My husband is dead-set against me - Page 4 - Mothering Forums

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Old 12-18-2007, 02:54 PM
 
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Thanks for sharing your decision making process with us Mama! It has been very moving/educational.
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Old 12-18-2007, 03:02 PM
 
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I might also wait until he gets home, and is in the same room as the computer (or burn a DVD and put it on the TV) and turn on a video of a circumcsion and turn the volume up.

Take no prisioners. :
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Old 12-18-2007, 04:11 PM
 
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Good for you for choosing to protect your son. I hope you have a wonderful birth experience and enjoy your new family member! I hope that your husband finds healing along the way also.

Hugs and best wishes!!!
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Old 12-18-2007, 04:55 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MCatLvrMom2A&X View Post
Here are the canadian statistics Canada statistics: http://www.cirp.org/library/statistics/Canada/
I am so jealous of Cananda and other none circing countries.

I say use the Canadian angle too. I would be proud to have people think of all Canadian as people who don't circ. Though unfortunately it isn't true, just the majority of us don't circ. Here are some more Canadian Stats by province.

http://www.courtchallenge.com/refs/yr99p-e.html

Wife to DH, Mom to my Intact Boys DS1: Born 02 Pain Med Free Hospital Birth, BF'ed for 9 Months, Partially Vax'd DS2: Born 06 via UC, BF'ed 3 years 10 months, and UnVax'd
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Old 12-18-2007, 05:47 PM
 
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Originally Posted by fruitful womb View Post

Believe me, your dh WILL THANK YOU for this one day!!!! Every dad I know who's wife stood up to protect their ds even tho the dad was so adamantly wanting a circ'd ds, still thanked the mother of their child(ren) for protecting them.

Once he sees how protective you are and come to realize you were right in being so protective, he will always trust your judgment in every matter in your parenting and marriage life!
lunarmagic you have gotten TONS of good advice and support here for your decision not to circumcise, mostly from mommas who have faced the same dilemma. Let me give you some perspective from an intact male.
I was born in the era when circumcision was just becoming wildly popular, but at that time where I was born, it was mainly a "status" thing...the better off families had their sons circed, and the poorer ones did not (cost was a big factor). I was fortunate to be in the latter group, and my parents left me intact.

I totally agree with fruitful womb's remarks...but not only will your dh thank you...your SON will also thank you. Words cannot really express the gratitude I have for my Mom for leaving me intact. I believe it was one of the greatest things she ever did for me. In my family children did not talk about such things with their parents, but I have thanked her in my mind so many, many times for that decision.

When your son is an adult and becomes sexually active, he will experience pleasures that his father can only imagine. But, if he is not satisfied with his genital status, then HE can make a determination... You will have done your duty to protect him and give him that option...
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Old 12-19-2007, 05:44 AM
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I like what one guy said: "Dude let's get it straight, you are laughing at me because you got a part of your dick got cut off?!.."
http://www.fathermag.com/health/circ/restore/rio/01/

Long distance Mom to boarding school superstars E (9) and Layne (6).
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Old 12-19-2007, 01:08 PM
 
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lunarmagic...
Your situation was similar to mine a year ago. When i found out we were having a boy I was actually excited to bring up the circ issue with DP because I thought he would agree that circ was wrong. (being the kind, compassionate vegan that he his...) Well, boy was I wrong. He reacted the exact same way your husband did. Gave the very same reasons for his argument and begged me to let him have this one decision because he had the penis and knew what was best. (He also grew up in New England and doesn't know anyone that is intact. I tried to tell him about a few women I know that had babies this year all kept their boys intact and how my mother talked to me about it before I gave birth and told me to really think about the issue because she deeply regrets having my brother cut.) Everytime it came up I would end up in tears he would just get angry. Eventually we just stopped talking because we each knew the other wouldn't budge. When DS was born he was kept intact. The issue has come up a few times. He is still very against it, and I think is hurt by the fact I didn't let him make the decision. I think he keeps waiting for something to go wrong (nothing has yet) so he can blame it all on my decision. I really do believe this all stems from him being insecure because he is cut and still believes that DS will be teased and live a life full of misery because he isn't.
I am glad I stood my ground. I would not have been able to go through with it or live with myself if I did. My mother was pressured by my father and his family to have it done to my brother and she still cries when she brings it up. I hope one day DP will come around but I'm not holding my breath.

Anyway, I hope everything works out for you and you come to some sort of peace with this. You know what's best.....Good luck with everything. Peace~

S~ Peace loving, natural living, FuNkY vegan mama to Keiran bouncy.gif 23/Dec/06:
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" ~~ MLK
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Old 12-19-2007, 06:07 PM
 
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I am going through the same thing. So much of what you say sounds just like my husband. We could never talk about circumcision without him instantly getting angry and throwing a tantrum. We ended up just not talking about it at all. After my son was about 6 weeks old he mentioned having him circumcisized and I once again told him no to which he once again became irate. There has never been any respectful, rational communication on this.

My son is 5 months old now and we still just don't talk about it. I know my husband is still angry and would take him in to be circumcized today if I'd let him.

Sugar Pickle mentioned something in one of her posts a while back that really spoke to me. She mentioned a lessening of trust on her part towards her husband and this is how I feel too, though perhaps in a slightly different way. Because we don't talk about it, my husband certainly doesn't know anything about how to care for the intact penis nor does he even like the look of one so I don't feel comfortable with him changing my son's diaper. I don't want him to think my son's penis is ugly nor do I want him to hurt him by pulling on the foreskin. He doesn't know not to. I don't want anyone, even my husband, who is so hostile to intactness, anywhere near my son's genitals. I could never allow my husband to take my son to his well baby visits either because he wouldn't know to prevent retraction and the such. It's just such a shame and makes me sad. One interesting note is that my husband has actually refused to change my son's diaper anyway and I wonder if it's because he doesn't want to look at his intact penis?

It's my hope that someday he will either get over it, accept it or come to feel the way I do. Only then will we be able to heal as a couple. We are not so close anymore to say the least and it's truly a shame.

:
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Old 12-19-2007, 08:06 PM
 
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good point.
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