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If you regret circumcising your son(s), please post here.

353K views 751 replies 442 participants last post by  sourworms 
#1 ·
Hello everyone,

I will be sending this link to a friend who is due with a boy in February. Last week I sent her an e-mail and told her my experience with circumcision(oldest son cut and youngest intact) along with links to articles. She and her husband talked about it and he feels very strongly that the baby needs to be circumcised.

I would like to share this link with her so she can see how more people felt about it. I've thought hard about just backing off because it isn't my business but this subject is very, very important to me.

I know that we can all get very passionate about circumcision but what I'm specifically asking for today are calm responses. I know she feels very strongly that her husbands views need to be respected so please keep this in mind. She is a very sweet woman who will read this with an open mind, so let's please keep this polite in regards to her husband.

Thank you.


(edit for spelling)
 
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#152 ·
This is the inscription I wrote for my youngest son on a circumcision book that I co-edited:

Dear Timothy,

You know that, if I could take one thing back in my life of many mistakes, it would be the circumcision of my sons--the gravest mistake of all!

It is the pain and trauma inflicted upon you, because I didn't know enough to protect you, that will save untold numbers of other babies from the same suffering. It will never be enough because it won't be you and your brothers that are spared.

Still, I hope, as witness to your betrayal and trauma, it will help you to heal your most profound wound. And, I know you, too, will help protect the next generation.

With my deepest apologies and my greatest love,

Mom

No mother should ever have to write such a letter. No son should ever have to receive one. Timothy is now the father of two intact children, 3-year-old Demetri (a boy) and 9-month-old Talia (a girl).

My sons and my husband all wish they were intact. They realize what they've lost and would never pass the wounding along. I hope you and your husband come to understand that the baby you are making is perfect and he needs to be loved, respected, and protected, especially from a painful and traumatic unnecessary, elective, non-therapeutic amputation of the most sensitive part of his penis. Your baby is depending on you! Take the whole baby home.

Marilyn
 
#154 ·
 
#156 ·
Marilyn,
It is wonderful for you to add your letter to our community here. Your story is one that many of us know- and your work is something we all respect.

I know there are many eager ears and fingers here to take ACTION!!

And to all the mothers who have shared their story here, I hope you all know how powerful your words are. I know I feel a kinship because I feel that I could have easily made a different choice and been the one to feel regretful- and I KNEW that circumcision harms. I would have had to blame myself and having read of people that regretted their decision kept me STRONG. I didn't find this MDC link till after my son was born and I know the first time I read through I just cried and cried.

You all make me want to work harder to do what I can to educate other parents, medical profesionals, and future parents.

Hugs!

Jessica
 
#157 ·
Thank you for welcoming me to your group. I won't be posting often because my plate is full, but I did want to share in this thread because, if my story saves one mother or baby from suffering, it will be worth it!

When I began my work 27 years ago, there were only a handful of us talking about circumcision. (I was the one who wouldn't shut up!) Today, there are so many of us, I don't know everyone anymore. And, I'm always amazed by how much others know. You're saying things it took me years to figure out, and you're saying them well. So, I'm also writing to thank each of you who is working to protect the bodily integrity rights of children. You give me hope for the world!

If you ever have a question, please feel free to contact me at nocirc@cris.com. Also, be sure to let me know if you think I can help with a particular discussion here, and I'll be happy to join you.

Blessings, Marilyn
 
#158 ·
To Other Moms of Circumcised Boys,

It occurs to me that we are the courageous mothers, we are the ones who are willing to look critically at what we've allowed for our sons, for whatever reason -- the not knowing, the coercion, the pressure, wanting to acquiesce to our husbands, fathers brothers, peers, or simply because we were lied to.

We are not unlike the courageous men who look at the scar on their penis and recognize they've lost something that was rightfully theirs, a crucial, functioning, important part of their organ of pleasure and procreation. They recognize that their penis was diminished in size, sensitivity, and function because someone did that to them.

We suffer the horrible pain of that realization. Never before in history have so many people recognized the atrocity of genital cutting and the horror of what is done to babies behind closed doors.

The remarkable part of this is the fact that we are the ones who can bring about change! We can bring an end to this anachronistic blood ritual just by telling our stories. Each story is vitally important, and you are the story tellers.

And, the best part of all this (if there is a best part of what we have to live with on a daily basis) is that we can transform our own pain by telling our stories and bringing about an end to non-therapeutic circumcision.

Thank you, my sisters and friends, for your willingness to speak out. It's what's going to help make a difference in us and in our society.

Blessing, Marilyn
 
#159 ·
Marilyn,

I am saddened that I did not meet you 5 years ago. I'm saddened that I didn't meet the many courageous, outspoken, sometimes offensive mothers who made me realize the terrible thing that I allowed to happen to my son. I have learned better now, and have an intact baby boy, who just turned a year old. I am active in nocirc in florida, and do everything in my power to helpspread the word. I had free business cards made up at www.vistaprint.com and had "circumcision is ending in america find out how at www.nocirc.org" and other catchy phrases on them. I find my therapy in leaving these business cards in places that pregnant moms would be. I leave them inside pregnancy books at borders and barnes and nobles. I leave them in the baby aisles of the grocer and other stores. I litter babies r us with them. I don't shop at these stores, but I go there SPECIFICALLY to find the mainstream jane do america and spread the word to her. It is all I can do. And I hope it is enough. And when the grief overcomes me, I go to the support group I made (that is growing) and I cry with them. http://groups.yahoo.com/group/regretfulmoms

Misty
Mommy to Tommy (4.5 and cut) Tori (2.5 and protected by law) and Bobby (1 year old, intact)
 
#160 ·
Thanks for your message, Misty.

