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#1 of 136 Old 05-02-2007, 10:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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this has not come up yet but the way my bestfriends son is looking at my son i know it is coming he got cut even tho i begged her not to do it she didnt care : my 6 month old son is whole i just came back from visiting with her and her son the last 2 days noticed that he was different he is almost 6 i EC so when he seen him naked he would come and eye his penis i know if he asks i really dont know what to say but that his mom took him to the dr and she had the dr cut a peice off his penis when he was a baby........... truely i dont know what to say i want him to question her she wants more kids i want her to see the error in her choic talking dont do a thing has this come up what have you said or what would you say

...oh felt i should add just to get background on everything she had him cut because her dad wanted him to look like him i asked a million times how was he going to be seeing his penis she said she didnt know and didnt care because he was going to pay for it and it was not her money so she did it without batting a eye or a care for his pain or health so this is a really touchy subject with us i do talk pro about foreskin all the time trying to educate her praying it works even tho i did try my damnest with #1
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#2 of 136 Old 05-02-2007, 10:43 PM
 
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Well i'm not sure how to expalin that to a 6 y/o....but my first ds was circ'd...sorry i didn't know i was very young and uneducated on the matter...so here comes along 3rd child ds is not circ'd so i have a 10 y/o who is circ'd and bring home our new baby boy intact......so older ds is like what in the world..."mama what's up with his...ya know....uh..." so i had to explain everything to him and it was much easier because he was older and understood. My older 2 children are from my ex...who was circ'd and my current hubby is not circ'd...so i gently explained that we wanted new baby to look like his daddy? And then went form their. Maybe you can say something like that...it's the same thing...about why people are different colors and why some people have curly hair and or straight hair....that's the way God made us....just pray that he doesn't ask for a while longer...:

Mami to fly-by-nursing2.gifds 4 wks, ds 2yo, ds 6yo, dd 11yo, ds 17 yo. novaxnoIRC.gifwaterbirth.jpg
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#3 of 136 Old 05-02-2007, 10:45 PM
 
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I would tell him to ask his mother :

love and peace.

mama to two girls and due in November!
: Circumcision can never be undone :
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#4 of 136 Old 05-02-2007, 10:58 PM
 
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While it can be a dicey thing talking to another child about such a thing, I think it could be done by you.

One thing you can't say: "When you were born, your parents thought it was better to have the doctor cut the end off your penis, but now they know they shouldn't." Because that would be very much untrue given the nonchalant way your friend views circumcision.

You could tell him: "When you were born, your parents wanted to cut the end off of your penis because THEY FEEL you should look like your daddy, and this happened to him when he was born." And let the chips fall where they may. It's factually true, and you haven't expressed your anti-circ feelings in that statement. And if they feel like they've been put on the defensive, well, good. It's up to them to own up to their actions.

It sure as heck prevents them from starting a conversation: "It looks better and it's cleaner when you have the end of your penis cut off." *gag, gag*
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#5 of 136 Old 05-02-2007, 11:48 PM
 
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Well i'm not sure how to expalin that to a 6 y/o....but my first ds was circ'd...sorry i didn't know i was very young and uneducated on the matter...so here comes along 3rd child ds is not circ'd so i have a 10 y/o who is circ'd and bring home our new baby boy intact......so older ds is like what in the world..."mama what's up with his...ya know....uh..." so i had to explain everything to him and it was much easier because he was older and understood. My older 2 children are from my ex...who was circ'd and my current hubby is not circ'd...so i gently explained that we wanted new baby to look like his daddy? And then went form their. Maybe you can say something like that...it's the same thing...about why people are different colors and why some people have curly hair and or straight hair....that's the way God made us....just pray that he doesn't ask for a while longer...:
The problem with this is that that line of thinking is never right regardless of what side you are on. What will the circ'd boy do when he has children, circ them to look like him? The only way to end circ is to tell the truth.

Laura

mom to 3 home-born children, wife to a great guy joy.gif

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#6 of 136 Old 05-03-2007, 02:23 AM
 
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Honestly?

I'd answer that some parents cut part of their baby's penis off when they are newborns, but we didn't do that because there's no need to. If he asks further questions about his own status, I'd say he should ask his mom why she did that to him - put the ball in her court.

And when he turns 18, give him the contact info for ARCLAW so he can sue.



