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#1 of 51 Old 08-30-2007, 08:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We're absolutely NOT circ'ing our son. That decision was made awhile back. We have a 14 yr. old who is circ'd so this will be our first intact son.

With that being said, for some reason I'm getting a little nervous about it. I try to read up on the posts every now and again on this thread to learn more about having an intact son and it seems I read many things that could go wrong (infection, problems urinating, or unexplained odor or things like that).

Are these issues fairly common with an intact son? You just clean it like you would a finger, right? Can I use diaper wipes to clean it as I'm cleaning the rest of his bottom during diaper changes?

Please don't worry, in no way, shape or form would we change our minds! Never! This will just be very new to me (dh & I both) and I am just a little worried that it's going to be challenging to care for an intact penis. More so than I thought.

Our sweet boy is due any day now (as a matter of fact, I've been having contractions all day) so I just want to be prepared.

Please encourage me and put my mind at ease! This will be a breeze, right?
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#2 of 51 Old 08-30-2007, 09:07 PM
 
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I can totally sympathize. When we made the desision not to circumcise our first son, we were the only people we knew who did not, and it was a little scary. No matter how sure I was that leaving him intact was the right thing to do, I was so scared that I was going to do something wrong and cause him trouble forever. I was so freaked out that for the first week, I constantly was looking at his penis to see if something was wrong. :
I think its because everything we are taught in our culture says that its what you *have* to do or else, and breaking out of that mentality is hard, even when you are sure of your decision.
To answer your questions (I've learned a lot since his early days, and most of it here ):
My oldest ds is almost 6, and has never had an infection, trouble urinating, or any other issues. There is actually a thread here somewhere called "intact and no problems..." or something like that, and it is many pages long- you might look it up for peace of mind
Yes, you just clean it like a finger, with a wipe. No biggie. Really easy. If you never retract, and never let anyone but him retract, then you are probably not going to have any issues.
And any issues he may have (however rare they may be) can usually be cleared up pretty easily.
I hope this helps.

Homeschooling mom of 2 rambunctious, loving, spectacular boys, wife to an incredible man who has been my best friend on this journey <3

 

 

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#3 of 51 Old 08-30-2007, 09:12 PM
 
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congrats on your baby! easy labor vibes coming your way mama!!

yes, it will be a breeze. and yes, you can just use whatever wipes you use for his bottom on his penis too. and you are right, wipe it like a finger. here is a thread that may help put your mind at ease.

i think the biggest thing to remember is to be VIGILANT about drs and their curiousity to see whats in there. check out the sticky about retraction up above.

can't wait to read your birth story!

~helen~ mama to 5 yo twins jonas and micah and my 2 yo baby boy eli
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#4 of 51 Old 08-30-2007, 09:43 PM
 
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Congrats!My ds is intact,never a problem.He's recently become retractable,and although he won't wash any other part of his body in the tub,he has no problems "retracting and swishing" .I always just washed him with a wipe at diaper changes,he was in diapers until 5yo and no problems at all.HTH!

Student mama to one awesome,talented and unique dd,15 and one amazing, sweet and strong ds,12(born with heart defect Tetralogy of Fallot,also on the autism spectrum),9 cats,and 2 gerbils.
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#5 of 51 Old 08-30-2007, 09:47 PM
 
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The biggest problem you'll have is convincing drs to LEAVE IT ALONE!!! Or to not create imaginary problems. Drs are used to seeing circ'd boys, so they don't really know how to deal with non-circ. I've had a dr tell me that I HAVE to retract or he might get adhesions : had another say that he HAS to visualize the meatus during well baby visits to make sure everything's okay (and that it's harmless to do so) : and more than one dr blame the UTI my son had on him not being circ'd. Sheesh.

In reality, circ'd boys have just as many (actually, more!) problems with odor and infection and adhesions...you just don't hear about them because they're considered pretty par-for-the-course. But trust me--the problems exist!! My anecdotal conclusion is that parents that non-circ are more in tune to their children and more likely to notice problems sooner. And then go searching for answers on boards like this. That's why you'll see many threads about potential problems (many of which turn out to be perfectly fine) The parents are just being proactive...just like you're being now!!!

Good luck in labor...just think, you'll be holding your miracle soon!

