If you regret circumcising your son(s), please post here. - Page 12 - Mothering Forums
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The Case Against Circumcision > If you regret circumcising your son(s), please post here.
solareyna's Avatar solareyna 10:14 PM 08-01-2007
I considered posting this in the regular threads but I wanted it to be availableto be seen by those that were thinking about what to do and came here. I was young and uneducated when I had my baby, I did not even know I had a choice over whether to circumcise or not. I could not afford it right after the birth and so I waited until my son was six weeks old to circumcize him. They would not let me stay in the room with him, I went to the waiting room and sat there crying because I could hear him screaming in the back. It wasn't visible until he "grew out" a little more that the dr messed it up or maybe it was visible but I just never noticed due to being uneducated in that area. ( ) But now its obvious at age 4 that something went horribly wrong. The foreskin was only partially removed and there is a large flap of skin that just bunches up on the head of his penis, its like all the remaining foreskin got gathered in one place and is just there (its still attached but its just not right). Its hard to describe but I know its not right. I have brought it up to drs before and they kind of turn away and won't discuss it. Only one dr was brave enough to say anything and the only option of course was surgery which I refused to do. Of course my son doesn't know any different now but I am dreading with all my being the day when he comes to me and asks me why his penis looks so much different than everyone else's. I really don't know what I am going to tell him but I know if I ever have another boy it will never happen again.

MCatLvrMom2A&X's Avatar MCatLvrMom2A&X 03:34 PM 08-03-2007
The foreskin that was left is a good thing. It may look odd now but as he grows and it detatches over time he will have more skin to grow into. Hopefully enough that he dosnt suffere from tight erections.


Mallori's Avatar Mallori 12:33 PM 08-07-2007
Just adding my name to the list, hoping it will save another from regret. My post would be exactly like Rachaels, with exception of infection, we didn't have that issue with ds's.

The only thing I can do now is pass on what i've learned, and advocate that my someday grandchildren will be left to make their own choices.

Rachael
triplembride's Avatar triplembride 01:35 AM 08-19-2007
everytime this subject comes up i get a sick feeling in my stomach...i wish everyday and everytime i change his diaper that i could take it all back...i've cried and cried and cried my eyes out over me sending him to the butcher shop and i've come to realize that now that i know better than to mutulate my son I WILL NEVER EVER DO IT AGAIN! and if i know anyone who is...i'm going to do my best to educate and only that can even remotely begin to make me come to terms with myself

I REGRET CIRCUMCIZING MY SON!
Papai's Avatar Papai 03:34 AM 08-20-2007
Quote:
Originally Posted by triplembride View Post
everytime this subject comes up i get a sick feeling in my stomach...i wish everyday and everytime i change his diaper that i could take it all back...i've cried and cried and cried my eyes out over me sending him to the butcher shop and i've come to realize that now that i know better than to mutulate my son I WILL NEVER EVER DO IT AGAIN! and if i know anyone who is...i'm going to do my best to educate and only that can even remotely begin to make me come to terms with myself

I REGRET CIRCUMCIZING MY SON!


I'm sorry your son was circumcised but I'm glad you won't do it to any future sons.
Ron_Low's Avatar Ron_Low 12:58 PM 08-21-2007
I recorded a musical apology from a father to a son:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cyqg2YcLxYs

Lyrics (to the tune of Unchained Melody):

Oh, my boy, my baby
How I waited for your touch
Welcome perfect child

As time goes by I'm sorry
But I was told so much
Please say you're fine

Have I lost your love?
Can you rise above?
Uncut your love
For me

If you could regrow let it be, let it be
With persistence just wait and see
All the tuggers know it's worthwhile and nearly free
Healing for the soul let it be

Oh, my boy, my baby
Your wound hurts me so much
How best to restore?

