Intact Penis-The Teen Years, or "I don't want to talk about it Mom!" - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 49 Old 05-07-2007, 08:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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While I do thank everyone for all of the information and sharing, I think this thread has turned into a "why remind him to clean?" type focus...

What I am asking is from the point of view of a WOMAN.

I naturally have a little insecurity that I am leaving something out cuz, um, I don't HAVE a penis.Just trying to be prepared and helpful if he needs it. I need to know things like, if he didn't wash under his foreskin, it might get red or irrtated...

or any other issue related-or not related to- washing.

Does that make sense?

I now have two boys and a girl, and the eldest is 12. While I want to respect the fact that an intact penis is perfect on its own, I do not want to just look the other way and assume everything will always be okay.
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#32 of 49 Old 05-07-2007, 09:00 PM
 
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Originally Posted by beansavi View Post
While I do thank everyone for all of the information and sharing, I think this thread has turned into a "why remind him to clean?" type focus...

What I am asking is from the point of view of a WOMAN.

I naturally have a little insecurity that I am leaving something out cuz, um, I don't HAVE a penis.Just trying to be prepared and helpful if he needs it. I need to know things like, if he didn't wash under his foreskin, it might get red or irrtated...

or any other issue related-or not related to- washing.

Does that make sense?

I now have two boys and a girl, and the eldest is 12. While I want to respect the fact that an intact penis is perfect on its own, I do not want to just look the other way and assume everything will always be okay.
Well...the simple answer is that you shouldn't need to remind an older boy to clean. I think this is what I was trying to explain earlier.....it would be a very rare boy who WOULDN'T get his penis cleaned adequately in the shower. They don't need to use soap or anything (that could cause irritation), so pulling the foreskin back and rinsing is all that's necessary. Boys enjoy their foreskins and they will just naturally take care of this......
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#33 of 49 Old 05-10-2007, 10:10 PM
 
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as a 22 year old the simple and less embarrassing thing to do is to print out something and leave it on his bed or just hand it to him and walk away.
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#34 of 49 Old 05-10-2007, 10:30 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Arduinna View Post
I don't remind my dd if she is washing the folds of her vulva so I'm not getting why parents would feel the need to make sure their sons are washing under the foreskin?

I do, but maybe because she's 7 and a complete hygeine slacker. It goes right along with "Did you wash your hair? Your armpits? Your face?" Not a teenage thing, but I mean, isn't there a point in time where you have to have a little hygeine lesson with any child? And for an intact boy, won't it include "rinse under your foreskin"? (honestly asking here, I'm in the "when you know better you do better" camp, so I don't have an intact boy yet)
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#35 of 49 Old 05-11-2007, 08:31 AM
 
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as a 22 year old the simple and less embarrassing thing to do is to print out something and leave it on his bed or just hand it to him and walk away.
I like this idea! It saves face for both parties.
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#36 of 49 Old 05-11-2007, 10:23 AM
 
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I do, but maybe because she's 7 and a complete hygeine slacker.
probably, I'd think by the teens years (what this thread is about) you won't feel the need to do that anymore
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#37 of 49 Old 05-15-2007, 12:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by alissakae View Post
Well...the simple answer is that you shouldn't need to remind an older boy to clean. I think this is what I was trying to explain earlier.....it would be a very rare boy who WOULDN'T get his penis cleaned adequately in the shower. They don't need to use soap or anything (that could cause irritation), so pulling the foreskin back and rinsing is all that's necessary. Boys enjoy their foreskins and they will just naturally take care of this......
Like that last bit...

