Need help, dh threatening to have it done to babe... - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#61 of 77 Old 01-21-2009, 10:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
mi.birthdoula's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Country girl is FINALLY back in the country!
Posts: 371
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by honeydee View Post

And call me paranoid...but I would still make sure that you write all over the place on your birth plan that there will be no circumcision without your consent.
Oh, we definitely are. We even talked today about it, and he even agreed that he should give the babe the first bath, and no eye drops, vit k, or anything (he already fully supports exclusive bf because of our 2 dd's.) I feel like he has had a revelation or something. I know he did spend Monday with his father, so maybe that had something to do with it. I absolutely LOVE my FIL to death. He is such a wonderful man who helps us get through any though times, in fact I would be pretty sure he had a lot to do with it all.

Crystal- aka "Momma" toLara Karlene 1-1-05 ~ Keira Skyler 1-31-07 ~ Rohnin Viper 8-12-09 & stork-suprise.gif March 2014!!!!

intactlact.gifsaynovax.gif

mi.birthdoula is offline  
#62 of 77 Old 01-22-2009, 02:36 AM
 
becoming's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 11,886
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
:

so glad to hear your update! definitely still make sure everyone in the hospital is told again, and again, and again. Our littlest one was thisclose to being vaccinated for hep b in the hospital, even with signs all over the place reminding them not to.
becoming is offline  
#63 of 77 Old 01-22-2009, 05:46 PM
 
bugmenot's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 291
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I agree with a lot of others.

If the husband wanted to mutilate the baby's penis, get out of that situation. Would he stop at the penis, or would he alter the baby in other ways as well?
bugmenot is offline  
#64 of 77 Old 01-22-2009, 06:08 PM
 
fruitful womb's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Fort Worth TX
Posts: 2,306
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mi.birthdoula View Post
Oh, we definitely are. We even talked today about it, and he even agreed that he should give the babe the first bath, and no eye drops, vit k, or anything (he already fully supports exclusive bf because of our 2 dd's.) I feel like he has had a revelation or something. I know he did spend Monday with his father, so maybe that had something to do with it. I absolutely LOVE my FIL to death. He is such a wonderful man who helps us get through any though times, in fact I would be pretty sure he had a lot to do with it all.
This is wonderful news!:
fruitful womb is offline  
#65 of 77 Old 01-22-2009, 06:19 PM
 
2lilsweetfoxes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: My own little world...
Posts: 1,359
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
One thing I don't get about people advocating to just leave the husband in this type of circumstance--what is going to stop him from just taking the baby to a pediatrician and having it done during a visitation? I ask this because that is something to consider...

(My husband was very much wanting our son to be circumcised, also. Because he was in Iraq at the time of our son's birth, and I was still undecided, our son remained intact. I went on an unaccompanied hardship tour to Korea a couple years back, when our son was 3. If circumcision was really *that* important to my husband, what was there to stop him from getting it done while I was out of the country for a year? I certainly wasn't there. I will admit to a little concern that I'd get back and Bubba would be circumcised, except for the fact that DH does not seek out medical attention unless necessary--but if there had been a "problem" and the recommendation was to circ, he probably would schedule it rather than get a second opinion. Or getting it done while I'm at work one day--he's a SAHD)
2lilsweetfoxes is offline  
#66 of 77 Old 01-23-2009, 01:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
mi.birthdoula's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Country girl is FINALLY back in the country!
Posts: 371
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
This is not something that I have to worry about because I am a sahm, and I always take the kids to the doc. My dh doesn't like docs to begin with, and I have to force him tooth and nail to even get him to accompany me to the office with the kids once in awhile. I trust him to his word, as he has never violated that trust before. He has even stood up to his mother defending our choice already, so I think that as more and more time goes on, he may evan become an intactivist.

I thank you for your concern, but this issue has been put to rest.

Crystal- aka "Momma" toLara Karlene 1-1-05 ~ Keira Skyler 1-31-07 ~ Rohnin Viper 8-12-09 & stork-suprise.gif March 2014!!!!

intactlact.gifsaynovax.gif

mi.birthdoula is offline  
#67 of 77 Old 01-23-2009, 01:39 PM
 
dinahx's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: earth
Posts: 2,144
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
This is scary! If my husband threatend to go 'over my head' in a medical decision when I was sleeping, this is what I would do, please listen, IMO this is VERY serious:

I would call the local Domestic Violence hotline/shelter. If in your opinion Circ is harming yoru child, and your DH is threatening to do it w/o your consent. THAT IS ABUSE!!!! It is at least emotional abuse, with threats of physical abuse. I would get a legal restraining order and make sure everyone in the hospital knows about it. And I would personally call every urologist in a 40 mile radius and inform them of the situation. There is nothing about my safety and my children's saftey that I take at all lightly and no one harms a child of mine behind my back, while I am sleeping.

You can prevent this, but I personally think you should take him at his word and act accordingly. And YES, your doctor, the hospital, everyone should know about the situation. Their job is to protect you and the baby. YES VERY abusive husbands have done this behind their wife's back before, but that is NO reason to allow it to happen to you. He has given you a warning, that is lucky, heed that warning and protect your child.

