This has to be said. A Vent. A Rant. UPDATE from the pedi post #11 - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 44 Old 06-12-2007, 11:56 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Last night my son developed a problem with his penis. I was ashamed to post the details to ask for help here. Not only was I ashamed to post the details here I was afraid to tell all but one of the people who PM'd me for help "ALL" of the details.

Why was I ashamed you ask? I was/am ashamed because my Poor Sweet baby boy is circumcised. You can find me in the regrets sticky above. Here is the link to our story.

I was truly ignorant. I researched everything about prenatal nutrition and birth to death. The one thing I never looked up or even really thought about was circumcision.

I posted several months ago about the conversation I had with my MIL about circumcision. I was telling her how wrong it is, how painful, etc. I told her that after requesting Calen's hospital records I found out that they had given him no anesthesia. She then told me that she knew it hurt and she knew they didn't use anesthesia! : I was furious with her! She KNEW they were going to cause horrible pain to her newborn grandson and she didn't tell me! WTF?

Fast forward to yesterday. DS started complaining that his penis hurt. I looked and the glans was red and a bit sore looking but nothing major. We went bare bottomed the rest of the day. Then at midnight last night he woke up screaming that his penis hurt. I went in to comfort him. I took off his diaper and looked and I nearly fell over. The glans was flaming red about halfway down. There is a sore covering the entire urethral meatus that looks like it has pus inside of it. He told me he couldn't pee. I looked at his glans again and realized that the sore had fused his meatus shut. It looked like a yellow scab over the end of his glans.

I put him in a baking soda bath and let him soak for awhile. Then I had to pull the sides apart to open his meatus again as it was still stuck together. He screamed, but he was able to urinate again. This morning it looks like he has a very bad ulcer on his glans and his meatus is fused shut by it again. He can pee only drops at a time. We are going to the pediatrician at 11:00.

MIL called this morning. I told her what was going on.
MIL:"Well if that Dr. had just circumcised him right to begin with he wouldn't be having these problems now."
Me rather coldly: "What do you mean?"
MIL: "Well his penis never has looked right."
Me: "What?"
MIL: "Well there is too much skin still there."
Me furious at this point: "No there is not too much skin there. He is lucky to still have what he has. It just doesn't look right to you because all the men from your generation were circumcised so tightly that they had no skin left. They know now that tight circs cause all sorts of problems and so they do loose circs now to prevent those problems."
MIL: "So he is having all of these problems now because they didn't cut enough skin off to prevent problems later."
Me: "You just don't get it do you? He wouldn't be having ANY problem right now if he was intact! If he still had his foreskin he never would have had #@&*#$* adhesions and he sure as heck wouldn't have a big ol sore on his glans right now! His foreskin would be protecting his glans. Do you get it now?"

I want to SCREAM! I thought I was protecting my little one when I let them do this horrible thing to him. Then I have to listen to my MIL and her comments. Why in the heck is she even thinking about whether his penis looks right or not?

So if anyone needs a good story for why NOT to circ my poor baby boy is that example.
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#2 of 44 Old 06-12-2007, 11:59 AM
 
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I'm so sorry your MIL is a UA violation.

I hope your little boy feels better soon.

Thank you for sharing your story. I just passed it on to a friend due in October who hasn't decided yet.

-Angela
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#3 of 44 Old 06-12-2007, 12:01 PM
 
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I'm so glad you told your mother-in-law off. It BAFFLES me that complications of circ are met with a response that the circ wasn't done severely enough! : How backward.
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#4 of 44 Old 06-12-2007, 12:01 PM
 
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: mama, don't beat yourself up too much. you did what you thought was best and now you can be such a powerful voice in educating others!
ignore your MIL, and i hope your little guy is better soon!

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#5 of 44 Old 06-12-2007, 12:09 PM
 
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i am actually sitting here sobbing. i am so sorry. i can't imagine having that conversation with anyone, let alone someone who is supposd to love and want to help you protect your baby. your heart must be hurting so much.

please, try not to be embarrased. we all understand that you know better now. i know WAY more now than i did when i was in the decision-making process. i spent more time researching what stroller to buy and what diapers i wanted to use.

i hope your baby heals quickly. he knows you love him. we know you love him and you will do the best for him.

~helen~ mama to 5 yo twins jonas and micah and my 2 yo baby boy eli
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#6 of 44 Old 06-12-2007, 12:10 PM
 
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I'm so sorry mama. Your humility amazes me though.
Don't continue to beat yourself up. You would never have done it had you known. Your mil and my mil sound like they are members of the same ignoramus club.

