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father_of_blake 03-09-2008 01:32 AM

Hello I'm Ben and I’m new here. I was told to come here from my friend who's a member. She posted at my request Blake's story. I don't have a computer of my own nor an email. I guess I should get with the digital age. LOL. But I was able to sign up using my friends email. So I can be connected for now.

I was told that I could help a lot of people with my son's story.

If you’re not sure what I'm talking about then there's a post on here about me aborting my son's circumcision after the doctor separated his foreskin from the glans.

I was so mad at myself for allowing this. My wife told me she'd never agree to this. She told me firmly that if I wanted him circumcised that I had to pay for it, care for his wound, and be there in the room while the circumcision was taking place to "comfort" him.

I was so sure that I was doing what was best for my son. I read all the baby books, talked and asked for baby advice, and made sure to buy safe baby things for our new bundle.

I just wanted to be the very best dad I could. My wife and I went "doctor" hunting for our son. I just wanted the best for him. I decided that natural parenting would be best, and perposed this idea to my wife, she agreed. We thought a natural birth would be great, and natural life style appealed to us. I wanted my son to be healthy, and what could be better than to teach him, without hitting and spanking (like I was as a child). I never wanted to hit my son.

I was so sure that circumcision would be good. In my heart I knew it wasn't natural. But I had read the studies and thought it would be good for at least lowering his risk of any foreskin infections and maybe STDs as well. How did I miss the function of the foreskin, why didn't I put my child's feelings first.

The more I thought about circumcising my son the more I became uncomfortable with the whole idea. But the doctor we'd selected assured me that it was quick, simple, and had 2 major benefits at his age, 1. He wont remember. 2. The foreskin left alone increased his risk off ALL type of penis problems in infancy and adulthood.

I was so at a lost I don’t want my son to have these problems, but why am I changing his body without him even knowing its been done. I didn’t know myself that I was circumcised until I was 20 years old. My intact brother nicely informed me after I asked him what was wrong with his penis. He nicely said you didn’t know I wasn’t circumcised because I was born early. I had always thought circumcision removed the head or something its so stupid I didn’t know. But my feeling after that were that of sadness. I’d always thought I was intact, and I’d wondered why no one bothered to tell me I wasn’t intact.

I didn’t want my son to find out, how could I not even tell him, and if I did that to him do I just assume that he’d get over it. NO! Now that I think of it.

So I took my son in after only 3 days of life to be circumcised. Our healthcare covers it, but at my I they wouldn’t allow me to be in the room with him. So I took to that doctor. I knew what kind of circumcision style I wanted for my son. I asked the doctor if he could to a loose circumcision, the doctor thought it was a good idea, since he said tight ones could cause pain while having an erection. I was so happy that I would be protecting my son.

Before my son’s almost circumcision, he was a happy and vibrant new born. After the doctor applied numbing cream, at my request, he seemed so quiet and peaceful. He didn’t even fuss like the doctor said he would when he was being strapped down. I made sure to hold his hand so he knew I would be there even if it hurt. I wanted him to know that I would be there to make him feel “safe.”

Then the doctor took out knives, shears, and I’m not sure what these are but they looked like tooth picks. He used these “tooth picks to separate my son’s foreskin from his glans. At that point Blake when from peaceful sleeping baby to screaming, he screamed so much so that he started to choke. I found myself light headed from it, and my ears started to hurt from the creaking. At this point I saw that this doctor was about to use shears to cut my son. At this point I don’t really remember anything. I found myself driving at high speed to my friends house who lives 20 minutes away. From what she said I came screaming and banging on her door, with my son in my arms half dressed.

He was bleeding, and crying. His face was so red, and he was choking on himself. I don’t remember anything. But I asked her what could we do so at that point she said maybe she could post on a mothering forum for help.

After some time we did find a doctor, we ran him in, but there was little the doctor could do. He said watch out for infection, and sent us home.

After that my son hasn’t been the same, he doesn’t look at me the same way he did. He doesn’t sleep like he use to, and he doesn’t feed as often. I’ve read that circumcised babies go through this, but could that extreme pain of his glans being ripped from his body cause this?

I’m sorry my post was so long, but I just had to get this out. He’s feeding (breast milk only!) now that my wife is home from the Hospital for problems unrelated from giving birth..

