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#31 of 51 Old 07-23-2008, 10:25 PM
 
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Mama to 9 so far:Mother of Joey (20), Dominick (13), Abigail (11), Angelo (8), Mylee (6), Delainey (3), Colton (2) and Baby 8 and Baby 9 coming sometime in July 2013.   If evolution were true, mothers would have three arms!

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#32 of 51 Old 07-23-2008, 10:29 PM
 
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you can do what i do..i circ'd 2 sons for religious reasons.. my ds3 is intact as well as ds4 (in utero) will be. i talk about it as much as i can to prevent others from doing it to their sons.

thats all you can do..and apologize to your son when he is older (which i have done also).
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#33 of 51 Old 07-24-2008, 02:57 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I am so amazed by all the love and support I've found here. I really want to respond to everyone individually, but my nursling only gives me so much free time.

Thank you to everyone. Your kind words and support have made this very difficult time not just a little better- a LOT better. :

To the moms who are in the same boat: I cannot express how bittersweet it is to know that I'm not the only one, thank you for showing me the light at the end of the tunnel. The loooong, long dark tunnel. And I'm sorry for your pain, too. Extra hugs

Really, I feel like I'm repeating myself, but thank you from the bottom of my heart, everyone. I know everyone really cares and I feel so grateful for this community of wonderful mamas. (and sometimes papas).

Ok, enough with the thanks

Today, Abe turned 3. 3 years ago today he was perfect- and today he is perfect, too. Yes, he is missing some of his foreskin, but he has his life and his health and I know we are lucky.

Some exciting news that's making me really is only happening because I know how lucky we are. He was fortunate enough to not have a very close circ, and for the last several months I've been talking to him about 'hiding' his penis, by pulling the foreskin over the head. He plays with it constantly, anyway so I figured, why not maybe get a little restoration in there- since I would encourage it at a later time, anyway. Well. A few days ago, he got a mosquito bite right on the head of his penis (he's naked a LOT) and it was bothering him so I used it as an opportunity to sell my 'agenda'. I told him that if he remembered to keep 'hiding' his penis it would be really hard for the moquitos to bite him there. And I said that usually, a penis has skin to cover it, and that if he wanted to have skin cover his too, he could practice 'hiding' and that it might grow new skin. He was excited about this and I asked him tonight if he wanted to try to put some tape on there while he sleeps at night to help his new mosquito protector skin grow() and he gave a very enthusiastic 'Yeah!' I figured he wouldn't like it, but we tried it and said that he liked it and that it felt good. And I asked him if he needed to pee, and if he did just to take the tape off (it's the nice, not very sticky medical tape) it didn't hurt him at all, he peed, and wanted to put it back on!!! And I said that we could do that every night if he wanted, and he said, 'Yeah, and during the day too!' Ha. Btw, I'm amazed at how stretchy and pliable his skin is.

Anyway. I'm literally beaming as he sleeps up in bed- I just keep picturing his little hiding penis, new skin cells forming. (It sounds silly to think so much about it as I read this. )

So yeah. I feel a lot of hope right now. I of course would take any advice/warnings about the taping- how much air circulation needed? how long/how often? just don't worry about it as long as he doesn't complain and everything looks okay? TIA

The other thing I wanted some help with was the activism. I am ALL about the fact that I know better than anyone because of our experience, and I'm highly motivated to write letters, hand out business cards, talk to pregnant strangers, etc. BUT, I'm very worried about Abe's psyche. If I'm talking about it, or if I get a bumper sticker and he asks, etc, I'm just worried with all the 'babies are born perfect' slogans (which I 10000% agree with) that he might develop some self-esteem problems or the like. Should I just be careful not to talk about it in front of him until he's older? Or maybe if our restoration plan goes well, I won't have to worry about it as much. I'm just worried that he'll develop really hurt feelings be not being 'whole' 'perfect' and other terms that are commonly used in the activsim lingo. (Which I have no problem with them being used- just worried about them hurting my son's feelings if I use them in my activism).

Sorry for typing your eyes off - you wanted an update. :]

Thankyouthankyouthankyou again for all your support, I wish we could all be in the same room together so we could have a big group hug. Thanks for all you do for babies and their mamas. And by all means, you TELL PEOPLE too. I always see the 'what should I do' threads on here. Here's what to do: TELL THEM. DO NOT ASSUME THEY KNOW ANYTHING. Even if they say they've researched it (remember, I did). If they think you're a jerk or you're crazy oh well, at least you said something, and if they can hear the info and not change their mind, then they're not worth it anyhow- grieve for the baby, and move on. And if you tell them the truth and they're horrified and say they had no idea, then that's why you should tell them. Everytime you're wondering if you should say anything, think about my story, and others' like mine. WE WANT YOU TO TELL US.