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#7 of 44 Old 06-12-2007, 12:14 PM
 
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So many boys get meatal ulcers like that, and the rate of meatal stenosis is about 10% of circ'd boys, it's the direct complication of circ that they like to forget to include in their "complication rates".

Your poor little boy, and what an appalling MIL you have.

*HUGS* *HUGS*

It's outrageous that not only is this legal, but that so many do it without realising the damage it causes, doctors should be forced to provide TRULY informed consent forms and educate parents properly before they go anywhere near the child with a clamp. It's not your fault.
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#8 of 44 Old 06-12-2007, 12:44 PM
 
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I'm sorry. Quick healing to your little guy!

Your MIL :.

OUR DAUGHTERS ARE PROTECTED SHOULDN'T OUR SONS BE TOO! :
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#9 of 44 Old 06-12-2007, 12:50 PM
 
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. I am sorry this has happened to you. I am also sorry you MIL is being such a *insert worst meanest word you can think about that sort of person*. I would try to be diplomatic with her to keep family peace, and if that doesn't work you have permission to stand up for yourself and let loose on her.

Prayers for you little guys quick recovery!
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#10 of 44 Old 06-12-2007, 01:58 PM
 
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To CalenandEllasmom:

I just want to give you some hugs, and tell you how impressed I am with your courage and honesty about your experiences with your son's circumcision. So painful for you (and him) to go through, but you are so articulate about it now, I know you will take the real-life knowledge you have gained to make a huge difference for others.

I hope he heals up quickly.

With encouragement and warm support, Gillian
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#11 of 44 Old 06-12-2007, 02:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We just got back from the pediatrician.

He has a meatal ulcer and meatitis. She even pointed out to me that they only see these in circumcised boys.

He is going to be on an oral antibiotic as well as a topical antibiotic for several days.

She said I am probably going to have to keep putting him in the bath and pulling the sore apart so that he can urinate.

She also said we need to keep an eye on this because it could cause scarring.

Thanks everybody for the support.
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#12 of 44 Old 06-12-2007, 02:07 PM
 
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I'm so so sorry...your story makes me want to cry. I'm glad you told your MIL off too - what a UA violation.:

Big hugs to you and your little guy - I hope he heals quickly.
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#13 of 44 Old 06-12-2007, 02:17 PM
 
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I'm so sorry for your poor little boy, and for you, sweet mama.
I have one circumcised and two intact boys, but I have always been very open in sharing this fact. I think having had a circumcised son and then being brave enough to admit it was a mistake and then to go on and not circumcise future sons speaks volumes about the old adage "When you know better you do better."
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#14 of 44 Old 06-12-2007, 02:18 PM
 
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(((Hugs))), Momma.

It sounds like meatal stenosis. My stepson had it too. It's circumcision's most frequent complication. It has absolutely nothing to do with 'too much skin being left'. Meatal stenosis happens because the meatus (normally covered/protected by the foreskin) is exposed to urine, which can ulcerate it and lead to scarring.

Good article to show your clueless MIL:

http://www.emedicine.com/ped/topic2356.htm

I'm so sorry that you guys are going through this; I can really hear your grief.

Jen
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#15 of 44 Old 06-12-2007, 02:23 PM
 
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i am so sorry, and i hope your little sweetie is feeling better soon.

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#16 of 44 Old 06-12-2007, 02:31 PM
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I'm so so sorry for you and your little one . Alot of to you.

I hope your baby heals soon.

And this is for your ignorant MIL
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#17 of 44 Old 06-12-2007, 02:33 PM
 
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Wow. I hope he gets better.
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#18 of 44 Old 06-12-2007, 03:10 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Daisyuk View Post
So many boys get meatal ulcers like that, and the rate of meatal stenosis is about 10% of circ'd boys, it's the direct complication of circ that they like to forget to include in their "complication rates".

Your poor little boy, and what an appalling MIL you have.

*HUGS* *HUGS*

It's outrageous that not only is this legal, but that so many do it without realising the damage it causes, doctors should be forced to provide TRULY informed consent forms and educate parents properly before they go anywhere near the child with a clamp. It's not your fault.
Quote:
Originally Posted by glongley View Post
To CalenandEllasmom:

I just want to give you some hugs, and tell you how impressed I am with your courage and honesty about your experiences with your son's circumcision. So painful for you (and him) to go through, but you are so articulate about it now, I know you will take the real-life knowledge you have gained to make a huge difference for others.

