Was anyone NOT coerced? - Mothering Forums

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Old 07-22-2008, 02:48 PM - Thread Starter
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I saw the thing about being coorced into circing and it made me wonder....how many people on here were lucky enough to have the opposite experience?

For me, my OB never once even mentioned circ. I found out later that he doesnt do them and may even be against it, but passively. When I was in the hospital, the nurse asked me about it and having never thought about it and having my mom saying its better, I said sure. The nurse said oh, its not covered by Medicaid so you'd have to pay out of pocket. So...I said nevermind. That was the extent of it. She actually seemed rather happy, lol.

The hospital also told me not to retract and just clean the outside when necessary. My family practice doc said the same thing. Another on call doc told me that it was complete crap that intact boys get more UTIs (he was foreign, not sure from where, but I have the feeling that he was intact as well). Finally we found our current ped who is very against circ and as such, has always been awsome about it. And then theres my midwives who make all parents concidering circ watch *the* circ video (supplied by my dh, lol). Basically I was never even close to coorced into anything, was always made to feel that I made the right decision, etc.

I have to think, maybe this is why the circ rates are so low around here. I mean, if you're on the fence about it and they actually say well, its really cosmetic, I can imagine a lot of parents going wait, huh?! And on the other hand, if you have a doc or a hospital spewing bogus stuff about how its needed, well...yeah..

Cari-mama to Eriq, Lile, Paikea, Kaidyn, and Mieke is here!! 2/9/10
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Old 07-22-2008, 03:13 PM
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We were advised against circ.

With DS1 out mw gave us a sheet with reasons why we shouldn't. That ended up being a hospital birth and the nurse asked once and I said no.

With DS2 during a different hospital tour the nurse asks if anyone is considering circ and a few raise hands, she goes on to say how it needs to be pre-paid since it is an unnecessary cosmetic procedure. Then when he was born another nurse says "you aren't circing, right?" "no hep B, right?" on and on.

Two great hospital experiences with staff that did not push circing at all!

So there is hope out there!

Linda - Mom who will never be afraid to use an Epi-Pen again! Epi-Pens save lives!
Charlie 4 yrs old, Harry 2 yrs old & someone new March 8, 2010!
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Old 07-22-2008, 03:14 PM
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No, I talked to my ped about it beforehand and she was against it. And in the hospital, the ped that visited us (another one in the practice) asked if we were going to circ and I said no, and she looked very relieved and approving. It was never mentioned after that. Thank goodness.

We are in the NOrtheast which I think has a high rate of circ, if I'm not mistaken.

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Old 07-22-2008, 03:21 PM
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WE spoke to our family Dr before Holden was born and stated that we were not going to circ if the baby was a boy. He stated that he was fine with that and that the AAP advises against the procedure. When we arrived at the hospital it was offered once and we said no. No issue! When the family Dr practice did rounds the attending undressed Holden to do her exam and looked over at us and gave us the thumbs up because we had not circ'd. all of the other Dr's that did rounds the 36 hours that we were in the hospital seemed to be happy that we chose not to!

S & Yrainbow1284.gif (Vermont Civil Union 7/8/03) DS1 Holdennovaxnocirc.gif (4/25/07) and two in heaven  angel.gif1/10 &  angel.gif5/10 our rainbow1284.gif is here  DS2 Keegan(5/23/11)homebirth.jpg

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Old 07-22-2008, 03:31 PM
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No one ever mentioned it until after he was born and then we were asked if we were having it done.

But certainly not in a coersive manner, just in a, "there's paperwork you'll need to complete if you are" type of way.
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Old 07-22-2008, 03:37 PM
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I wasn't coerced in any way by medical staff, family or anyone. My mw asked early in my first pregnancy if I wanted to circ if the baby was a boy. I told her that we wouldn't, she wrote it in the chart, and that was the only mention of circ I ever heard.
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Old 07-22-2008, 03:44 PM
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When my first son was born, the NP Midwife at my OB office asked when I was abou 30 weeks along and was going over the hospital paperwork if I was planning on circing. I said no and that was the end of it. I don't know if she would have tried to talk me out of it had I been planning on it or on the fence, but she certainly didn't push it on me. In the hospital, the only thing mentioned was "If you want circing, you need to go through your OB or ped." (Although there were circumstraints in the NICU - possibly used for other procedures they had to restrain NICU babies for? Or maybe they would do them on older babies who were leaving the NICU after a few weeks/months? I think I remember the hospital saying that most babies were too young for it to be done safely by the time they were discharged.) It was never mentioned at all with DD (obviously). When DS2 was born unexpectedly early, we ended up not at the birth center and at a different hospital than DS! and DD were born at. I don't remember them ever mentioning it at all.
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Old 07-22-2008, 03:49 PM
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With our first son, the midwives were actually ready to give us info against circing, and were very happy when we told them we were against it. With our youngest, it was never mentioned.

