Deep Breaths... Need to vent and cry :( - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#31 of 50 Old 07-30-2008, 02:28 PM
 
not now's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 712
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Ryleigh's Mommy~ View Post
If I refused right now I would get NO respect and they would probably laugh. Especially since I am the "new guy" yet to earn any respect, and because I'm only a cna and therefore have "no training or knowledge like THEY have".
Being the new guy and being a tech doesn't mean you have no respect on the floor. As I said before, talk to your nurse manager. Let him/her know that assisting makes you uncomfortable. Three years is a long time to suck it up and stress over what your job entails. It's not worth getting up and going to a job you dread. RN school is going to physically, mentally and emotionally kick your butt even without the added stress of your job. If you can't talk to your NM about not doing circs at all I would seriously suggest transferring to another department.

Quote:
Also, I WOULD be able to talk to the parents more about it. Right now, I have no contact with the parents at all....But as an RN, I could really go over it thoroughly with them before signing the consent. It is part of the standard checklist to go through with the parents...I would create the tone that it was something that is disapproved of, and that I thought they were weird for wanting it done. I would go over what the procedure entails VERY thoroughly.....The nurses are SUPPOSED to be doing that (giving informed consent) but most of them do a really piss poor job of it.
I bolded that line above because no, our job is not to give informed consent. Informed consent is the job of the MD. I can have the patient sign the consent after the doc has explained everything but I cannot be the one who explains the procedure because as an RN it is not in my scope of practice. Before any of my patients sign a consent I ask "Did the doctor explain everything to you clearly? Do you have any questions regarding what procedure is going to be performed?" If they say that they understand, I have them sign. Some times I get "The doctor never said anything to me. I don't know what exactly is going on." Then I will either call the MD and let him/her know that the patient has questions for him/her and needs more explanation or (in the case of one GI doc who never talks to his patients) I send the unsigned consent down plain as day and tell the patient "Ask to speak with Dr. X, they can't do anything until you talk to him." The docs hate it and I really don't care. I'm not doing their job for them.

As an RN you are the voice of the patient. That means respecting their decisions no matter if they agree with yours or not. I hate getting tiny, frail, 90+ year olds with a family says "Mom's a full code. Do everything you can...." because the thought of doing chest compressions and breaking the ribs of that little old lady breaks my heart. But that is their wishes and I have to respect them. If they are unsure of their decision I can have the MD talk to them about options but it is not my job. I can provide "patient education" about a disease process or a procedure but ethically I cannot make it known what I prefer in my personal opinion, you can't push your beliefs on your patients. I'm their to support the patient and family, not change their minds.
not now is offline  
#32 of 50 Old 07-30-2008, 02:33 PM
 
mamahart's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: in the woods on the ocean
Posts: 532
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am so sorry for you. Can you write a letter of objection and then continue to be available in an emergency? I would do anything I could to not be a part of this procedure, tho of course I understand your need for a job etc etc. It sounds like your co-workers need some education and you stating your position might allow others to talk with you. Especially if you still "do the job" even after a stated objection. I have to defer to all the experienced posters here with lots more info than me, but it seems scary to me that you are involved in something you obviously believe to be wrong.
I have to admit I have never seen a circ video or heard anything. I honestly believe I couldn't handle it.
mamahart is offline  
#33 of 50 Old 07-30-2008, 03:23 PM
 
GoodMomma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: NY
Posts: 582
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
So sorry! This is the exact reason why I don't work in that dept. once I become an RN! I wouldn't be able to handle it. I seriously just sent this to my brother. Him and his wife are expecting a boy in Sept and are going to circ.

