Why does everyone want to touch my son's penis??? - Mothering Forums

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Old 04-30-2008, 03:31 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My son was born almost 5 weeks ago...and I've been on penis patrol ever since. Unfortunately, my baby has some health concerns and has spent close to half his live in hospitals, had more trips to the ped than I anticipated, and we now have a visiting nurse coming to weigh him a couple times a week...
Everytime a new medical professional meets my child, they have this strange need to reach for his penis. Usually, my hand goes out and DH screams (I love my convert)...this morning, the visiting nurse had me strip him to be weighed, so I stood over him (think boxing out...like in basketball) so she couldn't reach, read her the scale, and then diaper my munchkin. Last week, she told me he needs to be retracted "a little bit" and eventually, I'd be able to "pull it all the way back." Um, I'll leave that to him, thanks.
There's always a reason or excuse...I've come to announce that yes, we know he has a "tight" forskin...so no, you can't see the tip of his penis, but yes, I've seen him pee and it's a stream that hits his daddy on a semi-regular basis, so there's no need for you to look, thankyouverymuch.
My grandmother felt the need to ask about his circumcision...and when I explained we declined the cosmetic procedure, felt the need to tell me my father was circumcised...in a Catholic hospital...on a Sunday...by a Jewish doctor. I asked her to please add my father's penis to the top 10 list of things I never need to discuss again...right under my son's penis.

When we decided to leave our child intact we didn't realize we'd soon approach every doctor with a knot in our stomachs prepared to pounce should his diaper suddenly be opened. I feel like I'm perpetually on "Penis Patrol" and I'm searching for infant chastity belts so I can relax a bit!
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Old 04-30-2008, 04:31 AM
 
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'cause it's so darn cute?
Sorry, seriously I don't get this either. And it's supposed to be tight, that means it's doing it's job of protecting the glans.
Cheers for being the good mama bear!!
For us it's gotten better as they've gotten older

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Old 04-30-2008, 04:38 AM
 
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I havnt had to deal with as much as you have but I have definatly felt like I was on penis patrol since ds was born. Even taking him in for something as simple as a ear ach I have to be on guard. : It boggles the mind and ticks me off no end that this is even a issue.

 
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Old 04-30-2008, 05:00 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Irishcupcake View Post
I feel like I'm perpetually on "Penis Patrol" and I'm searching for infant chastity belts so I can relax a bit!
I read on here once about an infant t-shirt that says something like "keep your hands off my penis or my mom will sue you". That would help make your point, at least for the pedi appointments and nurse visits.

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Old 04-30-2008, 11:57 AM
 
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Ugh. I know how you feel. My DS is almost 6 years old and I STILL have to be on penis patrol for him. It's amazing the excuses the doctors/nurses will make to get their hands on it. :
My son is not retractable yet as far as I know.

Mama to 5 busy bees (12, 9, 7, 3, 2) and expecting #6 June/2014

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Old 04-30-2008, 12:18 PM
 
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I sometimes wonder if docs and medical professionals in general aren't just a little pervy. I have girls and let me tell you it's no different. I will never for the life of me understand why people are so interested in baby genitals. Like you really can't dx my kids ear infection without seeing her vagina first? :

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Old 04-30-2008, 01:48 PM
 
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LOL at infant chastity belts. I definitely know what you mean - I am still super nervous when a doctor reaches for my son's diaper and I don't think that is going to change anytime soon! Luckily most of our doctors and nurses have been cool, although one pediatrician told me I needed to retract him a little to clean everyday. Sure.

I have heard from other moms that their pediatricians would look at the diaper area (and even talk about retracting) when they were bringing their DS's in for unrelated things like ear infections. Whatever, right?
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Old 04-30-2008, 01:49 PM
 
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Because they need to find a problem...they'll keep looking till they find one or as in the case of the visiting nurse...make one.

Next time, maybe you should take the opportunity to educate her?


