What do you do when your DH is determined that son will be circ'd? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 47 Old 10-08-2008, 02:44 PM
 
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heamae, I've always said that if a man wants his genitals to match his son's, he should shave his pubic hair and pack ice in his shorts for 12 years or so.

My DH has lovely salt-and-pepper hair (increasingly salty!); our sons are blond. DH has brown eyes; our sons have blue eyes. Dh has a large nose; our sons have smaller noses. DH has an appendix scar and scarring from a large burn on his foot. There is no way our kids will ever look exactly like their Dad, in ways that are easily noticable. Why on earth would they care if their penises also looked different?

If the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

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#32 of 47 Old 10-08-2008, 03:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My grandmother just stopped in.

She didn't circumcise my father, although he had it done in his 20's because he had a lot of problems with his foreskin not retracting properly. Honestly, I wish I didn't know that :tmi: but it was part of why my family is so pro-circ... my dad had it done by choice.

So my family is way too open : but I took advantage of it and I told my grandmother about how I was feeling about my baby boy and not wanting to get him circumcised. She told me that she didn't have her sons circumcised but that she used to have an awful time cleaning it. She would have to pull it back all the time. :

Well, no wonder my dad had problems! His mom was screwing around with it from when he was a baby because she didn't understand proper care of the baby penis! I was just reading up on it before she came over because honestly, I am darn ignorant myself of foreskin care. I have girls, my DH is cut so it's nothing I've ever dealt with.

I read that a baby whose foreskin is forcibly retracted can have issues with it retracting as an adult. Duh!

I feel even better now about the choice to not have it done and I feel like I'm armed with more info. If someone tells me that I should have it done because of my dad's issue I can just say that it won't BE an issue if nobody retracts it forcibly!
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#33 of 47 Old 10-08-2008, 03:39 PM
 
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Don't know if anyone suggested it yet, but have him watch the Penn and Teller video. It's hilarious and scary all at once!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CzE0z...eature=related


<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/CzE0zGPNok8&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/CzE0zGPNok8&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>
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#34 of 47 Old 10-08-2008, 11:46 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by **Cat** View Post
My grandmother just stopped in.

She didn't circumcise my father, although he had it done in his 20's because he had a lot of problems with his foreskin not retracting properly. Honestly, I wish I didn't know that :tmi: but it was part of why my family is so pro-circ... my dad had it done by choice.

So my family is way too open : but I took advantage of it and I told my grandmother about how I was feeling about my baby boy and not wanting to get him circumcised. She told me that she didn't have her sons circumcised but that she used to have an awful time cleaning it. She would have to pull it back all the time. :

Well, no wonder my dad had problems! His mom was screwing around with it from when he was a baby because she didn't understand proper care of the baby penis! I was just reading up on it before she came over because honestly, I am darn ignorant myself of foreskin care. I have girls, my DH is cut so it's nothing I've ever dealt with.

I read that a baby whose foreskin is forcibly retracted can have issues with it retracting as an adult. Duh!

I feel even better now about the choice to not have it done and I feel like I'm armed with more info. If someone tells me that I should have it done because of my dad's issue I can just say that it won't BE an issue if nobody retracts it forcibly!
You are right the reason he had trouble was because of the repeat forced retraction When the circ rate was so high over 90% the ones that where left intact where often hurt repeatedly because the medical field told them to retract and clean with soap at every diaper change. It isnt surprising that so many boys/men ended up circed anyway later on. Since you know not to do that then the odds of your lo having a problem is very small.

Something you should read is this link http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=764732 it explains some things that MIGHT happen and why they do and what to do if they do so that if it where to happen with your son you wont panic. For me knowing what can happen makes me more relaxed since I know what to do if it does.

 
SAHMlady.gifread.giflovin' trekkie.giffan intactivist.gifwinner.jpg to loveeyes.gifenergy.gifDD 10/00 & superhero.gifmoon.gifDS 10/04 ribbonpb.gifIf your ds is intact, keep him safe, visit the Case Against Circ forumnocirc.gifCirc, a personal choice, Your sonsyes.gifbrokenheart.gif11/98brokenheart.gif6/99ribbonbrown.gifanti-tobaccoribbonyellow.gifThyroid cancer survivor. With cat.gif& goldfish.gif & (Boxer)dog2.gif wishing 4 whale.gif&ribbonwhite.gifsigncirc1.gifselectivevax.gifdelayedvax.gif

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#35 of 47 Old 10-09-2008, 01:21 AM
 
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You people are just so wonderful!

I am so glad to have found this place... or should I say "re found" this place. :


Thank you! I've personally been waiting for years for you to come by!

Seriously,the reason my approach works is because it makes you seem reasonable and flexible. You will seem willing to take his desires into account if he can just find real reasons to do it. But from the get-go, you know he won't be able to find those three reasons so the deck is stacked against him. I've seen it work many times. Most of the time, the father-to-be just tires of looking and acquiesces. Other times, he really learns something and comes in full agreement with the mother. It's winning by default!



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#36 of 47 Old 10-09-2008, 03:41 AM
 
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As extreme/crazy as this sounds, this is one of those issues I asked my partner prior to committing our lives to one another.