And with our restoration project, I really feel pure and utter : The entire last year has been pretty dark, this was always on the back (and oft times front) of my mind. These last few days, and esp tonight, have been a really healing time for me, and I'm excited for the first time in a year about my son's future- yeah it was that bad. Not anymore though. ::

, Kelli
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#34 of 51 Old 07-24-2008, 01:42 PM
 
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Aww, I am so glad you're feeling better! :

I think encouraging him to "hide" it like that is a good way to plant the seed for restoration later. Lord knows they like to play with it enough anyway, might as well give the playing a purpose

As for how to get involved with the activism while protecting his feelings, I think the big thing would be to stay positive in your approach. Instead of concentrating on the harm of circ, maybe concentrate more on the benefits of being intact - at least when he is within earshot or in a place where he might read it. And definitely, staying away from words like mutilate would be good.

I know for sure that there are lots of mamas with circ'ed boys who are active in this issue, so hopefully they will chime in. You may even want to start a new thread about that so they can see the question.


Stephanie ~ Mama to Avery (7/07) & Iona (3/10)
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#35 of 51 Old 07-24-2008, 02:04 PM
 
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I am so happy that you found the love, support and ideas you needed here. :: All the best mama. You sound like you are doing well. Good for you.

Megan~ mama to Cecilia (9/1/04) Carl (11/19/06) Vivian (9/10/09) & spring 2011 baby.
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#36 of 51 Old 07-24-2008, 02:43 PM
 
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Sending you some hugs. I wish someone had been there to give you the information. Maybe you can turn the pain that you've experienced into an opportunity to reach out to other non-informed parents.


Perpetually breastfeeding or pregnant ENFP mom to a lot of kids...wife to a midwestern nice guy...living in tropical paradise...pink cats and homebirths rock!

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#37 of 51 Old 07-24-2008, 03:04 PM
 
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Im glad you are feeling a little better and ready to pass your knowledge on to others.

I'd just go very cautiously with any restoration for your ds. He's really too young to really understand it and I personally think it is something that should be pursued by the individual when he is older. but that's just my opinion.

Perhaps having him do something to cover is fine, but I think usinig tape etc just seems a bit too much-- just my 2 cents.

Jessica

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#38 of 51 Old 07-24-2008, 06:35 PM
 
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Originally Posted by jessjgh1
Im glad you are feeling a little better and ready to pass your knowledge on to others.

I'd just go very cautiously with any restoration for your ds. He's really too young to really understand it and I personally think it is something that should be pursued by the individual when he is older. but that's just my opinion.

Perhaps having him do something to cover is fine, but I think usinig tape etc just seems a bit too much-- just my 2 cents.

Jessica
I agree. It's not something I would recommend going really active on. If you read through the foreskin restoration sites, there are a lot of techniques in terms of ensuring regrowth of inner vs. outer foreskin, how much pressure to do.

Then there's the fact that guys don't do tape/other restoration devices at night for fear that nighttime erections might cause too much tension and cause the circulation to be cut off, etc.

I can understand that you feel like you made a mistake and you want to fix it. I'm just not sure that this is the time or the way to do that. I think the person whose body it is needs to be in charge of the restoration process so he can exercise his own judgment on how much pressure to apply, what feels right and what doesnt, and so forth.


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#39 of 51 Old 07-24-2008, 06:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, sh*t.

There goes that.
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#40 of 51 Old 07-24-2008, 07:01 PM
 
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Mama, I am so sad for you. Would you consider calling or emailing Marilyn Milos, founder of NOCIRC? You know she has 3 circed sons, right? I wonder if she could help you come to terms with this burden that's so heavy on you right now.

Come visit the NEW QuirkyBaby website -- earn QB Bucks rewards points for purchases, reviews, referrals, and more! Free US shipping on great brands of baby slings and carriers and FREE BabyLegs or babywearing mirror on orders of $100+. Take the QB Quiz for personalized advice!

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#41 of 51 Old 07-25-2008, 10:42 AM
 
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Well, sh*t.

There goes that.
Please don't feel like that. You are an amazing mom for acknowledging your feelings here and not just trying to ignore them. As a parent we all try to do the best thing, but we are always limited by the information available to us. That's why most of us direct our anger towards the medical professionals that perpetuate the myths of circumcision.

Have you seen the sticky above-- regrets about circumcision? Its hard to read, but you sure are not alone. I know I consider myself very lucky that I didn't end up on that list because I so very easily could have.


((Hugs)) momma.

Jessica

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#42 of 51 Old 07-25-2008, 12:29 PM
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Then there's the fact that guys don't do tape/other restoration devices at night for fear that nighttime erections might cause too much tension and cause the circulation to be cut off, etc.

I can understand that you feel like you made a mistake and you want to fix it. I'm just not sure that this is the time or the way to do that. I think the person whose body it is needs to be in charge of the restoration process so he can exercise his own judgment on how much pressure to apply, what feels right and what doesnt, and so forth.

:


But there are things you can do. You can write letters to the editor of your local paper. You can talk to other moms. There are organizations that fight circumcision--you can support them monetarily. (PM me if you want specifics.)

