Anyone else regretting a circ? Are newly enlightened folk welcome? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 22 Old 07-17-2003, 12:45 PM - Thread Starter
Banned
 
turquoise's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Climbing the padded walls
Posts: 1,188
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hi, I'm new to the circ board and wanted to make sure I'm welcome before joining in. When my son was born in '99 I did some research (although the info I got was slanted i.e. circ= less infections, intact = more care blah blah) and finally decided not to decide - DH was the one in the house with a penis, so I thought he would have the most experience on the subject. He's circed, so we had DS circ'ed w/o anesthesia at the dr's recommendation because he was "fair skinned" and the anesthesia could cause "complications" (my first huge regret and my first firm decision on the subject - penis of my own or not, all of my future sons would have anesthesia).

Now I'm learning a lot more about circ's (thanks to this board) and I really regret my son's and will need help convincing DH if we are ever blessed with another son. I also fully intend to explain to my son about circ, why and how it was done, and suggest that he not circ his children.

So are people who have changed their mind about circ welcome? Are there other people who regret a circ posting to this board?

I do think this board is great, and I understand if I'm not welcome - I don't expect to be welcomed everywhere I go. If that's the case, I'll go back to being the quiet lurker with no hard feelings.
turquoise is offline  
#2 of 22 Old 07-17-2003, 02:15 PM
Banned
 
somemama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Posts: 1,645
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)



We're glad to have you here! Your future son(s) will benefit from the knowledge you have gained.

Yes, others on this board have circ'd son(s) and now regret it. We're all learning together.

Fortunately I had my children in this order: girl, then boy, so that by the time I had my boy, I was educated enough on this issue. Otherwise I might have been in your shoes.
somemama is offline  
#3 of 22 Old 07-17-2003, 03:22 PM
 
Sara29's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Ohio
Posts: 586
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
welcome to the board
sara
Sara29 is offline  
#4 of 22 Old 07-17-2003, 03:38 PM
 
Nemmer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Happy Valley, but heart in Alaska
Posts: 3,291
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Welcome! I too have one circ'd son, and have decided not to circ any future sons. This board has been MOST helpful in gaining info. DH and I were quite on the fence about whether or not to circ, since we had friends who were opposed, but had never really checked into it. The research we did do was not extensive enough to convince us not to do it, unfortunately. DH even has a bro who wasn't circ'd (docs said he didn't have enough foreskin to do it) and he plans on circ'ing any sons he has. : But I mistakenly believed that circing was cleaner and easier to care for, so we did it. I think we knew right away that it was a mistake, but didn't know enough to justify that feeling, if that makes sense. A few months later I found MDC and Mothering Magazine, and from reading more about it became convinced that I would never let that happen again! And thankfully, I have slowly been able to help DH come to that same conclusion. Mothering's article "The Case Against Circumcision" educated him in a way that left him saying "We will NEVER do that to another boy again. Ever." For a little while the concern over having brothers who were different was important to him, but not after hearing me read that article to him. Thank heavens for Mothering!
Nemmer is offline  
#5 of 22 Old 07-17-2003, 08:36 PM
 
Frankly Speaking's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: North Atlanta
Posts: 5,162
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Turquoise, you are most assuredly welcome here. All we request is that you keep an open mind and be willing to learn. You have already mentioned that so you are a member of the club in good standing. That you circumcised your first son is immaterial and of no concern to us.

By visiting and learning here, you are preparing to pass down a wonderful birthright to your progeny, the gift of education!




Frank
Frankly Speaking is offline  
#6 of 22 Old 07-18-2003, 01:15 AM
 
Sarah's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Indiana
Posts: 2,134
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Welcome Turquoise!

Of course you are welcome!

Maybe you would feel better if you read Marilyn Milos' story... it takes a big heart and a lot of courage to learn new info. I look up to moms like you who have so much heart.

http://www.nocirc.org/awardsspeech.html

Love Sarah
Sarah is offline  
#7 of 22 Old 07-18-2003, 01:32 AM
 
Gemini's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: What a mess.
Posts: 7,132
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have a friend who had two sons and her first one in 1983, the nurse came in scooped up her baby and told her "Okay, he's off to be circ'ed now." My friend paniked a little since her hubby had gone home to get rest and they hadn't discussed it at all, so she just let it happen. Well, six years later when her second son was born she WAS educated and didn't circ. So she has one son that is, and one that isn't. Hasn't been an issue at all between brothers. She did regret circ'ing the first son.

