Did you have the circ conversation before choosing your partner and deciding to have children? - Page 4 - Mothering Forums
View Poll Results: Did you have a conversation about circumcision before choosing your partner and deciding to have chi
Yes 52 20.80%
No 180 72.00%
n/a (since there is always something) 18 7.20%
Voters: 250. You may not vote on this poll

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#91 of 108 Old 02-02-2009, 07:31 PM
 
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Wait, if your husband is intact why would he circ his own son? If he knew he was fine, I cant imagine someone convinced him of any the myths.
He didn't even know what Circ meant. He was unaware that he was uncircumcised. He was ignorant to the difference and was embarrassed to admit it. His son is 6 and when his ex wife got pregnant, she was told it was cleaner, she made the decision, he didn't think he even had a choice. He didn't even know what was involved. When Iexplained it to him and he watched the video and explained what he took away from his son, he was SO sorry. He immediatly started researching and found out about restoration. He plans to talk to his son about it and hopefully my DSS will decide to restore.

Unfortunatly, as he was getting in the shower (DSS) the other night I looked at it briefly and it is HORRIBLE. Tons of scar tissue and a huge ridge. Very tight as well. It pulls and itches him and hurts him all the time.

Df was horrified when he finally learned the difference.
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#92 of 108 Old 02-02-2009, 07:38 PM
 
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My DF was also uncirced because he was an extreme preemie. His mom did not want to chance it with him. But his younger brother "had" to be circed due to an infection. She had never talked about any of this with Jose. He actually thought he WAS circumcised. I know that sounds crazy, but I get the feeling sex and genetalia are very privatized in his family becasue of the severe sexual molestation that occured. I dont pry, because it is a sensitive subject.
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#93 of 108 Old 02-02-2009, 08:31 PM
 
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No. It wasn't even on my radar at that point.
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#94 of 108 Old 02-02-2009, 09:02 PM
 
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Well,my husband and I were in high school when we started dating so we didn't talk about it before we started dating but we did talk about it before we got married and had kids.I'm not even really sure when though.He's against it so all our conversations are about why would someone do that?

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#95 of 108 Old 02-03-2009, 02:54 AM
 
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I voted no because my dh and started dating when we were 16 and wasn't something I ever even thought about! I don't think we discussed it until I was pregnant and I said "i don't want to circ" and dh said "okay, sounds fine with me"

lol end of discussion!
That's pretty much my story too.

: Robyn : Increasingly crunchy Mama to Kya (8) , Makena (7) , and Keegan (4) :
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#96 of 108 Old 02-03-2009, 11:09 AM
 
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I voted n/a since I wanted to put yes for one and no for the other. With the kids' dad, I did NOT bring it up beforehand. I was already passionately against it, but I guess I just assumed I'd win the argument? We did end up fighting about it but in the end I just said "it's not your decision and I'm not signing the consent form". He was pissed off for a while but he came around and he's even thanked me a few times for being strong and standing up to him!

I'm getting divorced though and I have a BF. This is someone I've known a very long time and we used to date when we were younger. We don't know what will happen eventually. At this point, even if we get married, we aren't planning on kids. But I brought it up anyway. I told him very early on that I was against circ. He was a bit shocked and I had to dispel all the myths he'd been fed through the years. He still didn't "get it" until I said, "You know what? It's HIS penis. Shouldn't he be the one who decides how he wants it to look?" It was like a light bulb went off over his head. He has no issue being circ'ed and it never occured to him that anyone WOULD have an issue.

I'm glad I brought it up already. It's very important to me not to have to go through that fight again, even though it all worked out the first time. It was very emotional and hard for me.
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#97 of 108 Old 02-03-2009, 05:40 PM
 
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The way circ was done years ago was horrifying. My mom didn't even know what it was when she had my brother. Her ex-husband (brother's dad) was intact, and mom had never been with anyone else. When the nurse asked her to sign the form - not even really discussing that it was a permission form, as it was just presented as a a routine form to sign - mom asked her what it was. When she was told, she didn't think that sounded right, and felt that if her son had a foreskin, he was supposed to have a foreskin. So, my big brother is intact. He was born in '63, and I don't get the feeling that too many of his contemporaries (or mine, for that matter) were left intact around here. I believe we now have a circ rate of 10%, but it was much higher back then.

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
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#98 of 108 Old 02-03-2009, 05:47 PM
 
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Just curious. For me it was a topic while dating just as self-sustainability, organic gardening and eating, whether or not to have children, where to live, etc etc.
It was definitely part of my decision to have children with DH (we are both anti-circ). I feel so strongly about this subject that I wouldn't have wanted to have children with somebody that would want to do that to them.
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#99 of 108 Old 02-03-2009, 10:13 PM
 
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Circ wasn't even a blip on my radar when DH and I met and married. I had honestly never given circ any real thought. I didn't even know what it was beyond it being something about cutting off "extra skin." I was so clueless that when I saw "The Case Aginst Circ" board here I wondered if there was some kind of class action lawsuit or something. It never occurred to me that circ was something people would be against all together.