As time goes by I'm sorry
But I have learned so much
Please say we're fine

Have I lost your love?
Can you rise above?
Uncut your love
For me
Frootloop's Avatar Frootloop 01:58 PM 08-22-2007
My only son will be 14 yrs old next week. He was born in 1993 in a small town in Tennessee and circumcised the day after his birth. To be totally honest, I never gave a moment's thought to it. BUT, allow me to explain. I'll try to make this brief.

I was 18 yrs old and fresh out of high school.. and still immature as hell. My son was conceived while on birth control pills (and a broken condom - miracle child, I swear). I wasn't ready for him and almost felt detached from him even though he was inside my womb. I was a bit shunned by my nearby family members and pretty much relied on my mother for information (which really wasn't the smartest thing to do). "Mom, do you think I should *do this*?".. "Mom, should I *do that*?". I stupidly made no decisions for myself and my son's sperm donor of a father was completely absent. I didn't feel like a mother-to-be, I felt like a kid having a baby.. life would go on for me afterward, right? (please do not judge me for this, I love my son more than words can say)

I was induced because I was a week overdue and my blood pressure was up. After 27 hours of hard labor and 2 hours of hard pushing, it was determined that he was coming out face-up and was stuck. I was immediately taken into the operating room, given general anesthesia (I had only had demerol up to this point), and luckily, he was able to be pulled out with forceps. He was born a little after noon.

It was a couple hours before he was brought to me. My family had already seen him before I had. I was really out of it for that first day. I had visitors all day and I barely remember any of it even though I have many pictures of us all together. I vaguely remember trying to breastfeed him.

That night, I was woken up by a nurse for a temperature check. It was almost 104 degrees. It was ordered that DS was to be taken off the breast immediately (that's a whole other story there.. grr). It was determined that I had a severe uterine infection (that no one knew the cause of). I was very very sick and in quite a bit of pain over the next few days. I spent a total of 8 days in the hospital.

I can honestly say that I don't remember being asked about circumcision AT ALL. I don't remember signing anything and I don't remember discussing it with anyone. I don't even remember what his penis looked like before he was circumcised. That's how out of it I was. I just remember opening his diaper at some point and being shocked after seeing his bloody penis. I asked my mom (insert eye roll here) what the heck happened to him and she said, "oh, he was just circumcised, no biggie, he's fine".

And that was that..

I hadn't really given much thought to circumcision since then.. Oh, I'd heard random conversations here and there about how "uncircumcised penises are nasty" and "ew this" and "ew that", but that was about it.

About 8 yrs ago when I was changing my step-nephew's diaper, I saw that he looked different. I have to admit that my first reaction was somewhat like, "ummm, what the heck is that?". My brother told me that his mother hadn't had him circumcised. "umm, ok". I was actually confused because at that point, I still didn't know what exactly had been done to my son.. and my nephew's penis didn't look all "gross" as I'd heard uncirc'd penises did. But, I still didn't research it. It was already done to my son right? I couldn't change that.

Everything changed in my mind a few months ago. It started out with reading a topic about circumcision in a myspace group. I went into the thread completely clueless, but not really expecting to learn anything. WRONG.

I have since researched circ, seen pictures of the process, watched videos, etc. I am actually completely in shock over all of this. That is what was done to my son!!!!! That is what was done to all circumcised baby boys. It absolutely disgusts me and to be blunt, pisses me right off. The guilt I feel is enormous. Had I not been such a naive teenager.. had I asked questions.. had I researched on my own.. had I only been MATURE about my pregnancy with him. So many "what ifs" plague me now.

I'm not just angry with myself, though. I am completely livid at the doctors and nurses because of the fact that I wasn't properly informed prior to having this done. I was NOT in the right state of mind to make that kind of a decision. It shouldn't have been done to begin with, but it most definately should NOT have been done without my clear-minded and informed consent. But it was.

I'm so sorry for the long-winded story, but I really needed to get this out of me.

