Someone please tell me why I didn't circumsize my son - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 55 Old 10-18-2008, 06:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I know, weird title. But seriously, this is my second son, the first I curcumsised and felt guilty later. Sometime last year I was here on MDC and lurking the posts, like I do daily and came across a post here in this group with a video on youtube of a doctor doing a circumsision and the baby screamed and screamed and I cried. I felt horrible and kept thinking about my son who at that time was 4 years old.

Fast forward to this February when I found out I was pregnant. One of the first things I thought about was if it's a boy I will not circ.

He is a little over a month old and I have had 3 different doctors, my pedi, and family members ask me why I didn't circ him. All I can think of to say is "because I didn't want him to go through the pain". Boy can people come up with some crazy reasons as to why that "little bit of pain" is nothing.

I wish I had a more informed answer to say to everyone. I feel dumb when I answer, and have even doubted my descision because of it.

So please, tell me why you didn't circ your son so I know I did something better for him than "just save him a little bit of pain"
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#2 of 55 Old 10-18-2008, 06:51 PM
 
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i don't have a son (yet), but i think i would just tell people i didn't see a reason for it. it isn't really anyone elses business anyway, ya know? im sure someone on here will have some more specific info for you, lol. i just wanted to throw that in there.

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#3 of 55 Old 10-18-2008, 07:04 PM
 
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Because there was no reason to. You believe in leaving children with the genitals they were born with and it's too bad that it's so culturally ingrained here (USA) bc people would be HORRIFIED if the roles were reversed and it was FGM.
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#4 of 55 Old 10-18-2008, 07:05 PM
 
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* to protect his bodily integrity:

* to maximize his adult sexual pleasure

* to protect him from risk of harm (pain, infection, adhesions, etc)

* because you believe surrogate consent (parental consent) is not sufficient to remove normal, healthy tissue.
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#5 of 55 Old 10-18-2008, 07:10 PM
 
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How about because it's barbaric to cut someone's genitals? I guess I never needed any other reason.
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#6 of 55 Old 10-18-2008, 08:59 PM
 
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How about "B/c I couldn't think of any reason why I would."

They may then attempt to provide those reasons, but all of them are very lame, and easily countered with accurate information.

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#7 of 55 Old 10-18-2008, 09:02 PM
 
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"So please, tell me why you didn't circ your son so I know I did something better for him than "just save him a little bit of pain"[/QUOTE]

I think that right there is a perfectly good reason, sure there are others, but it's every mother's responsibility to protect their children from needless pain. I think you made a wise decision, and good for you!
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#8 of 55 Old 10-18-2008, 09:04 PM
 
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The more important question is "Why SHOULD a parent circumcise their son?"

For me personally, and hopefully the large majority of parents reading here on MDC, the answer is "There is no good, compelling reason to do it." Therefore, without sufficient evidence in favor of circumcision, the default choice should be to not do it.
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#9 of 55 Old 10-18-2008, 09:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Maybe it's the accurate information that I am lacking. I really don't know much about why and why not circ. I should do some more research about it, I just wanted to see what you guys say when you are asked the same question.

Thanks for the input so far There have been some really great reasons pointed out to me!
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#10 of 55 Old 10-18-2008, 09:06 PM
 
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Circumcision is protocol...that's about it. It came about due to religious reasoning, and then stuck as a big money maker for those who care nothing for the religious end of it. Why would God, mother nature, the universe create every male baby with a body part that needs to be amputated?

Okay...so maybe you can just say, "his body, his decision"...instead of the ranting above.

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#11 of 55 Old 10-18-2008, 09:10 PM
 
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Actually, if a doctor or ped asked me that question, I would look at them all shocked and say, "goodness, you're a doctor! Don't you know???"

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#12 of 55 Old 10-18-2008, 09:24 PM
 
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my reasons are....
its not broken therefor does not need to be "fixed".
why is it bad for girls but ok for boys?!?
that is the way he was made.
that is the way a boy is to be.
it is wrong to do a circ at all.
why mess with something that has such a huge part of our lives. sex is huge and it is has horrible outcomes for males and females.

my personal fav and ya i do use it all the time
:sex is beter with a whole man then a cut one:
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#13 of 55 Old 10-18-2008, 09:33 PM
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Because I believe that medically unnecessary, cosmetic, for-profit surgery on non-consenting infants is unethical. I also believe that genital mutilation is generally a bad idea.

I've had some interesting conversations with doctors on this subject...my OB asked politely if I circumcised my sons, and I responded, "No, because it's medically unnecessary." My OB then went into an anti-circ monologue, and told me how he had refused to circ his beloved DS, too. Totally made my day!

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#14 of 55 Old 10-18-2008, 09:35 PM
 
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Because God made him perfect so who am I to cut of a piece of this perfect little boy?

Then follow up with WHY are you obcessed about my baby's penis?

Jeana Christian momma to 4 sons Logan 18, Connor 15, Nathan 6, and bonus baby Jack 1
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#15 of 55 Old 10-18-2008, 10:44 PM
 
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Because I believe ALL children have the right to intact genitals
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#16 of 55 Old 10-19-2008, 01:03 AM
 
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It's not tactful, but I'm a fan of "I didn't hack off any of his body parts!"

