, right? If it's not part of the penis, then what is it...part of the elbow? I'm big on seeing things as they are...it's so strange to me when people create these elaborate lies to comfort themselves rather than facing up to reality.

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#80 of 120 Old 05-01-2007, 11:40 AM
 
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My parents just chalk it up to my being weird. I'm sure my Mom researched it on the 'net and found out how ridiculous it really is.

My ILs don't know. They don't have much contact with us.

secular classical-ish mama to an incredible 5 year old DS and an amazing 6 year old DD.
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#81 of 120 Old 05-01-2007, 10:07 PM
 
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Nobody, NOBODY on either side of the family ever asked or commented about it.

I'm pretty sure it was just assumed we wouldn't circ any sons we might have (got 3). My dad, who was born in Canada and is a baby boomer wasn't circ'd and my parents didn't get my only brother circ'd.

My husband immigrated from Europe when he was a child. It's not practiced there (now, nor in his childhood) so I'm pretty darn sure that beyond him, his many brothers and his father are all intact.

While the family is pretty laid back (both sides) re: "you parent as you feel is best", I think circumcision would have crossed the line and had all kinds of relatives hopping all over us to challenge why we might want to hack off part of our baby!

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#82 of 120 Old 05-01-2007, 10:19 PM
 
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For me it was my mom who told us Not to circumcise I was young when I was pregnant with my first child and it never dawned on my not to circumcise why wouldn't I??

She told me how horrible it was and what happened and I was shocked and sick to my stomach. My husband and I did some research and we knew then that we would never ever put our child through that kind of torture and mutilation.

THANKS MOM!!

Of course my dad on the other hand gave us the whole speech about disease cleanliness blah blah blah I then told him that he had his facts wrong and it was my kid .....

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#83 of 120 Old 05-01-2007, 10:23 PM
 
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My mother thought it was wonderful. She said "We were so stupid in the old days!" She circ'd my poor brother-- he is over 40. She was so young and believed 'them'. Now she says, "I don't see the point in changing a baby's body, I wish I could go back in time". My Dh's family is from a European culture that does not circ, so it's not something my inlaws ever thought to consider, or even ask us about.
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#84 of 120 Old 05-01-2007, 10:31 PM
 
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My mom is happy, as my brother is intact
and the issue has never came up with my mother in law
(she is crack addict, why would she care?)
My father and DH's father are dead
My grandpa thinks its neat - his boys are intact
I don't talk to any other grandparents except him on either side enough to bring up his penis
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#85 of 120 Old 05-02-2007, 11:53 AM
 
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My parents were fully supportive of us not circing. Of course my parents did not tell me anything till after my first was circ'd due to my ex's insistence. I found out AFTER he was done that my mother hated that he was done...she really hated my ex for pushing me to let it happen. I found out no one in my dad's side was circ'd... all are intact including my own brother.

I did not allow my other sons to be done... all are intact! :-) Sure wish I had had my parents info BEFORE my first son was born...I am sure it would have prevented his circ...I just did not have enough support.

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#86 of 120 Old 05-03-2007, 07:49 PM
 
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I usually don't visit this forum too often but some comments from my FIL made me come here today for ammunition.

I never brought up the topic with any grandparents since they all live far away and have never yet needed to change ds diaper or bathe him, etc. He's 15 months btw.

When he was first born, my mom made a comment on the phone about whether i'd be able to cloth diaper in the beginning (that was weird to her too) because his circ would need to heal. When I said he was not circ-d she kind of said "What? " as if she didn't know that was an option. : My own parents know better than to argue though. I just told them I had done a lot of research and that it was not very common anymore.

Well it never came up with my in-laws until FIL visited a couple weeks ago. After he left dh mentioned how jerky his dad was about ds not being circ'd. Apparently FIL thought it was "weird" and even weirder that dh left the decision up to me! dh said he kept bringing it up-- as if dh was letting me have too much control over him because I didn't want my baby boy cut! Oh they are so lucky I didn't hear about this til FIL was back on the plane home. btw FIL is an MD. dh told me "You know, he's a psychiatrist. He's trained as a Freudian. It's all about the penis." To which I replied "So tell me the Freudian implications of forcibly cutting the penis of an hours-old baby and then putting him to his mother's breast!"

yes I'm still hopping mad about this but obviously FIL did not want to discuss it with me so I just have to vent at MDC. :
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#87 of 120 Old 05-04-2007, 12:02 AM
 
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ugh. my inlaws are jewish, and though they didn't say anything to me, they did to my dh. they are/were not happy about it. i can't even tell you how much i want one of them to say something to! it really gets my blood boiling that they even think they have a right to be upset about NOT CUTTING BABIES!! :

ok, i needed to get that out. thanks. it eats at me.


my mom hasn't said a word about it. she thinks everything i do is wonderful!

~helen~ mama to 5 yo twins jonas and micah and my 2 yo baby boy eli
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#88 of 120 Old 05-04-2007, 11:31 PM
 
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Well... my Mom's first reaction to me was to tell me her best friend said I should get it done because as an elderly man he'd have lots of infections (my Mom and her friend are both nurses FWIW). I kind of looked at her like it was the dumbest thing I've ever heard and said that I definitely was not getting it done just because it supposedly made a PSW job easier if he should ever be bedbound and need complete care. :

Then we talked about it on a more personal level about a month or two ago and she said she really regretted having my brother (her only boy she birthed, the other one is her stepson (my half brother)) circed. She said my Dad pressured her into it and she wishes he hadn't.

My Dad has never seen Tobias naked and never will... I would never ever ever trust my father to babysit so it won't ever be an issue with the two of us, and since he's done procreating and doesn't see (and therefore can't influence in a bad way) either of my brothers I don't care what my Dad thinks about circ, it's not worth my time educating him.

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#89 of 120 Old 05-05-2007, 12:18 AM
 
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When I was pg I told my mom that if it was a boy I wasn't going to circ. She said "but it's so much cleaner" I told her my partner was intact and it wasn't a problem. She dropped it. Ended up having a girl so it was a moot point. I'm sure if dh and I had a son it wouldn't even come up, it's been alot of years since I had dd and she doesn't get involved in my parenting decisions anymore.
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#90 of 120 Old 05-05-2007, 12:30 AM
 
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Originally Posted by peachpie View Post
btw FIL is an MD. dh told me "You know, he's a psychiatrist. He's trained as a Freudian. It's all about the penis." To which I replied "So tell the Freudian implications of forcibly cutting the penis of an hours-old baby and then putting him to his mother's breast!"
Save that for his next visit!!!
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