Bottom line.. I ABSOLUTELY 100% REGRET THAT MY SON WAS CIRCUMCISED. The guilt that I feel is horrible. I'm now an intactivist.
Papai's Avatar Papai 02:24 PM 08-22-2007
Wow. What a sad but interesting story FrootLoop.

I'm glad you've decided to join us though.
Frootloop's Avatar Frootloop 02:43 PM 08-22-2007
Quote:
Originally Posted by Papai View Post
Wow. What a sad but interesting story FrootLoop.

I'm glad you've decided to join us though.

Thank you very much
mamasophy's Avatar mamasophy 04:04 PM 08-22-2007
You know, William Stowell is suing the hospital where he was born and circ'd for a very similar story - his mother was so out of it that she couldn't have given informed consent to circ.
hamletsjadedlover's Avatar hamletsjadedlover 11:26 PM 08-27-2007
i gave into my husbands whishes on the circumsicion of my son and have regretted it since day one they brought my now mutilated son back to me while he was sobbing until he couldnt breathe. it just broke my heart we had been advised by 2 people that if you didnt do it that it would lead to an infection causing it to be removed when he was older and then its considered major surgery i hate myself for letting it happen
mamasophy's Avatar mamasophy 11:55 PM 08-27-2007

kerikadi's Avatar kerikadi 12:42 AM 08-28-2007
Quote:
Originally Posted by starry_mama View Post
As a mother who has a circed son and regrets it a lot, this really struck a cord with me. HOW do you not regret it every day? And HOW do you move on? I have an intact son also, so its hard for me NOT to see the hrrors of what I've done, ya know?
I have apologized to my sons. I have cried and cried but they have forgiven me. I regret it that is for sure. When you know better, you do better. My story isn't any more moving than the others already posted. Until I was 29 I had never met a single man that I knew wasn't circumcised so, of course, it was 'normal' to me.

I can move on because I have been forgiven, that helps.

Keri
GinaRae's Avatar GinaRae 02:24 PM 09-04-2007
My own story is in here too. All of my sons are circ'ed and I regret it dearly. The last one I wasn't going to circ but wasn't prepared for the evil doctor. NOW I am prepared - if this is a boy, he will be intact.

But I'm having a problem with my 6 year old son's circ. I looked all over MDC and wasn't sure where to post this, so I was hoping someone could send me a PM or a quick note here to tell me where to go for advice or just to give me some.

We all know how a circ'ed penis on a lil boy will kind of disappear in the fat folds behind the circ line (can't for the life of me get my brain to work this morning to use correct terminology).

At the top is this area that is more open than the rest in a crescent shape. You really have to pull it open to see what's going on there and it's very uncomfortable for my son.

For YEARS we've dealt with it getting red and fierce looking, itching and causing pain, and sometimes getting gunky because it doesn't get cleaned out like the rest of his body due to it's hiding under fat pads.

He'd been grabbing himself more recently so I looked at it this morning and it had some hair/lint trapped, was reddened, etc..

I can clean it out a bit and stick some natural cream we have in there that really helps heal quickly, but it keeps happening. And it's very uncomfortable for him!

Shall I just keep treating it until it grows to the point where hopefully it can stay clean or we can see if this is a major damage problem that will require fixing *shudder* or shall I take him into the docs now? I can refuse anything I don't like, but I hate to put him thru the discomfort and the possibility that the doc wants to do some stitching or something. She's a decent doctor and when I asked her about this baby being intact she smiled and said, "Hey, it saves me from having to do it!"

I am SO angry with myself for being bullied by that OBGYN 6 years ago in my pregnancy, birth and most importantly, in regards to my son's penis. I will never ever let anyone lead me blindly again.

