needs good vibes sent my way - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 11 Old 11-17-2003, 08:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
momto3boys's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 241
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hi. I am reading Ron Goldman'sPh.D., Circ: The hidden trauma

I'm not sure I can get through this knowing I've done this to my own son.

I've researched the physical side to death.Now I'm diving into the psychological aspects of this atrocity. 3 years of being a hard core intactivist and I've just got the courage to deal with the pyschological issues that are sure to come of this.

Just need happy thoughts. It's overwhelmingly(is that a word)hard to read. There are stories of adult men reliving their circ through hypnosis. It's awful.

Need some love sent my way!!

let's stop this bullsh*t. sorry so mad rightnow
momto3boys is offline  
#2 of 11 Old 11-17-2003, 08:11 PM
 
ja mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: OR
Posts: 1,504
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
As a mom to a circed son, you have all the positive energy flowing your way that I can spare. I am nowhere ready to delve into that kind of reading material. Good for you!
ja mama is offline  
#3 of 11 Old 11-17-2003, 08:22 PM
Banned
 
somemama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Posts: 1,645
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
You are one brave mama! I left my son intact, and I STILL can't bring myself to read that book.
somemama is offline  
#4 of 11 Old 11-17-2003, 11:56 PM
 
Sarah's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Indiana
Posts: 2,134
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
That has got to be a tough book for you to read, but I think you should try to remember that the majority of the trauma he is speaking about is coming from the SUPRESSION of emotion and the DENIAL of accountability to the man... the refusal of society to acknowledge the harm done... not so much of a focus of the actual traumatic event... but a focus on the ong term effects of pretending that it was nothing....so- it may be possible to avoid a lot of that, simply by being the mom you already ARE!


And mamajulie, I do recomend the book to read, just so you know what it is all about. It's not really all that bad, I mean- it's rough- but not any more than the NOHARM or NORM website. The author does not really state a lot of facts, the book is more of an invitation to inquiry- he raises a lot of questions. He might make some comments about this study or that study and then say, -circumcision is kind of like that... someone should study that and see if it holds true. To continue circumcising people without studying that is irresponsible. So in the end, it's not like Ron Goldman is droping a ton of bricks... it's like he is pointing out a whole bunch of individual bricks and noting that they might fall, and that if we are not willing to look at them, they might really hurt us.

Love Sarah
Sarah is offline  
#5 of 11 Old 11-18-2003, 12:32 AM
 
Gitti's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Ready to move on...
Posts: 14,790
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Momto3boys,

I feel for you.
When I read it, I did a lot of crying, even though my son was circumcised 34 yrs ago. He and I have discussed it and I have asked for his forgiveness.
He said I owe him no apology, but I do believe it made him consider it enough to not "mutilate" his own child. (His words.)

It's good to read the book and some others as well. Be informed. And when your child is old enough to understand, (I would say when he is about 10 or so) tell him what you learned since you had him circumcised. Tell him that you are sorry, and that it should not happen to any child. It will be a lesson to him to prevent it in his children.

You say you are an intactivist now, well good for you. Channel all that pain to create something positive. It will help you to forgive yourself.

And also, don't be too hard on yourself. You did not mean to hurt your sons. (((((((( big hug )))))))
Gitti is offline  
#6 of 11 Old 11-18-2003, 02:23 AM
 
TigerTail's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: I'm finally here!
Posts: 9,343
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
(((momto3boys)))
i am going to check that out on interlibrary loan; i kept meaning to look at it.

suse
TigerTail is offline  
#7 of 11 Old 11-18-2003, 03:42 AM - Thread Starter
 
momto3boys's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 241
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
The thing that is the hardest to read are the accounts from men and children. He says that during hypnosis you could see the terror these men experienced.

My son was watching his birth video at 2. He could speak very clearly. There is a scene of my brother holding him an hour or so after his circ. He watched it,turned to me at that moment and said "baby carter has a sore penis". I will go to my grave remembering that. He no longer remembers it. But knew then with absolute certainty what occured.

It's all in there. For anyone to just disregard the painful experience of infant circ is without question silencing a rape.
Even though the initial intentions are not that of aggression, the act it self and all the trauma that coincide from it are. It is plain and simple rape. Restraint. Tearing. Cutting.Pain.Genitals.Control. Control of somone else's being to conform to someone else's desire. The humiliation of being strapped spread eagle while someone attacks the very center of your masculinity.No mercy through his screams. It is nothing else. It is rape.

Our society LAUGHS about this.

Isn't there a saying,"The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

Sorry friends. I'm in a mood.
momto3boys is offline  
#8 of 11 Old 11-18-2003, 12:15 PM
 
Mommiska's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Posts: 5,596
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
((((((momto3boys))))))) You are a very brave, caring woman. Your sons are lucky to have you as a mom.

Mommiska is offline  
#9 of 11 Old 11-18-2003, 06:10 PM
 
ThomasL's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Posts: 343
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
MOMTO3BOYS,forgive yourself.You thought you were doing the right thing at the time.You love your children.That is what is most important.The only people who should be ashamed of themselves are those like the real life DRAGON LADY nurse you mentioned who circed her own son and botched it and joked about it.I also read the Hidden Trauma and found it very informative.I also suggest reading Ron Goldman,s other book "Circumcision" A Jewish Perspective.It focuses more on the traumas of the Bris ritual.
ThomasL is offline  
#10 of 11 Old 11-18-2003, 07:24 PM
 
Frankly Speaking's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: North Atlanta
Posts: 5,162
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Rape is about domination. It's about one person forcing their will on another person. Rape is not about sex. I personally believe rape is an appropriate word for the actions.



Frank
Frankly Speaking is offline  
#11 of 11 Old 11-19-2003, 10:51 PM
 
momsmyjob's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Colorado
Posts: 4,789
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't think you should beat yourself up over what is already done. You can't change it! You were doing what you thought was right at that time.

All 3 of my boys are intact but circ is something I would have done just because I thought it was the thing to do, almost like it was something that's supposed to be done. I really didn't understand the reason for it. Then one day I saw a magazine ariticle in the dr's office that questioned all of that and actually explained the procedure..and I was like no way...that sounds so painful.

I actually think it happens that way more often then we realize. Mothers have it done thinking it's just a routine thing that is supposed to be done.
momsmyjob is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off