Did anyone else refuse consent even though their so wanted to circ? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 49 Old 07-23-2009, 11:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This is what it looks like it's going to boil down to. After WWIII, dh said that he will NOT be "okay with" our ds remaining intact, and that it upsets him because he knows that *I* am the one who is going to ultimately "win," and he feels he has no say. He remains completely pro-circ, even though I've disputed all of his reasons with facts about why it's unnecessary. I've shown him research, the Penn and Teller video - the whole nine. It's his personal preference, because he feels it's "preventative" and "more cleanly" and no amount of research, data, etc can persuade him otherwise. It's boiled down to him saying that while he is 100% against it, he realizes that I have the final say and basically that he'll be very hurt and hold a grudge if I go knowingly against his wishes, because it's his son, too. However, my mind is made up and my son WILL remain intact.

Did anyone else have this disagreement? I hate thinking that my dh will feel as though I "betrayed" him, but at the same time, it's not something that I am willing to do to my son. I feel like it's between a rock and a hard place, and am just looking for advice of anyone who has btdt and how long it took to "blow over."

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#2 of 49 Old 07-24-2009, 12:24 AM
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This is what it looks like it's going to boil down to. After WWIII, dh said that he will NOT be "okay with" our ds remaining intact, and that it upsets him because he knows that *I* am the one who is going to ultimately "win," and he feels he has no say. He remains completely pro-circ, even though I've disputed all of his reasons with facts about why it's unnecessary. I've shown him research, the Penn and Teller video - the whole nine. It's his personal preference, because he feels it's "preventative" and "more cleanly" and no amount of research, data, etc can persuade him otherwise. It's boiled down to him saying that while he is 100% against it, he realizes that I have the final say and basically that he'll be very hurt and hold a grudge if I go knowingly against his wishes, because it's his son, too. However, my mind is made up and my son WILL remain intact.

Did anyone else have this disagreement? I hate thinking that my dh will feel as though I "betrayed" him, but at the same time, it's not something that I am willing to do to my son. I feel like it's between a rock and a hard place, and am just looking for advice of anyone who has btdt and how long it took to "blow over."
I've never been in the position you describe, my husband although circ'd, was 100% for not circing but I have to say. GOOD FOR YOU! in your stance.

I've read posts here broadly similar to your situation and it seems to me, the majority of men accept and even embrace their sons intact status but I can think of one poster at least whose husband still has issues with it even years later.

The thing is, if your husband falls into the latter category, that's HIS problem and ultimately he should seek some type of help as to why a lack of painful, pointless cosmetic surgery on his newborn sons penis is worth a lifetime of pouting.

"Custom will reconcile people to any atrocity."
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#3 of 49 Old 07-24-2009, 12:31 AM
 
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Good for you!

He'll come around.
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#4 of 49 Old 07-24-2009, 12:32 AM - Thread Starter
 
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He's not much of a pouter, but in phrasing it to me in that way, I can see where it would come across that way. He's let me call every shot there is in regards to parenting our dd - cosleeping, bf'ing, cd'ing, vax schedule, gentle discipline, etc -completely takes my lead and does what I feel is best as a united front and has never put his foot down about ANYTHING, so he feels that if he feels passionately about this one thing, I should respect it. While I DO respect him, I cannot let my son be circ'd - I just can't. I even toyed with the idea of letting it happen, for a fleeting moment, before breaking down into tears and saying that I couldn't live with myself if I did.

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#5 of 49 Old 07-24-2009, 01:03 AM
 
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Yes, we went through a similar situation when my LO was born last winter. I tried to convince him before birth, and he just wouldn't talk about it... in the hospital I refused to sign the consent, and we fought. Loudly. Ugly things were said, it was horrible. Where we were, they wouldn't do it without my consent and that really pissed him off. We continued to fight over it for a couple of weeks after and I really thought I would end up divorced. But my LO is still intact, and we are still married.