Homeschooling mom of 2 rambunctious, loving, spectacular boys, wife to an incredible man who has been my best friend on this journey <3



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Old 07-22-2008, 04:04 PM
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I honestly haven't the slightest clue. DS (14) was born in a dinky town in Tennessee and is circ'd, but I don't remember ever being asked, coerced, signing anything, talking about it, etc.. it was just done. And I know for sure that it wasn't discussed prior to his birth. I'm sure that I would remember that.

If it WAS discussed at all, it was while I was out of it (demerol during labor and general anesthesia during delivery) and couldn't possibly have given informed consent.. or any consent, for that matter.

You can read our circ story here..

I only learned what circ really entails within the last year .

I would like to say that the doctors/hospital there would maybe lean toward the "anti-circ" camp these days, but unfortunately, I think that it's highly doubtful.

Wife and mother to 2 kiddos - 17 yr old DS jammin.gifand 13 yr old DD energy.gif.. and a cat that thinks he's a dog dizzy.gif
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Old 07-22-2008, 04:06 PM
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our pediatrician NOT ONLY saved my preemie ds's life- but she also convinced dh that circing is cruel and strictly cosmetic. He was not going to give me a hard time about NOT circing... but he really wouldn't have cared either way. And now, after the interactions w/ the nurses and our ped, he has a VERY anti-circ moral in him!
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Old 07-22-2008, 04:18 PM
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I was asked if I wanted to while in the hospital, and asked if I had it done at my 6 week check up, a questioneer type thing. The ped never said a word about us not circing.
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Old 07-22-2008, 06:58 PM
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We asked my OB about it before Avery was born...we asked him if there was any medical reason to do it and he answered with a very emphatic "No - there is NO reason to do it unless you're Jewish"

We put it in the birth plan at the hospital, and I don't remember anyone even bringing it up

Stephanie ~ Mama to Avery (7/07) & Iona (3/10)
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Old 07-22-2008, 07:05 PM
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I was surprised by the question when I had DS 1 over 6 years ago. I was under the impression at that time that it was only done for religious purposes. Innocent Canadian here. I'd never heard about it in any other context. I think the look of revolution on both My and DH's face and our simultaneous "NO" surprised out Doc. He said "I just had to ask." It was part of our questions on checking out. I guess they didn't do them in the hospital and he would of had to refer us to a doc that did.

DS2 was a UC but we were never even asked at his check up.

Wife to DH, Mom to my Intact Boys DS1: Born 02 Pain Med Free Hospital Birth, BF'ed for 9 Months, Partially Vax'd DS2: Born 06 via UC, BF'ed 3 years 10 months, and UnVax'd
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Old 07-22-2008, 07:21 PM
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We weren't coerced at all. We were asked if we wanted to circ, said no and that was that. When we brought DS in to the ped for the first time and the dr did the diaper check he actually said something along the lines of "how wonderful! You didn't try to Americanize him!" He even went so far as to tell me I needed to continue having kids after discovering it was a natural birth and that we cosleep and breastfeed. lol I dig our ped.

Amy, mom to LadyBug, SnuggleBug and StinkBug.  Expecting BabyBug in August 2011.
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Old 07-22-2008, 07:38 PM
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It was never an issue, 15 years ago with DS1, or 5 years ago with DS2.

With DS1 I was asked if we wanted it done, I said "no" and that was that.
With DS2, it was never mentioned at all, anywhere.

Kristina; wife to Max, Mom to Tristan (17) and Zackariah (7) and Lillian (5)
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Old 07-22-2008, 08:11 PM
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I had a homebirth, and my pediatrician has never mentioned my son's normal penis. He just quickly checks the scrotum at checkups and says all looks great. The only person that wanted me to circumcise my son is my father.
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Old 07-22-2008, 08:27 PM
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I was not coerced by any health care person. My OB told me if I didn't want to, or wasn't sure, not do do it. He didn't give me a lot of pros and cons to circ or try to talk me out of it either.

My DH put the pressure on. I think this is the case for most families.
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Old 07-22-2008, 09:11 PM
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we were not coerced one way or the other...we were asked if we were going to circ, i said "if you want me to hurt you first" and they moved right on...


Homeschooling Ama to boys (ages 10 and 6) and my SoldierGirl who is serving in the US Army, StepMom to three crazy teens. I'm married to the love of my life. 


