For those who live in high circ areas - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 48 Old 11-28-2007, 08:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Do you sometimes doubt your decision, or think that even though you made the RIGHT decision, that your DS may wish at some point he was circed? I live in the midwest, and frankly of everyone I know w/ boys only one didn't circ and it was b/c of a medical issue. Lots of people quote the Bible as a basis for getting it done, or just that they think it's cleaner. There are no real medical arguements for it, just the regular speels about looking like Daddy, ect. Several people have expressed shock that we will not be circing, and I *know* we are making the right choice since there is no medical reason to circ (and my ped is not for circing either). I've tried educating people when they ask, my SIL couldn't believe how they did it and says she'll never do that to her kids (she's still single). However, when it comes down to it, my boys may very well be some of the only ones not circed in their grade at school. I called the hospital to ask on the policy, since I for SURE do not want a mix-up. They told me that about 1/2 of the baby boys get it done in the hospital, and the rest get it done a few days later at the ped's office, but tha they rarely have a parent who doesn't want it done. I don't know why I am posting this, as I am still sure I don't want it done to my boys, but at the same time I hate the thought of them getting teased b/c in our small town I am sure it will happen. My DH says they all knew one boy in HS wasn't circed and everyone knew about it. I don't want that for my kids, but at the same time I cannot just go w/ the mainstream. How do other moms in my place explain to their sons?
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#2 of 48 Old 11-28-2007, 09:06 PM
 
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I don't know. But my xh was that "one" intact and he just basically said "why you looking at my package?"

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#3 of 48 Old 11-28-2007, 09:09 PM
 
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My BFF's son (now 17) had an answer all ready (though surprise surprise...it never came up)

He was either going to say "why are you checking out my package"

or

Well, at least my mom loved me enough not to chop off 1/2 my D!*K

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#4 of 48 Old 11-28-2007, 09:11 PM
 
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I'm actually in an area where circ/intact rates are about 50/50, but where we go to swimming lessons I almost never see intact little boys. It doesn't make me question my choice, it just surprises me that so many kids are still getting needlessly cut.

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#5 of 48 Old 11-28-2007, 09:17 PM
 
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Do you sometimes doubt your decision, or think that even though you made the RIGHT decision, that your DS may wish at some point he was circed? ?
Well, if your son wishes at some point he was circed, he can do it as an adult, right?

Kids get teased, and tease, for lots of reasons -- if it isn't their circ, it's their nose, braces, hair, weight, glasses, stutter, etc. You wouldn't consent to a nose job because your 10-year-old got teased, right? (Yes, I know circumcision is not about cosmetics, but when kids tease about circ, it's all about cosmetics.) S/he'd be free to do that at adulthood (even if you objected).

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#6 of 48 Old 11-28-2007, 09:23 PM
 
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I also live in the Midwest, and no, I never worry that my intact son will wish he was circumcised. He marches to the beat of his own drum and has never been one to care about what others think. He also likes his foreskin.
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#7 of 48 Old 11-28-2007, 09:31 PM
 
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I'm not in your situation, but I think that you can protect your son by educating him.

If your son knows how a circumcision is performed, what is cut off, the functions/nerves/etc in the foreskin - and he grows up with this knowledge from an early age (just give him the info as it is age appropriate, of course!) - he'll grow up knowing that you protected him from painful, unnecessary mutilation and he'll thank you for it.

The above posters have great come-backs, so he can have them ready, in case he needs them in high school (although chances are, he won't need them).

He's the one who has all of his genitals. Education, education, education! Knowledge is your friend if you leave your child's genitals alone (just as it's something circing parents dread...and often refuse to face...)
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#8 of 48 Old 11-28-2007, 09:35 PM
 
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If your son knows how a circumcision is performed, what is cut off, the functions/nerves/etc in the foreskin - and he grows up with this knowledge from an early age (just give him the info as it is age appropriate, of course!) - he'll grow up knowing that you protected him from painful, unnecessary mutilation and he'll thank you for it.He's the one who has all of his genitals. Education, education, education! Knowledge is your friend if you leave your child's genitals alone (just as it's something circing parents dread...and often refuse to face...)
: if your dc knows the facts he will be secure.

 
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#9 of 48 Old 11-28-2007, 10:36 PM
 
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I live in Iowa, and no, I never doubted my decision not to circ. I wasn't about to subject my boys to that cruelty.
Now that they're grown men, they are VERY happy that they still have their foreskins! They feel like they dodged a bullet.
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#10 of 48 Old 11-28-2007, 11:00 PM
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I live in an area where circ is about 50-50, but in our socioeconomic group it is probably more like 98-2. I don't question our decision not to have our unborn son cirucumsized, I know it is right. However, I do think there is a decent chance he will face some hassling or prejudice from nasty teenaged kids at the private school we will probably send him to. I guess I just have to teach him to be confident!