But see, I didn't KNOW that using soap under the foreskin would cause irritation... so it's a good thing I asked! Just water? Seriously. My ds1 probably would NOT automatically rinse there or anywhere!
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#38 of 49 Old 05-15-2007, 08:09 AM
 
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Originally Posted by alissakae View Post
Well...the simple answer is that you shouldn't need to remind an older boy to clean. I think this is what I was trying to explain earlier.....it would be a very rare boy who WOULDN'T get his penis cleaned adequately in the shower. They don't need to use soap or anything (that could cause irritation), so pulling the foreskin back and rinsing is all that's necessary. Boys enjoy their foreskins and they will just naturally take care of this......
DBF uses soap... Its a quick swish with soap then a quick swish with water. All of ten seconds- if that.
Maybe soap causes more irritation for younger penises.
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#39 of 49 Old 05-16-2007, 01:12 AM
 
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DBF uses soap... Its a quick swish with soap then a quick swish with water. All of ten seconds- if that.
Maybe soap causes more irritation for younger penises.

Maybe. I think we can trust men to figure out what works for them, just like women do
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#40 of 49 Old 05-16-2007, 02:55 AM
 
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Originally Posted by alissakae View Post
Maybe. I think we can trust men to figure out what works for them, just like women do
Now there's a radical thought.

I'm sure there's many of us who wish we had been told sooner by our parents. But we're now the parents and I think if we start early, remind them well when they're still young (as in elementary school years), then they are probably set when it comes to teen years. My brother is intact and never had a problem. My mother wasn't going around asking him if he cleaned his foreskin -- maybe more like "are you sure you cleaned everything?" (she's pretty modest.)

I don't know about you, but if my mom was asking, "so dear, did you remember to wash your vulva today?," when I was a teen, I'd be horrified.

That said, it's one thing to be prepared for conversations that you *might* have and another to simply drop comments regarding this. I'm all for being prepared and having information ready at the drop of a hat. I'd wait for him to come to you with a problem. Trust that you've taught him well and that he can now do for himself.

Oh, and I'd love to share some info for you, but my ds is only 2 yo, so like you, I'm learning.
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#41 of 49 Old 05-16-2007, 11:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Maybe. I think we can trust men to figure out what works for them, just like women do
But I still feel the need to express that you are generalizing about humans! My ds is borderline asperger's and so would certainly stand in the shower singing... and do NOTHING to clean himself unless his dad educated him.

Unfortunately we are not going down in groups to the swimming hole, where in the old days he would have learned by example (see the human behavioralist, Lev Vygotsky's "Zone of Proximal Learning Theory"). No human ever learned anything in complete isolation until modern times.

So, I began this thread as a means to re-educate my tribe on these things so they can pass them on to their male children in the future.

THAT IS A GOOD THING!
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#42 of 49 Old 05-16-2007, 12:11 PM
 
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...why would you think it was NOT normal to clean down there? Why would you wash your face and feet, but not your privates?
I don't believe it's really necessary to clean genitals, other than basic rinsing with water while bathing or showering. Our bodies produce naturally cleansing substances that, when washed away with soaps and other chemical-laden commercial products, reduce our body's natural ability to keep itself clean and functioning normally.

The smegma produced by both the male and female genitalia is designed by nature to be cleansing. "Smegma" comes from Greek/Latin, meaning unguent, soap, or cleansing medicine.

Talking about these facts with children seems like talking about any other facts of life.

Mama to two amazing homeschooling boys born in 1999 and 2002
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#43 of 49 Old 05-17-2007, 09:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Amoreena View Post
I don't believe it's really necessary to clean genitals, other than basic rinsing with water while bathing or showering. Our bodies produce naturally cleansing substances that, when washed away with soaps and other chemical-laden commercial products, reduce our body's natural ability to keep itself clean and functioning normally.

The smegma produced by both the male and female genitalia is designed by nature to be cleansing. "Smegma" comes from Greek/Latin, meaning unguent, soap, or cleansing medicine.

Talking about these facts with children seems like talking about any other facts of life.
Nicely put.

Here's a question:

If a male NEVER pulled back his foreskin and let water run over it, would something bad happen?
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#44 of 49 Old 05-19-2007, 06:49 PM
 
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I seriously doubt it.