Within a month, it was a non issue. Or, if it's still an issue with him, he keeps it to himself. Your mileage may vary, just throwing that out there to let you know that you are not alone.
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#6 of 49 Old 07-24-2009, 02:37 AM
 
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OK, don't want to put words in anyone's mouth, but this is what I see. many fathers are threatened by the issue- it might bring up feelings like, my mom did this to me but she must have loved me, my penis was "mutilated", my wife/lover "prefers" intact penises, my penis is "normal" and uncirced is "weird".
No, mama. You can not let anyone cut your infant son's penis. One thing that really convinces many circed men, is just how often these "minor" procedures are botched. Like, a huge percent of circumcisions have to be "corrected" with a second and third surgery. Often they can not be corrected- if too much tissue is removed, it can never be repaired.
Finally, many mamas have won the circ war by just getting dad to agree, not before we leave the hospital. Not before the first round of vax. Not before we're done weaning. Or, not until the child is old enough to understand. In the Jewish tradition the briss is on day 8, some Jewish moms work their magic and convince dad to call it off, or postpone it, in those 8 days.
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#7 of 49 Old 07-24-2009, 02:46 AM
 
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This article might help you understand why this is an issue where he can not be rational.

I would avoid bringing the subject up at all. Since only you can give consent (though make sure all medical staff know this just in case,) there is no need to try to get him on your side, and further attempts to do so will just make him more defensive.

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#8 of 49 Old 07-24-2009, 03:19 AM
 
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Originally Posted by ashleedio View Post
He's let me call every shot there is in regards to parenting our dd - cosleeping, bf'ing, cd'ing, vax schedule, gentle discipline, etc -completely takes my lead and does what I feel is best as a united front and has never put his foot down about ANYTHING, so he feels that if he feels passionately about this one thing, I should respect it. While I DO respect him, I cannot let my son be circ'd - I just can't. I even toyed with the idea of letting it happen, for a fleeting moment, before breaking down into tears and saying that I couldn't live with myself if I did.
I have never understood this argument that a lot of pro circing partners use. I think all parenting choices decisions should be made by both parents after both have educated themselves on the subject at hand. I don't think it's fair for one to say "well I let you decide on vaxing therefore I should get to decide on circing". Both parents have the responsibility to make educated decisions. I think sometimes this happens because there is just generally a lack of interest and it's easier to let the other parent do all the work.

I can say in my own family that DH never picks up a book or reads a single article about vaxing, breastfeeding, co-sleeping etc. unless I specifically say "read this". Now, I will admit in some ways this makes it easier on me because there is no arguing about the things I am passionate about. DH just generally says he respects my intelligence and trusts my decisions. Whether this is a true compliment or whether he is just lazy remains to be seen.

And luckily (for DH) he completely agreed with keeping our boy intact even though (or maybe because of) he was circ'd as an infant. I can tell you though in all honesty if DH told me that he had wanted DS circ'd because he "let me" make all the other decisions I would have ERUPTED. Circing or not circing is not like picking nursery paint vs. the car seat color. It shouldn't be a let's take turns sort of proposition. Ultimately it comes down to what is in the best interest of the child and clearly hacking off vital genital tissue ISN"T!
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#9 of 49 Old 07-24-2009, 03:20 AM
 
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I wasn't in the same situation because my dh was fine with not circumcising, however he didn't see what the big deal was all about. However, once ds was born he felt very strongly about not circ because he couldn't imagine intentionally causing his baby pain. So, maybe your dh will have a change of heart once your ds is born.

My heart goes out to you, if my dh felt strongly about circ I would have fought him as well and that's hardly the stress you need when you're pregnant/post-partum.
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#10 of 49 Old 07-24-2009, 06:33 AM
 
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mama It is hard to do what you know is right when you face oposition especially from a loved one.

 
SAHMlady.gifread.giflovin' trekkie.giffan intactivist.gifwinner.jpg to loveeyes.gifenergy.gifDD 10/00 & superhero.gifmoon.gifDS 10/04 ribbonpb.gifIf your ds is intact, keep him safe, visit the Case Against Circ forumnocirc.gifCirc, a personal choice, Your sonsyes.gifbrokenheart.gif11/98brokenheart.gif6/99ribbonbrown.gifanti-tobaccoribbonyellow.gifThyroid cancer survivor. With cat.gif& goldfish.gif & (Boxer)dog2.gif wishing 4 whale.gif&ribbonwhite.gifsigncirc1.gifselectivevax.gifdelayedvax.gif

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#11 of 49 Old 07-24-2009, 10:33 AM - Thread Starter
 
