Your or your DP's childhood views of circ vs. intact - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 44 Old 06-01-2008, 12:23 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm curious. I'm so far removed that I barely remember what my perception of circumcised vs intact meant other than some story of a prince that "needed" to be circ'd to help him father children (someone got him drunk and they circ'd him and the justification they gave the prince was that "he'll only be a bit shorter is all") ANYWAY. That's not he interesting part.

I asked DH. He said he knew ONE guy who was intact as a child. They called his penis a "sandworm" and he said that he assumed that he was too poor to be circ'd as a child and that he would have it done eventually.

What was your and/or your DP's experience of it as a child?

~laura
and planning to eat it again
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#2 of 44 Old 06-01-2008, 12:42 AM
 
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The first time I ever saw an intact penis was when I was about 12, and the toddler son of one of my Dad's Chinese graduate students was for some reason running around naked at our house (maybe a diaper change?). I remember thinking that something was terribly wrong with his penis (my brothers were circumcised). I didn't talk to my parents about it. I can't remember if/when I found out the facts about circumcision as a child. But by the time I was in nursing school in my late 20s I knew circumcision was wrong.

Gillian
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#3 of 44 Old 06-01-2008, 12:48 AM
 
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One guy in my entire high school wasn't circumcised. Everyone knew it and he was tormented mercilessly all through high school because of it.
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#4 of 44 Old 06-01-2008, 01:11 AM
 
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As a child I didn't have a view on it. We only had 1 boy in my extended family and I don't remember ever seeing his penis. It never came up.
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#5 of 44 Old 06-01-2008, 01:19 AM
 
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The first 2 out of the 3 guys I have been with were not circed. The first one was dirty about it, so I always had a bad perception about it, and then before I even knew my 2nd sexual partner wasn't circed I made a very rude comment about how I hoped he was circed.

I can definitely see the difference in sexual gratification with my husband and my 2 previous partners. With my 2nd oral sex was so much easier for me, and so much more pleasurable for him. My DH doesn't even care for oral, and they only thing that satisfies is intercourse.

I wish I wouldn't have been so ignorant.

Ashlee - wifey to Josh , mama to Gavin 9/2007 , and expecting a baby GIRL 7/20/10.
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#6 of 44 Old 06-01-2008, 01:28 AM
 
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One of my friends in college slept with a guy who was intact and she mentioned that he was. But that was it - no teasing or digust - he actually had NO trouble with ladies...so it must not have been too big of a deal...even in central KS.

My husband didn't even know what a normal penis looked like until we were pregnant and I brought up circumcision. At first he thought it was disgusting, but it took about 5 minutes of discussion and he immediately changed his mind. I wish all men responded that way to their wives bringing up the idea of not circumcising their sons.
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#7 of 44 Old 06-01-2008, 01:42 AM
 
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When I was in elementary school, the teachers would take the entire class to the restrooms at once several times a day. Being typical boys, of course we checked each other out. After a while I noticed that all the caucasian guys in my class had penises that looked basically like mine, but all the African-American guys in my class had sheaths of skin that covered their glans. I assumed this was a natural difference like the color of our skin or the texture of our hair, and as such I didn't give it much thought at the time.
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#8 of 44 Old 06-01-2008, 03:29 AM
 
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Originally Posted by LaLaLaLa View Post
One guy in my entire high school wasn't circumcised. Everyone knew it and he was tormented mercilessly all through high school because of it.
Thats seems so strange.


My twin brother is uncut, so I always knew penises could be that way. At first I thought penises just looked different, then by the time I was 11 I realized something was up, and since I had only seen guys my age intact, I assumed that naturally all males penises looked intact in childhood, and that when a guy went through puberty, the penis budded open like a flower. But I thought mine looked different because I thought I had had some kind of mystery surgery. And I was partly right. lol
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#9 of 44 Old 06-01-2008, 04:12 AM
 
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I had only a vague idea what circ was, until my intact DH explained it to me!! We were TTC, and he said "if we have a boy, we're not having him circ'" Well okay hon....but what exactly IS it?
I had NO idea, I'm am so glad DH was well informed and both of our boys were spared!
It wasn't something anyone talked about in our house. I thought only jewish people did it, not realizing that most of the guys I'd been with were. I knewe DH looked different, but in my experience, they're all a little different!!

Mom of 4 aspiring midwife "Friend"ly seeker
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#10 of 44 Old 06-01-2008, 05:10 AM
 
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I didn't know about uncirc'ed men til the birth of my little brother. My mom declared that he'd be uncirced and my dad was fine with it. I distinctly remember the nurses collecting boys on the maternity ward, my mom saying no, her going on and then the unforgettable sound of a baby boy being circ'ed. (They had forgotten to turn off the speakers to that part of the nursery --back when they were still collecting babies; my mom opted to keep baby bro in her room, a shocking "new" thing.) I think I ventured near the area it was happening, but didn't watch. The sound of it was enough.