Mommy to BigBoy Ian (3-17-05) ; LittleBoy Connor (3-3-07) (DiGeorge/VCFS):; BabyBoy Gavin (10-3-09) x3 AngelBaby (1-7-06)
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#6 of 51 Old 08-30-2007, 10:13 PM
 
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My ds is only 6 weeks old, but I was surprised that the ped didn't even mention the fact that he is intact. I was SUPER worried about being bugged or "told" how to [not] take care of it properly or him being retracted or whatever. The ped didn't even take more than a passing glance. And my midwife knew just what to do b/c her son was intact! Anyway, be super wary of people being stupid, but don't be petrified like I was, because I was pleasantly surprised that people weren't as stupid as I expected.

Jenna ~ mommy to Sophia Elise idea.gif  (1/06), Oliver Matthew  blahblah.gif (7/07) and Avery Michael fly-by-nursing1.gif(3/10)

 

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#7 of 51 Old 08-30-2007, 10:34 PM
 
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I think another thing that adds to the number of posts we see concerning red foreskins is that people in this country at least are programmed to think the foreskin is problematic. I have a daughter and a son, both have times when their genitals become a bit red. But I do not think people freak out or think there is a big problem when their daughter has a bit of redness. We need to teach people to react in this way when their son has the same redness.

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#8 of 51 Old 08-30-2007, 10:42 PM
 
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Originally Posted by happymammaof3 View Post
I try to read up on the posts every now and again on this thread to learn more about having an intact son and it seems I read many things that could go wrong (infection, problems urinating, or unexplained odor or things like that).
First, because the posters here are a great resource for parents of intact children, many come here to get advice. So, that may give an appearance of a lot of intact "problems." Second, most of these "problems" are minor (or not really a problem at all) in comparison to the life-long damages when things go wrong with a circ.
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#9 of 51 Old 08-30-2007, 10:42 PM
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Originally Posted by happymammaof3 View Post

Please encourage me and put my mind at ease! This will be a breeze, right?
Yep. It's MUCH easier than cleaning/worrying about a circumcision wound!

My intact son is 5, no problems.

JUST MAKE SURE that you never let a doctor retract! (Unfortunately a lot of them try.) Your son should be the only person to retract his foreskin--that could happen as early as 2 or as late as 19.

"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
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#10 of 51 Old 08-30-2007, 10:50 PM
 
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As the other posters have said it will be a breeze

My first son is circ'd, my new baby (5 1/2 months old) is not. I was like you, and a bit worried about the unknown (plus I got to hear all the horror stories from people who claimed DS was going to have horrible infections etc etc) So far though everything has been perfect. He is cloth diapered but I do use disposible wipes with no problem.

Once again...yes, it will be a breeze

Kelly

Kelly (35), married to DH and living happily with DD (8), DS (6), DS (3) and introducing brand new baby James b. 1/5/11, always remembering ~Joseph~ b/d March 10, 2001. 
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#11 of 51 Old 08-30-2007, 10:57 PM
 
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Hi there. My two have never had issues with being intact. I hear where you are comming from though. My son was the first boy diaper I had ever changed. I come from a family of all girls, so there was absolutely no frame of reference there. I can tell you this much, they are a lot easier to clean than all the folds and creases baby girls have! Just wipe and go.

From hearing all of the rumors about infections, hard to clean ect., I was nervous when ds1 was born too....almost waiting for something to happen. What do you know though, six years later and nada....not a thing.

You are making the right decision Momma, sometimes it just takes a little life experience to reassure us of that. You will see soon enough!

Take care,
Tara

Tara Momma to Callum and Gavin
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#12 of 51 Old 08-30-2007, 11:53 PM
 
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He (and you) will be fine. My ds has had no problems and it is just natural and normal. Shortly you will find yourself wondering why you were so concerned about something so easy. I watch my nephew several days a week (circed 5mo) and always feel that I should be doing something to clean his penis more cause it has a funny look to it (it is "fine" and I do nothing to it figuring his mom can take care of anything that needs to be done, as she never told me any specific instructions on its care), but that's cause it is circed. With ds, it was so easy and nothing special to do and never looked like it needed anything different done to it. He is no more likely to have issues or problems than any girl in the world, and with simple knowledge, almost everything can be easily taken care of with out a lot to tramua.

