Do you ever try to hide your no circ son? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 49 Old 05-01-2008, 12:52 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I only know two people who didn't circ their sons...one of them is my oldest sister so her son is now 16 and my midwife...my midwife is the only one who lives near to me. I have lots of friends with LO's and of course diaper changes happen and now we are coming up on summer.

I know a lot of you would probably love the chance to have someone ask a question but I guess I don't really feel like a question is going to be asked...he'll just be looked at. DS is only 15 months so this summer he'll very well be nakey butt and I just don't want the older 4,5,6 yo to say something...I just feel uncomfortable, especially to use an answer of "that's the way God made him" or something like that because they are all Christians.

What are some things you all have told young children if they have ever said something?
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#2 of 49 Old 05-01-2008, 12:53 AM - Thread Starter
 
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duh, I forgot to sub.
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#3 of 49 Old 05-01-2008, 12:56 AM
 
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If other people's kids ask, I tell them to go ask their mom. This has only happened once to me, most kids just don't seem to care, that and everyone I know is intact, because that is the group of people I hang out with. Other then that I just say that we choose to let our kids decide on cosmetic surgery when they are old enough to sign up for it.
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#4 of 49 Old 05-01-2008, 01:07 AM
 
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I wouldn't use the "everyone is different" line because I think that misleads children into thinking some boys were born that way. It isn't like eye color or Down's syndrome, its an alteration.

Although in the REALLY young, this may be the quickest way to change the subject...


I like the PP answer to have the kid ask their mommy. Put the burden on the parents who had their boys cut.
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#5 of 49 Old 05-01-2008, 01:10 AM
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Answer: "That's the way all boys are born."

THEN if the kid has more questions, ya' send him back to his mom.

"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
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#6 of 49 Old 05-01-2008, 01:12 AM
 
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yep A&A that is what I say, as hard as it is to not go off on a tangent!

Living DAIRY AND GLUTEN FREE for my SPD and Aspergers Little Man.
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#7 of 49 Old 05-01-2008, 06:25 AM
 
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I've never had it happen, but I like A&A's answer!

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#8 of 49 Old 05-01-2008, 10:05 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by A&A View Post
Answer: "That's the way all boys are born."

THEN if the kid has more questions, ya' send him back to his mom.
Yeah, that! ^^^ Although this could lead the child to be told lies about the intact penis from said circumcising parent, if their parents aren't around, you can't exactly educate them and saying this is factual and gets the child off your back. I'd use the "That's the way ALL boys are born." way.
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#9 of 49 Old 05-01-2008, 10:18 AM
 
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It has never occurred to me though I don't know any circ'ed boys/

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#10 of 49 Old 05-01-2008, 10:19 AM
 
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Oh, thank goodness, Lissa!
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#11 of 49 Old 05-01-2008, 10:48 AM
 
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I haven't really given it much thought yet - although all the moms of boys I know have circ'ed so I guess it could come up eventually. I like A&A's answer. That definitely works for me.
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#12 of 49 Old 05-01-2008, 02:30 PM
 
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Honestly, most kids really dont care, so you should not worry about it in the first place.

But please dont say things like "thats hwo all boys are born" these are little children, its not appropriate to bring them into circ discussion like that. Its best to just tell them to ask their Mom/Dad or even all boys are different.

You just need to say something neutral, and dismissive, so the kid will go away. Because honestly, they are just going to forget and not care what you say soon after anyway.
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#13 of 49 Old 05-01-2008, 02:52 PM
 
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I haven't given it too much thought since all but one of my girlfriends have intact boys as well. I would never try to "hide" my sons to keep awkward questions from being asked, but I do try to honor their right to privacy and discretion...although my oldest likes to take his swim trunks off as soon as they're wet and run naked through the sprinkler! I guess if a neighborhood kid commented or questioned it, I would probably be truthful and state "It's part of his penis called the foreskin." I would probably mention something to the child's mother, so if he mentions it to her later, she won't be confused and she can figure out a way to explain it to her child. I would like to think that she wouldn't tell her son awful things about intact penises...but I know that the truth about intactness is out there and all boys will learn about it eventually, especially since almost half of them are left intact these days.

Laura...part-time OB nurse, and full-time mom to two sweet boysnocirc.gifintactlact.gif
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#14 of 49 Old 05-01-2008, 04:09 PM
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I'm VERY proud that my son was never mutilated, therefore, I'd never hide him plus would take every chance I have to educate other parents and kids.
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#15 of 49 Old 05-01-2008, 04:17 PM
 
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I have never had that question and probably never will since no one circs here.