So I clicked and started reading. Since I was pregnant and didn't know the sex of the baby I wanted to know #1 What circ was. #2WHy it was done. and #3 Why people would be against it. It took maybe 2 hours of reading and researching to decide that I was never, not ever going to allow that to be done to my children. I was all fired up and marched into DH's home office and announced that if this baby was a boy he would no be circed. Dh looked surprised and somewhat confused and said "uhh, ok. Fine with me."

Then we had DD.

Kristy, wife to Josh proud mama to Katie: since 3/08 and Emma since 8/12.

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#100 of 108 Old 02-06-2009, 01:41 AM
 
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I met my DH when I was a teenager, so that'd be a heck no.

However, my Dad and brother are intact, so even if my future partner ended up being cut, it wouldn't have changed my perspective much. I came to the decision on my own about whether to circumsize my son. DH was on board, of course, as he is intact, but even if he were not on board... too bad. When it comes to cutting off useful body parts, I'm okay with disagreement in a marriage.
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#101 of 108 Old 02-06-2009, 03:50 AM
 
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i voted no b/c we never discussed having children, let alone circ. it just so happened that we got pregnant 4 months after we started dating and then was it up for discussion (as was homebirth, cd, breastfeeding, etc.). it ended up that we were on the same page about all of it after some research even though dh is circ'ed, it took minimal articles, and less than the first 10 minutes of the penn and teller video to decide that he wanted to keep our son (if we had one) intact.

i have to say that if we had not been on the same page (ie: he wanted to circ), i'd still insist that we not circ, and not consent to it no matter how hard he pushed. in fact, it would be a deal breaker if i found myself fighting with him about cutting a part off of my perfect little baby.
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#102 of 108 Old 02-06-2009, 03:54 AM
 
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we met as teens so i didn't even know it was an issue. he is intact though, so there was never a worry.

  BC Mum of three ('05, '07, '11 and #4 coming May '14!)    jumpers.gif  belly.gif 

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#103 of 108 Old 02-06-2009, 04:04 AM
 
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We never discussed it until this pregnancy (my second). I had never considered it an option until one of the more recent Mothering magazines was sent to me. YIKES! I showed it to my DH and we both agreed that, if we have a son, he would remain intact. If our son would like to be circumcised when he is older than we would support him 100%.

Lovin my Hubby , Serena (10/07)::, and Cedar( 07/09)
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#104 of 108 Old 02-06-2009, 04:35 AM
 
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I think both my partner and I had discussed EVERYTHING under the sun, even before we had sex, let alone committed out lives to one another and decided to try for a baby.

Our first few dates were more interviews, with both of us taking the other's inventory and trying to find the red flags. We spoke all the way from politics to personal goals to circumcision to parenting.

I think I fell in love with him then - when I knew he was as serious and rational at taking my inventory as I was his.

First special delivery - April 2010 :
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#105 of 108 Old 02-06-2009, 06:56 PM
 
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I hate to admit this, but when I was pregnant with DS #1, I was the one who wanted to circ. DH is intact and although it didn't gross me out or anything (I'm not one of those!), I was concerned about DS being ashamed, teased, etc. Finally I realized it would be better to err on the side of staying intact. I said if DS ever wants it down the line, we would pay for it. Shortly after he was born, he was injured by his pediatrician multiple times who forcibly retracted his foreskin each appointment. I had NO idea it was wrong, but I knew DS was in pain. So then I started researching. I was appalled by what I discovered. I felt like an uneducated idiot. Thank goodness DH insisted on keeping him intact. Second DS is intact as well.

Years later DS #1 had to be circ'd for multiple (as in MANY) instinces of paraphimosis. It was horrible to experience and scary that he almost lost function of his goods. So we choose circ. The Urologist said the pediatrician who first injured him was at fault.

Blah blah blah. Anyway, I never even thought to discuss these things when dating.
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#106 of 108 Old 02-06-2009, 10:24 PM
 
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The Urologist said the pediatrician who first injured him was at fault.
That is so sad. I hope you took the time to write the pediatrician who did this and tell him or her what they did.

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#107 of 108 Old 02-06-2009, 10:26 PM
 
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It was on the list of questions I wanted to know the answers to before I'd agree to marry. I grew up with a very anti-circ father who was very vocal about it, so I had a clue, but not a full clue until I started researching it myself while pregnant the first time.

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#108 of 108 Old 02-07-2009, 01:32 AM
 
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I didn't even know what circumcision WAS before I got pregnant! Oh, I was vaguely aware that some men had this thing called a foreskin and that Jewish people cut it off for religious reasons... but since my Jewish boyfriends looked EXACTLY like the non-Jewish ones I figured this foreskin thing must be really small and insignificant...
So glad I met some European and South American mamas who got me interested enough to really look into the matter! DH was on board as soon as I described the procedure to him. He had no idea what had been done to him.

Jen
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