Someone please tell me why I didn't circumsize my son - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 55 Old 10-19-2008, 09:30 PM
 
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Honestly my biggest reason was that it took a long while, and an operation to treat endometriosis before I could concieve my son. I spent nine long months hoping and worrying about him being born healthy and perfect, not needing an operation.

Why for gosh sakes would I put my long awaited, perfect son through an operation that A)he didn't need, B)is extremely painful and C)could end up taking him from me?(death is a rare but real complication)

It all just hurt my heart too much to consider.

You done good

Take care,
Tara

Tara Momma to Callum and Gavin
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#32 of 55 Old 10-19-2008, 10:18 PM
 
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Originally Posted by quarteralien View Post
My mom said the same thing when my oldest was born. I asked her when "everyone else is doing it" was ever an acceptable reason to do something.
Exactly! What mother worth her salt would ever use this as a reason for anything??

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Originally Posted by Bm31 View Post
Your mother is using one of the old, desperate myths. I've had THREE corrective surgeries all caused by the original circ (reason enough not to cut any child up). I had a re-circ and a meatotomy (cut a new pee hole when the original started closing up due to circ-caused meatal stenosis) as a child, and more recently a lysing or "take down" of some leftover adhesions that had become more and more uncomfortable during sex. The doctor went overboard on the re-circ and after that most my penis other than my glans retreated inside my body other than during an erection. Trust me, it's not a pretty or impressive penis to show around a lockerroom; I was quite embarrassed. I also suspect that there was also usually at least one other boy in each of my gym classes that suffered a similar fate. There was also at least one or two intact boys in each class from my recollection, at a time when almost all were cut. They might have been embarrassed as well. But the honest truth was nobody ever said a word to anyone about it, and I would've much rather had the "embarrassment" of having the whole, natural penis I was born with rather than the mutilated remnant I was left with.
I'm so sorry!!

OP, you've gotten so many good responses here. I would have a hard time choosing one for myself, if I ever get the opportunity to answer the question. So I'm thinking, maybe I would say something along the lines of "I have about 1,000 reasons. How many would you like to hear today??"

***
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#33 of 55 Old 10-20-2008, 04:23 AM
 
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I must say, nobody has ever said anything about my ds being intact. If a family member, friend or even a stranger asked why we didn't circ I think I'd say either-
1- well, we didn't surgically remove any normal functioning body parts from our daughter so why would we remove them from our son?
2- Neither the AAP or any medical organization endorses routine circumcision and as a nurse I've seen plenty of mishaps so why would I put my child through that?
3- My religion doesn't command it and I believe my higher power sent me a perfectly created child who doesn't need cosmetic surgery. For nine months I prayed for a healthy child. I got one. There's nothing on his body that needs to be "fixed".
(http://udonet.com/circumcision/christian.html is a good site that explains the Christian perspective of circ).

But maybe the best thing you can do if someone asks you why not is to ask them why you should, and then debunk their myths with these comebacks:
http://www.circumstitions.com/One-liners.html

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#34 of 55 Old 10-20-2008, 09:45 AM
 
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I always say "Because we just didn't."
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#35 of 55 Old 10-20-2008, 11:22 AM
 
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I have chosen to leave all of my son's intact (I have 3) because...
No medical organization in the world promotes it, or has any reason for it to be done.
Over 80% of the world is intact
There is no reason to preform cosmetic surgery on a new born
It is not my penis, it is my son's he should make the decisions regarding it
the complications from circ can range from adhesion all the way to death
It is not my right to cut off the most sensitive areas of my son's penis
And most of all because my son's were born perfect, it is not my job to alter them to "please" myself or anyone else. my son's penis's are none of nobody's business but my son's.
I love my babies more then anything else in this world, I could not imagine hurting them for no reason at all. There is no valid reason to circ an infant. An infant can not have proper pain relief, an adult can. An infant can't give consent to cosmetic surgery, an adult can.
Congrats to you for leaving your son intact, and listening to that voice inside you.
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#36 of 55 Old 10-20-2008, 11:41 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bm31 View Post
Your mother is using one of the old, desperate myths. I've had THREE corrective surgeries all caused by the original circ (reason enough not to cut any child up). I had a re-circ and a meatotomy (cut a new pee hole when the original started closing up due to circ-caused meatal stenosis) as a child, and more recently a lysing or "take down" of some leftover adhesions that had become more and more uncomfortable during sex. The doctor went overboard on the re-circ and after that most my penis other than my glans retreated inside my body other than during an erection. Trust me, it's not a pretty or impressive penis to show around a lockerroom; I was quite embarrassed. I also suspect that there was also usually at least one other boy in each of my gym classes that suffered a similar fate. There was also at least one or two intact boys in each class from my recollection, at a time when almost all were cut. They might have been embarrassed as well. But the honest truth was nobody ever said a word to anyone about it, and I would've much rather had the "embarrassment" of having the whole, natural penis I was born with rather than the mutilated remnant I was left with.
Thank you for sharing your story. This was my biggest fear when DH opposed intactness. I cried many nights when I was pregnant having nightmares about my unborn child having to go through the procedure.

