Was I being petty? - Page 4 - Mothering Forums

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#91 of 103 Old 05-19-2008, 09:13 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Rhiannon Feimorgan View Post
I don't think it's unrelated. If they chose to spend money on an unnesissary and harmful surgery rather than on kids clothes or whatever, that's not the op's fault. I feel strongly about circ as do many here and I do judge. I'm not afraid to say that.
Yep, I agree. They could have bought a lot of clothes for $300 and the fact they took that money to have their baby harmed instead makes me sick.

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#92 of 103 Old 05-19-2008, 10:25 AM
 
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Raelynn, I do NOT think that your sister calling you "petty" was justified. You invested time, energy and emotion in this couple who totaly disregarded your "help" the first time around. I would feel exactly the same way as you do.
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#93 of 103 Old 05-19-2008, 12:12 PM
 
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I have to throw my hat in the ring here

I think you are not being petty at all. The clothes are yours to give to whomever you please for whatever reasons you please. Hand me downs, to me, are not charity but a gift. I personally would never gift something especially something I had emotional attachments to, to someone who I don't see favorably.


I have to agree with the poster (and forgive me I forget who you are, there are so many to read!) who made the comment about 'concequences' of circumcision. I personally feel that circumcision and the discussions of circumcison have become so 'pc' and people are so concerned with upsetting someone by discussing it that the whole issue becomes watered down. I feel that we are not allowed to show 'disapproval' or g-d forbid judgement over circumcision lest it offend someone or question an *ahem* belief.

Again, my very personal feeling is that circumcison is very wrong. I eqate it with child abuse, and have no problem saying so. As long as we keep saying that it's a parents decision to make, and that it's a choice at all, it remains both. As long as we tell our children that some parents choose to circumcise because XYZ, we continue the pattern that circumcision is a parenting decsion and not a breach of every child's basic human rights. If you are not saying it's wrong than you are (quietly) saying it's ok.

I think the whole thing with the OP boils down to whether you think it's ok to show your disapproval to those who circ.

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#94 of 103 Old 05-19-2008, 05:46 PM
 
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Not petty at all. Instead of worrying about paying someone to mutilate their son they should have been spending the money on some clothing for him.

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#95 of 103 Old 05-19-2008, 09:38 PM
 
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i dont think its petty. circumcision is expensive and if they can pay for an elective surgery, they can go down to goodwill and get their child some clothes. i think i would have a hard time hearing about how "o we're so poor" from a family that circs their sons. its like when moms say "i dont have the money to feed my kids!" as they smoke cigarettes. i would feel more comfortable donating my things to an anonymous charity.
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#96 of 103 Old 05-19-2008, 10:12 PM
 
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I understand the OP's feelings...to me it seems like donating clothing (which has monetary value) to people who paid to circ, would feel like I was helping to pay for the circ. Of course we would never give someone actual money and say here, just wanted to help you out to pay to get your kid circ'd...but that's one way to look at it.

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#97 of 103 Old 05-19-2008, 11:52 PM
 
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Money problems or not...I wouldn't give that couple a darn thing. Why would I give people I don't like gifts?

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#98 of 103 Old 05-20-2008, 04:19 PM
 
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I have to agree, if they can spend $300 on uneccesary surgery instead of clothes...pft. Thats like...spending money on getting your babies ears pierced instead of buying clothes or going to the movies instead of buying clothes or...I could go on. This is worse though imo. A lot worse.

I'm expecting my 4th in september. I got all of his 0-3 month clothes for under $100, new. If you add that up, they should be able to cloth their baby for a full year for that $300 they wasted on circing.

I'm not saying punish the child, but as I see it-if they can come up with $300 for circing, they can come up with $300 for a year of clothing. And this is coming from someone who is often very broke :P.

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#99 of 103 Old 05-20-2008, 04:24 PM
 
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Originally Posted by LoveChild421 View Post
Money problems or not...I wouldn't give that couple a darn thing. Why would I give people I don't like gifts?
LOL. You know, when it comes down to it, I think it's about as simple as that. I don't know why anybody is trying to judge you for it. More likely than not, the people who said you were being petty would avoid giving gifts to someone they don't like, also. This is no different, and it's not like the boy is going to go clothesless for it. And to be sure, you have a good reason for not liking them. They knowingly mutilated their son.
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#100 of 103 Old 05-20-2008, 04:38 PM
 
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they live in canada with you right & no insurance covers it & is it correctly that circumcision around there in circ clinic cost around the 500 to 700 $ in canadian dollars which canada is more 'higher cost than usa' . I would 'agree if they could come up with at least 500$ for a unneccesary circumcision but begging for 'clothes' because they 'don't have the money.

I live only on a 1500 income -take taxi's, get wic,get some 'fast food & alot of toys for my boy btw I have no job and am a single mom . I'm for sure any charity 'shops' like our place has a thing where you can collect 6 pieces of clothing for free each time you come in & garage sales are pretty 'cheap' to get clothes for one dollar or to 2 dollars possibly some could be 5 $

I would choose to donate to 'someone at a 'charity who I believe who wouldn't be able to 'afford it' just like I rather not know 'someone is smoking & say they have no money for food or for clothes then when they get the 'money' they buy cigarettes instead of stuff for 'kids'
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#101 of 103 Old 05-20-2008, 07:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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they live in canada with you right & no insurance covers it & is it correctly that circumcision around there in circ clinic cost around the 500 to 700 $ in canadian dollars which canada is more 'higher cost than usa' .
It varies from province to province, from region to region. I've read in Prince Edward Island it's only $50, but in Nova Scotia it's $300+. Here, it can vary from $150-450 depending on where you are getting it done. The hospital I had my children at does them, but they charge around $450 I believe - $150 for use of the "hospital space," $150 for the "tray fee" (use of the equipment) and $150 for the doctor to do it.
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#102 of 103 Old 05-20-2008, 08:10 PM
 
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Originally Posted by liliesandliars View Post
LOL. You know, when it comes down to it, I think it's about as simple as that. I don't know why anybody is trying to judge you for it. More likely than not, the people who said you were being petty would avoid giving gifts to someone they don't like, also. This is no different, and it's not like the boy is going to go clothesless for it. And to be sure, you have a good reason for not liking them. They knowingly mutilated their son.

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#103 of 103 Old 05-20-2008, 08:49 PM
 
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Here's the thing, I think as it turns out from your later posts, no you weren't being petty. In the original post though, it read like you wanted to maintain a friendship but punish them by not giving them hand me downs. That I think would be petty. If it's a big enough deal to not give clothes over, it should be a big enough deal to cut off contact over; or maybe with relatives to severely limit contact. I understand OP that they were never really friends.

I wouldn't point it out or ponder over whether to give them clothes any time your sister brings them up in the future, though. I would just say "I don't agree with their principles and do not wish to associate with that family." Your sister is likely not to like your stance though. It's not the deal to her that it is to you, and not having children herself that's not that surprising. Just stick to your principles.

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