I hope he heals up quickly.

With encouragement and warm support, Gillian
:

I wish I was better with words but these moms saidit all. I can only imagian what you must feel and I just sad and cried for you. It is so frustrating I am sure but I am thinking about you both. As far as you mil, well, I don't want to get in trouble so I will stay quiet

Living DAIRY AND GLUTEN FREE for my SPD and Aspergers Little Man.
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#19 of 44 Old 06-12-2007, 03:15 PM
 
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I'm so sorry. THat is really scary. I hope that your son recovers quickly.

 
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#20 of 44 Old 06-12-2007, 03:20 PM
 
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Big hugs for telling your story....peace and healing mama...
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#21 of 44 Old 06-12-2007, 03:26 PM
 
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I'm sorry
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#22 of 44 Old 06-12-2007, 03:34 PM
 
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(((Hugs)))

Jessica

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#23 of 44 Old 06-12-2007, 03:45 PM
 
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You are such a strong woman and an amazing mama for telling your story. I'm so sorry your little sweetie is hurting, but you are doing a great job of not only helping him to heal physically, but protecting him from his grandmother's craziness at this stressful time. Good job, mama!
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#24 of 44 Old 06-12-2007, 04:04 PM
 
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Oh man, poor kid! And poor mama! Don't beat yourself up love, we all make mistakes. *hugs*

My oldest is circumsized. I didn't know any better either. His younger brothers are both intact because I was much better informed by then. My oldest had a mild issue once, but it was not bad, we were lucky.

Everyone here understands, we all do what we think is best based on the info we have at the time.

Be good to you, Mama.

I hope your little sweetie heals up really quickly.
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#25 of 44 Old 06-12-2007, 04:07 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CalenandEllasmomma View Post
.

Why was I ashamed you ask? I was/am ashamed because my Poor Sweet baby boy is circumcised. You can find me in the regrets sticky above. Here is the link to our story.

I was truly ignorant. I researched everything about prenatal nutrition and birth to death. The one thing I never looked up or even really thought about was circumcision. The only frame of reference I had in mind when I consented to the surgery was that my brother had been circumcised at age 2 for phimosis (A surgery I now believe was completely unnescessary).
Right there with you, mama. I am so sorry your little guy is going through such pain. What a terrible feeling you must have. Stay strong! major hugs your way!
Your MIL needs a swift kick!

Darcy mama to Dillon, Marah and Leo, partner to Jeremy
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#26 of 44 Old 06-12-2007, 04:23 PM
 
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OH, I am so sorry you have had to deal with this. I thank God that my first was a girl so I knew better. My saga is chronicled here as well, and it was not an easy one... but well worth it. That is so OT though... sorry.
You are strong to post this, and as others have said should not feel guilty when you didn't know any better. We all have regrets and things we would change. I hope he heals really soon and doesn't have any more scarring. s
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#27 of 44 Old 06-12-2007, 04:43 PM
 
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Circ aside, how can any grandmother say that their grandson's penis (or any other part of them) never looked right??? What a mean thing to say about a little boy! (((hugs)))

Don't beat yourself up mama, lots of us didn't think a thing about circ till we came here, just lucky for us it was before the babies were born, that doesn't make anyone a better mother.

Single mom of 2 boys
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#28 of 44 Old 06-12-2007, 04:48 PM
 
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I am so very sorry for your son's pain... and yours, too.

Something has GOT to change here. The AAP needs to acknowledge the dangers of circumcision so this madness stops NOW.
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#29 of 44 Old 06-12-2007, 05:20 PM
 
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#30 of 44 Old 06-12-2007, 06:07 PM
 
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to you and your son, mama.

When you feel up to it, you should write to the (UA violation) doctor who talked you into circ and let them know that you feel that they totally misled you about the harms of circumcision -- which have now happened to your son not only in the adhesions but also in the ulceration. :

Actually, it may not be too late to sue him/her. This sounds like exactly the right kind of case where you were not informed -- and your son has suffered. If nothing else, I would take pictures of what's going on and get all the records together so that your son can sue his circumciser when he turns 18 and have the documentation to back him up.

Come visit the NEW QuirkyBaby website -- earn QB Bucks rewards points for purchases, reviews, referrals, and more! Free US shipping on great brands of baby slings and carriers and FREE BabyLegs or babywearing mirror on orders of $100+. Take the QB Quiz for personalized advice!

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