(i) is circumcision really necessary ? from what you described no in no way shape or form is circ needed.
(ii) how real is the risk of kidney damage if we do have him circumcised ?There is none to my knowledge since he can pee just fine. From what you said he is only having pain on occasion and when seperation is under way that is totally normal. The tip of the foreskin is a sphincter just like the anus and when not in use it clamps down giving the impression it is super tiny. But when urine needs to come out it looses up.
(iii) other than regular cleaning, what are the things to note to keep this problem at bay ?There is nothing special you need to do other than not let him sit in soapy water or leave soap on him and never retract or allow anyone else to attempt to retract him.
(iv) is circumcision going to be traumatic on the child ? (He turns 3 in Jan 08.) I am terribly concerned how he is going to cope with the post-circumcision pain and satisfying ourselves, as parents, that we have indeed explored all options before subjecting him to this. It would be very traumatic for him not and very unneccissary as well not only traumatic now but it will permanatly affect his sex life. The only true reasons to circ are cancer, gangrene, frostbite and irriparable accident damage. As you can imagine all those are very rare.
(v) I have read and seen pics which confirms my fears that it will be a bloody and painful procedure. Any 1st hand experience that you can share ? How long is the recovery process ? What can the parents do to help lessen the pain ?
(vi) in cases of "true phimosis", will the foreskin retract when they grow older ? At what age generally ?at your ds's age there is no way he has the bad kind of phimosis and he is right at the age were seperation can start and we see a lot of posts of boys with pain at this age. Any one under 18 then he does not have phimosis at least not the bad kind. All boys foreskins are fused to the glans until seperation happens which can take up to adulthood. Any time before that and it is not retracting and it is not causing pain for the boy it isnt a problem. If it is causing pain then the boy can do simple stretching to lossen it up. But no one but the owner of the penis should try to get it to retract.
It sounds like to me that your ds is just going through some simple seperation issues and it is really nothing that needs to be done. Check out this thread http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=764732
does that sound familiar with your ds?
The dr telling you to try to retract him tells me that your dr is not familiar with the AAP and no retraction statement.
The dr recommending circ for occasional pain is like them saying you need your finger amputated for a hang nail way overkill.