- Kira
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#7 of 136 Old 05-03-2007, 06:57 AM
 
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Make his mother answer some awkward questions.
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#8 of 136 Old 05-03-2007, 11:15 AM
 
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I think I'd be more neutral, to be honest (thinking of the child's feelings and such). I think I'd say something along the lines of "All baby boys' penis' are like this when they are born. Some parents decide to have an operation to change it. Maybe you should ask your mom about this." This would let the boy know that the intact penis is the default, that it's natural and normal. And that he had a OPERATION on his penis that his parents CHOSE for him.

I would imagine if he brought it up to him mom, it would go something like "Mom, why did I have an operation on my penis?". Let his mother field THAT one.

Who knows? Depending on the type of child he is (naturally talkative and inquisitive), he may come back to you one day and tell you what his mom said. You could then gently correct any of the myths she may have throw his way.

Cindy

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#9 of 136 Old 05-03-2007, 11:33 AM
 
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I think I'd be more neutral, to be honest (thinking of the child's feelings and such). I think I'd say something along the lines of "All baby boys' penis' are like this when they are born. Some parents decide to have an operation to change it. Maybe you should ask your mom about this." This would let the boy know that the intact penis is the default, that it's natural and normal. And that he had a OPERATION on his penis that his parents CHOSE for him.
Yep, I would do this too. I also don't give much judgment when I talk to ff'ed kids about breastfeeding. I find it very disrespectful, and really they are so young it's not like they are going to remember the information and utilize it in adulthood. It just confuses and upsets them.
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#10 of 136 Old 05-03-2007, 12:37 PM
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The problem with this is that that line of thinking is never right regardless of what side you are on. What will the circ'd boy do when he has children, circ them to look like him? The only way to end circ is to tell the truth.

Laura
I couldn't agree more!
I understand that many moms on this board circ'd their boys and now would have given anything to take that back. And I also understand how hard it is to explain it to a little kid. BUT I really believe that this is the only right way to explain it. Circ MUST be explained as a WRONG choice, as a wrong thing to do. "Looking like daddy" would just keep mutilation going. On the other hand, saying something among the lines that this wrong thing was done to your dady because his parents thought it was good for him and so we thought it was good for you as well, until we learned the truth and now we know that it's a very wrong thing to do to a baby and we're very very sorry we allowed that to happen to you...
It's hard, but then truth almost always is...
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#11 of 136 Old 05-03-2007, 12:45 PM
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Yep, I would do this too. I also don't give much judgment when I talk to ff'ed kids about breastfeeding. I find it very disrespectful, and really they are so young it's not like they are going to remember the information and utilize it in adulthood. It just confuses and upsets them.

well, when you are 6 and you learn that your parents decided to cut a part of your genitals off you ARE going to remember the information and utilize it in adulthood. you absolutely ARE going to remember that!
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#12 of 136 Old 05-03-2007, 12:50 PM
 
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If he asks you about your son, I'd say, "We didn't cut this piece off."
I would not say something like YOUR mom had a piece of YOUR penis cut off when you were a baby. If he asks about himself, I'd tell him to ask his mom.
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#13 of 136 Old 05-03-2007, 12:59 PM
 
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If I said anything other than "ask your mother," I would say something similar to what laidbackmomto2 suggested so the boy can develop his own feelings about it without feeling like you're judging his penis. I'll never forget when I was about that age and asked my neighbor (who was babysitting me) what abortion was. She was Catholic and 100% against abortion for any reason. But what she said was very neutral, simply that some people believed that a woman has a right to choose to end a pregnancy, while other people believe that doing so is killing the baby and is wrong. She phrased it better than that, but basically what she gave me was a starting point and something to think about.

He will come to his own conclusions, and I really doubt saying something that might make him feel bad about himself or insecure about his penis will make him an intactivist. Just give him a foundation, and in time, he'll know what to do with it.

Julia
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#14 of 136 Old 05-03-2007, 01:49 PM
 
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If it were me, I'd give the six year old just enough information to start thinking it over for himself.

"What's up with his penis?"
"Why, nothing at all. He's normal."
"But, uh, why does it look like that."
"That's the way normal penises look. All baby boys are born looking like that."