Hugs kiddo..one day at a time, you'll get through all of this!

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Old 04-30-2008, 01:55 PM
 
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I preface any appointment that requires the removal of underpants by saying if they need to see anything, I will do the touching. That goes for my ds and my dd. During a physical, or if there is a problem, I don't mind them looking, but I'd never take off their pants for an ear infection.

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Old 04-30-2008, 03:19 PM
 
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We fought this fight over 25 years ago. I even wrote an article about it, "Penile Remedies for Penile Torts" in The Compleat Mother. I think you can find it on www.cirp.org. Ron Goldman wrote a letter to Pediatrics in the early 80's entitled "Doesn't Everyone Know This" about the forcible retraction issue. I think the docs are still being misinformed. The pediatric texts are still full of misinformation. So it is up to every mom and dad to protect their son from these idiots. Sorry, but that is just the way it is.
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Old 04-30-2008, 04:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We fought this fight over 25 years ago. I even wrote an article about it, "Penile Remedies for Penile Torts" in The Compleat Mother. I think you can find it on www.cirp.org. Ron Goldman wrote a letter to Pediatrics in the early 80's entitled "Doesn't Everyone Know This" about the forcible retraction issue. I think the docs are still being misinformed. The pediatric texts are still full of misinformation. So it is up to every mom and dad to protect their son from these idiots. Sorry, but that is just the way it is.
Thank you for this. I just read your article and I was (pleasantly) surprised to find retraction is considered battery in most states. I'm thinking about giving a copy to our visiting nurse if I have her back.

Fortunately, my son has not been retracted and anyone caring for him knows not to...it's the next new doctor I worry about. I may just have to have a "touch my penis and my mom will sue" shirt made. It just saddens me that the majority of medical professionals he's seen have had the urge to "fix" a part of his body he's meant to have.

I should note, though, the pediatrician in charge of my son's case at the hospital the last couple of weeks was the president of 'quality and patient safety' - meaning he's in charge of the docs, nurses, and general goings-on at the hospital...and he expressed how unnecessary it would be to retract. Now, if he would just be sure the rest of his staff knew that...I'm just happy to not have gotten into trouble for grabbing (not gently) the hand of a resident who was "just looking" and explaining one looks with eyes, not hands or fingers...
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Old 04-30-2008, 05:01 PM
 
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I wrote the Intact Care Agreement for just this reason- that was February, 1998! So you can see this is an on-going problem. I don't know if you feel you need it or not. I think you've been doing a great job, actually, but how annoying, huh? http://www.circumcisionquotes.com/care.html
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Old 04-30-2008, 05:08 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mysticmomma View Post
I preface any appointment that requires the removal of underpants by saying if they need to see anything, I will do the touching. That goes for my ds and my dd. During a physical, or if there is a problem, I don't mind them looking, but I'd never take off their pants for an ear infection.
THAT is such an awesome idea. I only have a daughter so far, but i do expect that there will be a time when her privates do need to be looked at. I feel way more comfortable with the idea that she or I touch them if her labia needs to be opened.

Not to mention it makes the teaching of "NOBODY can touch your privates" much more clear without the excpetions of this doctor/this situation etc... Plus we likely have the same bacteria so i would think that mom/dad touching way decreases the risk of Dr. touching.
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Old 04-30-2008, 05:50 PM
 
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It's not a bad idea to make copies of a few articles and the Intact Care Agreement and present them to EVERYONE before they touch him. Especially people he's going to continue to be seeing.
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Old 05-01-2008, 01:12 AM
 
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I hear you Irishcupcake. I am right there with you. I'm taping penis care instructions all over his isolette and wherever else he goes.
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Old 05-01-2008, 02:09 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I hear you Irishcupcake. I am right there with you. I'm taping penis care instructions all over his isolette and wherever else he goes.

That'll be me when we go in for his heart surgery...thank you for the wonderful idea...I'm so sorry you're in a position to think of it.
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