You can join the "Medicaid project," which lobbies for medicaid to stop paying for circumcision (this project has been very successful in several states.)

Also, get your son's medical records about his circ. When he turns 18, he can sue his circumciser. (But there is a very narrow time frame for accomplishing this, so you need to have his medical records ready.) Again, PM me for specifics. The organization you can support with money now is the same organization that will help him sue later.

"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
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#43 of 51 Old 07-25-2008, 12:36 PM
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But there are things you can do. You can write letters to the editor of your local paper. You can talk to other moms. There are organizations that fight circumcision--you can support them monetarily. (PM me if you want specifics.)

You can join the "Medicaid project," which lobbies for medicaid to stop paying for circumcision (this project has been very successful in several states.)

Also, get your son's medical records about his circ. When he turns 18, he can sue his circumciser. (But there is a very narrow time frame for accomplishing this, so you need to have his medical records ready.) Again, PM me for specifics. The organization you can support with money now is the same organization that will help him sue later.
I just wanted to mention that when the person is still so vulnerable from her grief, I do not think it’s a good taste to mention money help issue TWICE! As I noticed, most of MDC-ers don’t have extra money.
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#44 of 51 Old 07-25-2008, 06:34 PM
 
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I feel your pain

Wife to DH(15 years)and Mama to: Jacob(5/02)kid.gifribbonpurple.gif, and Alina(7/07)energy.gifI luxlove.gifbellyhair.gif
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#45 of 51 Old 07-26-2008, 06:15 PM
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I just wanted to mention that when the person is still so vulnerable from her grief, I do not think it’s a good taste to mention money help issue TWICE! As I noticed, most of MDC-ers don’t have extra money.
Wow. Way to ignore the rest of what I said. I also mentioned suing the circumciser, working on the medicaid project, writing letters to the editor, and talking to other moms.

Personally, I find it extremely satisfying to write a check to attorneys who sue circumcisers. But I realize that's not possible for everyone; hence, I included other ways to contribute to the movement.

"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
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#46 of 51 Old 07-26-2008, 06:46 PM
 
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Tell your story. Shout it to anyone who will listen. And sue the doctor. Seriously. You were NOT fully informed like the law says you must be. Contact Doctors Opposing Circumcision OR Attorney for the Rights of the Child and sue. That way your message will be heard loud and clear by the hospital, community and lawmakers.

I am so so sorry....
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#47 of 51 Old 07-27-2008, 12:29 PM
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Wow. Way to ignore the rest of what I said. I also mentioned suing the circumciser, working on the medicaid project, writing letters to the editor, and talking to other moms.

Personally, I find it extremely satisfying to write a check to attorneys who sue circumcisers. But I realize that's not possible for everyone; hence, I included other ways to contribute to the movement.
I did NOT ignore the rest, the rest was great advices.
I just felt like pointing on what was NOT appropriate, IMO.
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#48 of 51 Old 07-27-2008, 10:25 PM
 
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I'm so sorry. You didn't know. Don't beat yourself up over it too badly. Get your story out there so maybe another mama will learn from what you've had to go through.
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#49 of 51 Old 07-28-2008, 01:57 PM
 
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I just wanted to say hugs-and that I agree, you need to get your sons medical records, put them away, and save them for later.

My dh was circ'd against his parents will, my dh HATES being circ'd, but no one had any clue that a lawsuit was an option until it was too late. Dh didnt even know he HAD any issues with his circ until he was too old to sue (in my state, you get a year-so you have to sue on or before your 19th birthday-dh didnt even have sex until he was 20). I'm not one to solicit stupid lawsuits but I really believe if docs started getting sued more for this procedure, more would refuse to do it-I mean, whats the point if they start losing money on it, right?

Simply talking to your son as he gets older, explaining what was done and how you regret it deeply, hopefully it'll stay with him and he wont circ his own sons!! And of course, if you ever have more boys, leaving them intact Dh's 2 brothers are intact and I think thats part of the reason he was so open to learning about it and becoming an intactivist himself. He is excitidly awaiting his first (biological) son-and of course, he will be intact!

Cari-mama to Eriq, Lile, Paikea, Kaidyn, and Mieke is here!! 2/9/10
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#50 of 51 Old 07-29-2008, 05:58 PM
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I also wanted to say that my doula circ'd her son. But her regret about it helped me make my final decision to leave my son intact. You can make a huge difference by talking to other expectant moms.

"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
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#51 of 51 Old 07-29-2008, 07:15 PM
 
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My oldest son was circed (he's 15 now) and to this day I will still occasionally feel utterly sick over the situation. I was also totally uninformed. It was just "routine". It's "what you do". Not doing so would be "weird". I had NO earthly idea that they strapped him to a board. No idea. They came into my room and said they were taking him to be circed and that was that. They didn't ask my dh to come with them, they didn't tell us *anything* about the procedure...nothing!
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