Don't hide your son, it's a good thing that people get used to seeing normal penises!
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#16 of 49 Old 05-01-2008, 04:37 PM
 
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Originally Posted by christifav View Post
I like the PP answer to have the kid ask their mommy. Put the burden on the parents who had their boys cut.
I'm not sure I like this approach. The kid'll go ask his parents, and you know what the parents will say.

"Yes, we had you circumcised because it is cleaner and most kids look this way. By removing a pointless piece of skin, that most people have removed, you won't be teased in the bathroom or when you change."

By sending him back to his parents, you're just sending him to that side of the argument.


I would tell them very neutrally. "Some people have skin down there and other people do not. If someone happens to see yours, or you happen to see someone else's, and they do not look like yours, please don't make a big deal out of it."


Depending on the situation, i'd look for a private area to change him, such as a corner of the room or a changing table. If none exist, it's no big deal. But i'm not going to wave his naked body around the room, exclaiming his foreskin to everyone.
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#17 of 49 Old 05-01-2008, 04:39 PM
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Originally Posted by bugmenot View Post
I'm not sure I like this approach. The kid'll go ask his parents, and you know what the parents will say.

"Yes, we had you circumcised because it is cleaner and most kids look this way. By removing a pointless piece of skin, that most people have removed, you won't be teased in the bathroom or when you change."
I 100% agree.
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#18 of 49 Old 05-01-2008, 04:41 PM
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If a kid would ask me, I would have said that your parents for some reason decided to cut this part of your body off.
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#19 of 49 Old 05-01-2008, 05:15 PM
 
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If a kid would ask me, I would have said that your parents for some reason decided to cut this part of your body off.
Honestly, for such young kids I dont think thats appropriate thing to say. This kid has already had his choice taken away from him, why take that out on him?

I think our culture is rough enough to boys, their advocates dont also have to be jabbing at them as well. give them a break, their just little kids.
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#20 of 49 Old 05-01-2008, 05:56 PM
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Honestly, for such young kids I dont think thats appropriate thing to say. This kid has already had his choice taken away from him, why take that out on him?

I think our culture is rough enough to boys, their advocates dont also have to be jabbing at them as well. give them a break, their just little kids.
there is just no gentle and painless way to tell a person that a part of their body was needlessly removed. that is just the truth. it is very disturbing and shocking. but I'd rather had this kid experience shock from what was done to him (as he should!, because it is something horrific) than having his mom tell him what a great thing circ is and how he should do that to his son. That is EXACTLY what keeps MGM going. some things just hurt no matter what, period.
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#21 of 49 Old 05-01-2008, 07:09 PM
 
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To those who brought up that sending the kid back to his mom might be sending him to the dark side....good point. I didn't look at it from that perspective.

Back to the original title of the thread....Heck NO, I would never hide by son because of his intact status. Nor would I flaunt it. It is what it is and if he takes his drawers off and runs around naked I won't freak...kids do that sometimes.

I will also take care to respect his privacy as he gets older, but still, nekky is no big deal either way. Nothing to hide, nothing to flaunt. And intact status has nothing to do with it.
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#22 of 49 Old 05-01-2008, 08:10 PM
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And I just have to add that my intact son and his circ'd friend (both in daycare together) liked to compare.................underwear. They never compared anything else, as far as I know.

"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
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#23 of 49 Old 05-02-2008, 03:47 AM
 
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I wouldn't hide my intact sons any more than I would breastfeed in the bathroom -- because there's nothing wrong with it.
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#24 of 49 Old 05-02-2008, 03:52 AM
 
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I've never had a circed child comment about either of my boys, nor have my sons.

Unassisted birthing, atheist, poly, bi WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wes (14) Seth (7) Pandora Moonlilly (2) and Nevermore Stargazer (11/2012)  Married to awesome SAH DH.

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#25 of 49 Old 05-02-2008, 10:42 AM
 
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No, I have never tried to hide my Non-circ'd ds.