Good luck with your new babe.
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#13 of 51 Old 08-30-2007, 11:57 PM
 
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The intact penis is the easiest thing in the world to clean. Far easier than a circumcised penis, and definitely easier than a vagina!

Congratulations on your upcoming little one. And YAY for leaving him intact!
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#14 of 51 Old 08-31-2007, 12:11 AM
 
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I'm on another board with a mix of mamas of intact/circed boys, and almost exclusively the "problems" that get posted about for intact boys are par for the course and really not problems at all -- ballooning (doctor recommended circ : ), minor irritation/separation trauma, non-retraction by a certain age, etc.

Whereas I have seen lots of threads about adhesions, serious irritation/even meatal stenosis, even bleeding, from mamas of circed boys. Not to mention cleanliness issues because the remnant foreskin traps gunk. These are real problems -- and they're complications of circumcision.

I know this is anecdotal, but I think circed boys are far more likely to have problems with their penises than intact boys -- which is only natural, really.

Congratulations on your new baby boy -- I hope you're holding him in your arms soon!

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#15 of 51 Old 08-31-2007, 12:28 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Bm31 View Post
First, because the posters here are a great resource for parents of intact children, many come here to get advice. So, that may give an appearance of a lot of intact "problems." Second, most of these "problems" are minor (or not really a problem at all) in comparison to the life-long damages when things go wrong with a circ.
: That is what I was going to say. You will obviously see more "What is wrong...." here posts since no one is likely to come on everyday saying "Ds's penis is fine today...." posts.

I look at it this way my dd had major problems with diaper rash due to eczema we treated it and moved on. So when ds got a bacterial infection (my fault for letting him play hide and seek with his finger without washing his hands after being outside all day) we treated it and moved on.

If taken care of properly ie leaving it alone the foreskin is no more apt to have problems than any other body part.

And you are definatly not alone mama when I first had ds I was always looking for a problem due to hearing about infections etc my whole life but as he gets older the worry has eased. It helps that I know for a fact infections can be totally cured with proper medication and they dont keep coming back.

 
SAHMlady.gifread.giflovin' trekkie.giffan intactivist.gifwinner.jpg to loveeyes.gifenergy.gifDD 10/00 & superhero.gifmoon.gifDS 10/04 ribbonpb.gifIf your ds is intact, keep him safe, visit the Case Against Circ forumnocirc.gifCirc, a personal choice, Your sonsyes.gifbrokenheart.gif11/98brokenheart.gif6/99ribbonbrown.gifanti-tobaccoribbonyellow.gifThyroid cancer survivor. With cat.gif& goldfish.gif & (Boxer)dog2.gif wishing 4 whale.gif&ribbonwhite.gifsigncirc1.gifselectivevax.gifdelayedvax.gif

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#16 of 51 Old 08-31-2007, 12:30 AM
 
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Congrats mama!
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#17 of 51 Old 08-31-2007, 12:43 AM
 
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This will be a breeze, right?
Yes very, very easy. So much easier then a baby girl, or a baby boy who is circd. You will probably find he very rarly even gets anything on his penis to be wiped off thanks to the poop catchers underneath!

Yes it is possible that he may get an infection, or some other problem but no more risk then any other part of his body. If that happens you find out what is causing it and treat accordingly just like you would if you had a daughter, who has a much greater risk of UTI then your son ever will. Most likely you will find it trouble free and much more simply to clean then say his teeth. Try getting an uncooperative toddler to open his mouth and you will appreciate how much more difficult it is to keep those teeth clean then his penis.

If you do get a problem at least you know it's a natural problem, not one brought on because of a complication from surgery, a surgery totally unneeded. I would much rather take the minor risks associated with a natural body then the risks associated with taking a knife to a healthy child.
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#18 of 51 Old 08-31-2007, 12:50 AM
 
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I used to worry about the same thing, even though I too, would never circ. But if you go on a mainstream forum, you will see just as many (actually, probably more) threads about problems with circ'd boys. Plus there are the problems that they don't know are a result of the circ. Plus, it's usually way worse than intact problems. Kids just have issues with every body part, think about all the threads about girls getting uti's, yeast etc. Congrats on your baby!

