Although my DH never tore up my birth plan, he did want to circ ds2 and we had circ'd ds1.
A few things that changed DH's mind:
1. Fewer than 50% of boys in our area (New England) are circ'd, so circ'd kids for ds's generation are the exception, not the rule. For someone who wants their boy to "conform" then leaving him intact will make him more "normal". This didn't really influence DH much, but it showed that many, many other parents are choosing to break the cycle and leave their boys intact.
2. I went through a LOT to prepare for a drug-free labor to leave ds in his natural state when born. Why would I then turn him over at day 1 to be altered and filled with pain?
3. Circumcision can be done any time. It is NOT "easier" to do when they're a baby--they just can't complain and voice their opinion. Leaving him alone until we could both cool off and decide at a later date, or even let him decide as a young adult/adult for himself, is an option many don't consider, because doctors push it at birth because of myths about how babies "need" it sooner rather than later.
4. DS1 had horrible wound care. It was probably no worse than "normal", but he didn't nurse for 12 hours after the procedure, screamed whenever he peed for the first 10 days, and in addition to being sleep deprived we had to have vaseline, gauze, and surgical tape on hand to construct a bandage for the wound when we changed his diaper. Hello! I was lucky to put the diaper on in the right direction those first few weeks, much less construct a complex bandage. PLus he was in so much pain, and they don't tell you to do anything for the pain post-circ, do they? I was never told to give him tylenol after the circumcision, but can you imagine if you had your eyelid cut off in a surgery and got NO pain meds afterwards? Yuck.
5. I refused to sign the paperwork. I told DH I would refuse, and that if he wanted this to escalate into something worse (possible leaving) I would stand my ground. It was THAT important, and DH and I have an outstanding, mature, deep relationship. But nobody, not even the father, f*cks with my kid.
I have to say the tearing of your birth plan worries me. I predict you'll go way over due date, because if you're carrying this fear you'll want to protect that baby as much as you can, and keeping him inside will be the only way to do it.
If DH is at all emotionally belittling or even abusive, you might want to mention what happened to your provider and go from there.
Also, just don't put his name on the birth plan if he doesn't like it! It's YOUR birth plan, after all.
Hell, I told DH I was ready to block him from coming to the birth at one point--you should have seen his face
. But fortunately for us he understood that this issue was soooooo important to me, and he agreed to leave Reilly intact. And now that Reilly is 15 months DH is the biggest champion of leaving boys intact!
Best of luck,