Thats not entirely true, my pastor's wife came over the day after Liam was born. Dh gave me diapers to change him. He didn't really neeeed to be changed. But I had that in the back of my mind... That she would be judgmental. I'm kicking my self because that would've been a GREAT opportunity to educate her if she did say something. I'm hanging out with her today. My other friend will be there today too (taking the kids to skate town). Other friend has two intact ds. They'll be 4 intact boys around the pastors wife, lol! Sadly, pastor's wife's boys are circ'd. Dh talked to pastor about circumcision a long ago. He is on board that its not necessary but was waaay off saying it was medically necessary. We told him what our kids pediatrician said "NOT medically necessary". He was really quiet after that. They do know that we have two intact boys. If I have the opportunity to change Liam in front of her I won't hesitate and hope she DOES say something so I can have a chance to Educate.
gotta go get ready.
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#26 of 49 Old 05-02-2008, 11:16 AM
 
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My little one is intact and he's quite often nakey butt around the house. I babysit and although I usually try to keep him clothed when I have those children in my home, there have been times when he's escaped from a diaper change before I got a new one on him. The little boys I babysit have never made a comment about his penis being different...I know they've seen it ("CARI!! M is naked!!!" : ) but I don't think they would investigate his penis long enough to notice, yk?

Little kids, ime, only recognize difference (in a negative way) when they are told there is one.
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#27 of 49 Old 05-02-2008, 12:19 PM
 
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I have actually had more of my friends/family notice and comment than any child. My son is the only child I know of who is intact where we live now and it worries me quite a bit. I still try not to hide it. It is also socially akward to explain to others why I did not without condeming their choices. I struggle with this all the time. I really believe I did the right thing for my son but the social implications where I live are very real. finding a bunch of non circ'd boys to hang with just is not even an option. it was SOOO much simpler where we lived before where I knew tons of boys who were intact.

anyway, one time a 4-5 year old child did notice it when I was changing DS diaper. he said "I really like his penis, it looks like a cheese puff" no worries
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#28 of 49 Old 05-02-2008, 12:47 PM
 
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If I had a kid, I would be really proud of who he is, and I think that feeling would override any fear of confrontation. (but I can easily understand why it could be hard in some situations, where stress levels, do to unrelated issues already exist)


Quote:
Originally Posted by Yulia_R View Post
there is just no gentle and painless way to tell a person that a part of their body was needlessly removed. that is just the truth. it is very disturbing and shocking. but I'd rather had this kid experience shock from what was done to him (as he should!, because it is something horrific) than having his mom tell him what a great thing circ is and how he should do that to his son. That is EXACTLY what keeps MGM going. some things just hurt no matter what, period.
I know, but it doesn't matter. These are little kids, who have brains that are not as developed and cannot handle, and process things in the same way adults do. (That is why we dont let little kids to watch scary movies, or hesitant to let them go on the "scary ride at the amusement park)
It can be very scary and possibly scarring to tell a little kid something like that. Its like when a little kid comes up to you because they just cut their leg, instead of calling it a boo boo, you tell them "o you just cut a little tiny piece of yourself off your body, and right now tiny little germs are crawling inside it."

I believe doing what you suggest, is just harassing people who have already been victimized, children no less. Its immoral, unethical, and I believes goes against the healing process, we as a culture need to go through in the process of ending these practices.
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#29 of 49 Old 05-02-2008, 01:01 PM
 
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Why not just tell the kids the truth, that this is how a baby boy is naturally born, that this is totally healthy and normal, that circumcision is completely unnecessary and wrong, it is wrong, cruel and inhumane to cut off a healthy and normal part of a babies body, and that they should never allow this to be done to their own children, and so on. We are trying to stop circumcision here arent we? You could hopefully help stop this practice and maybe prevent them from doing it to their own children. This cycle of violence has to be stopped. Wen I first heard about circumcision, I was shocked, my finding it so appalling, it helped me realise the reality of it and that these things should not be allowed to be done to boys, and that I needed to do something to help abolish it.

At least older children. 8+ can process this. I do agree that a 3 or 4 year old, it might be too much.
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#30 of 49 Old 05-02-2008, 03:07 PM
 
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On the go ask your mom question: I could see how it would set older boys up for teasing our intact boys. Imagine them asking their moms why he is the way he is, and she says, "its cleaner" and intact boy is "dirty". It sets our boys up for a ton of ridicule from others.

I like the "not everyone looks the same, so don't tease anyone about it" line.

Imagine your kid with big ears or nose or a birthmark on the face. What would you say if a kid asked you about it? Probably the "everyone is different, don't tease" line. They will learn in time about it. Its all about education from us as they get older, not to mess 'em up when they are younger. You know how literal children can be

Jenny, mother of two boys; 7-25-06 and 7-27-08. Loving wife to Cole. I love birth! :
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