Mama to my little social butterfly 6/13/09

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#19 of 51 Old 08-31-2007, 12:51 AM
 
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You will probably find he very rarly even gets anything on his penis to be wiped off thanks to the poop catchers underneath!
That is so true. Uggh those scotums are a PITA to get the poop off of.

 
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#20 of 51 Old 08-31-2007, 01:06 AM
 
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That is so true. Uggh those scotums are a PITA to get the poop off of.
Especialy those early black ones. I was always scared I would hurt him.
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#21 of 51 Old 08-31-2007, 01:17 AM
 
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Congratulations on your upcoming newest arrival! One day your ds will know what happens to newborn boys who get circumcised and believe me when I tell you that YOUR SON WILL THANK YOU for not getting him circumcised. I think your super smart for protecting him against an arbitrary reductive cosmetic non-therapeutic irreversible operation, oh did I mention that circumcision isn't necessary! HA I guess I didn't. It feels so great that I DON'T HAVE TO Tell you that!!! You already know and WOW! That little boy is one lucky little guy.

Sharpen your arrows mama! There's a world of ignorant docs out there.
Read about"Retraction" & Why it is BAD andA Warning For Parents of Intact Sons.

Not all doctors are uneducated about the values of being intact. Your lucky if you get one of the few that are knowledgeable and aren't circ happy. In the mean time hang out with us here at the CAC. We're so happy your here!

~FW

oh, I have two intact ds first ds was circ (sad story). Circ ds has had more problems than the other intact boys ever had. ds2 red tip from a forced retraction by a ill-informed pediatrician but nothing other that.

Have a happy birth!
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#22 of 51 Old 08-31-2007, 10:04 AM
 
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Originally Posted by tiffer23 View Post
The intact penis is the easiest thing in the world to clean. Far easier than a circumcised penis, and definitely easier than a vagina!

True, check this out:
http://www.cirp.org/library/complications/vanhowe/

Good luck to you!
Tara

Tara Momma to Callum and Gavin
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#23 of 51 Old 08-31-2007, 11:55 AM
 
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My ds is only 6 weeks old, but I was surprised that the ped didn't even mention the fact that he is intact. I was SUPER worried about being bugged or "told" how to [not] take care of it properly or him being retracted or whatever. The ped didn't even take more than a passing glance. And my midwife knew just what to do b/c her son was intact! Anyway, be super wary of people being stupid, but don't be petrified like I was, because I was pleasantly surprised that people weren't as stupid as I expected.
Right. I don't know if it's because not circing is a common choice around here or something (state-wise, it's not, but we're in a area that often trends differently than the state) but our ped and her nurse MADE sure we knew not to retract, and our daycare provider knew to leave it alone as well.

And, when we indicated to one nurse at the hospital he was not going to be circed, her reaction was "good!"
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#24 of 51 Old 08-31-2007, 10:36 PM
 
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Congrats on your upcoming special delivery!!

I have a six-month-old intact little boy, and before I got pregnant with him, I knew nothing about circumcision except that just about everyone I knew had it done to their sons. I didn't know how it was done, I had no clue about the risks and benefits, I clearly had no idea. Luckily because I'm the type of person who researches everything to death before diving in, I got on the internet and started reading everything I could get my hands on regarding circumcision (including this message board, one of the main influences in getting me to leave DS intact ) All DH had to say about it was "isn't it cleaner to circ?" but he didn't push the issue one bit when I said I didn't want to and that it actually is *not* cleaner to circumcise.

Anyway, leading up to my delivery I was soooo nervous about the whole thing and I'll admit that my confidence in my decision was a little shaky. I was nervous about the mysterious "problems" you hear stories about and even more nervous about dealing with doctors who don't understand proper intact care. However, once I delivered DS and they handed him to me, all snuggly and sweet in his white blanket, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that there was no way in the world I would hand him over to receive a very painful, purely cosmetic procedure. Seeing him reaffirmed my beliefs that routine infant circumcision is wrong and my worries dissolved when I saw that I had protected my little guy.

For the record, I have been to a few different doctor's offices with him and have never received any negative comments and have never seen a doctor or nurse even try to retract him. You absolutely have to be proactive in making sure health care professionals and other caregivers do not retract your son's foreskin, but care of the intact penis is super easy. Truly a breeze.

