I am going through the same thing. So much of what you say sounds just like my husband. We could never talk about circumcision without him instantly getting angry and throwing a tantrum. We ended up just not talking about it at all. After my son was about 6 weeks old he mentioned having him circumcisized and I once again told him no to which he once again became irate. There has never been any respectful, rational communication on this.
My son is 5 months old now and we still just don't talk about it. I know my husband is still angry and would take him in to be circumcized today if I'd let him.
Sugar Pickle mentioned something in one of her posts a while back that really spoke to me. She mentioned a lessening of trust on her part towards her husband and this is how I feel too, though perhaps in a slightly different way. Because we don't talk about it, my husband certainly doesn't know anything about how to care for the intact penis nor does he even like the look of one so I don't feel comfortable with him changing my son's diaper. I don't want him to think my son's penis is ugly nor do I want him to hurt him by pulling on the foreskin. He doesn't know not to. I don't want anyone, even my husband, who is so hostile to intactness, anywhere near my son's genitals. I could never allow my husband to take my son to his well baby visits either because he wouldn't know to prevent retraction and the such. It's just such a shame and makes me sad. One interesting note is that my husband has actually refused to change my son's diaper anyway and I wonder if it's because he doesn't want to look at his intact penis?
It's my hope that someday he will either get over it, accept it or come to feel the way I do. Only then will we be able to heal as a couple. We are not so close anymore to say the least and it's truly a shame.