Me Hubby
Colin 1/13/04 Elena 1/18/07
GoodMomma is offline  
#34 of 50 Old 07-30-2008, 04:48 PM
 
Nandi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 385
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks for sharing your story. I definitely think you should post it other places too. People don't realize how horrible it is, and your words carry a lot of weight because you have been there.
When you're an RN you can join Nurses for the rights of the child http://nurses.cirp.org/
Nandi is offline  
#35 of 50 Old 07-30-2008, 05:02 PM
Banned
 
Yulia_R's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Lafayette, CO
Posts: 3,128
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
it doesn't have to be about you stating YOUR opinion on the matter. You can show them facts: sensitivity study published in the BJU International (British Journal of Urology) in April 2007, foreskin function movie done by DOCTORS opposing circ, history of circ in North America http://www.noharmm.org/docswords.htm , etc. Remember, you've got FACTS in your hands and they got NOTHING!
Yulia_R is offline  
#36 of 50 Old 07-30-2008, 05:16 PM
 
fruitful womb's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Fort Worth TX
Posts: 2,291
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I WISH SOMEONE LIKE YOU WOULD HAVE GIVEN US PROPER INFORMED CONSENT!!!




Better yet...





I WISH NO ONE HAD EVEN ASKED US IF WE WANTED TO CIRC!!!













I'd be giving you flowers : and be THANKING YOU: for saving my baby from this atrocity. That may sound cheesy, but its deemed very appropriate.
fruitful womb is offline  
#37 of 50 Old 07-30-2008, 05:24 PM
 
GoodMomma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: NY
Posts: 582
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by fruitful womb View Post
I WISH SOMEONE LIKE YOU WOULD HAVE GIVEN US PROPER INFORMED CONSENT!!!




Better yet...





I WISH NO ONE HAD EVEN ASKED US IF WE WANTED TO CIRC!!!













I'd be giving you flowers : and be THANKING YOU: for saving my baby from this atrocity. That may sound cheesy, but its deemed very appropriate.
I second this!!

Me Hubby
Colin 1/13/04 Elena 1/18/07
GoodMomma is offline  
#38 of 50 Old 07-30-2008, 06:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
~Ryleigh's Mommy~'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 253
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
just wanted to say, I've gotten a few pm's asking permission to copy and paste, that's fine with me even though I didn't gear it towards that purpose and I probably could have done a lot better job writing it if I knew it would be shared.
But I guess it doesn't bother me, other than making me a little embarrassed
~Ryleigh's Mommy~ is offline  
#39 of 50 Old 07-30-2008, 06:39 PM
 
MCatLvrMom2A&X's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: With Vin Diesel ;) YUMMMM
Posts: 14,784
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thank you for sharing Ryleigh's. The way your wrote your OP you could tell it came from the heart without over thinking it and it is perfect.

 
SAHMlady.gifread.giflovin' trekkie.giffan intactivist.gifwinner.jpg to loveeyes.gifenergy.gifDD 10/00 & superhero.gifmoon.gifDS 10/04 ribbonpb.gifIf your ds is intact, keep him safe, visit the Case Against Circ forumnocirc.gifCirc, a personal choice, Your sonsyes.gifbrokenheart.gif11/98brokenheart.gif6/99ribbonbrown.gifanti-tobaccoribbonyellow.gifThyroid cancer survivor. With cat.gif& goldfish.gif & (Boxer)dog2.gif wishing 4 whale.gif&ribbonwhite.gifsigncirc1.gifselectivevax.gifdelayedvax.gif

MCatLvrMom2A&X is offline  
#40 of 50 Old 07-30-2008, 08:05 PM
 
tennisdude23's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 415
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Wow, that's a powerful story. It def. made an impression on me. I concur with the other posters. You should post this somewhere else on the internet. I think it would open a lot of people's eyes. Perhaps, if you object to participating and spoke out, you would find other nurses with a similar stance in your hospital. I don't know about your relations with some of the other nurses in your department, but if what they say makes you feel uncomfortable (I certainly would not be able to stand them), perhaps you should say something. But obviously don't do anything that may hurt your position. In any case, thanks for posting this and I would def. post it somewhere else.
tennisdude23 is offline  
#41 of 50 Old 07-30-2008, 08:16 PM
 
GoodMomma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: NY
Posts: 582
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Ryleigh's Mommy~ View Post
just wanted to say, I've gotten a few pm's asking permission to copy and paste, that's fine with me even though I didn't gear it towards that purpose and I probably could have done a lot better job writing it if I knew it would be shared.
But I guess it doesn't bother me, other than making me a little embarrassed
Oh I'm so sorry, I didn't even think of asking permission...oops! And don't worry....I thought it was very well worded and hopefully will do some good considering it's coming from someone that works in that depts. Anyway, sorry again for not asking first.