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Old 07-22-2008, 09:24 PM
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we were asked once at our ob/gyn. at that point i had said i was unsure...this was when i was only like 2 months along, had no idea anything about circ, still needed to research it etc.

when in the hospital, a dr in the nicu asked me 3 times if i wanted it done...my little boy born with a heart defect, dealing with getting a million jabs to put in iv's for antibiotics because of a fever at birth, and starting to yellow from increasing billirubin levels...AS IF i would want to subject him to circ! i did a lot of research during my pregnancy and learned so much from this board and decided not to, but even if i was unsure at that point, i certainly wasn't going to even think about doing it at that point where he was in the NICU! my god, i just wanted him to live at that point kwim? i wasn't thinking about cutting off part of his penis!

so i wasn't coerced, but i certainly got asked a lot! When i said no the first time a nurse over heard and said ""oh you lucky lucky boy!!!!" as was very happy that i wasn't circing.

me, dh and 2 boys = our family (oh and a cat...who is also a male...lol)
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Old 07-22-2008, 09:40 PM
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Hey these are some great stories, I think it gives hope. Keep them coming.
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Old 07-23-2008, 01:22 AM
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I am happy to see a couple of other north eastern stories We had two AWESOME experiences.

For my first son my ped actually jumped up and down that we weren't.

The second son was born in the same hospital and I was NEVER even asked. I brought it up and was told that we were awesome and how crazy it is and the nurse even said in her eyes it is abuse( she also had some positive things to say about delay vax)!!

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Old 07-23-2008, 01:44 AM
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Originally Posted by Telle Bear View Post
I am happy to see a couple of other north eastern stories We had two AWESOME experiences.

For my first son my ped actually jumped up and down that we weren't.

The second son was born in the same hospital and I was NEVER even asked. I brought it up and was told that we were awesome and how crazy it is and the nurse even said in her eyes it is abuse( she also had some positive things to say about delay vax)!!

I'd like to add another Northeast Hospital: Nobody asked us at WENTWORTH DOUGLASS HOSPITAL in DOVER, NH, although sadly enough they do them, but you have to arrange it far in advance, I have seen the circumstraints myself- in that separate little room at the nursery. But the hospital does not solicit genital mutilation, nobody even asked there. And the nurses were quite happy.
And Telle Bear, are we seeing the same Ped? Our's wasn't jumping up and down but he is pretty awesome in general...
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Old 07-23-2008, 02:40 AM
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I was strongly advised against it. I live in NE CT.

I switched OB practices right around 28 weeks because of insurance reasons and the first person I met there was a male midwife and the first thing he spoke to me about was circumcision. I told him I had no intentions of doing that to my potential son (we didn't know the sex of the baby) and he seemed utterly relieved. He talked about how it it became routine in the U.S., what it really does to the penis and how it is really done. And then he handed me a paper to sign stating that I understood that there was a possibility that if I choose a RIC that my insurance company may not cover it and that I would have to pay out of pocket for the surgery. And then he went on about how barbaric was. And then he told me that if I needed it he had more literature on the subject. That is the last time anyone every mentioned it to me ever again. And then I had a girl so it didn't become an issue.

To this day I actually wish he had attended my birth (I ended up with the OB on call of whom I was not a fan). We were totally on the same wavelength for a lot of things

Oh, BTW, this was at Manchester Memorial Hospital in CT and one of the OB/GYN/CNM practices affiliated with it.
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Old 07-23-2008, 03:13 AM
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I gave birth in a hospital 20 years ago and all the nurses applauded my decision not to circ. In fact, perhaps I was just oblivious, but the subject never even came up with anyone inside or outside the hosp. I wasn't circing, and that was that. My son thanked me once
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Old 07-23-2008, 03:15 AM
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We were pretty much advised against it by our birth instructor. Well... I'm sure she didn't want to risk alienating her clients, so she said it was ultimately the parents decision and they should do the research. Then she emailed a bunch of anti-circ info

My OB didn't mention it. My midwives may have mentioned it, but at that point we had made our decision so I wouldn't have paid attention.

I know that nobody advised us to circ, medical staff, family, friends- nobody

I live in the PNW
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Old 07-23-2008, 09:46 AM
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It was never mentioned to us. There was a form in the pre-admittance paperwork but no one ever brought it up. I loved that it was assumed it wouldn't be done unless you requested it.
Our family practice DO, on the other hand, wasn't as enlightened.
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Old 07-23-2008, 11:27 AM
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I'm in the Deep South (very mainstream parenting is common) and as far as I can tell it's very common here. However, I hadn't done a lot of research about it before my child was born because I already knew it wasn't necessary and that was good enough for me. I told my OB at one of my appointments that we didn't want our baby circ'd. At first he said something like "it's a personal choice, there's no health benefits." Then he started telling me that in our town it's traditionally done by the pediatricians and they make you sign a million forms before they'll do it so it's not likely to happen accidentally.