**Meghan***Wife, Mother, L&D RN... DS Logan 9/05 DS Riley 05/07, and DS #3 Cian is here!!! 7/25 x3
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#37 of 55 Old 10-20-2008, 11:43 AM
 
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Because the complication rate of routine circ is higher than any complication that can arise from having a foreskin

Doctors need to learn to treat the whole body, they need to be educated on NORMAL anatomy.


Everything else has already been said,

Married Catholic mami : to 5 boys, : 9 6 3 : 5 mo. 5/6/02-6/22/02 (HIE)
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#38 of 55 Old 10-20-2008, 02:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bm31 View Post
Your mother is using one of the old, desperate myths. I've had THREE corrective surgeries all caused by the original circ (reason enough not to cut any child up). I had a re-circ and a meatotomy (cut a new pee hole when the original started closing up due to circ-caused meatal stenosis) as a child, and more recently a lysing or "take down" of some leftover adhesions that had become more and more uncomfortable during sex. The doctor went overboard on the re-circ and after that most my penis other than my glans retreated inside my body other than during an erection. Trust me, it's not a pretty or impressive penis to show around a lockerroom; I was quite embarrassed. I also suspect that there was also usually at least one other boy in each of my gym classes that suffered a similar fate. There was also at least one or two intact boys in each class from my recollection, at a time when almost all were cut. They might have been embarrassed as well. But the honest truth was nobody ever said a word to anyone about it, and I would've much rather had the "embarrassment" of having the whole, natural penis I was born with rather than the mutilated remnant I was left with.
I am so sorry this happened to you. I really needed to hear a mans perspective especially in a locker room scenerio. I feel 100% better about my decision and will be very prepared the next time I am asked. I do however feel even more horrible (which I should) for what I did to my first son Hopefully he won't have any complications.

Thank you for sharing your story.
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#39 of 55 Old 10-20-2008, 02:30 PM
 
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justme and momongeon, you're very welcome if it helps put things in perspective and reinforce your good decisions. Like liseux said, the complications arising from circ are every bit as bad (and sometimes worse in my exp.) as any problem arising from leaving a child as nature intended. I was embarrassed and ashamed by the whole thing (and had a lot of unanswered questions) until I started doing some research about my past about 7 years ago. Now I'm much more comfortable speaking out about it, both online and IRL. I'm not looking for any sympathy, but I will gladly tell my story if it might save even one child from being cut up.

(Thank you too, leila!)
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#40 of 55 Old 10-20-2008, 04:31 PM
 
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If you want another man's opinion, here's mine.

Intact male in Ontario born 1975. Grew up in the '80s where I'd estimate 70% or more of my peers were circ'd. We NEVER had to get naked for gym class during public school (grades 1-8) and the one mandatory semester of high school (grades 9-12). But, that didn't mean there weren't situations where nudity did happen in the locker room. Swimming pools had boys changing, either out in the open or wrapping a towel around themselves (I think other males would KWIM). Nothing to do w/ circumcision, but personal feelings of privacy (some liberal, some not so much). But even then, I heard not once a boy being teased because he was intact (again, this is through the '80s where the majority was circ'd).

