Want to thank you all for educating me - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 07-24-2003, 09:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm new to posting on this board, but I have been undergoing some major changes in my thinking and parenting styles in this past year. I wasn't raised AP, and I spent a long time going against my natural instincts. It wasn't until I had a miscarriage last fall and got pregnant again over the winter that I started to realize that I don't have to give in to society's norms for parenting and children; in fact, I firmly believe that my children will grow up happier because I refuse to follow society's norms.

How does that fit in to the circumcision board? I had been undergoing these thinking changes about everything AP except for circumcision. My 2 year old is circ'ed, and I had hoped secretly that I was having a girl so I wouldn't have to make the decision again. I knew that if I researched circumcision I would not be happy with what I found, but my husband is circ'ed and (completely honest here) my ex-boyfriend was not. I guess deep in my mind that made non-circumcision "bad", as my ex was a bad person (I know this sounds juvenile. As I said, I wasn't aware of these feelings, only that I was uncomfortable with the idea of not circ'ing.) Of course, in May we found out that we are having a boy in October.

Last night I came to this board and clicked on a link showing pictures of a circumcision. My mouth dropped open. I called dh over to look at the pictures. He loves the AP style, but had always drawn the line at the thought of not circ'ing his boys. He looked at the pictures. He read your replies. He clicked on your links. After months of research on AP style he trusts Dr. Sears, and asked me what Dr. Sears had to say on the subject, which got us digging further for information.

He now believes that it is not our place to perform elective surgery on our son. The pictures completely drained his face of color, and when I mentioned that the baby in the pictures could be our son he had to look away. This is a wonderful, gentle man who is a natural father, and I like to think that I'm a good mother. At any rate, I love my children more than life itself. I want to thank you ladies so much for informing us on this decision. With our son there wasn't a question, it was just something that is done. Thank you so much for educating us against making the same mistake twice.

--Sasha

Homesteading Mama to homeschoolin' kiddos London (10) ; Alexander (8) :; Holden (5) :; and Sergei born at home 8/18/08
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#2 of 6 Old 07-24-2003, 10:56 AM
 
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Thank you for sharing your story. And yay to both you and your dh for making the decision to leave your next son intact!

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#3 of 6 Old 07-24-2003, 12:58 PM
 
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Stories like yours are why we do this. Thanks a million!





Frank
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#4 of 6 Old 07-24-2003, 12:59 PM
 
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Sasha- You post was very touching to me. Thanks for sharing your experience. I hope you and your husband both give each other a big hug- I am glad that you were both able to come to this realization together. Best wishes on your pregnancy and birth... it sounds like you baby will be welcomed to a wonderful family- your willingness to look at something that would make you want to look away- shows a lot of courage.

Also, your husband may be dealing with a lot of internalized grief that might be allowed to come to the surface now. Don't be surprised if he has mood swings, grief, nightmares- etc. It is not as simple as it might seem, please be sure to leave a lot of room for him to share with you if he needs. Make sure that he knows he is safe with you.

Love Sarah
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#5 of 6 Old 07-24-2003, 02:27 PM
 
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Thank you so much for sharing your story with us Sasha_girl.

Your (and your dh's) courage brought me tears of joy.

Your children WILL grow up happier because of your refusal to follow *society's norms* and deciding for yourself the best possible way to parent.

You are great parents for being willing to learn how to look past following the crowd.

Your thoughts and feelings concerning your ex-boyfriend don't sound juvenile to me. It sounds like a perfectly natural reaction and you have shown great strength in being able to look past your emotional turmoil with him in order to evaluate the situation. The first step in overcoming a dilemma is to admit it exists and you have done this by acknowledging your feelings.

Keep reading and learning.

Make sure your husband knows you love him just the way he is.

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#6 of 6 Old 07-24-2003, 05:13 PM
 
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Sasha,
congratulations on your son to be and the decision to leave him intact! It sounds like you have gone through quite an awakening so to speak. You have a very lucky family to have someone who is so compassionate in it. Did you find the Dr.Sears article you were looking for? If not here is a link to one,
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/1/t012000.asp

Good luck and take care!
Tara

Tara Momma to Callum and Gavin
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