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The hardest part is that dss was circ'd immediately following his birth - dh cut the cord, they walked him over to the table, did the circ, he cried for a moment and then was bandaged, wrapped and handed to dh's ex. I tried to explain how babies are in shock and often don't respond to pain, but he thinks that after the pain and shock of being born, that a little "snip" isn't a big deal, and that he won't "remember" it. Point is, *I* will remember it, and I refuse to let it happen. He offered to care for the circ and change all diapers until he was healed - I still won't give in. I feel bad that I'm "going over his head" so to speak, but I will if I have to. It's just something that I feel too strongly about. He doesn't care that he'll look "different," that's not his argument at all - but he feels that since he never regrets for a moment that he's circ'd (and his mother had no say - he's adopted and the hospital did it without anyone's consent, apparently) that he feels he knows what's best in terms of having a penis. *insert eye roll*

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#12 of 49 Old 07-24-2009, 10:51 AM
 
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My husband said the exact same things..I could have written the script and it was horrible and two years later, my husband still has issues, but we are ok. He still doesn't agree with me on the issue and maybe he never will and the whole thing makes me sad, but I never regret protecting my son and doing the right thing.

We didn't have the formal situation of having to "consent" or refuse the circ because we had a home birth so that helped alleviate any immediate pressure anyway. Mostly we just don't talk about it and go on with our lives.

Just to let you know you might find that your husband refuses to change diapers or avoids doing it and that he might act very uncomfortable when your son is running around naked as so many babies do! It's irritating and unfair, but if you can don't let those things turn into a heated arguement because your husband is probably just really struggling with is emotions around the issue.

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#13 of 49 Old 07-24-2009, 11:03 AM
 
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Originally Posted by ashleedio View Post
The hardest part is that dss was circ'd immediately following his birth - dh cut the cord, they walked him over to the table, did the circ, he cried for a moment and then was bandaged, wrapped and handed to dh's ex. I tried to explain how babies are in shock and often don't respond to pain, but he thinks that after the pain and shock of being born, that a little "snip" isn't a big deal, and that he won't "remember" it. Point is, *I* will remember it, and I refuse to let it happen. He offered to care for the circ and change all diapers until he was healed - I still won't give in. I feel bad that I'm "going over his head" so to speak, but I will if I have to. It's just something that I feel too strongly about. He doesn't care that he'll look "different," that's not his argument at all - but he feels that since he never regrets for a moment that he's circ'd (and his mother had no say - he's adopted and the hospital did it without anyone's consent, apparently) that he feels he knows what's best in terms of having a penis. *insert eye roll*
Stick to your guns, you're right and your son deserves a strong advocate like you. It's fine that your husband is happy he should give us son the espect to decide that for himself too.
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#14 of 49 Old 07-24-2009, 11:08 AM
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he won't "remember" it.

This argument just kills me! It's a very well known fact that traumatic events that we do NOT remember are the very ones that mess us up the most. That is why people pay lots of money to shrinks to help them to REMEMBER, so they can deal with their issues/fears/trauma. Just because he actively does not remember does not mean it didn't affect his personality in a dramatic way.
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#15 of 49 Old 07-24-2009, 11:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
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This argument just kills me! It's a very well known fact that traumatic events that we do NOT remember are the very ones that mess us up the most. That is why people pay lots of money to shrinks to help them to REMEMBER, so they can deal with their issues/fears/trauma. Just because he actively does not remember does not mean it didn't affect his personality in a dramatic way.
I totally agree. I decided that the mama bear has come out and is not going back into her cave. My son will be one less baby who has a non-necessary, cosmetic procedure.

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#16 of 49 Old 07-24-2009, 12:06 PM
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I totally agree. I decided that the mama bear has come out and is not going back into her cave. My son will be one less baby who has a non-necessary, cosmetic procedure.
what a lucky boy :!
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#17 of 49 Old 07-24-2009, 01:00 PM
 
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I have nothing to add that these many wise posters haven't said already, but I just wanted to give you a thumbs-up for sticking to your guns!!

Also, (warning - big generalization forthcoming!) I think that men tend to "get over" these things eventually and not look back as much as us women tend to. My DH was on-board with leaving our boys intact (despite himself having been circ'd as an infant, even in England - his crazy parents must've searched high and low for that doctor!!!), but on all of these things, he's way over it before I am. I hope this is the case for your DH, too.
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#18 of 49 Old 07-24-2009, 01:55 PM
 
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Maybe say "well, since WE can't agree, why don't we wait until baby is 15 (or 18, whatever) and let him decide. It *is* his penis, you know..."