I told two of the boys this morning never ever get their children circ'ed and I plan to advocate for my grandkids heavily

Sorry to post this here, I just don't know where else on MDC to go for advice from a whole group who has circ'ed and without getting "yelled at."
utopia760's Avatar utopia760 04:47 PM 09-04-2007
my son was circed and i regret it dearly dh told me he wanted it and i did not research it at all now that i know about it i will never do it again to another son. i feel terrible that the decision i made will affect him forever
carriebft's Avatar carriebft 05:01 PM 09-04-2007
Ginarae- I think there are others on MDC who have had your experience. If you post it in the main area you will probably get a lot of advice and support!
MCatLvrMom2A&X's Avatar MCatLvrMom2A&X 12:07 PM 09-05-2007
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ecstaticmama24's Avatar ecstaticmama24 07:06 PM 09-10-2007
I have 2 sons (and 1 daughter). My oldest son is cut, and my youngest is not. I circumsized my first son without knowing all the risks/benefits because I thought that was just what I was supposed to do (I had never even seen an intact penis).

From the moment my son was brought back to me after the surgery I knew I made a huge mistake. The pain I could see in his face, and the high pitched scream/cry that I had never heard before made me well aware that I did something to him that I had no right to. Of course he pooped and I had to change his diaper right away which was a horrible experience for him and myself.

That was the day I started on a downward spiral suffering from PPD, started smoking/drinking, stopped nursing very shortly after the surgery and lived with a colicky fussy baby from there on in.

Anyways, that said and done, there's nothing I can do about it now, but will I do it again, no. With my second son I told my SO that he could have him circumsized, but he would have to take him in, not me. Then, once my son was born I couldn't bear the thought of it. So I became very protective and I also printed off all the stats/facts on circumsision, and told my SO that he would have to read ALL of it before I let him take my baby to be cut. I was very emotional over the whole thing and finally he managed to see things for what they were, unneccesary. I mean, if we wouldn't even do the routine treatments directly after his birth (vit K, eye treatment) why would we opt for an esthetic surgery?

There's my 2 cents, and thanks for making it this far.
lovnbnhome's Avatar lovnbnhome 03:08 AM 09-14-2007
Quote:
Originally Posted by ajohnson45 View Post
I have 2 sons (and 1 daughter). My oldest son is cut, and my youngest is not. I circumsized my first son without knowing all the risks/benefits because I thought that was just what I was supposed to do (I had never even seen an intact penis).

From the moment my son was brought back to me after the surgery I knew I made a huge mistake. The pain I could see in his face, and the high pitched scream/cry that I had never heard before made me well aware that I did something to him that I had no right to. Of course he pooped and I had to change his diaper right away which was a horrible experience for him and myself.

Anyways, that said and done, there's nothing I can do about it now, but will I do it again, no. With my second son I told my SO that he could have him circumsized, but he would have to take him in, not me. Then, once my son was born I couldn't bear the thought of it. So I became very protective and I also printed off all the stats/facts on circumsision, and told my SO that he would have to read ALL of it before I let him take my baby to be cut. I was very emotional over the whole thing and finally he managed to see things for what they were, unneccesary. I mean, if we wouldn't even do the routine treatments directly after his birth (vit K, eye treatment) why would we opt for an esthetic surgery?

There's my 2 cents, and thanks for making it this far.
Wow this could be me writing... ds1 is cut and I am so sorry for it. It will not happen to another of my children under my watch.
columbusmomma's Avatar columbusmomma 01:06 AM 10-01-2007
DS is circ'd and I regret it so much. I honestly didn't know about having a choice, complications, the emotional and physical aspects. I had never seen an intact man, boy, or, baby. NEVER EVER AGAIN. I am sorry Jacob.
Papai's Avatar Papai 12:15 PM 10-01-2007
Quote:
Originally Posted by columbusmomma View Post
DS is circ'd and I regret it so much. I honestly didn't know about having a choice, complications, the emotional and physical aspects. I had never seen an intact man, boy, or, baby. NEVER EVER AGAIN. I am sorry Jacob.