Unfortunately, dh is pro-circ. I was anti and mentioned how I wanted an intact son. He came up with excuses and stories of "guys he knew." In the end, despite giving him options and chances, he never followed through with making an appointment. I think in his heart he knows it's not right though he's still not comfortable saying so. In the end, our son, now 3 yo, is intact.
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#11 of 44 Old 06-01-2008, 05:20 AM
 
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My imigrant father and hippy mother presented it as a bizar thing people did, b/c they were too uptight to deal with the natural human body.

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#12 of 44 Old 06-01-2008, 01:56 PM
 
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Honestly I didn't really know much about it at all. Even when I knew what circ was, I always assumed it was done for religious reasons only. Maybe that comes from growing up in a European family. During my teen years and college days I never even once heard a negative story about intactness.

DH on the other had learned (I'm not sure where) that circ had to be done for cleanliness. He actually thought that the idea of not circing was a little strange.
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#13 of 44 Old 06-01-2008, 02:01 PM
 
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I never knew what being intact was. I thought perhaps it had something to do with being jewish (LMAO, I know). I didn't know that people chose not to circ, I thought it was just something that everyone did. That's why I circ'd my first...at the time it was like "well why wouldn't I?" Besides that I remember my best friend in college talking about dating a guy and I swear she told me he was intact and went on and on about how nasty it was and I didn't want my son's girlfriends to think he was nasty. I brought it up to my friend last year and she had no idea what I was talking about and said that her husband is intact and she couldn't believe that I actually circ'd ds! Ugh, I just wish someone had said something to me but growing up in the midwest it was definitely "odd" to be intact.

Rachel, mom to Jake (5/04) and Alexia (7/07) a surprise UC thanks to hypnobabies!
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#14 of 44 Old 06-01-2008, 02:06 PM
 
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I had never seen a circed one until I met my husband. Yes, at 23 years old. Still didn't really understand what it was until I got pregnant and came across the circ discussions on American message boards on the internet. I said to dh "Would you want your son circed just because you were?" He looked at me like I was an alien.

People here in the UK generally know very little about circ except the vague belief that it is something Jewish people do. Otherwise it is so far off our radar we don't think about it unless we come across it for some reason.
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#15 of 44 Old 06-01-2008, 02:34 PM
 
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Mind numbing shock is the best way to describe me finding out about circ, everyone I know is intact and always has been. I found out as an adult, as Claire said, it was something that Jews did, and was so far off the radar I never thought about it, then I met and fell in love with an American.

People do that legally to babies? OMG they did that to you?

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#16 of 44 Old 06-01-2008, 03:24 PM
 
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My Hubby says he honestly doesn't remember seeing or talking about anyone's uncirced penis as a child. I remember hearing about one guy in highschool. His exgirlfriend told everyone he had a deformed penis. He wasn't circed.

I pray for the day Family Court recognizes that CHILDREN have rights, parents only have PRIVILEGES.  Only then, will I know my child is safe.
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#17 of 44 Old 06-01-2008, 07:00 PM
 
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I don't really know how I was ever "told" about circ in childhood, but I remember knowing that it was something baby boys have done to take "a little skin" off their penis because otherwise they would be "gross" and have problems. It was just ingrained in me as the "truth" or the "norm". I remember in high school learning that one of my best friends was intact. He was the only one that ever came right out and said it. He had gastroschesis as a baby and had to have surgery as a newborn and he said his mother just didn't see any reason to circ him (Smart lady!!) I don't remember anyone ever picking on him or teasing him. He was confident and had a lot of girlfriends! I never saw his penis, and I never thought he was gross or weird because he was intact, but at the time I still thought it must be better and I'm sure I would have circ'd my kids...until I saw one in nursing school that horrified me and led me to research it once I was pregnant with my first DS.

Laura...part-time OB nurse, and full-time mom to two sweet boysnocirc.gifintactlact.gif
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#18 of 44 Old 06-01-2008, 09:44 PM
 
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When I was a teenager and kinda sex-crazed (lol) we used to talk about sexual stuff almost every day at lunch. The circ thing came up, and I think I mentioned something about how gross it was to be intact, how I'd never want to be with someone who was intact. UGH. I am ashamed of that, but I didn't know any better. The guy I was interested in at the time (and kinda starting to fool around with) said that he wasn't circ-d. I looked at him like he was a leper and confessed to my friends that I didn't think I could be with him sexually because of that. We asked him why he wasn't and he said "I'm not Jewish, so I don't think I am."