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#19 of 49 Old 07-24-2009, 02:21 PM
 
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Be VERY careful about the consent thing. In my state, the husband is automatically considered the legal father and is allowed to consent to what ever procedure they want. They have even been known in my local hospital to separate the parents and get consent from the one who is willing.

You will want to write "I do NOT consent to circumcision" all over your paperwork.

He will also be able to take your son to any Ped he wants and have it done without your consent after you leave the hospital. I have heard of this being done or threatened.

Since it is he that wants to have surgery preformed on your newborn, he should have to be the one to prove that it's necessary. "I'm cut and I'm fine" is not a legit reason.

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#20 of 49 Old 07-24-2009, 02:46 PM
 
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This is what it looks like it's going to boil down to. After WWIII, dh said that he will NOT be "okay with" our ds remaining intact, and that it upsets him because he knows that *I* am the one who is going to ultimately "win," and he feels he has no say. He remains completely pro-circ, even though I've disputed all of his reasons with facts about why it's unnecessary. I've shown him research, the Penn and Teller video - the whole nine. It's his personal preference, because he feels it's "preventative" and "more cleanly" and no amount of research, data, etc can persuade him otherwise. It's boiled down to him saying that while he is 100% against it, he realizes that I have the final say and basically that he'll be very hurt and hold a grudge if I go knowingly against his wishes, because it's his son, too. However, my mind is made up and my son WILL remain intact.

Did anyone else have this disagreement? I hate thinking that my dh will feel as though I "betrayed" him, but at the same time, it's not something that I am willing to do to my son. I feel like it's between a rock and a hard place, and am just looking for advice of anyone who has btdt and how long it took to "blow over."

Well, what it sounds like is from the start (in some in direct way) that "your idea was right, and his was wrong, and to prove it here is evidence why your wrong".

If thats true, I think a major issue he has here is less about the circumcision and more that (as he says) feels "betrayed" and hurt. Because instead of raising the baby together, you have picked it up and ran off saying you know whats best.

What you need to do is stop with the facts, and points proving your right. Instead sit down with him and ask him why he wants it done, let him express his side.

Here is a key line from your post, "However, my mind is made up and my son WILL remain intact."

Not to sound rude, but just as much as your husband has no right to circumcise him, you have no right to say he must be intact. Thats the wrong wording.

You need to make it clear to your husband that this is not about what he wants, or what you want either. That all you want is your son to get to make this personal decision about his body, for HIMSELF. And the only way of doing that is keeping him intact. Tell him you will support whatever your son wants when he is 18, because all your trying to protect here is his choice.


With that, the discussion moves off "whose right" (which can just lead to hurt feelings) and moves to the health and happiness of your son. And thats a point both of you can have an easier time agreeing on.
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#21 of 49 Old 07-24-2009, 02:49 PM
 
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Word for word, right down to the guilt trip of "you make all the decisions. Why can't I have this one little thing". To which I responded "what, just a small chunk of HIS flesh". It was kind of a low blow, but it is true, he wanted a piece of his skin and this is just not right. It is not my decision to make, just as it is not his, it is our sons choice and I did not allow anyone to take that choice from him.

DS has to have surgery when he is 18 months or so to correct his syndactyly (fusion of fingers). DH tried to convince me that we could have the circc done then cuz "well, he'll be under anesthesia already, no pain!" That was said when DS was about 3 months old, so I don't think he is completely over it. DH has changed maybe 5 diapers in the last 5 months out of necessity (then again he never changed DD either).

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#22 of 49 Old 07-24-2009, 03:19 PM
 
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It's tough. I would *hate* for my DH to ever feel that my say was final, and his opinion out of the question. But on this topic, you know that it's *RIGHT*. And in the end, you just have to go with that. But is sucks. I can only assume that these guys will come around. Someday. Maybe the day their son tells them that they are grateful that they are intact.
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#23 of 49 Old 07-24-2009, 03:52 PM
 
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My son's dad wasn't quite so wordy, but I think he felt the same way. We argued, we yelled. I tried to get him to see reason. At some point I just said, "You know what, it doesn't matter, nothing you can say will make me sign that consent form."

He pouted for a while but did not bring it up again. After our son was born, he didn't say anything. Life went on. When DS was about 7 months, I thought he might have a UTI (he didn't) and ex was all freaked out thinking we'd have to circ him because of it. Because it was ok to do as a newborn, but not on a 7 month old? Anyway, I explained why it wouldn't ever be necessary for something like that and he calmed down. Apparently I didn't do the best job of dispelling all the myths.