Let those mental wheels start turning, and let him ruminate over what happened to him. Then, guide him to ask his mother, if he starts asking about himself. Then, when he comes back with the myths, the groundwork of what's normal has already been laid.
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#15 of 136 Old 05-03-2007, 04:55 PM
 
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ITA that I would mention that your son's penis is normal and looks just the way it's supposed to. I would have him ask his mother about his OWN penis though (to clarify what I said yesterday) if it came up.

Letting him know what a normal penis looks like is adequate, IMO, for his age and it shouldn't give him any horribly negative impressions about himself either. Age-appropriateness is very important when dealing with sensitive topics... especially with other people's kids!

love and peace.

mama to two girls and due in November!
: Circumcision can never be undone :
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#16 of 136 Old 05-03-2007, 05:28 PM
 
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"Your parents cut yours off."

If he asks why, tell him you don't know, and that he should ask them.

No sense in sugar coating it. And keeping it super-simple and accurate like this also leaves his parents no grounds for being upset with you.
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#17 of 136 Old 05-03-2007, 08:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The problem with this is that that line of thinking is never right regardless of what side you are on. What will the circ'd boy do when he has children, circ them to look like him? The only way to end circ is to tell the truth.

Laura
agree 100% i would never lie to this child his mom and me are very close grew up together i parent her kids as she does mine i have never said go ask your mom for anything if they come to me i answer it and they do look alike they both are mixed same color of skin, hair and eyes the penis is the only diffenrence so that is why he noticed it... i get asked if all 4 are mine (2 mine 2 her's)
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#18 of 136 Old 05-03-2007, 09:31 PM
 
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agree 100% i would never lie to this child his mom and me are very close grew up together i parent her kids as she does mine i have never said go ask your mom for anything if they come to me i answer it and they do look alike they both are mixed same color of skin, hair and eyes the penis is the only diffenrence so that is why he noticed it... i get asked if all 4 are mine (2 mine 2 her's)
In that case I would be honest (but gentle) with him. If you're that close with his mom and her kids then it would be appropriate for you to gently educate him with the truth. I didn't realise that was the situation... honestly, I would say to go with your gut on this one since you know the situation better than any of us do Best wishes if/when it comes up!

love and peace.

mama to two girls and due in November!
: Circumcision can never be undone :
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#19 of 136 Old 05-03-2007, 10:39 PM
 
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Please, be gentle with him. When my intact 6yo ds found out about circ, he was horrified. The look on his face was awful. I can only imagine how a cut boy would take the news.

Momma to three fine children, one that lives in my heart and two that live in my arms.
Circumcision is wrong, regardless of gender
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#20 of 136 Old 05-04-2007, 08:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Please, be gentle with him. When my intact 6yo ds found out about circ, he was horrified. The look on his face was awful. I can only imagine how a cut boy would take the news.
i would be gentle my dd has already told him that his penis looks weird and different she is almost 5 and knows all about circ.

i just wanted to see if it has come up for others i wanted some tips never had to break it to a boy on this issue... i have a way of telling the truth i dont lie to kids so i wouldnt be able to look him in the face and lie about it
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#21 of 136 Old 05-04-2007, 08:40 PM
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I totally understand how important it is to be gentle for this boy’s sake. But sometimes it’s so hard though. Not that long ago in the mall play area there was a mom with a boy about 4y.o. and a baby (not older than 2 months, I’d guess) sitting next to me. So she took a formula out of her bag, mixed it with water and gave her son to shake it. So he shook it while showing it to me and saying “milk”. I couldn’t help myself saying “No, it’s not milk. It’s formula”. I hope they both (he and his mom) got the message that this is not something tiny babies supposed to eat...
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#22 of 136 Old 05-05-2007, 01:18 AM
 
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Except you don't know why that baby was being given the formula and his mum might be sensitive about it. Some of us really and truly don't make enough milk and any implied criticism, especially early on, like at 2 months and I would have gone and cried. Just something to be aware off.
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#23 of 136 Old 05-05-2007, 01:57 AM
 
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Whether or not to circumcise a son is definitely the parent's choice. This website is suppose to advocate mothers, and this mother could be thinking about the increased risk of penile cancer, infections from improper cleaning or failure to replace the foreskin to its position, and the increased chances of her son transfering disease or UTI's to his future partner. My dh and I discussed this issue at length and yes, my ds is circumcised. We all make choices that can turn out to be detrimental to our kids, (like that glass of wine while pregnant, or taking a medication)and choices that perhaps they wouldn't choose for themselves. But alienating a friend, not to mention confusing a small boy, because they don't share your views seems to me a form of prejudice. A casual conversation between friends is all that is needed-"Your son saw my son's privates, and has questions. How can we explain?" Good grief, aren't we in this together, ladies? You can be an advocate , supporter, activist for not curcumcising, but to judge everyone else?
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#24 of 136 Old 05-05-2007, 02:19 AM
 
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Honestly?