Not and issue for me since all I have is girls...
Gemini is offline  
#8 of 22 Old 07-18-2003, 09:09 AM - Thread Starter
Banned
 
turquoise's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Climbing the padded walls
Posts: 1,188
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks for the warm welcome! I was a little worried that some folk may not accept me because of our first son. I'm not trying to make excuses, but I kind think of it like the story about the elephant in the living room. If you're born and raised with an elephant in the living room you think that's normal. Ya wouldn't think to question it until you come in contact with someone who says "hey man, what's up with the elephant?". First you may think, "what an idiot - he's never seen an elephant in the living room!" then he may say "but dude, he's crushing all your stuff" then you start to figure it out and you're like "hey, this elephant is kinda a pain but there must be a reason for it, it's always been here" but once you figure it out you want to do a big "what was I thinking? I had a stinkin' elephant in the living room!". Ok, so that's probably the worst retelling of that story you've ever heard but you get the gist.

a big to all you folk who are helping to get the elephants out of our living rooms! It takes a lot of courage to tell family and friends to consider that what they are doing isn't really "normal" even though that's what they've been raised around - especially when it comes to such a sensitive subject. Nobody likes thinking that they caused their children pain for no reason. And it takes a lot of love to welcome and forgive them even if they made the wrong decision.
turquoise is offline  
#9 of 22 Old 07-18-2003, 10:15 AM
 
calngavinsmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Ontario Canada....EH!?!
Posts: 2,079
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hi Turquoise, I just wanted to add a welcome. The only difference between your story and mine is that I got accurate information before my son was born and you got your after. I'm sorry that you didn't get it in the right order.

I keep seeing a wonderful quote posted that says something like "when you know better you do better". I think this applies to a lot of thing in life.

Take care, hope to see you around.
Tara

Tara Momma to Callum and Gavin
calngavinsmom is offline  
#10 of 22 Old 07-18-2003, 09:29 PM
 
Xenogenesis's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Jamaica me happy.
Posts: 1,991
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
turquoise - you are not alone.

It took me about thirteen months on these boards to begin speaking of circumcising my now five yo. My two year old is intact. Now with the help of so many here I am learning how to become pro-active in talking about my experience and sharing information with others. At least I don't cringe when I see what I did to my five yo anymore. Marilyn Milo's helped me alot when searching for info about my last born. I emailed her many times. I have learned what a wonderful support MotheringDotCommune can be and I'm sure you will too.

Welcome !!



"I did then what I knew how to do. When you know better, you do better." ~ Maya Angelou.
Xenogenesis is offline  
#11 of 22 Old 07-18-2003, 11:08 PM
 
wildthing's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Where the wild things are.....
Posts: 2,011
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have been lurking for a while, but thought I'd share my story....My 2 oldest boys are circ'ed and so is my dh. When we had our first boy, (he was our 3rd baby), I didn't realize that there was such a thing as not circing...seriously. All the males in my life had been. When I had my 2nd son, I felt that I didn't want to circ, but dh felt strongly that he did, and I regretfully took my baby to be circed. It is the single most horrific thing I have ever done.....I won't get into the gory details, but I cry every time I think about it. I told dh I would NEVER circ another son of mine.

Fast forward to baby #7, and I find out accidentally at an u/s that it is a boy (I told the tech I didn't want to know, she told me anyway). I knew, there was no way in he** my son was going to get cut again. Dh did not want to know the sex, (long story, but he couldn't go to the u/s with me). So, I really couldn't bring up the circ issue, because he would figure it out. He knew based on conversations during the years after our older boys were born, that I was dead set against circing ever again.

I basically decided that this was one issue that I absolutely would not budge on. I love my husband dearly, we have been together for 18 years. But I was in complete mama bear mode, and I would fight tooth and nail before anyone was going to circ my baby. I was prepared for a fight, but I also knew that it would not wreck our marriage. He brought it up once, to see how resistant I still was, and I just said, "I am not allowing that."