Also, my husband and I always tell people, "Look, if when he turns 18 and he's a grown man, if really wants to be circumsized, he can do it we will pay for it. But until then, we're leaving well enough alone."
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#11 of 48 Old 11-28-2007, 11:50 PM
 
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I have no idea what the rate is here (how can I find out?), and never considered that as part of my decision, nor do I worry about my sons being different from classmates.

We have a friend who grew up with my DH in the midwest. He is intact. I'm fairly sure that was uncommon in their hometown for our generation. We asked him about this experiences, and he says the kind of lockerroom comparisons people seem to fear are just not something he has ever had to handle. His intact status has never been an issue with classmates or with girlfriends. I think people's fears are way out of proportion to reality.

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#12 of 48 Old 11-29-2007, 02:04 AM
 
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Do you sometimes doubt your decision, or think that even though you made the RIGHT decision, that your DS may wish at some point he was circed? I live in the midwest, and frankly of everyone I know w/ boys only one didn't circ and it was b/c of a medical issue. Lots of people quote the Bible as a basis for getting it done, or just that they think it's cleaner. There are no real medical arguements for it, just the regular speels about looking like Daddy, ect. Several people have expressed shock that we will not be circing, and I *know* we are making the right choice since there is no medical reason to circ (and my ped is not for circing either). I've tried educating people when they ask, my SIL couldn't believe how they did it and says she'll never do that to her kids (she's still single). However, when it comes down to it, my boys may very well be some of the only ones not circed in their grade at school. I called the hospital to ask on the policy, since I for SURE do not want a mix-up. They told me that about 1/2 of the baby boys get it done in the hospital, and the rest get it done a few days later at the ped's office, but tha they rarely have a parent who doesn't want it done. I don't know why I am posting this, as I am still sure I don't want it done to my boys, but at the same time I hate the thought of them getting teased b/c in our small town I am sure it will happen. My DH says they all knew one boy in HS wasn't circed and everyone knew about it. I don't want that for my kids, but at the same time I cannot just go w/ the mainstream. How do other moms in my place explain to their sons?
We are in the EXACT same position. I was just about to post something new but then I came across your post!

I live in oklahoma and everyone is circ'd here.

Today was a really traumatic day for me. I went to a girls house with a friend who just circ'd her baby, they were all circ'd. The moms all stated they just "wanted it done" and that they didn't research it because they didn't wanna know. Well, I did research and I wont do it. One of the women said "I look at it as if i had to go through pain of giving birth, they had to go through pain with me" I was like WTH!?!?!: Anyways, one of them said "What if he gets made fun of?" And honestly, thats not an out-of-line question to ask. We new a kid in middle school who wasn't circumcised because his family didn't do it and he did get made fun of. I new a few others who were intact and still they got made fun of. One said it was awkward sometimes because people will bring up circumcision and how it uncirc'd is so "gross" and he doesn't know what to say because he IS the minority. I don't think girls will particularly have a problem with this, and if they do, I dont want them with my son.... but I don't want him to get teased and WISH that I had had him circ'd. He could say something like, "Well, I wouldn't remember the pain now." or something like that ya know? I really don't want to do it, and I'm not going to but there IS this factor and it is the only downfall. I guess I will have to overcome it but once he gets older, if this is an issue, I don't know what I will do.

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#13 of 48 Old 11-29-2007, 02:14 AM
 
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If your son knows how a circumcision is performed, what is cut off, the functions/nerves/etc in the foreskin - and he grows up with this knowledge from an early age (just give him the info as it is age appropriate, of course!) - he'll grow up knowing that you protected him from painful, unnecessary mutilation and he'll thank you for it.He's the one who has all of his genitals. Education, education, education! Knowledge is your friend if you leave your child's genitals alone (just as it's something circing parents dread...and often refuse to face...).

This may be true BUT if it's difficult for me to explain this to people and they just don't understand. Around here its the typical myths....It's cleaner, it looks better, you know, all of that crap. I DO plan to educate my son on why I did it so he knows I made the decision because I cared about him and wanted to keep his ENTIRE penis...

Quote:
Well, at least my mom loved me enough not to chop off 1/2 my D!*K
Yeah, I am definitely thinkin' of somethin' along those lines...

Because, sadly, yeah maybe he will be different, but for good reason. He will be different because his mom cared enough to research and come to an educated decision, unlike the parents who subject there child to pain for pure cosmetic reasons. I just don't know how difficult that will be for my son to say. I want him to be CONFIDENT and SECURE. And when someone says something I want him to stand up for himself and not be shy about it.