I just hate myself. I look at his penis and think what I did to him. I’ve abused him. I let someone do that to him. How can this tiny baby trust me to be a good father when I almost let someone change his body? How can I as a father gain my baby boy’s trust again?

Ps. His foreskin looks like a lot better. I’m not if or when it will reattach. I might have already but it looks healthy to me. I’m proud to have an intact son. And yes I know no retraction. That is for him alone to do.

blsilva 03-09-2008 01:49 AM

I remember your story. I was in tears reading it then, and I'm in tears reading your words now.

I think you are a hero to your son.

You made a decision that you thought was best for him (as most in this country are socialized to believe), but, when your instincts kicked in, you listened to them, and you rescued your little boy. Good for you!

Stopping a doctor in the middle of a procedure is hard, but you did it, and your son is whole because of it. His body will heal. And he will be okay. However traumatic the experience may have been, he will know deep down that his daddy saved him when he was being hurt. That is what you should remember about this experience as well. You saved him.

You and your wife seem like wonderful parents. Welcome to MDC. And thank you for sharing your story. I hope that many fathers who are considering something like this will read it and understand that circumcision is not as benign as they are told.

MCatLvrMom2A&X 03-09-2008 01:59 AM

I have tears in my eyes. I know it couldnt have been easy for you to post and I applaud you for doing so. I just know that your story is going to help out others. you did such a good job of saving your ds when the time came you should be proud of that fact.

If you havnt already you need to forgive yourself and know that your ds loves you and always will. When he is older you can share this story with him and he can protect his sons so that they can be spared.

essnce629 03-09-2008 03:26 AM

Wow, your story made me cry and put a lump in my throat. Thanks for sharing. You are a wonderful father for following your instinct and stopping what you knew wasn't right. I'm sure your son will thank you some day.

LifeIsBeautiful 03-09-2008 04:14 AM

my gosh, im so sorry, i want to cry, i have a lump in my throat. i wish i could hold your sweet baby in my arms and tell him hes beautiful. you are a good father.

Papai 03-09-2008 04:31 AM

Powerful story. Thank you very much for sharing. I wish nothing but the best for you and your son.

You did the right thing, and what you did was very brave.

rabbitmum 03-09-2008 08:12 AM

I'm crying too. Good thing you saved your son! Hopefully this madness that circumcision is will end soon. I have two sons myself and it is incomprehensible for me that so many small boys go through this torture every day.

Fellow Traveler 03-09-2008 12:27 PM

Originally Posted by father_of_blake View Post
The more I thought about circumcising my son the more I became uncomfortable with the whole idea. But the doctor we'd selected assured me that it was quick, simple, and had 2 major benefits at his age, 1. He wont remember. 2. The foreskin left alone increased his risk off ALL type of penis problems in infancy and adulthood.
This is the problem with many Doctors in the US they don't give people straight information with regard to circumcision. The notion that he wouldn't remember it does not change the ethics; there are enumerable thing that you could do to a baby that wouldn't be tolerated and the notion that he wouldn't remember would not be a defense. As to the second point, most of these benefits are either myths or change your odds so trivially it is immaterial. No other industrialized country circumcises their boys and they don't have the problems your doctor proabably told you about. The more you read and participate, the more you'll realize that.

Yulia_R 03-09-2008 12:35 PM

What a story! I almost cried.

Yes, your baby was abused indeed. But you are the one who SAVED him! You are his hero! As well as my hero!

I HATE the "he won't remember it" argument! Any shrink will confirm that things we don't remember are the very things that mess us up the most. Many times the shrink’s job IS to help the person to remember a trauma or an event, so he can actually deal with his issues. What a horrible doctor you trusted. I'm so so sorry this happened to you and your little one.

Lula's Mom 03-09-2008 01:51 PM

If your wife puts breastmilk on it, that will help with healing.

QueenOfTheMeadow 03-10-2008 12:19 PM

I've removed posts in violation of the UA and any posts that might have quoted or referenced the UAV(s).

MCatLvrMom2A&X 03-11-2008 02:06 AM

I totally forgot about the breastmilk that stuff is liquid gold on things like this.