Even today, boys change the same way (either freely or w/ a towel). I've gone swimming the past 3 or 4 summers and haven't witnessed any teasing. [about the only 'story' I can give you are these 7-year-olds from a day camp and a very liberal (intact) boy changing and the 3 other boys on the other side of the room only exclaiming that they could see his "dick", not that he cared]. I think as the summers have gone on, more boys seem to change before/after or wrap a towel around them. I doubt it's just my geographical area.

You're in the U.S. where the national average is 55% and falling. But even if you were in a high-circ area, permanent amputation [I guess ALL forms of amputation are permanent! ;-)] to avoid teasing is: INSANE!!!!! Why is THAT the one allowance when your kids are -- in a great way -- all unique in soooo many ways???? :-)

And to amputate and impact his adult sexual life in a negative way just to avoid teasing, just underlines the insanity. You teach your kids how to respond. :-)
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#41 of 55 Old 10-20-2008, 05:15 PM
 
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I see no good reason to perform unnecessary prophylactic or cosmetic surgery on my newborn that may result in complications.
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#42 of 55 Old 10-21-2008, 05:28 PM
 
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because I don't believe in cutting up people's genitals.

that is blunt, but I think it makes the point that circ is wrong
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#43 of 55 Old 10-21-2008, 07:22 PM
 
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penises are funny looking enough without missing pieces

I'm crunchy... Like a Dorito.
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#44 of 55 Old 10-21-2008, 08:04 PM
 
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A 'little bit of pain'..that is the minimalist saying of the year. How about, you wanted to save him from days of excruciating pain, risk of getting a staph resistant infection, not wanting to have him have his brain rewired so he's more sensitive to pain for the rest of his life, I didn't want to have him be in so much pain that he couldn't breast feed properly. That's just a few.

I can't believe that doctors (actually yes I can believe) would think that newborns don't feel pain..especially the MOST SENSITIVE PART OF THEIR BODY. If some doctor ever said something like that to me, I'd ask them if they took a scalpel to their own penis, if that would be 'a little bit painful'.

Good for you that you didn't 'go with the flow', and please don't let them try to make you feel weird that you didn't give in to male genital mutilation. You did great! Just make sure they don't try to retract your DS.

Circ doesn't work! Stop the violence of circumcison. Had another UP/UC/HB in August!
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#45 of 55 Old 10-21-2008, 11:08 PM
 
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I just have to say I'm so glad to see a Mama on here who circ'd her first son, then didn't her 2nd. I really regret circ'ing my son and should we have another we will not be. I just wish I'd been more informed earlier. My only fear of questioning will be coming from my son when he's a grown man. What do I say to him? Ugh. I feel so guilty.

Newly single mama to DS 4/20/2005. Recently back from ALASKA.
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#46 of 55 Old 10-21-2008, 11:16 PM
 
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Hi Kristin ((hugs)), just wanted to let you know you are NOT alone. Have you ever seen the 'regrets' thread stickied? Its not the easiest read by any means, but there are many mommas that posted there with a similar mindset (about not making the same decision again).

I also appreaciate the many parents who have shared their story with us, because I know it really helped me stick up for myself and stand up to those pressuring me to circumcise our son. I know I almost caved in, and I KNEW, but those mother's experiences really stuck with me and reminded me how valid my concerns, fears, and instinct are.

There also have been many discussions about how to bring it up to your son.

to MDC and CAC!

Jessica

Jessica..lady.gifintactlact.gif Falling in love all over again..... 
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#47 of 55 Old 10-22-2008, 10:21 AM
 
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I just have to say I'm so glad to see a Mama on here who circ'd her first son, then didn't her 2nd. I really regret circ'ing my son and should we have another we will not be. I just wish I'd been more informed earlier. My only fear of questioning will be coming from my son when he's a grown man. What do I say to him? Ugh. I feel so guilty.
I feel I circed my 2nd son in part because of this dilemma, and I can tell you that having 2 circed sons doesn't make it any easier for you or for either of your boys.

Basically, I think you tell your first son that it was a mistake, that you thought it was the right thing to do but it wasn't and that you are very, very sorry. Then you can tell him about restoration if he is interested. You tell him you love him and he is great and that you want him to have a happy life and then try and help him if he needs any support. I think that's all you can do.