Then we took a baby care class shortly before ds was born and a pediatrician came in one of the nights to talk about medical issues. She also said there were no health benefits and discussed how to care for the intact penis and explained that it should never be retracted. Unfortunately, the nurse in charge of the class then chimed in with "I always recommend that if the fathers are circ'd then the babies should be too so they'll look alike in the shower." Ick, whatever. The doctor was young and new and looked like she didn't feel comfortable arguing it, but looking back on it I think she was probably a closet intactivist (yeah for her!). We wanted to use her as our ped but we had already agreed to use someone who was the wife of one of dh's clients. The two peds are in the same practice together, so we may get to see her at some point.

Then finally, at the hospital, I really don't recall it ever coming up. No one ever asked me about it, even the on-call ped who checked him out. I'm comforted knowing that at least we're making progress. My state Medicare doesn't pay for it, so I think that's helping a lot too.
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Old 07-23-2008, 11:27 AM
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Our midwife practice mentioned it one time, and said they did not do it and did not refer you out for it, so pretty much if you wanted it you were on your own.

When ds would not come out and I ended up with a c-section at Bayfront Hospital, my OB was a very tiny Indian woman who never mentioned it at all. Since I was put up on the overflow floor as the mother and baby unit was full, the nurses up there only got to see babies once in awhile and never asked us at all. But ds was having to go to the NICU twice a day to get antibiotics as his blood counts were off, and I was never asked in there either. That might have been as I was being a royal pain in the a** to them all anyways because I had outright refused to let them keep ds in the NICU for 2x daily antibiotics and instead told them someone would walk him down and stay with him while they were done, and I can say that they were not at all happy about my pushyness.

As I got ready to be discharged, a nurse from teh NICU that came to tell us that ds was not beig discharged mentioned that we could have it done before he was discharged and as soon as we told he no way she documented it on her paperwork and that was the end of that. DS did not end up staying, after many phone calls, threats, offers to do home health antibiotics, and a wonderful pediatrician who personally called the head NICU doctor and said to send ds home, we left with our little man completly in one piece.
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Old 07-23-2008, 11:53 AM
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(Are you talking about by medical staff? Medical staff was great...family was a different story....)

My first kidlet: My midwife (delivered with midwife in hospital) never asked me. My sister told me to ask her about it because she was pretty sure she would convince me to do it. : My midwife mentioned how it may effect breastfeeding and that it wasn't necessary.

No one said anything to me in the hospital. I delivered in Pitt Memorial in Greenville, NC. One nurse came in and asked me, I said no. She sighed relief and said, "Good, that's one less baby I have to torture today."

I only had shirts that read boldy "Do not circumcise me!!!" for my little boy while he was in the hospital, that were long sleeved...and he needed to wear one..and his pediatrician came in, read it backwards (I realized how safe we were and I was alittle bit embarrased about my crude shirts seemingly shouting at the staff, and turned it inside out but it still had heavily bled through) and called out to me (I was in the bathroom, my husband was out there with him.) "Dont worry hon, we're not gonna circ him!

I took him to the another doc at a couple days old, he never mentioned anything....took him to get vaxed once, no one said anything, and took him to the emergency room twice over first mom jidder issues (first one was colic, couldn't get him to stop screaming and thought something was horribly wrong, second time because he had blood in his stool because of dairy in my milk) No one ever touched or mentioned his penis. They looked both times, said absolutely nothing...i was all prepared to tell them not to touch his penis, never had too.

It's hard to me to muster up enough courage to have to speak up to against a doctor doing something. I feel like every time I have to take him to one, I have to prepare myself for confrontation, and I never had one, ever. I was kinda internet-taught that the doctors are "out to get my poor infants foreskins" and the ones I've went to (all these ones are different) never are. So I've kinda learned to relax a little bit. I still am vigilant because I never know a doctor I haven't met's stance on circing, but I'm kinda more laid back about it now. I live in south eastern VA, and this is from Northern VA down to northern NC where I've been to doctors.
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Old 07-23-2008, 12:06 PM
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We were coerced not to by our midwife, our conservative ped, the hospital, etc. The stories I'm reading on here amaze me. I would think the fact that its a cosmetic procedure in the eyes of most insurance companies would make it seem like a un-necessity.

S, mama to boy M(6/07) and baby girl R(7/10). We do all the good natural family living stuff!
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