HE SHOULD BE PROUD OF HIS PENIS!

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#14 of 48 Old 11-29-2007, 02:35 AM
 
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I think you mamas who live in high circ areas are very brave and should feel really proud of yourselves for keeping your boys intact. I live in California and the majority of boys I know are intact. I wouldn't have circ'd no matter where we live but I understand how hard it is to go against the grain, especially when it comes to your children. Believe me - the tide is turning more and more everyday and your kids will not be the only ones.
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#15 of 48 Old 11-29-2007, 02:44 AM
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My husband grew up in a small Midwestern town -- and I mean SMALL. 500 people in his town and the graduating classes of 1994-1998 were so small they consolidated THREE high schools when he was 16, and there were still only about 40 kids in his class.

He is intact. And I presume from a long line of intact...ed...ness (I just made up a word. )

I asked him if he ever got teased about it. He just looked at me like : and said, "Are you goofy? Who do you think was looking?"
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#16 of 48 Old 11-29-2007, 02:46 AM
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No. I never doubt myself. (My son is 5.) Admittedly there was some doubt when he was an infant, but then I compared it to FGM, and decided that I would never doubt leaving a girl intact, right? (Even if FGM were high in my area for some reason.)

Newmama, kids get teased for all sorts of reasons.....being too tall, too short, too fat, too skinny, etc. You just can't win. But that's no reason to mutilate our children.

My son has developed some tics. (excessive eye winking, etc.) Frankly I'm a lot more concerned that he will get teased for his tics than his intact status.

The best protection against teasing is good self esteem. All of our kids could use more of that.

"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
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#17 of 48 Old 11-29-2007, 03:00 AM
 
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The best protection against teasing is good self esteem. All of our kids could use more of that.
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That is so true!!!
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#18 of 48 Old 11-29-2007, 03:37 AM
 
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#19 of 48 Old 11-29-2007, 05:53 AM
 
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I have a friend who comes from a very wealthy background. At college someone in her dorm found out and decided to tease her about being a spoiled rich girl (she really is a very nice person, not a spoiled snob.) Would she have been better off having been disowned by her parents at birth?

She would have fit in with the norm of society if she went to an over crowded public school. She would have had a more typical american experience had McDonalds been where her parents took her to eat on special occasions. However, her parents chose to use the resources they had to send her to topnotch schools and enjoy fine dining. She certainly would have more in common with me if she had to chose between keeping her YMCA membership or being able to pay for an electrician to fix the ceiling fan. However, she has not decided to take on a life of poverty (or even middle classness) just to fit in better.

In this case it seems so obvious that the teasing is a very small price to pay in exchange for the advantages she was lucky enough to have.

Allowing your son to keep his whole penis is a treasure worth much more than the money this woman was born into. It is a treasure woth enduring some teasing over.

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#20 of 48 Old 11-29-2007, 09:23 AM
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I have a friend who comes from a very wealthy background. At college someone in her dorm found out and decided to tease her about being a spoiled rich girl (she really is a very nice person, not a spoiled snob.) Would she have been better off having been disowned by her parents at birth?

She would have fit in with the norm of society if she went to an over crowded public school. She would have had a more typical american experience had McDonalds been where her parents took her to eat on special occasions. However, her parents chose to use the resources they had to send her to topnotch schools and enjoy fine dining. She certainly would have more in common with me if she had to chose between keeping her YMCA membership or being able to pay for an electrician to fix the ceiling fan. However, she has not decided to take on a life of poverty (or even middle classness) just to fit in better.

In this case it seems so obvious that the teasing is a very small price to pay in exchange for the advantages she was lucky enough to have.

Allowing your son to keep his whole penis is a treasure worth much more than the money this woman was born into. It is a treasure woth enduring some teasing over.

That's a very good analogy.

"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
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#21 of 48 Old 11-29-2007, 11:33 AM
 
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The right thing to do isn't always the easiest thing to do or the popular decision. I could never live with myself if I did something I knew to be so fundamentally and horribly wrong just to fit in with mainstream society.
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#22 of 48 Old 11-29-2007, 11:40 AM
 
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I could have written your OP. It's hard. My boys are only 2, and sometimes people commented on their intact status when they were little during diaper changes. I guess we just have to be pioneers, and cite how Europeans and other states are seeing the light, and that red states are an aberration.

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#23 of 48 Old 11-29-2007, 11:41 AM
 
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My husband is from an religion that discourages circ. (Hinduism) We have absolutely never considered it for our son, never regretted his intactness.
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#24 of 48 Old 11-29-2007, 01:12 PM
 
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I live in a high-circ area too. My dh is intact and says he was never teased or looked at in locker rooms and never noticed if anyone else was circ'd or not.