That ends the conversation rather abruptly

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#17 of 55 Old 10-19-2008, 01:19 AM
 
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I haven't had this question because I regrettably did circ my first (and so far, only DS) but if I am ever blessed with another son I would NEVER circ knowing what I know now (thanks to MDC!) and if/when I am asked I will tell them that I believe that removing another person's body parts without their consent for NO REASON is morally reprehensible.

Mama to 2 sweet gorgeous children, a 4-year-old DS and a 1-year-old DD.
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#18 of 55 Old 10-19-2008, 01:30 AM
 
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For DH and I, it is partially religiously based. According to the New Testament (and I'll have to do more research to find exactly where), circumcision is no longer required.

I also think the "I don't want my baby going through that kind of *unnecessary* pain." should suffice.

And just the fact that I migh find something "wrong" with my baby (the foreskin).... just doesn't sit right with me. Also there's the no logical/medical reason to circumcise thing.

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#19 of 55 Old 10-19-2008, 02:51 AM
 
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Because my son has just as much of a right to genital integrity as my daughters do.

Because it's his body, he gets to decide what to do with it.

Because it's just (extremely painful) cosmetic surgery.

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#20 of 55 Old 10-19-2008, 03:01 AM
 
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Because it wasnt my penis to cut on.

Because there is absolutly no medical reason to circ and healthy infant.

Because the thought of a Dr choosing how my ds penis will look makes me sick to my stomach.

Because of the horrible pain.

Because he was born perfect no alterations needed.

Because over 20,000 specialized nerve endings are forever lost.

I could go on and on and on.

Since you said you dont know much have you read the stickies about not allowing anyone to mess with his foreskin? it is very important to protect him from that as it can cause many of the infections and problems with the intact penis to begin with.

 
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#21 of 55 Old 10-19-2008, 03:29 AM
 
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Because he was born perfect and doesn't need surgical amputation of his body parts. Because boys have a right to all their body parts just as girls do. Because you did the just and humane thing for your son, and left him as he was born, without risk of surgical complications such as meatal stenosis, gangrene, hemorrhage, septic shock, brain damage, or death.
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#22 of 55 Old 10-19-2008, 05:05 AM
 
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I can't offer any more words of wisdom than what has already been told.

I can tell you I'm a happily intact male and wouldn't trade my foreskin for anything in the world! :

I don't know if this anecdotal experience helps, but it's more a "cute" story: I got an AMAZING pro-intact/anti-circ bumper sticker ("Pro-Choice? Routine Circumcision Removes HIS Right To Choose!") and put it on my parents car (I live at home temporarily and have never had a car). They removed it the next day... and they are very anti-circ. I'm still rather ticked off at them for doing this considering our old car wore a bumper sticker for a year and a half or more. Now imagine how I'd feel if they had taken my foreskin away from me!
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#23 of 55 Old 10-19-2008, 09:37 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by justme&my3+1 View Post
I know, weird title. But seriously, this is my second son, the first I curcumsised and felt guilty later. Sometime last year I was here on MDC and lurking the posts, like I do daily and came across a post here in this group with a video on youtube of a doctor doing a circumsision and the baby screamed and screamed and I cried. I felt horrible and kept thinking about my son who at that time was 4 years old.

Fast forward to this February when I found out I was pregnant. One of the first things I thought about was if it's a boy I will not circ.

He is a little over a month old and I have had 3 different doctors, my pedi, and family members ask me why I didn't circ him. All I can think of to say is "because I didn't want him to go through the pain". Boy can people come up with some crazy reasons as to why that "little bit of pain" is nothing.

I wish I had a more informed answer to say to everyone. I feel dumb when I answer, and have even doubted my descision because of it.

So please, tell me why you didn't circ your son so I know I did something better for him than "just save him a little bit of pain"
Well I can tell you why I wished I had not been circumcised. The answer is simple, and this is what you can tell the doctors. Its my body (or when you tell other you can say, its his body) and no one but the owner of that body has the right to make that kind of decision.

Do you need an excuse for why you kept your sons ears? His fingers? Or any other of his body parts? No! Because the answer is obvious, its his body, and doing such things is morally wrong.


I dont want to get into this subject, but I think its the best way for a mother to understand what I mean. You know all the women out there who are pro-choice, but say personally they would never have an abortion? Thats because being able to have that control, being able to make those decisions for yourself makes all the difference in how you feel about yourself, and the situation you decide to choose as a women.
That same feeling is what I feel about circumcision. Its not that I hate my penis, its that I feel really disappointed and slightly violated that such a person decision relating to my manhood was taken away from me. (and when I say manhood, I do not mean penis, I mean the essence of being male)

Do not let anyone, not doctors, not family, or anyone let you feel uncertain about what you did, or better yet, what you didn't do.
You have not closed off the option of circ to him if he wants it, if have taken nothing away. You have gave him the ability to control his own body, and let him make such a decision for himself, if its something he ever thinks about at all that is.
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#24 of 55 Old 10-19-2008, 11:24 AM
 
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My boys are intact b/c I have seen too many circ's gone wrong. I have seen babies in pain and I have seen babies bleed too much. My babies are more important to me to let them go through that knowing that it is unnecessary. Sorry but they can choose what their penis' look like some day. The other thing I believe is that foreskin is not a birth defect. It is there for a reason.