He went home and asked his mother (which I'm sure was an awkward conversation) -- turned out he was circ-d! He just didn't know. I breathed a sigh of relief then, but we had many problems later when he had basically no sensitivity. It really messed with my self-esteem, for years.

A good friend of ours at the time was intact -- he had been born in Germany so we assumed it was just something those "crazy Europeans" did. He made no apologies and was quite popular with the ladies.

I really wish I wouldn't have been so ignorant then. Once I went to college and learned more about human rights, bodily integrity, and became more of a rampant feminist , I wised up and realized it was something that I would NEVER do. My parents still think it's ridiculous that I could make such a decision, since I "don't have a penis, and my husband will want it to look like his", and express way more dismay when I say if my future partner is un-sway-able on the issue, it's a deal breaker. But I don't care. Even though I don't have children yet, I work with infants and can't imagine doing it to them, especially when there's no reason to.

I also later have learned that those "crazy Europeans" are pretty much right about EVERYTHING. When in doubt, I do as they do!
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#19 of 44 Old 06-02-2008, 12:08 AM
 
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As a young child, i had no idea what circ was. I can remember being in highschool, and ppl talking/making jokes about it, but i never bought into the intact=gross theory. It just didn't make sense to me that a normal part shouldnt be there. ONe day i was sitting with a bunch of friends, and it came up that my now dh wasn't circed, and all the other guys started in with "What?!, that's sooo wrong " ladiladi
I told them all i didn't see anything wrong with that (maybe thats why dh always loved me soo much
He's never had a problem with the ladies either
He can remember as a kid playing at a friends house, and the boys making fun of the little neighbor boy who was running around naked, saying he had an elephant trunk. Thats when he realized that he was different, b/c he had a trunk too
IN any case, i've been with intact and circed men, and let me say, i am soo happy that dh is intact.

Living and learning with my four young ones......
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#20 of 44 Old 06-02-2008, 02:20 AM
 
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i didn't know what it was as a child, but as soon as i learned what it was, probably junior high age maybe, i thought circ was disgusting and i had no problem telling girls that when they were going on about intact being ugly. my DP is intact, thank goodness, and he finds the whole idea repulsive. both of my little brothers are circed and my mom really really regrets it.
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#21 of 44 Old 06-02-2008, 07:39 AM
 
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When I grew up, I NEVER saw a male naked; I had no idea what a boy or a man looked like without his clothes on! Since no one ever talked about a man's genitals, circumcision was never mentioned, either. My father and older brother were very modest. I grew up in a very religious, conservative small-town Iowa.
I didn't learn about it until I was in my teens.
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#22 of 44 Old 06-02-2008, 01:19 PM
 
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I only have sisters, my dad is circ'd, and all my male cousins are circ'd, so I didn't realize that there was difference until I was a little older. My dad stopped letting me see him naked when I was about 3, but I still kind of remember. I do remember seeing my younger cousin's penis as well when he was still in dipes... IIRC, he was circ'd. That was when I was probably 4 or 5. I remember when I was probably around 7, I heard the term "circumcision" for the first time and I asked my mom what it meant. She said "when little boys are born, they have a little piece of skin over the head of their penis and the doctor cuts it off so that it will be cleaner". : So basically, until I was much older, my idea of intact was having this shell or something on the head. : The way my mom explained it, that's what it sounded like! It did freak me out though when my cousin had a baby when I was about 15 and I saw the baby's fresh circ. There was this yellow plastic thing IN HIS URETHRA. *shudder* Even my cousin (then only 18) was freaking out and called the hospital saying "what did ya'll do to my son??" (she let them keep him in the nursery the whole time so she didn't see it until they were home). But the hospital was like "oh, that's normal, the plastic will fall out within a few days".

Actually, I didn't *really* understand until after I was with my now ex and I asked him what it was looked like. And he erm, demonstrated. (He is circ'd.) I was like "woah, that's weird! If we ever have a boy, we'll get him circ'd". And ex just kinda shrugged. Glad I came to my senses by the time we had a boy.

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#23 of 44 Old 06-02-2008, 01:38 PM
 
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I grew up thinking it was only something Jews did. I also thought that if you weren't a Jewish the only reason you would be circed was if you were injured. Like my little brother who was done at 6. From what I know now he probably didn't need it.