Many years ago, I worked with a group of young 19- and 20-year old guys. You know how guys that age will tease each other mercilessly. Well one of them was British and one day he told the others "you Americans aren't real men because you're missing an important part of your manhood!" The other guys just stared at first, not even knowing what he was talking about. Then one of them said "oh, I'm a real man - my pedro wears a pancho!" So then the two of them ganged up on the others about not being "real men" and all the circ'd guys could say was "Aw shut up! We can't help it!" I actually felt sorry for them.

It made me think about how to handle anyone who teased my ds. I'll make sure he knows HE is the lucky one.
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#25 of 48 Old 11-29-2007, 02:33 PM
 
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Many years ago, I worked with a group of young 19- and 20-year old guys. You know how guys that age will tease each other mercilessly. Well one of them was British and one day he told the others "you Americans aren't real men because you're missing an important part of your manhood!" The other guys just stared at first, not even knowing what he was talking about. Then one of them said "oh, I'm a real man - my pedro wears a pancho!" So then the two of them ganged up on the others about not being "real men" and all the circ'd guys could say was "Aw shut up! We can't help it!" I actually felt sorry for them.

It made me think about how to handle anyone who teased my ds. I'll make sure he knows HE is the lucky one.
I suspect that as circumcision becomes less common, intact guys teasing circ'd guys for being cut will be much more common than cut guys teasing intact guys ever was...because let's face it, the intact guys have better ammunition to work with. Although that might be tough for the cut guys to deal with, hopefully they will be the ones to say "I was made fun of in the locker room for being circ'd, so no way I'm making my son go through that!".
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#26 of 48 Old 11-29-2007, 03:59 PM
 
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Didn't read all the responses, so I apologize if I'm repeating, but:

DH was left intact in the 70s (when pretty much everyone circed) so he was surely in the minority. He has never wished to be circed and is grateful that his parents chose to leave him perfectly whole. Also, he can't tell me if any of his friends were or weren't because it just wasn't an issue.

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#27 of 48 Old 11-29-2007, 04:56 PM
 
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I have never doubted leaving my boys intact was the right thing to do. Even here in the Midwest, the last stats I saw showed 80% circ. Yes, that is very high (too high) compared to CA's 35%, but it isn't so high that he will be the only one. In an average class of 25 boys in gym, there would be 5 intact, enough that it won't be a complete oddity. Red hair would be even rarer (2%). I will certainly talk to them about it and the responses that they can give so that they hopefully can have a good enough body image to weather any teasing.
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#28 of 48 Old 11-29-2007, 05:51 PM
 
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I know what you are saying and this in part is what led me to circ my 2nd son, and it is hard knowing you will be different from pretty much all the other kids. But, your son will have his whole body and you can explain to him what circ is and why you didn't want that for him. He will be fine. My husband knows of only one of his peers who is intact and yes he was made fun of, but I think that teasing time is only a short period of a boy's life, compared to a whole life of having less than what what he's supposed to have.

Anyway, I encourage you to help change the numbers here in the Midwest! Good for you and congratulations!
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#29 of 48 Old 11-29-2007, 07:57 PM
 
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I live in the deep south and everyone circs around here: I count myself lucky that I learned about circ and will teach ds to be proud that his "pedro has a poncho" My son will have unconditional love from his family and that will hopefully help him if this ever becomes an issue. I truly believe the locker room issue is an urban legend so I don't expect any problems. Either way this was never a concern for me..15 yrs into the future is too far in the future for me to worry about and performing cosmetic surgery just in case:

The tides are changing and I believe one day the circ will be in the minority...
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#30 of 48 Old 11-29-2007, 09:04 PM
 
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One of my brothers was born in PA in 83 when everyone else was circ'ed, the other in 89 when circ'ing was still very popular.
They both (now 24 and 18) say that they never once had anyone say anything about being intact. (and the latter is a jock and in more than his fair share of locker rooms ) The only comments I have ever heard about J's intactness were from my MIL (who hates me anyway!)

I think that the locker room 'trauma' is so severely exaggerated by pro-circ'ers that it doesn't even hold water. I'm sure it's happened to someone somewhere but I have never heard from a guy that said it happened to him.

Personally I am teaching J that intact is the way penises are supposed to be and he should feel bad for anyone whose parents decided to cut off a part of thier penis. I don't feel that circ'ing is a parental decision and will not teach my son that 'some parents just make that choice" or some other piece of bull. I think a part of the feeling different battle needs to be early education about circ'ing so he won't be surprised by a penis that looks different.

<3 Dena

Wife to M 4.04 and Mama to hopmad.gifJ the activist 5.06, superhero.gifSammy Tsunami 12.09, and stork-girl.gif  coming soon!

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