Incidentally, we found out after ds #2 was born that my FIL was not circ'ed. Dh did not know that his own father was intact. While visting with FIL after our last baby was born, he finally asked if we had gotten him circ'ed. I said "NO! And we are not going to!" And he said "GOOD!!!!" He then told us how much he regretted circing dh and BIL. FIL and MIL immigrated to the US from Holland in '56, and when they did, they did everything the American dr's told them to, including cutting their sons....FIL said it was one thing he wished he could take back......

Okay, that got long....nice to meet everyone....
wildthing is offline  
#12 of 22 Old 07-19-2003, 12:02 AM
 
gurumama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 1,828
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My 4 yo is circ'd, my 15 month old is intact. It hasn't been an issue. My 4 yo noticed once and we told him that when he was a baby the dr recommended cutting part of his penis off and we said ok, but that when Reilly was born we had learned that it was better to leave it alone, so we did.

No further questions and he has brought it up once afterwards, when he noticed Reilly's penis looks like his cousin's (who is intact).

I really regret circ'ing ds1. I wish we'd informed ourselves better. My ONLY solace is that we left ds2 intact and that I now bring up circumcision with friends and relatives, planting seeds of intactivity....

Mel
gurumama is offline  
#13 of 22 Old 07-21-2003, 12:16 AM
 
Ligmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: in baby girl bliss!!!!
Posts: 1,728
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hi,
I also learned that circumcision is not necessary after having made the mistake of circ'ing 2 of my sons. Fortunately I DID learn, though, and ds#3 is intact. I do regret my lack of knowledge with my first 2, and when I see them sometimes it makes me feel very sad for what I did to them. But I know that it wasn't done maliciously, and I will never allow any more of my sons to go through that! Thanks for all the good info. here. I lurked here almost daily while pg with ds#3.
Ligmom is offline  
#14 of 22 Old 07-22-2003, 07:34 PM
 
liz-hippymom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: deep in the heart of texas!
Posts: 1,262
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
im soooo glad to find this thread. i feel horribly guilty about my 31/2 year old son's circumsision, i regretted it the minute they brought hiom to me . funny thing is if id have know thats where they were taking him i wouldnt have let him go, but they origionally took him to get his photo taken and i fell asleep, they came in, woke me up-not all the way- and had me sign papers. next thing i know they bring me my screaming son, who has a completely crooked circumsision. i was crying as hard as he was . i felt horrible and wondered what in the heck had happened when they took him that they didnt even get the cut right, and i thought they were going to use anistesiah, but they most definatly did not...my stepson and husband are both intact and i would never do that again and i cringe everytime i change a cut boys diaper (i work in child care)

mdcblog5.gif   Liz mama to DS 10, DSS 9, DD 6, DS 3, DD 2 , Aquila- dec 19th 2009 died at my homebirth, and....welcome Willow born 9-16-10 (9 weeks early)  nut.gif
liz-hippymom is offline  
#15 of 22 Old 07-22-2003, 09:34 PM
 
Xenogenesis's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Jamaica me happy.
Posts: 1,991
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh, liz-hippymom - <cyberhugs>

I'm so sorry to hear of your experience ....

When they brought back my son (who is five now) his penis suddenly had a bend to it. I told my (then) dh who acted like I didn't know what I was talking about. Well, I certainly did know.

He had a glazed-over look in his eyes. He looked dead. His spirit was crushed. You could see it in his eyes.

Your son has a right to sue for what they did to him when he comes of age especially under the circumstances you have described.

