Why do I need to tell you why??? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 15 Old 11-20-2003, 08:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I get so tired of people who happen to look over while I am changing my DS ask me why he isn't circ'd.

I would love to have some well planned, thoughtful response that would throw in some education for them, but the simple truth is this: I was researching the circumcision procedure while pg, I learned what was really involved, how horrible it was and did not want some person strapping my baby to a board and cutting part of his perfect genetalia off.

I can answer serious questions like things about bladder infections and cleanliness and all, I just don't think I need to explain to ANYONE why my son has every part of his body he was born with.

I also don't want someone who like me about a year ago had never heard of not circ'ing feeling like I am calling them mutilators either. I think circumcision is male genetal mutilation and all, but I don't feel that people who had no idea that you don't have to cut off the foreskin are cruel beyond belief.. KWIM???

Anyway, is my respnse posted ubove reasonable, or is there a more eloquent way of putting it?

Thanks!!
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#2 of 15 Old 11-20-2003, 09:11 PM
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I would just say, "I left him the way God (or nature) intended."
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#3 of 15 Old 11-20-2003, 09:16 PM
 
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I was researching the circumcision procedure while pg, I learned what was really involved, how horrible it was and did not want some person strapping my baby to a board and cutting part of his perfect genetalia off.
I wouldn't stray too far from this. The thought of a cut penis in a dirty diaper has always made me go hmmmm....that might be painful or a spot an infection could happen, but when I started researching how they really did it and that it's not just a 'snip off the tip' I decided no.

In a nutshell- I decided it wasn't necessary. If they want to push further than that, you can give them all the info you want.

Michelle -mom to Katlyn 4/00 , Jake 3/02, and Seth 5/04
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#4 of 15 Old 11-21-2003, 01:27 AM
 
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I dunno....I live in hope that my MIL or SIL or sister's boyfriend or playgroup friend or someone at the Y's changing room or ANYONE I know would notice ds' perfect little intact penis during a diaper change and ask why I didn't circ! I would so love to proselytize! :LOL

Maybe you could try something like "I wouldn't cut my daughter's genitals, so why would I cut my son's?" Is that too in-your-face? It seems like it makes people stop and go hmmm....

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#5 of 15 Old 11-21-2003, 01:40 AM
 
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Well, maybe you could work up to a non-confrontational educational conversation if you first find out where they are coming from, if they bring it up, "Why isn't he circumcised?"

you reply:

"I am interested in hearing what you have to say about circumcision"

In that way you turn the conversation as if they were inviting you to hear about why they would circumcise. After you find out where they are coming from, you would have to think on your feet... but you could probably say,

"I used to feel the exact same way... but I am such a research hound- I couldn't just do it without understanding it a little better and I was so shocked when I found out... A, B, C.... and now I think .... and so I.... "

Love Sarah
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#6 of 15 Old 11-21-2003, 08:22 AM
 
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Two responses come to mind based on the questioner's attitude:

1. In response to someone who is clearly rude and intending to 'start something' a shocked and disgusted, "Nobody does THAT anymore!" is enough.

2. If you're feeling confident and think that they're open-minded and truly curious, "Why would you want to do that?" will open the conversation and allow you to address any of their mistaken beliefs.

The second generally is good for all inquiries/unsolicited opinions about parenting choices. Presume that the person is truly interested and curious and proceed to educate them. What's important is your demeanor--be calm, confident and never defensive or upset. Although it's perfectly acceptable to act confused. After all, if someone really knows all the facts, why would they still make such a decision?
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#7 of 15 Old 11-22-2003, 01:10 AM
 
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I'd say: "He was perfect the way he was born"

Ilaria mamma to Owen, Caroline & Patrick .... loving life as expats in Asia intactlact.gifnovaxnocirc.gifuc.jpgnamaste.gif
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#8 of 15 Old 11-22-2003, 07:52 AM
 
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I like Teresa's second option. I use something similar when someone here asks if I'm 'still' : nursing my two month old.

I just act slightly surprised and tell them 'of course', as if there was no other option.

I'd probably do the same thing if anyone asked me why we hadn't circumcised ds. Just look slightly confused (as Teresa suggested) and ask why we WOULD circumcise him? :

As long as it is said in a nice, non-defensive (just slightly puzzled) way, it should make the other person think, and perhaps give you the opportunity to share some important information.

I don't get it over here in the UK, of course (no one circumcises really) , but I must admit to hoping I get to do some 'educating' when we go home to the States for visits.
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#9 of 15 Old 11-26-2003, 11:16 PM
 
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I once heard the analogy;
Your eyes wouldn't be cleaner without eyelids would they?
I always liked that one :LOL If we would have had boys, they both would be intact. My dh isn't circ'd, and he's never had any problems. I didn't even know he wasn't up until a few months after we'd been together, believe it or not!
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#10 of 15 Old 11-26-2003, 11:32 PM
 
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I always just say that I don't believe in genital mutilation.
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#11 of 15 Old 11-26-2003, 11:33 PM
 
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:LOL I purposely like to change ds in front of other people.:LOL
I WANT them to ask why ds isn't circ'd and WHY we use cloth diapers. In my experience, if you can get them interested in WHY you went against the "norm" they are more likely to accept it. Once I sat with some Mommies (without our kids) and we started talking about these things and the sheer AMAZEMENT that was on their faces when I told them FACTS was amazing. I think I got a few to even stop vaxing...my sister included!!!
So, I say, BRING IT ON. :LOL
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#12 of 15 Old 11-27-2003, 12:02 AM
 
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So, I say, BRING IT ON.
Amen, sister! ITA!

I definitely see it as an opportunity to educate people.

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#13 of 15 Old 11-28-2003, 02:11 AM
 
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Try saying : That used to be one of my questions when I spoke to Mom's who hadn't circumcised (as you hand them a copy of the following article) :

http://www.mothering.com/10-0-0/html...cision85.shtml

- or -

perhaps hand them a card with the address/web address of nocirc with a short concise explanation that you've "looked that up" . . .
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#14 of 15 Old 11-28-2003, 11:34 AM
 
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Dh insists we say:

"We wanted to treat our kids the same, and since we didn't circumcise our daugter, we didn't circumcise our son."

No one asks twice :LOL

 

 

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#15 of 15 Old 12-01-2003, 11:23 PM
 
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What about "playing dumb" with a totally straight face, and saying:

"Huh? Why isn't he what? Circumcised? Cir-cum-cised?What's that?"

"What! You're kidding! I never heard of such a thing!!! Why on earth would anyone want to do that?"

I also really liked Sarah's approach to turning the table on the person who asks the question.
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