Anyway, at some point ex came around and he eventually THANKED me for standing up to him. It wasn't real to him before DS was born that this was a real, living baby who would feel pain and eventually have opinions and thoughts on the matter. DS is 4 now and quite vocal that he loves his penis and he couldn't imagine putting him through that.

They didn't really bond until DS was a bit older, maybe 2-3 months? But I think at that point he became *seriously* protective of him and I think if I'd said, "Hey let's go do it now" he would have thought I'd gone crazy.

I think you are doing the right thing. It's so easy for some parents to just hand over their newborn simply because they haven't had time to get to know the little guy and be sympathetic to his cries. Even if parents just had to wait 2 weeks to do it, I think the circ rate would drop dramatically.

Give him time to get to know his son and see that foreskins aren't scary or dirty. He'll get over it, I think.
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#24 of 49 Old 07-24-2009, 03:56 PM
 
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DH and I strongly believe in following the policy of joint agreement, a term coined by Dr. Harley (www.marriagebuilders.com).

HOWEVER, as genital mutilation on a newborn is abusive, I would NOT consent at all even if DH disagreed. You wouldn't give in if DH demanded to cut your son's eyelids off, right? I mean, how in the world would you clean those eyelids? Pour water under them??


Or those nasty fingers! They have got to go as soon as your son is born!

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#25 of 49 Old 07-24-2009, 04:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, what it sounds like is from the start (in some in direct way) that "your idea was right, and his was wrong, and to prove it here is evidence why your wrong".

If thats true, I think a major issue he has here is less about the circumcision and more that (as he says) feels "betrayed" and hurt. Because instead of raising the baby together, you have picked it up and ran off saying you know whats best.

What you need to do is stop with the facts, and points proving your right. Instead sit down with him and ask him why he wants it done, let him express his side.

Here is a key line from your post, "However, my mind is made up and my son WILL remain intact."

Not to sound rude, but just as much as your husband has no right to circumcise him, you have no right to say he must be intact. Thats the wrong wording.

You need to make it clear to your husband that this is not about what he wants, or what you want either. That all you want is your son to get to make this personal decision about his body, for HIMSELF. And the only way of doing that is keeping him intact. Tell him you will support whatever your son wants when he is 18, because all your trying to protect here is his choice.


With that, the discussion moves off "whose right" (which can just lead to hurt feelings) and moves to the health and happiness of your son. And thats a point both of you can have an easier time agreeing on.

I never approached it like "this is what is the 'right' decision" or anything like that. I said that after doing research, I felt that the best decision to make was to let our SON make the decision himself. I don't feel that I'm 'right,' I just feel that this is the best decision. I didn't originally start with facts, I originally asked him why he felt the way he felt, and told him why I felt the way that *I* felt (that it's unnecessary, there are no benefits, etc). When he told me that he felt the reasons for doing it were cleanliness and prevention, that's when I stated fact (mainly because I felt it was because he was uninformed about it - he thought you had to retract the foreskin to clean it, so I knew he wasn't aware of what it meant to be left intact), but I didn't start off that way. I never told him that he was wrong for feeling the way that he feels - I told him that I DO respect the way that he feels, even though I don't feel the same way.

You're right though, my dh does have as much of a right to say that he doesn't want him to remain intact as I do to say that I DO want him to remain intact. But, we can't both get our "way," so to speak. We won't ever AGREE on this - it's been made abundantly clear that as passionate as I am about my feelings, he's equally passionate about his. I do respect his feelings, but I do not agree with the decision he wants to make.

Our clan: Me (25), Dh (29), dd (6/19/08) and ds (10/2/09) :
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#26 of 49 Old 07-24-2009, 11:12 PM
 
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I had my DH on board before our third son was born, but only because my DH saw how much regret I felt over circing our first two boys.

Perhaps what will help is encouraging your husband to see that intact is OK. There is nothing bad about having a foreskin. (Instead of telling him circ is awful, try to have him realize that intact is just fine!)

And reassure him that you value him and respect him, but that on this issue, you cannot compromise. It is like sex to me. He would not force you to have sex. He should not force you to cut your son against your will and betray your conscience.