Best of luck with your delivery!!
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#25 of 51 Old 09-01-2007, 12:15 AM
 
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I felt the same way, especially since I was no-circ, dh was on the fence, and all of our family was horrified we weren't going to circ. Dh's brother (a surgeon) even called the day before my due date to try and talk us into circ-ing ds. I was terrified that I was making the wrong decision. Luckily most of our playgroup is not circ-ed and no one had ever had a problem. DS is almost 19 months and no problems so far. Although I agree cleaning messy poops off the scrotum is an issue all to itself.

April
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#26 of 51 Old 09-01-2007, 01:29 AM
 
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Most of the male members of DH's and my families are intact (most of the females too come to think of it .) There's never been a real problem that I've heard of. The closest we've come to a problem was my pediatrician forgot DS was intact one time and tried to check his adhesions (I'm just always careful to remind her now.)

The very tip of DS's forskin has been a little pink once or twice but that was always at the same time he had a red bottom from diaper rash. This just seems normal to me. I know when I was a little girl I sometimes had an irratated vagina.

Remember most of the world is intact, RIC is really just an American thing these days.

Timmy's Mommy WARNINGyslexic typing with help of preschooler, beware of typos
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#27 of 51 Old 09-01-2007, 02:52 AM
 
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3 intact sons, and no problems!

Congrats and good luck!
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#28 of 51 Old 09-01-2007, 04:09 AM
 
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Originally Posted by april77 View Post
IDh's brother (a surgeon) even called the day before my due date to try and talk us into circ-ing ds.
You know, that really scares me. I cannot see the motive behind it. If you were to hypothesise that as a surgeon, he profits from performing circumcisions (on adults, presumably), surely it would suit him to discourage people - in general - from circumcision to increase his future "supply"?

I suppose you could remotely argue that he may feel that surgeons do not perform the procedure properly and that it might be "better" done at birth.

But that would be "drawing a long bow" to find a motive. If you presume that he was "sincere" in his concern to have the baby circumcised, than that is really bad, because it means that his judgement - medical and moral - is severely impaired - and he is right now "out there" in the community, "looking after" patients! Now that's frightening!

My "working hypothesis" is that the majority of doctors are both competent and caring, and circumcision is performed only very grudgingly (and therefore, infrequently) due to social pressure, while the majority are performed by a handful of entrepreneurial "mavericks" who are either outright profiteers, emotionally impaired, or indeed both.

This certainly describes my country, and I would hope is fairly true of America. The alternative - widespread incompetence which must extend to other areas - is (sorry if I repeat this excessively but it is simply an expression of the horror that this engenders in me) an alarming prospect.
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#29 of 51 Old 09-01-2007, 10:39 AM
 
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Our log names are so similiar that I looked the post and thought there was an error. I'm Happymamaof3 with one m instead of two m's.

I have two intact sons and have had no problems what so ever with them. My oldest son is 3 1/2 and my youngest is 16 months. I had everyone try to convince me that they were going to have infections, problems, "locker room" issues, etc. I'm happy to say they are wrong on the infections and problems so far. I have also been blessed with finding medical profesionals (both pediatricans and Natropaths) who think my sons being intact is great.

Congratulations on your new arrival!!


Quote:
Originally Posted by happymammaof3 View Post
We're absolutely NOT circ'ing our son. That decision was made awhile back. We have a 14 yr. old who is circ'd so this will be our first intact son.

With that being said, for some reason I'm getting a little nervous about it. I try to read up on the posts every now and again on this thread to learn more about having an intact son and it seems I read many things that could go wrong (infection, problems urinating, or unexplained odor or things like that).

Are these issues fairly common with an intact son? You just clean it like you would a finger, right? Can I use diaper wipes to clean it as I'm cleaning the rest of his bottom during diaper changes?

Please don't worry, in no way, shape or form would we change our minds! Never! This will just be very new to me (dh & I both) and I am just a little worried that it's going to be challenging to care for an intact penis. More so than I thought.

Our sweet boy is due any day now (as a matter of fact, I've been having contractions all day) so I just want to be prepared.

Please encourage me and put my mind at ease! This will be a breeze, right?
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#30 of 51 Old 09-01-2007, 07:08 PM
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