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Thanks so much for the hugs.. I really need them right now.
This was just my first REAL attempt at convincing someone not to circ. I poured my heart and soul into it and she just threw it all away without reading anything at all. And that baby boy will pay the consequences.
I KNOW how wrong it is, but I don't know if I can do this again. I'm the quiet, sort of shy, non-confrontational type. This is soooo why I usually keep my mouth shut and don't speak up. I feel so unbelieveably stupid and I don't even know why!!!
I just can't freaking believe she threw it all in the trash. It makes me want to hurl repeatedly.
Yet, I STILL LOVE HER!
I couldn't help it.. I had to call her. I told her that I was very hurt that she lied to me. I told her that I didn't want to cut her out of my life, but she really really really hurt me by knowingly lying to me the way she did.
I also briefly told her about the only half-assed acceptable forms of pain relief.. and I HATED doing that. It was like I was giving her my permission or something. But I had to tell her, right?
She was bawling on the phone almost as hard I was. I told her that I still loved her and that I had to think for a while..
I hate to say this, but a "friend" who lies to you, over something that is really important to you, AND throws something so important to you and which you personally made for her with such care out with the rubbish, really isn't much of a friend at all, it sounds exceptionally one sided.
Of course you feel hurt, anyone would feel hurt if they'd handmade a gift for someone and they then turned around and wrote a letter to say they'd just thrown it away, because they didn't want to look at it.
Liars make very bad friends, if I were you I'd drop her and go find some nice people to be friends with, who you can trust to tell you the truth.
I hate to bump this back up, but I just wanted to thank you all for your suggestions and to let you know that I'm taking them ALL to heart.
A few of you have messaged me giving me advice, as well.. again, thank you so much!! You've all got me thinking.. I'm coming up with even more questions for her.
Once I can get my head totally straight, meaning.. without blowing up in a complete rage at her, I have every intention to give it another shot. I'm not about to go through re-mailing information again, but I plan on some heart to heart convos over the phone using much of the info you all have PM'd me with. I may eventually get hung up on but, I still have to try.
At this point, she isn't angry with me. My cousin has a heart, she really does.. I know that it doesn't seem that way, but it's true.
I really think that she truly believes that by doing this, she is 1) honoring her religion, and 2) honoring her husband. For her, there is no other path to take. She's not doing this with the thoughts of it's "unclean", "infectious", or "teasing".. I do know that. And she's genuinely concerned about his pain.
Ugh.. if I could only bypass her "this is out of my hands, I have to let them do this" spiel and get through to HER, I might have a chance.
I wish SO much that I could get her onto MDC, but they don't have internet access
Please don't think that I'm trying to make excuses for her, I swear I'm not. I'm still beyond furious with her.. but I have a renewed hope this afternoon. Maybe it's just because I know deep down that I will never be able to forgive her for it, and the thought of not having her in my life just breaks my heart... I don't know.
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