I'm originally from Europe, so circumcision seems a bizarre mutilation, to me. And, it was actually a deal breaker I had on my list for a partner, i.e. he had to agree to not circumcise any sons we may have. (I didn't care if my partner was circumcised - that wasn't on the list, lol.)

So, to me, this is very much an "over my dead body" thing.

I do agree - you should give him all the research, and tell him (after reading it all), to give you even one logical, rational reason for circumcision.

First special delivery - April 2010 :
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#37 of 47 Old 10-09-2008, 04:15 AM
 
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What everyone else said, and I would add the part about the hospital profiting about $300 from your Ds's pain, as hospitals sell the amputated foreskins to cosmetic companies for testing purposes. Since it's "unethical" to test on live humans, baby boys' amputated foreskins are the next best thing. Hence the pressure to circ--gotta keep that money flowing in.
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#38 of 47 Old 10-09-2008, 02:40 PM
 
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Your husband might never understand. This might always be a tense subject between the two of you. He might always be angry about it. My husband is, but don't give in to him. You protect that baby. You follow your instinct as his mother. Don't ever ignore that instinct.

:
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#39 of 47 Old 10-09-2008, 10:11 PM
 
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Originally Posted by **Cat** View Post
That's how I feel about it.

The crazy thing is, my DH is against the vaccine schedule. He didn't even want the girls getting the vitamin K shot. He was the one who stopped me from getting our daughters' ears pierced. I'm glad now... my reasons for wanting to do it were DUMB and I had some weird PPD thing going on.

But anyway- I feel like it should be the default that we don't do it. I shouldn't have to fight to keep my son from getting part of his little weewee cut off... and his daddy should want to protect it!!!
Have you sat down in a moment where you weren't fighting and TOLD HIM all of this? He sounds like a great guy, so if you can get him to pull his head out of the mainstream you'll be doing great.

Oh and to get rid of the "I want my son to look like me argument" tell him that my DH doesn't know whether his Father, or either of his brothers were circ'd. He's not, so it never occured to him to look. (When I was pregnant we figured out his father likely was circ'd.) Most guys don't know about their fathers. Adult penises and children's penises look too different to make any kind of comparison possible until the child is old enough to want privacy.

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#40 of 47 Old 10-10-2008, 09:55 AM
 
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Cat, What if you were to pose the question to your DH: "What if the little guy really wants his foreskin? How would you explain to him that you had the most sensitive part of his penis whacked off?"

I think many of the parents who insist on circumcising in this day and age will be facing some very awkward questions in a few years. The information is readily accessible. Those boys are going to know what their parents did to them. Many will not be pleased.

Good luck, and don't give up !!!
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#41 of 47 Old 10-11-2008, 11:13 AM
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Read this article:

http://www.stopcirc.com/vincent/vuln...ty_of_men.html


DO NOT SHOW IT TO YOUR DH!! It's for "your eyes only."

"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
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#42 of 47 Old 10-11-2008, 11:14 AM
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And another article for you to read:

http://www.noharmm.org/feminist.htm

(again, not to show your dh)

"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
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#43 of 47 Old 10-11-2008, 11:16 AM
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And a very important reason to leave your son intact:

http://www.doctorsopposingcircumcisi.../DOC/mrsa.html


(this one your should show your dh)

warning: contains graphic images that are the result of an infected circumcision wound

"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
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#44 of 47 Old 10-12-2008, 01:46 AM
 
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i'd hold firm and tow the line. protect your baby. your dh will come around eventually. it can't be done without your consent.

i don't know if it's been mentioned already, but with MRSA on the rise everywhere, it's even more dangerous, creating an open wound on a newborn for it to enter thru.

Erin, 33, salty southern mama, sitting by the sea with my DH35, DD10, DS4, &DD2!
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#45 of 47 Old 10-12-2008, 04:46 AM
 
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Well, no wonder my dad had problems! His mom was screwing around with it from when he was a baby because she didn't understand proper care of the baby penis!
It is so sad but probably so true.
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#46 of 47 Old 10-13-2008, 01:35 AM
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Cat, sometimes women can't change men's minds regarding the circumcisin issue and get them to understand why it is unnecessary and why the ambutation of little boys' healthy, normal prepuces is harmful in many ways.
Here is wonderful essay written by a woman in 2003. It is entiteld:
"Why empowered women choose Not to circumcise"

http://www.wnc-woman.com/0405circumcise.html

Please read it and realize YOU CAN and WILL have the POWER to PROTECT your son from an unnecessary and harmful circumcision.

I am a male who is looking forward to the day when the U.S. Federal law that protects female children from unnecessay genital cutting and ambutations will be amended to protect all little boys too.
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#47 of 47 Old 10-14-2008, 11:00 PM
 
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I told my DH; do the research when you come up with real reasons to circ let's have a debate until then the baby stays intact. the baby is now 3 and intact
There is nothing out there stating circumcsion is better or good the best your DH will find is; "It's the parent's choice"
Let him find real stats..they don't exist. Tell him the baby will look like him, he might have his eyes or hair or face. Tell him you want to the baby to look like you too and you are intact

The first rule of homeschooling: water the plants! :
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