Did he suffer from any complications?
columbusmomma's Avatar columbusmomma 12:49 AM 10-02-2007
Fortunately no(physical). We can talk about emotional when the time comes:
Yulia_R's Avatar Yulia_R 12:16 PM 10-02-2007
Quote:
Originally Posted by columbusmomma View Post
Fortunately no(physical). We can talk about emotional when the time comes:
You probably mean no surgical complications, because every single circ does cause life long physical complications/damage (keratinization, lost of sensitivity, less pleasure during sex for both partners, need of an artificial lubricant since the head of the penis becomes dry, etc.)…
starry_mama 12:41 PM 10-02-2007
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yulia_R View Post
You probably mean no surgical complications, because every single circ does cause life long physical complications/damage (keratinization, lost of sensitivity, less pleasure during sex for both partners, need of an artificial lubricant since the head of the penis becomes dry, etc.)…
Ya know, this is a thread for mothers who REGRET what they did. Please remember that and try to be a little sensitive of our feelings. I'm pretty sure we all know the lifelong complications circ has. :
Yulia_R's Avatar Yulia_R 12:48 PM 10-02-2007
Quote:
Originally Posted by starry_mama View Post
Ya know, this is a thread for mothers who REGRET what they did. Please remember that and try to be a little respectful of our feelings. I'm pretty sure we all know the lifelong complications circ has. :
You are right. And I do feel very very sorry for mothers who did circ and later on realized how horrible circ is. I just really wanted to mention it for those who will be reading this thread trying to decide whether to circ or not. What I said was said with no anger toward the mom. I simply corrected the statement that I thought was very incorrect and could lead others seeking for info to some wrong ideas.

I can only imagine what a heartbreaking pain you guys are going through and I am really sorry.
yulia.
columbusmomma's Avatar columbusmomma 09:17 PM 10-02-2007
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yulia_R View Post
You probably mean no surgical complications, because every single circ does cause life long physical complications/damage (keratinization, lost of sensitivity, less pleasure during sex for both partners, need of an artificial lubricant since the head of the penis becomes dry, etc.)…
Yes, no surgical complications
columbusmomma's Avatar columbusmomma 09:18 PM 10-02-2007
Quote:
Originally Posted by starry_mama View Post
Ya know, this is a thread for mothers who REGRET what they did. Please remember that and try to be a little sensitive of our feelings. I'm pretty sure we all know the lifelong complications circ has. :
:
We do and we will regret it for a life time:
guestmama9908's Avatar guestmama9908 09:32 PM 10-02-2007
Quote:
Originally Posted by columbusmomma View Post
:
We do and we will regret it for a life time:
So sorry Mama! I know your pain all too well.
columbusmomma's Avatar columbusmomma 09:58 PM 10-02-2007
Hugs Momma! I too am an RN and never saw the horrific procedure and my heart goes out to you. Nurses need to be informed!!! Then we can advocate for families to do their research. Much love to you and your family!
JennaW's Avatar JennaW 07:13 PM 10-15-2007
I just want to thank everyone for this thread. I do not have any children yet, but DH & I are TTC. Like others, I always felt circ seemed "not right" but was definately not passionate about it, per say. I had talked to DH about it a couple months ago and said, "You know, if we were to have a little boy, I don't think I would want to circ." DH is circ and he went on to say how he thinks its important that a son look like his Dad and I just brushed it off. But after reading this thread, I brought it up again to DH and let him know that I am convinced it is wrong and that nobody would be bringing a knife to my baby's body to cut part of it off. I was surprised because DH actually said, "When you put it that way, it does seem wrong." Then he went on to say how some friends of ours who just had a baby boy did circ and the Dad said he slept through the whole thing. I told DH, "Does that seem normal?", I think he probably went into shock." Anyway, DH is on board with me now. I am so thankful this resource was here for me.

The picture is so much clearer now, circ does not make sense. I always thought DH's erection looked painful and now I know why. Its not meant to be that way. According to him it is not painful but he was never even given the oppurtunity to know otherwise. If I have a son, I want him to have the best life I can give him and now I know that no circ, is one of the ways I can do that.

Thank you again.
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