I do feel there are millions of American men who have survived circ and still get along OK in the world, they are happy and still have nice lives. Life isn't perfect, and unfortunately it's a huge wrong done to our boys, but they will adapt and be OK if they are loved and supported. I think it is important to acknowledge the wrong and apologize.

Please don't circ your future sons. I think that showing you've learned and choose differently in the future shows your positive change in the family.
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#48 of 55 Old 11-07-2008, 01:01 PM
 
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I'm a little late to the party but I just couldn't resist putting in my 2 cents.

IF IT AIN'T BROKE, DON'T FIX IT!
is the bottom line for me.

Yes, I could live just fine without my earlobes or some of my labia or my toenails - but why on earth would I? Cutting off body bits just complicates life and introduces unnecessary risk.

Plus, there is absolutely no good reason TO circumsise. If foreskins were detrimental to human health they would have evolved out of existence long ago.

Lastly, the 'everybody else is doing it' argument boggles my brain. It is a lazy argument that the arguer certainly would not apply to most other life decisions.

And lastly - as others have pointed out - IT IS NO ONE'S DAMN BUSINESS! Sheesh

Mother of two since 2007 and 2009. Hoping third time's a charm in 2012.

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#49 of 55 Old 11-07-2008, 02:30 PM
 
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Surprisingly there have only been 2 people who have asked me about my discision not to. My best friend and my sister. I guess they feel comfortable enough talking about my son's penis. My sister circ'd her son when he was born a couple of years ago. At that time I didn't know what I know now, otherwise I would have tried to talk her out of it. She was surprised that we didn't and asked why. I just said I didn't see a good enough reason for it. She asked all the questions like, "how do you clean it and keep it from getting infected?" And I said I don't, I just leave it alone. I almost came back with something like, "It's not a wound that I would have to clean like your son's was." But I didn't.

My friend on the other hand was very glad that I didn't. She tried to talk her sister out of it before her nephew was born, but no luck. She doesn't have kids and doesn't know much about circumcision in general, but she is studying to be a vet and realises the importance of foreskin for other animals.

I must add that both of these baby boys mentioned above were VERY unhappy babies, "colicy." And mine wasn't, I've always wondered if it was because of their circumcision experiecnes and the soreness afterwards. I know that some babies are just that way, but it can't help if they're sore from being cut up!

wife to DH 6/25/05, mama to DS 5/26/08 & DS2 9/1/10
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#50 of 55 Old 11-07-2008, 09:00 PM
 
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Okay. Everyone has posted excellent replies,but my number one reason (after all the great ones) for not circ'ing is....
because it is so raw and painful looking. Very personal, but so is a penis!!

My sis had her DS circ'd and i wince every time I see him nude.

Julia
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#51 of 55 Old 11-08-2008, 02:01 PM
 
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Because it is his body, not yours.

milk donation : mother to Ryan (6), AJ (5), Nate (2), Maia (1) all born at home, I have a kid-friendly food & bento blog, : :
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#52 of 55 Old 11-09-2008, 08:13 AM
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"Um why would you? This is 2008, we don't need to do preventative amputations to organs that are treatable via cream and pills if they ever have a problem"

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#53 of 55 Old 11-09-2008, 10:00 AM
 
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Ahhh pretty simple!...

WHo am I to have the right to chop my sons penis off?
If I had a daughter I wouldnt give her a female circ?...when people say well thats abuse my answers always I know thats why im not cutting my ds.

mommy daddy son daughter = our family
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#54 of 55 Old 11-09-2008, 08:26 PM
 
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I didn't circumcise my sons because foreskin is an integral part of the penis with many purposes (it's not a mistake or a birth defect). Also because circumcision sexually and permanently alters the penis and that's not something I feel is right to do to someone else's body. And I also could never put my baby through something so painful (and with real risks and complications) for absolutely no reason. It just makes no sense to cut off a perfectly healthy and functioning part of a newborn's body.

OUR DAUGHTERS ARE PROTECTED SHOULDN'T OUR SONS BE TOO! :
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#55 of 55 Old 11-10-2008, 03:09 PM
 
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I didn't circumcise because it is the mutilation of innocence.

wife - mother - midwife

CIRCUMCISION

The more you know, the worse it gets.

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