Me Hubby
Colin 1/13/04 Elena 1/18/07
GoodMomma is offline  
#42 of 50 Old 07-30-2008, 08:49 PM
 
MommaLauraRN's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: New England
Posts: 154
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Wow...I could feel your words. When I was a new nurse working postpartum/newborn nursery, I assisted with one circumcision. I was already against them from the first one I witnessed in nursing school. The one that I assisted with, my role was the same as yours...to try to comfort the baby. I found that I just couldn't do it. I had a physical reaction to my own emotions I guess. I wanted to vomit and cry...it was awful. I stroked the baby's head and kept repeating, "You're okay, you're okay", while at the same time my mind was screaming that it was a lie...I totally feel where you're coming from. I became a conscientious objector, and over time I've gotten more confident and outspoken with my beliefs. I think the difference is really between our two workplaces. The culture where I work among the staff is much more anti-circumcision. When I take care of patients who are hell bent on circing, I always tell them that one or both parents really should be there. I tell them that their two voices are the only familiar voices to their baby and no one can comfort them like they can. I think it annoys some of the docs to have parents there, but I don't care. Plus I think the parents should have to witness the procedure their child has to endure...and I think the doctor will be more vigilent with letting the nerve block take effect etc. And please don't call yourself a peon. I hate when our LDAs (Labor and delivery assistants) do that--we're all part of the same team and none of us could go in and do our jobs without everybody else doing the same...and actually, I always tell our unit secretary that she's the one who's really in charge!

Laura...part-time OB nurse, and full-time mom to two sweet boysnocirc.gifintactlact.gif
MommaLauraRN is offline  
#43 of 50 Old 07-30-2008, 10:46 PM
 
maiaminna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 126
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I second the pp's opinion that you probably will have reasons to feel you won't make a difference when you are a nurse, too. You have certain rights as an employee, and acting in spite of the intimidating environment, the mockery, etc. is the only way to bring about change. They don't expect you or anyone else to speak up, and sure, if you speak up, you'll probably suffer for it - but that is something to be proud of. Even that brings the issue out in the open, instead sustaining this fiction that everyone supports it.

“Every new idea is first ridiculed, then it is violently opposed, and finally it is accepted as common sense.”
maiaminna is offline  
#44 of 50 Old 07-31-2008, 08:26 PM
 
MCatLvrMom2A&X's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: With Vin Diesel ;) YUMMMM
Posts: 14,784
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

 
SAHMlady.gifread.giflovin' trekkie.giffan intactivist.gifwinner.jpg to loveeyes.gifenergy.gifDD 10/00 & superhero.gifmoon.gifDS 10/04 ribbonpb.gifIf your ds is intact, keep him safe, visit the Case Against Circ forumnocirc.gifCirc, a personal choice, Your sonsyes.gifbrokenheart.gif11/98brokenheart.gif6/99ribbonbrown.gifanti-tobaccoribbonyellow.gifThyroid cancer survivor. With cat.gif& goldfish.gif & (Boxer)dog2.gif wishing 4 whale.gif&ribbonwhite.gifsigncirc1.gifselectivevax.gifdelayedvax.gif

MCatLvrMom2A&X is offline  
#45 of 50 Old 07-31-2008, 09:20 PM
 
Oceanjones's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 693
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thank you so much for sharing this and giving permission to pass it along to others.

I am so sorry for what you are going through

I considered going into nursing but knew I could never be apart of this type of a situation. even though I could work somewhere else if I DID become a nurse I'd want to be in the thick of things speaking up and would be so conflicted I'd go completely insane. So I'm going to be a lawyer and hope to work with ARC and be heavily involved in getting this outlawed. Period.

Thank you so much for being there for those sweet babies. Your post really touched my heart.
Oceanjones is offline  
#46 of 50 Old 08-03-2008, 03:02 AM
 
ericswifey27's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: San Diego
Posts: 2,748
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Bump for you!