lotsa hugs,

last minute laila.
Xenogenesis is offline  
#16 of 22 Old 07-23-2003, 11:04 AM
 
Sara29's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Ohio
Posts: 586
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I probably would have circed my ds had he been born first instead of dd in 99'. At the time I had not done any research on the topic,and with me being jewish and dh muslim there was that double push religiously to do it. Now we are looking into other religions. I don't want my children raised in either.
Hugs to you mommies and your boys!
Sara
Sara29 is offline  
#17 of 22 Old 07-23-2003, 11:31 AM
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Canada
Posts: 771
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Welcome to this board !!!
Well, my story is a bit different, but the regret is just as huge. I discovered that I had been circ'd when I started school at the age of 6. I instinctively knew that I was missing something important, and over the years have felt all the emotions of disappointment, anger ,regret etc.
I vowed that should I ever be blessed with a son, he would NOT be circ'd. And he wasn't. Fast forward to when he was 11 ( 11 years ago ) and he has a problem - Infection and a very tight foreskin that had previously been mostly retractable. The urologist insisted a circ was the only solution. I argued with him based on instinct, but I had no hard facts ( no internet then ). He walked out of the room and I refused to go back. To cut a long story a little shorter DW eventualy took him back to get circ'd. I was out of ammo !!!
Since I have had access to the internet I have discovered that there are many less invasive procedures that could have been tried that would have preserved my son's foreskin. Some of them had been published 11 years ago. So why did the urologist not know about them ???
I really wish that I had just said "absolutely not" and adopted a "wait and see stance". I have apologised to my son many times. He seems to be O.K. with it, and not long ago suggested to one of his close friends that she talk to me about not circing her new son. She did and left the little guy intact.
I am getting much braver , and talk to talk to any pregnant mother about it if the opportunity presents itself. Just because the Dr says it has to be done, doesn't mean necessarily mean that there aren't other options.
hakunangovi is offline  
#18 of 22 Old 07-31-2003, 05:54 PM
 
MommyKim's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Clearwater, FL
Posts: 139
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally posted by wildthing
I have been lurking for a while, but thought I'd share my story....My 2 oldest boys are circ'ed and so is my dh.
I'm coming into this discussion very timidly, but Wildthing, i have a question because of what you've said. I have 2 sons and they are both circ'd. I did not educate myself on this issue before I had them and it was very important to dh that they were. I didn't even think about it because I've never known anyone who wasn't. I've recently seen a circ and I'm appalled, horrified, regretful... I could go on and on. Dh was with both of our sons when they were circ'd and held their little hands. I honestly do not know how he could do it and not kill the doctor! He is still for circs and that's an issue we'll have to work on. Anyway, I'm wondering how all of your children feel. Are the 2 older boys upset about their circ's or does your younger boy feel self concious? I'm just wondering about their feelings in a *mixed* household because if I have another boy, that's what we'll be!
MommyKim is offline  
#19 of 22 Old 08-01-2003, 03:46 PM
 
earthmama007's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 2,036
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


I think it is totally a lack of education. I didn't know before my son was born that it really was OK for us to keep him intact. I thought everyone did it and I didn't think there would be any good reason not to do it. My first encounter on the issue was before I even married into my hubby's family my SIL was talking to me about babies, birth, etc. She said BIL was intact and I did not believe her. Out of the three brothers he was the only one who wasn't. (HE is the oldest too.) You know the only reason he was not cut was because, at that time, you had to bring the baby back a week after his birth. Their parents just didn't feel like going back. This was in the mid 70's in Puerto Rico. I saw the video of a circumcision at www.cirp.org and it made me sad but I still questioned my decision. The only reason I kept my son intacted was because I had a dream at 7 mos. pregnant. It was a baby screaming in the most horrid way from the cutting. I woke up in the middle of the night crying and knew my what my new choice would be. Sounds crazy but that is how I came to my decision. Thanks goodness.
earthmama007 is offline  
#20 of 22 Old 08-01-2003, 10:54 PM
 
Xenogenesis's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Jamaica me happy.
Posts: 1,991
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
howard smith - I can not imagine how difficult your situation may be, although paralleled with many others.

MommyKim - please don't beat yourself up over this. You will find the right words in time, as will I. Saying we thought it was the best thing at the time works. Although, personally, I don't know exactly what I will say, keep watching the boards....we'll see.....

earthmama007 - I also had a total lack of education. I simply figured there were those who did .... and those who ..... didn't. I was not aware of the whole male anatomical perspective. Thank goodness for your dream !! Musta bin in your thotz ....

Xenogenesis is offline  
#21 of 22 Old 08-05-2003, 08:57 AM
 
Teresa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Maryland
Posts: 591
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Doesn't sound crazy to me, EarhtMama.
Sounds like a healthy 'sub-conscious' conscience at work, and an open-minded woman willing and able to hear it!

As for parents who circumcise a first child but leave the following children whole, your experiences make you well situated to educate others who might otherwise not be open to hearingthe truth.

Who is it who always posts, "When we know better, we do better."?
Teresa is offline  
#22 of 22 Old 08-05-2003, 01:47 PM
 
Xenogenesis's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Jamaica me happy.
Posts: 1,991
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
"I did then what I knew how to do. When you know better, you do better."

~ Maya Angelou
Xenogenesis is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off