I'd answer that some parents cut part of their baby's penis off when they are newborns, but we didn't do that because there's no need to. If he asks further questions about his own status, I'd say he should ask his mom why she did that to him - put the ball in her court.

And when he turns 18, give him the contact info for ARCLAW so he can sue.



- Kira
AWESOME!!!

My BF and I had this talk last night her boy is cut, mine is whole. they just turned two so it is not immedite but it is not far down the road and she knows how STRONG I feel about the anti circ movement. I think it is good for both boys to see and understand it, e will know what so many boys go though and hopefully appreciate that we spared him, and her ds will be normalized to a whole penis from an early age. We both agreed to send the other to the others mama so no feelings are hurt.
Now if it is a random boy and I am not such good friends with their mama, WHOLE other ballgame!

Living DAIRY AND GLUTEN FREE for my SPD and Aspergers Little Man.
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#25 of 136 Old 05-05-2007, 02:31 AM
 
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Whether or not to circumcise a son is definitely the parent's choice. This website is suppose to advocate mothers, and this mother could be thinking about the increased risk of penile cancer, infections from improper cleaning or failure to replace the foreskin to its position, and the increased chances of her son transfering disease or UTI's to his future partner. My dh and I discussed this issue at length and yes, my ds is circumcised. We all make choices that can turn out to be detrimental to our kids, (like that glass of wine while pregnant, or taking a medication)and choices that perhaps they wouldn't choose for themselves. But alienating a friend, not to mention confusing a small boy, because they don't share your views seems to me a form of prejudice. A casual conversation between friends is all that is needed-"Your son saw my son's privates, and has questions. How can we explain?" Good grief, aren't we in this together, ladies? You can be an advocate , supporter, activist for not curcumcising, but to judge everyone else?
From the UA:

We are not interested, however, in hosting discussions on the merits of crying it out, physical punishment, formula feeding, elective cesarean section, routine infant medical circumcision, or mandatory vaccinations. We do not tolerate any type of discrimination in the discussions, including but not limited to racism, heterosexism, classism, religious bigotry, or discrimination toward the disabled.

Did you not see this part, just wondering? If you had truley researched the topic you would see that non of those reasons hold any bearing. I will not go on my tangent about those bogus reasons just giving you a heads up.

Living DAIRY AND GLUTEN FREE for my SPD and Aspergers Little Man.
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#26 of 136 Old 05-05-2007, 02:44 AM
 
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Whether or not to circumcise a son is definitely the parent's choice.
Please read the UA here before posting again. Mothering does not allow posts supporting RIC.

Furthermore, while it is currently legal to mutilate baby boys in the United States, this certainly does not mean it is ethical, moral or that it does not violate several fundamental human rights.


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This website is suppose to advocate mothers, and this mother could be thinking about the increased risk of penile cancer, infections from improper cleaning or failure to replace the foreskin to its position, and the increased chances of her son transfering disease or UTI's to his future partner.
You have been given so much misinformation, I am truly stunned. Please see:

http://www.cirp.org/library

for a complete rebutal of your above myths.


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My dh and I discussed this issue at length and yes, my ds is circumcised.
I'm truly sorry for him. :

Quote:
We all make choices that can turn out to be detrimental to our kids, (like that glass of wine while pregnant, or taking a medication)and choices that perhaps they wouldn't choose for themselves.
Comparing a cosmetic, and damaging surgery with no net medical benefits to taking a medication which may be required during pregnancy is irresponsible and inappropriate.

No baby boy consents to having the most sensitive part on his penis ripped up, crushed, clamped and then amputated. By forcing it on him, this violates his fundamental human right to bodily integrity. It permanently damages him, physically and sexually.


Quote:
But alienating a friend, not to mention confusing a small boy, because they don't share your views seems to me a form of prejudice.