Devaskyla 03-11-2008 06:12 AM

Thank you for posting, I can't imagine it was easy for you. I had tears streaming down my face as I read it. I hope you and your little one heal from this trauma.

phdmama06 03-11-2008 09:29 AM

I had tears in my eyes reading your story. You did a very brave thing for your little boy! I'm just so sorry that you had to go through this, and I hope your little guy heals quickly.

my2suns 03-11-2008 09:41 AM

You are an awesome Dad! You have protected your son! I was talking to my boys about circ. the other night. I have one who is and one who is intact. I hate that my first son had gone through that. I would beat myself up on a daily basis but I remind myself, also on a daily basis, WHEN WE KNOW BETTER, WE DO BETTER. I am so proud that you knew better!

Hugs to you and your family.

Mama2E&O 03-11-2008 09:42 AM

Thank you so much for sharing your little son's story- I hope you continue to spread your message far and wide.
I am so glad to hear you saved him from further harm.
I hope your son continues to heal both physically, and emotionally.

MommytoB 03-11-2008 02:11 PM

thanks for sharing your story I dislike how doctors scare parents into circumcision stating a foreskin is so infectious which is not true (my son 3 no problems and his dad no problems 40 yrs) but leave out obviously 32 complications from circumcision one's that happen immediately and the other not til puberty/adulthood.

I wish there were more parents like you to take the little boys off the circ table and I do not know how parents can stand there and say its not that bad because I wonder why do they think that ?

I hate the not remembering excuse just because they may not remember what happened to them but you can not tell them it didn't happen or pretend it didn't happen because soon enough they will see boys intact or see a vid of the procedure some men actually go through flash backs as when they were young feeling that so indepthly because they see what they went through and its hard to bare but that is why most usa treat males as if they have no feelings its hard for a guy to confront feelings when parents won't listen .

jessjgh1 03-11-2008 02:26 PM

No words, just tears and hugs...
When you are ready there are many other forums that could benefit from you honest experience. For the time being just allow yourself to heal and snuggle your little one an mom.


mamasophy 03-11-2008 04:12 PM

I'm crying here. I can't thank you enough for being so courageous and such a good man to post your story here. You overcame your "programming" and the lies you were told - to save your son. You woke up in time. Bravo and many hugs to you. I am in awe at how strong you are - you're not just a true man, but a truly conscious human being. The baby will heal, and so will you, and the good that will come from this is HUGE. I wish you peace. You already have my love.

debbieh 03-11-2008 04:46 PM

I too read your story with tears streaming down my face. What a brave man you are. I think this indicates just what a caring and protective father you will be to your little one. I agree with MCatLvrMom2A&'s time to forgive yourself.

cherri0196 03-11-2008 09:11 PM

I read your story too and we told your friend to remind you that you did the RIGHT thing, you grabbed him before the dr. could harm him any further. You are your son's hero!! He will thank you for it in the future!!!

The important thing now is your son is well and healthy.

Good luck in the future with your beloved son. and Congrats on becoming a daddy!!!!

fruitful womb 03-18-2008 03:50 AM

I think of your story often. Just so you know. I admire you so much for saving him. Thats one hell of a ride! Your son is incredibly lucky to have you as his father! Your story brought my own husband and myself to tears. He said he would've done the same thing had they allowed him in the room.

Congratulations on your newest addition!!! Because you rescued him, you now have a WHOLE son!!! Thats fantastic!!!

father_of_blake 03-18-2008 09:37 PM

Thank you all for your support. He is doing great!

I am learning to be a good father, though it is hard to admit to myself that I did wrong. I do admit it. I admitting it, I can see all the good I have done my son. But at the same time reading all the "rare" complications of circumcision really hurt. I believe that I have saved my son from this. And I will keep asking questions on this board.

He's 23 days now and he did not get an infection from his retraction. It is so easy to clean him. And in that alone my best friends son will be left intact. They were worried about cleaning but just spending a day with my son made them see they had nothing to worry about.

Thank you all for your support and your help.


thixle 03-18-2008 09:44 PM

I'm so glad he's recovered well.
And remember Ben, you may have done wrong, but you definately did right as well.
And I'm so happy your friends are coming around too!

jessjgh1 03-18-2008 11:02 PM

What a wonderful update, and GREAT news about your friends.

My son is almost 4, my daughter almost 8 months and SHE is far harder than my son has ever been to take care off/clean/diaper.

Happy baby moon to you, your wife and dear little one Blake!


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