And yes, I agree with PPs. Even threats of this nature would have me questioning my relationship, and doing it behind my back would not only be ground for divorce, but arrest and a lawsuit for both the husband and the cooperating doctor.
dinahx is offline  
#68 of 77 Old 01-23-2009, 01:49 PM
 
dinahx's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: earth
Posts: 2,144
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
ETA: Read your update, so glad! Seems like the situation resolved itself. Yay! I would still take the precaution of informing the doctor/hospital, though.
dinahx is offline  
#69 of 77 Old 01-23-2009, 02:01 PM
Banned
 
Yulia_R's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Lafayette, CO
Posts: 3,128
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mi.birthdoula View Post
Just an update...dh and I talked last night after having an ultrasound, and we will not be circing. It was decided together, so I know that he is now with me on this. I let him hear (I read aloud) all the info that ACOG, AAP, and many other organizations gave on the topic, and let him know that I would like to at least let the child make his own decision when he was of legal age. In so letting him know that there was no reason why I would degrade my son if that was what HE choose, but I do not think the decision to permanetly change a person for cosmetic reasons without their consent is either of ours to make. He was very level headed about the whole thing, and agreed completely after actually listening and contemplating the risks' and benefits'. If our son chooses (at a time that he is able to understand the total ramifications of the procedure) to go ahead with it, we will be there to support HIS decisions whatever they may be.

Wonderful! I'm so happy to hear! Yeah for you and your dh!
Yulia_R is offline  
#70 of 77 Old 01-25-2009, 02:41 PM
 
loveyourohana's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 506
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Have you considered having your baby at home or in a birthing center with a midwife? Cant really do a routine circ. if the place you decide to give birth, doesn't offer it
loveyourohana is offline  
#71 of 77 Old 01-25-2009, 05:50 PM
 
Arduinna's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 32,629
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Great news you guys worked it out!
Arduinna is offline  
#72 of 77 Old 01-25-2009, 05:58 PM
 
perspective's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,253
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by dinahx View Post
This is scary! If my husband threatend to go 'over my head' in a medical decision when I was sleeping, this is what I would do, please listen, IMO this is VERY serious:

I would call the local Domestic Violence hotline/shelter. If in your opinion Circ is harming yoru child, and your DH is threatening to do it w/o your consent. THAT IS ABUSE!!!! It is at least emotional abuse, with threats of physical abuse. I would get a legal restraining order and make sure everyone in the hospital knows about it. And I would personally call every urologist in a 40 mile radius and inform them of the situation. There is nothing about my safety and my children's saftey that I take at all lightly and no one harms a child of mine behind my back, while I am sleeping.

You can prevent this, but I personally think you should take him at his word and act accordingly. And YES, your doctor, the hospital, everyone should know about the situation. Their job is to protect you and the baby. YES VERY abusive husbands have done this behind their wife's back before, but that is NO reason to allow it to happen to you. He has given you a warning, that is lucky, heed that warning and protect your child.
I guess you did not read the posts above, but after having open communication with her husband, the situation has been resolved. Its now a three person team, not just baby and mom, but baby, Dad, and Mom.

To the OP- congratz!! I hope everything else in this baby process goes smoothly for you!
perspective is offline  
#73 of 77 Old 01-25-2009, 06:12 PM
 
Fyrestorm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 4,102
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by loveyourohana View Post
Have you considered having your baby at home or in a birthing center with a midwife? Cant really do a routine circ. if the place you decide to give birth, doesn't offer it
The birth center in my area has a midwife that offers circumcision. They do it immediately after birth so mama and newly mutilated baby can still go home within 12 hours.

I guess they cut the cord then cut the babe all in one fell swoop so they can watch them both for bleeding before sending them on their merry way.

Victim of Birth Rape & Coerced ribboncesarean.gifUnnecesareanribboncesarean.gif What makes people think they can cut up someone else's genitals? nocirc.gif
Fyrestorm is offline  
#74 of 77 Old 01-25-2009, 07:48 PM
 
dogmom327's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Sioux Falls, SD
Posts: 5,738
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'll admit that I'd probably do as Quikry suggested.

Mama to DS (6/07) h20homebirth.gif, DD (6/09) h20homebirth.gif, and DD (07/12) homebirth.jpg..

dogmom327 is offline  
#75 of 77 Old 01-25-2009, 10:55 PM
 
fruitful womb's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Fort Worth TX
Posts: 2,306
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fyrestorm View Post
The birth center in my area has a midwife that offers circumcision. They do it immediately after birth so mama and newly mutilated baby can still go home within 12 hours.

I guess they cut the cord then cut the babe all in one fell swoop so they can watch them both for bleeding before sending them on their merry way.
fruitful womb is offline  
#76 of 77 Old 01-25-2009, 11:49 PM
 
alegna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 44,408
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I recently discovered that a well-loved birth center here offers circs.

Makes me ill.

-Angela
alegna is offline  
#77 of 77 Old 01-26-2009, 02:01 PM
 
kiara7's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 1,044
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fyrestorm View Post
The birth center in my area has a midwife that offers circumcision. They do it immediately after birth so mama and newly mutilated baby can still go home within 12 hours.

I guess they cut the cord then cut the babe all in one fell swoop so they can watch them both for bleeding before sending them on their merry way.
:
kiara7 is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off