Mom to Dakota (6), Coy, (4), Max, (4), Lily (4), and Auri (June 19th 2010)!
Visit Lily's site at www.caringbridge.org/visit/lilymathis1
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#45 of 49 Old 05-20-2007, 03:23 PM
 
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i was the one to tell my 13 year old nephew about it i knew he was intact i just told him didnt have a conversation about it i said pull back the foreskin clean when you bathe and pull the foreskin back ahead and all the other info think it is beter to talk to them like they are a wall this way you are not opening them up to the coversation for them to shut down if you just tell them and let it go then they hear it and dont have to say anything about it i was the one who had to teach my younger nephew also at 8 when he came to visit there is 2 more but i have not seen them to educate them on how to do it they are the left alone even tho my bothers are cut funny i am the only girl educating the boys and i am the youngest : go figure
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#46 of 49 Old 05-20-2007, 04:20 PM
 
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Originally Posted by beansavi View Post
Okay....so there's lots of info out there on intact penises in babies...toddlers...children....

but now that my ds can't bear to talk to me about it...how do I advise him about his cleanliness, things to look for.... etc.!

So here's my question:
If a male NEVER pulled back his foreskin and let water run over it, would something bad happen?
Honestly, I don't see any need to have a special hygiene talk with a teenage boy or put together an info packet. I never did that with my three boys. They grew up with good personal hygiene as part of their daily routine. That was enough for them. If you really need to talk about something, I think it's more important to have a serious discussion about the importance of always using condoms.

As children reach puberty and need more privacy it's time for a mother to back off and realize that their genitals are no longer her concern. If something is wrong they will come to you.

The shower is a popular place for boys to masturbate, so rest assured, the foreskin will get retracted and the penis will get rinsed with lots of water without any reminders or coaching from you.

At the very latest when your son wants to become sexually active and some girl rolls her eyes and says to him "Eww, gross. You smell." he will pay attention to his personal hygiene.
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#47 of 49 Old 05-20-2007, 08:04 PM
 
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Originally Posted by beansavi View Post
Nicely put.

Here's a question:

If a male NEVER pulled back his foreskin and let water run over it, would something bad happen?
Some men go thru their whole lives with non-retractable foreskins. They dont know that it is supposed to retract and never think about it. So nothing bad will happen if they never pull it back just like nothing bad would happen if a woman never did a douche. (douche=bad thing anyway)

 
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#48 of 49 Old 05-20-2007, 08:12 PM
 
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Originally Posted by MCatLvrMom2A&X View Post
Some men go thru their whole lives with non-retractable foreskins. They dont know that it is supposed to retract and never think about it. So nothing bad will happen if they never pull it back just like nothing bad would happen if a woman never did a douche. (douche=bad thing anyway)
I had to tell my then-18-year-old (circ'd) DP (I was then-25) that girls don't need to douche. He is 7 of 9 kids (5 boys, 4 girls). He challenged me for quite a while thinking they needed it. He then humoured me until we watched 'The Sunday Night Sex Show' and a caller called in to ask this and Sue Johanson said it was not only unnecessary, but damaging.

But his family has a unique blend of intact and circ'd males. Their father is intact, as are the oldest 2 boys. Then there's a circ'd brother, him (circ'd) and his youngest circ'd brother.
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#49 of 49 Old 05-20-2007, 09:04 PM
 
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I hope to raise my kids to be able to come to me with anything and everything, but it was definitely not like that in my family. My mom never talked to me about sex, periods, personal hygene, etc. I found out from friends or figured it out as I got older (like 17/18). We never talked about the proper terms for body parts, I didn't even know what a vulva was until I started coming here.

I do intent to make sure my boys and girls know how to properly wash their body parts, I assume that will happen when they are younger and not too embarassed. But I don't think a reminder every once in a while (like once a year) is too much.

I don't know if I had yeast infections, but I do remember always being itchy almost all the time and feeling like it was inflamed, strange discharges. It may have just been a collection of smegma (sp?) but once I started to clean myself properly (just water) it was way better. Like I said my mom wasn't the most talkative person about personal stuff. She was really embaressed and we just never talked about anything to do with sex or our bodies. I don't want to raise my kids the same way, YK?
My experience minus the strange discharges.

~Nay

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