Wife to DH, Mom to my Intact Boys DS1: Born 02 Pain Med Free Hospital Birth, BF'ed for 9 Months, Partially Vax'd DS2: Born 06 via UC, BF'ed 3 years 10 months, and UnVax'd
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#24 of 44 Old 06-02-2008, 01:48 PM
 
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Circumcission didn't come over my radar until I was pregnant with my first. All the guys I had been with was circ'ed. I/we hadn't thought about it until my mom made an off handed remark about not letting doctors use a plasti-bell to circ. Apparently my brother had problems with healing because it. I asked my ex about it he asked if it was medically necessary. We found out the answer was no and we said "WHY do it then." My anti-circ opinions didn't come until later when I found our more and how it was done.
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#25 of 44 Old 06-02-2008, 04:05 PM
 
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I didnt give it a thought until I was an adult & dating an intact guy. I just assumed it was because he was from another country.

My dh had a friend who was intact until he was a teen & then he got it done then by his choice. And I think thats the most he ever thought about it as a kid.
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#26 of 44 Old 06-02-2008, 04:35 PM
 
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Looking back at my early childhood, I find it absolutely incredible that I did not question the differences that I observed and seek an explanation. OMG - Was I that brain dead !!!

I grew up on a very isolated farm in Africa. My brother & I (and our Dad) were all circumcised. I just thought that was how caucasian penii were. However I had also observed young native boys, who were intact, although the adults were circumcised. In that area circumcision was performed as a "comming of age" ritual.

Then at the age of 6 I was sent to a boarding school. That first night in the communal shower room I noticed both circ'd and intact (caucasian) boys. NOW the light bulb turned on. "WTF" I thought. However I was still too shy to ask my parents about this very curious phenomenom. I did feel that I was missing something rather important, and wished that I had been left intact. It was not until my youngest brother was born, when I was 13, that my Mum felt an explanation was in order, and said that we had all been circumcised on the advice of her father. According to her, my grandfather had needed a circ at the age of 12 because "his foreskin got so tight he could not pee". That made no sense at all, but I was too embarassed to continue discussing the topic.

I have to say that I never witnessed any teasing based on circumcision status, and I certainly never heard any negative comments about foreskins. It just seemed to be accepted that some boys had one and some didn't !!

As an aside, one brother does not care, and two of us are most unhappy that we were not permitted to retain our original anatomy.
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#27 of 44 Old 06-02-2008, 05:57 PM
 
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I remember studying scripture in Sunday School class (probably was middle school age) and studying the passages about how Jesus doesn't care if your are man or woman, circ'd or not, etc. and asking the SS teacher what that meant Boy did he get embarrassed and said "go ask your parents" I never did that I recall, but wondered for a long time after that what the big secret was .

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#28 of 44 Old 06-02-2008, 06:54 PM
 
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I don't remember thinking about it at all actually. My brothers are both circed and younger and I know I saw their penises as a young kid, I think at best it came up in various jokes or things, I didn't really think much about it at all. Never dated anyone that was uncut.

I didn't really think much on it until I found out I was pregnant with a boy. By that point I was a regular on MDC, and I knew it was an issue from seeing this forum, but I am not the type to just make up my mind based on reading a few posts here or there, so I decided to do some research on both sides, I searched for circ in google, found cirp.org and was convinced about 1/2 a page in.

Mightymoo - Mom to DD (6) and DS (4)
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#29 of 44 Old 06-02-2008, 08:50 PM
 
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My little brother was born when I was 8 years old and I can remember seeing his wounded penis and telling my mom that I would never let anyone cut my baby's penis. I didn't know any thing about it, but to me it seemed wrong to cut into a baby. Then my mom told me that if I didn't do it then I had to pull the skin back at every diaper change and that it would hurt him and make him bleed. She was under that impression b/c back when my older brother was born she didn't want to circ him and the doctor had told her to pull it back and clean. When she did he screamed and bled. So she had him circed when he was 5 days old b/c she couldn't bare to do it anymore. Well when I was 8 I didn't question her and assumed she was right. At that age you think your parents know everything. Well when I got older I revisited the issue and did the research. After I got preggo, my mom asked me and I told her I would not circumcise. She started to tell me that same story about how I would have to pull it back and clean it and he would scream, at which point I educated her and now she is anti-circ.
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#30 of 44 Old 06-03-2008, 05:47 PM
 
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To be quite honest, I've never seen a circed penis. Coming from a culture where circumcision is NOT the norm and dating guys solely from there, well I've never seen one, and personally, I don't want to

ETA: I haven't seen an adult males penis that is circed. I have seen an infant's and it just about broke my heart.

Sarah. Wife to Pearry, mama to Pearry II and Isabella Rose, born Breech at home and Benjamin, our January 1st bebe intactlact.gifhomebirth.jpg

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