I am so sorry for the struggle, it sucks. If your husband is a decent person, he will probably get over this and get back to seeing the big picture -- he has a loving, healthy family and a brand new baby to be excited about!!!
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#27 of 49 Old 07-25-2009, 12:22 AM
 
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MY DH and I argued horribly about the circ issue early in my pregnancy. We'd argued about it before I got pregnant and I briefly gave in and agreed to do it if we ever had a son. Well, I grew to regret that and I decided that no matter what I would protect my sons. Once I did get pregnant, it seemed my DH was even more set in his decision to want to circ if we had a boy. I had to stand very firm in the face of a tremendous amount of pressure knowing that I could very well end up a single mother because of it. I knew I could not live with myself if I allowed my son to be cut in spite of my beliefs. Wasn't I supposed to protect my child? Anyway, I eventually stopped bringing up the topic with DH. He occasionally would find some pro-circ article and show it to me but I didn't budge and I left the topic alone. Plus I didn't find out my baby's gender ahead of time.

Fast forward to this week - I gave birth to a son after all this past Sunday. DH is highly excited. He mentioned circ today at our newborn doctor's visit, but here's what he said to our PA, "Our son's not circumcised, can you tell me how to best go about cleaning him since I don't really know much about it." Then our awesome PA gave really good advice and told him there's no special care required and not to retract him until his penis retracts on its own. :

So, even though things are tough right now with your DH, it is possible for him to come around in the end. Good luck, mama!
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#28 of 49 Old 07-25-2009, 01:10 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ashleedio View Post
You're right though, my dh does have as much of a right to say that he doesn't want him to remain intact as I do to say that I DO want him to remain intact. But, we can't both get our "way," so to speak. We won't ever AGREE on this - it's been made abundantly clear that as passionate as I am about my feelings, he's equally passionate about his. I do respect his feelings, but I do not agree with the decision he wants to make.
Well thats not what I meant. Your DH has NO right to say he wants his son circumcised, just as much as you have NO right to say you want your son intact.

You cant both get your way, but what either of you WANT does not matter even in the slightest. ALL that matters is what your SON wants. Think of it this way, its his way or the highway. And since he cant join in on the discussion with you and your DH, the decision has to be put aside till a later date.

And thats the point I think you need to make clear to your DH, because in his mind he may feel betrayed, like "you won" and he lost this argument. But really neither of you won.

Ask your husband this. If he feels betrayed for feeling he had no say in making this decision, ask him how much worse his son will feel for having no say in a decision that will be MUCH more personal for him.
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#29 of 49 Old 07-25-2009, 03:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well thats not what I meant. Your DH has NO right to say he wants his son circumcised, just as much as you have NO right to say you want your son intact.

You cant both get your way, but what either of you WANT does not matter even in the slightest. ALL that matters is what your SON wants. Think of it this way, its his way or the highway. And since he cant join in on the discussion with you and your DH, the decision has to be put aside till a later date.

And thats the point I think you need to make clear to your DH, because in his mind he may feel betrayed, like "you won" and he lost this argument. But really neither of you won.

Ask your husband this. If he feels betrayed for feeling he had no say in making this decision, ask him how much worse his son will feel for having no say in a decision that will be MUCH more personal for him.
I think that's wonderfully stated. I completely agree with you, and while it was the point I was trying to make to him - that it's our ds's decision, perhaps wording it in that way will help him to see that more clearly. Thank you.

Our clan: Me (25), Dh (29), dd (6/19/08) and ds (10/2/09) :
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#30 of 49 Old 07-30-2009, 07:50 PM
 
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The bottom line is that performing elective cosmetic surgery on the genitals of someone who cannot consent is WRONG and no amount of passion on your husband's part gives him any right to decide this for your son.

That your son will remain intact is not a decision you are making that is equal to the decision your husband wants to make for your son. It is the default, and you don't have to justify NOT amputating the healthy tissue of a newborn.

My husband is very angry with me about my insistence that our son will not have pieces hacked off after he's born. Tough. My son's right to bodily integrity (of his GENITALS, for heaven's sake!) trumps my husband's desire to (as someone so eloquently put it in another post I read here once) work out some mental static on the body of our newborn child. I'm his mother, and it's my job to protect him, from his own father if necessary.

Melissa, wife to Brian, mommy to my home born, breastfeeding, sling-riding, sleep sharing, cloth diapered, intact kiddos Adam 11/09 and Leah 8/12.

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