Forcing a violent, traumatic and medically unnecessary genital amputation on a baby boy when you'd never consider doing it to a baby girl is what is prejudicial.


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A casual conversation between friends is all that is needed-"Your son saw my son's privates, and has questions. How can we explain?" Good grief, aren't we in this together, ladies? You can be an advocate , supporter, activist for not curcumcising, but to judge everyone else?
Without activists standing up for the rights of babies when the babys' own parents would force harm on them, this world would be in a worse state than it is now.



- Kira
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#27 of 136 Old 05-05-2007, 03:29 AM
 
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Whether or not to circumcise a son is definitely the parent's choice. This website is suppose to advocate mothers, and this mother could be thinking about the increased risk of penile cancer, infections from improper cleaning or failure to replace the foreskin to its position, and the increased chances of her son transfering disease or UTI's to his future partner. My dh and I discussed this issue at length and yes, my ds is circumcised. We all make choices that can turn out to be detrimental to our kids, (like that glass of wine while pregnant, or taking a medication)and choices that perhaps they wouldn't choose for themselves. But alienating a friend, not to mention confusing a small boy, because they don't share your views seems to me a form of prejudice. A casual conversation between friends is all that is needed-"Your son saw my son's privates, and has questions. How can we explain?" Good grief, aren't we in this together, ladies? You can be an advocate , supporter, activist for not curcumcising, but to judge everyone else?
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#28 of 136 Old 05-05-2007, 03:37 AM
 
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Whether or not to circumcise a son is definitely the parent's choice. This website is suppose to advocate mothers, and this mother could be thinking about the increased risk of penile cancer, infections from improper cleaning or failure to replace the foreskin to its position, and the increased chances of her son transfering disease or UTI's to his future partner. My dh and I discussed this issue at length and yes, my ds is circumcised. We all make choices that can turn out to be detrimental to our kids, (like that glass of wine while pregnant, or taking a medication)and choices that perhaps they wouldn't choose for themselves. But alienating a friend, not to mention confusing a small boy, because they don't share your views seems to me a form of prejudice. A casual conversation between friends is all that is needed-"Your son saw my son's privates, and has questions. How can we explain?" Good grief, aren't we in this together, ladies? You can be an advocate , supporter, activist for not curcumcising, but to judge everyone else?
All the things that you posted about are false.

1) Circ doesn't decrease the chance of UTIs. And furthermore, baby girls are three times more likely to have UTIs than boys, circed or uncirced. And besides, UTIs are easily treated with antibiotics.

2) Circ doesn't prevent the passing of any disease. That's why the infection rate for HPV is around 80%. If circ was so good at preventing the spread of STDs would the infection rate be that high?

3) Improper cleaning? You're so misinformed it's not even funny.

Anyway, what is confusing about telling a small boy who asks why his penis looks different from his friend, that it's because his parents made the decision to cut off part of his penis? Are you ashamed of what you chose to do to your son?
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#29 of 136 Old 05-05-2007, 03:38 AM
 
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The penis belongs to the boy, NOT the parents. It is no one's choice but the boy and the man he will become. What parts can I cut off my daughter? None! Why?! Because it is mutilation! It is the same with boys. IT IS WRONG! IT IS MUTILATION! Boys deserve the same protection as girls!

Momma to three fine children, one that lives in my heart and two that live in my arms.
Circumcision is wrong, regardless of gender
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#30 of 136 Old 05-05-2007, 03:41 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NamastePlatypus View Post
If you had truley researched the topic you would see that non of those reasons hold any bearing. I will not go on my tangent about those bogus reasons just giving you a heads up.
: That is so very true. I know you wanted best for your kid, but all the reasons that you have mentioned for circ-ing your son are, unfortunately, myths. History of circ is masturbation prevention. That is basically the only reason it has been done on the first place. It has NO health benefits. It can have all sort of complications in your son’s sexual life. And even perfectly preformed circ is still a life long damage, as your son’s glans are dry now (so he’ll have to use lubricant in order to have more or less normal sex or for masturbation) and are loosing it’s sensitivity more and more every passing day as it rubs against underwear. THE MOST SENSITIVE part of his penis has been removed (yes, you read it right, foreskin is the most sensitive part of the penis). So, how in the world can it be “definitely the parent's choice”?! :
yulia.
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