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#25 of 55 Old 10-19-2008, 01:34 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cutie Patootie View Post
Actually, if a doctor or ped asked me that question, I would look at them all shocked and say, "goodness, you're a doctor! Don't you know???"
Excellent!!!!!
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#26 of 55 Old 10-19-2008, 02:09 PM
 
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Because it is not necessary and is not recommended by the AAP. Short simple answer is best.

Quote:
Originally Posted by justme&my3+1 View Post
I know, weird title. But seriously, this is my second son, the first I curcumsised and felt guilty later. Sometime last year I was here on MDC and lurking the posts, like I do daily and came across a post here in this group with a video on youtube of a doctor doing a circumsision and the baby screamed and screamed and I cried. I felt horrible and kept thinking about my son who at that time was 4 years old.

Fast forward to this February when I found out I was pregnant. One of the first things I thought about was if it's a boy I will not circ.

He is a little over a month old and I have had 3 different doctors, my pedi, and family members ask me why I didn't circ him. All I can think of to say is "because I didn't want him to go through the pain". Boy can people come up with some crazy reasons as to why that "little bit of pain" is nothing.

I wish I had a more informed answer to say to everyone. I feel dumb when I answer, and have even doubted my descision because of it.

So please, tell me why you didn't circ your son so I know I did something better for him than "just save him a little bit of pain"
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#27 of 55 Old 10-19-2008, 06:06 PM
 
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Not wanting to cause unnecessary pain for your infant child is a completely acceptable reason not to circ. I also tell people that we will not be circing ds b/c it is no longer medically recommended and that we didn't circumcise any part of our dd, so why would we circ our ds?? If they're still kind of pushy, ask if they've ever seen a circ done- if the answer is no, send them to a video site and ask them if they would really want to do that to their newborn... I've only had one friend who has really opposed our decision to leave ds intact after all of the above reasons (and then some), but she doesn't have any children and for the time being we are agreeing to disagree...

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#28 of 55 Old 10-19-2008, 06:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow, you gals/guys have some REALLY great answers! There are a few that will stick with me always now.

I am also really glad to hear from men on this point of view. My mother told me, "he is going to grow up feeling weird and different, what about when he goes to take a shower during gym". I told her not circing is becoming more and more mainstream as people are starting to realize it was a big fad a long time ago.

I did some research on it last night and feel a lot more informed AND extremely glad I didn't circ.

Thank you for all of your input, it's exactly what I wanted to hear.
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#29 of 55 Old 10-19-2008, 08:08 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DreamsInDigital View Post
The more important question is "Why SHOULD a parent circumcise their son?"

For me personally, and hopefully the large majority of parents reading here on MDC, the answer is "There is no good, compelling reason to do it." Therefore, without sufficient evidence in favor of circumcision, the default choice should be to not do it.
: This is the basis for every parenting decision I make now. What is default? Is there a compelling reason to change the default?

Quote:
Originally Posted by justme&my3+1 View Post
I am also really glad to hear from men on this point of view. My mother told me, "he is going to grow up feeling weird and different, what about when he goes to take a shower during gym". I told her not circing is becoming more and more mainstream as people are starting to realize it was a big fad a long time ago.
My mom said the same thing when my oldest was born. I asked her when "everyone else is doing it" was ever an acceptable reason to do something. Besides, as you've discovered, the rates have dropped so much that, depending on where you live, his poor circed buddies might be the ones who feel weird. You did good! Keep it up!
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#30 of 55 Old 10-19-2008, 09:08 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by justme&my3+1 View Post
I am also really glad to hear from men on this point of view. My mother told me, "he is going to grow up feeling weird and different, what about when he goes to take a shower during gym". I told her not circing is becoming more and more mainstream as people are starting to realize it was a big fad a long time ago.
Your mother is using one of the old, desperate myths. I've had THREE corrective surgeries all caused by the original circ (reason enough not to cut any child up). I had a re-circ and a meatotomy (cut a new pee hole when the original started closing up due to circ-caused meatal stenosis) as a child, and more recently a lysing or "take down" of some leftover adhesions that had become more and more uncomfortable during sex. The doctor went overboard on the re-circ and after that most my penis other than my glans retreated inside my body other than during an erection. Trust me, it's not a pretty or impressive penis to show around a lockerroom; I was quite embarrassed. I also suspect that there was also usually at least one other boy in each of my gym classes that suffered a similar fate. There was also at least one or two intact boys in each class from my recollection, at a time when almost all were cut. They might have been embarrassed as well. But the honest truth was nobody ever said a word to anyone about it, and I would've much rather had the "embarrassment" of having the whole, natural penis I was born with rather than the mutilated remnant I was left with.
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