I am so sorry you are having to make this soul wrenching decision right now I could see how much it hurt you to be there and yet wanting to be there for comfort at the same time.

I plan on copying this and showing it to my sister. Maybe your words will help keep my nephew intact:

Mama to my spirited J, and L, my homebirth: baby especially DTaP, MMR (family vax injuries)
ericswifey27 is offline  
#47 of 50 Old 08-03-2008, 03:59 AM
 
RoxyJas's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 58
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I really, honestly, nearly vomited reading this! I can't even imagine. I will probably have nightmares tonight after reading this. Hugs to you. I don't know if you should try to endure 3 more years of this, that would have to wear on you emotionally, and take a toll on your mental health after awhile! WTH is wrong with these people???? This sounds like the kind of pain and torture that isn't even allowed on our worst enemies!

Roxanne, mama to Alexandra (6), Matthew (5), and my VBAC babe Lauren (2). Expecting late April!
RoxyJas is offline  
#48 of 50 Old 08-03-2008, 04:55 AM
 
Narn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 458
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by ericswifey27 View Post
I plan on copying this and showing it to my sister. Maybe your words will help keep my nephew intact
That's my plan, too.

Brianna, mom to my always naked and singing Faye (9/07) and my chubby baby Bronwen (10/10).
Narn is offline  
#49 of 50 Old 08-03-2008, 07:08 AM
 
QueenOfThePride's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: the frigid north
Posts: 4,716
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Ryleigh's Mommy~ View Post
To be clear, I don't actually take any part in the circ. I hold the sugar paci, comfort the baby, and stand by with suction and hold the head to the side to make sure the baby doesn't aspirate any vomit.
Oh dear God...

Tis the season, for hot apple cider!
QueenOfThePride is offline  
#50 of 50 Old 08-03-2008, 10:51 AM
 
Frootloop's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Western NY
Posts: 410
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
This tugged.. no, YANKED.. at my heartstrings so badly. I sat here reading this with my hand covering my open mouth and tears in my eyes. How unbelieveably heartbreaking this is for you and those babies!

You know, it's extremely difficult for me to watch a circumcision video, in fact, I've never gotten through one completely. I just can't force myself to do it. But to hear about it from your point of view? Wow. It just makes it worse. It's normal for us to put ourselves in the place of the baby boy and *feel* his pain and hurt for him.. but not many of us put ourselves in the place of someone like you. I can't even begin to imagine how painful this must be for you. I am so sorry that you're going through this.

I completely understand why you're torn on the issue of sticking it out. Part of me wants to tell you to get the hell out of there, but then there is the other part of me who feels that you almost need to be there.. as someone who can bring a bit of comfort to the baby, albeit a very small bit of comfort, but comfort nevertheless. If I knew it was going to happen anyway? Ugh.. I'm sitting here shaking my head, thinking, "I don't know.. I just.. I don't know", in regards to advice. I really just don't know what to tell you to do.. I simply can't imagine being in your position. I feel for you, I really do. But, I also commend you, as well. I know that there is no way I could do this. I would have walked out of the room and thrown up in the hallway.. which would do nothing whatsoever for the babies.
I do have to thank you so much for loving these babies enough to feel.. to really really FEEL the sadness and hurt for what they're going through and being a comfort to them. So many don't.

My only fear for you as far as sticking it out for 3 more years is that you'll become hardened. You may stop feeling and it may become *normal* to you. Our minds and hearts tend to toughen up and close off when we're continuously faced with something we're not able to deal with. I'm not saying that this would happen to you for sure, but it's definitely a possibility with pretty much any of us.

PLEASE don't be embarrassed about us copying your writings here! You have nothing whatsoever to be embarrassed about.. it's perfect the way it is. You wrote with your heart, and in this case, that's the best way to write about your experience. It only makes it all the more REAL..
***Big hugs*** to you, mama..

Wife and mother to 2 kiddos - 17 yr old DS jammin.gifand 13 yr old DD energy.gif.. and a cat that thinks he's a dog dizzy.gif
Frootloop is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off