You've brought an end to circumcision in your own family. It shows that we can grow and change! Bless you for that!

I truly appreciate your brilliant idea about having business cards printed and putting them every place you think they might save a baby. We know change is happening one mother or father at a time...and just getting the message out is what's needed.

You're another mother who brings me great hope! Thank you for that!

Marilyn
 
#161 ·
Circumcision IS ENDING in America, one TRUELY informed parent at a time.

Anyone here is welcome to join the yahoo group http://groups.yahoo.com/group/regretfulmoms if you circed and regret it. I, after all, started the group for us, who feel such deep pain and remorse.
Misty
(who lives in a state where medicaid no longer covers circs thanks to the hard work of intactivists, and our circ rate is down to almost 35% (ironically VERY close to our c/s rate...but that is for another thread)
 
#162 ·
My oldest son was and my youngest not, i didn't want him to be circ. but my hubby convinced me that he should, it was a sickening feeling to hear my son screaming in another room, i so wanted to go in there and rescue him, my dh ended up sending me to another part of the building, my second son is intact because we had waited to long and he would have had to be put out for the procedure, and there would be a risk with him being young and put under anesthesia. I was sooo happy that he would not be done!!
 
#163 ·
I say with an EXTREMELY sad & heavy heart that all 3 of my boys are circed. I have SO MUCH guilt over this, I wasn't as educated as I should've been. I thought it was something that was routinely done, and never gave it much thought. But knowing what I know now, any future sons we may have will DEFINITELY NOT be circed.
 
#165 ·
I regret very much having my one and only son circumsised. I know that it is past February now, but maybe I can still make a difference. I don't know what I was thinking. Actually I wasn't thinking. I was completely uneducated about it, so much so that I didn't even question it. He came back to me crying and sore. His penis was BLEEDING! I immediately felt regret. Then, about 6 months later, he started developing this little spot where it was stuck together (I forgot what it's called) and had stuff collecting in a little hole, so the Ped. had to pull it back a little and told me I had to pull it back every day. He hated this. I only wish that I could put it back on! It breaks my heart that I put him through so much pain when he was so new to the world.
 
#166 ·
My wife and I will live with the mistake of circing. our son for the rest of our lives. You see I am intact even though my dad was circ. He was intact until he went into the Army during WW11 where the Army insisted that all intact males be circed before going overseas, most had it done. My dad told me it was the worst thing that ever happened to him. I was born 3 years after the war ended and my dad came home, my brother one year later. He would not even discuss allowing us to be circed because he knew what the outcome would be. When my son was born two of our BIL and SIL had just had sons and both had been circed. My wife and I talked and talked about it and the day after he was born we decided to circ so he would look like the other two boys. My dad told me his story after we had our son circed and it almost killed me, I will have to live with that decision until I die. But the story just gets worse, 3 years ago my son gave me a grandson and , yes, they circed him to even after I talked to him they circed him to match his dad, more to have to live with. After finding out the truth about circ. from great people like the ones on this board and my dad before he died I am convinced of the terrible mistake that we made and I am going to work as hard as I can to try and save at least one little boy in my lifetime, that is why I joined this group.
 
#167 ·
I can't figure out why I let it happen. DH was a factor, but I should have over-ruled him. I get sick when I think of all the pain I caused my child and the damage I allowed to have done to him. I will not circ another child regardless of DH's opinion, but it doesn't undo the damage already done. I read somewhere about techniques for "uncircing" and am beginning to look at that. I don't really know if it is an option but if so, then maybe it will help repair some of the damage.
 
#168 ·
Just wanted to drop my thought~ My son was born 12/02 He was not circumsized. At the time of the delivery my father came to me and asked me why I was not going to circumsize him. I said to my father , because I don't really know what that is. Being a mother at 20 was hard on itself. More less now my father comes to me and is still asking why I did not circumsize my son. First off because then, I didn't really know what it was. Second because God brought me a beautiful son into the world, and I wanted to keep him the way he came! SO I also Say No to Circ. My son has never had any infections, and currently no other problems.. HEALTHY..

to jacob (12/02)
:
(3/06) and TTC #2
:
 
#169 ·
I have come to this thread many times to find comfort in the words of other mamas who have regrets about their circ decision. I feel otherwise alone in my grief that runs so deep that I have a hard time putting it into words. It is somethjing that I think about daily. I just wanted to say thanks to the posters that have been so courageous in sharing their stories...It has been very healing for me...

Jessica
 
#170 ·
I am also another mother that deeply regrets circ. her son. I am hating myself over it everyday because I had my mothers instinct tell me not to do it, practically all the time, and I did it because I had no facts and the father was dead set on it (an intact man). I read up on it this past week cus bf (not intact) wants our newborn to get cut. He said to look it up and I did. After my research, I started crying by myself in my room over what I let happen to my 2 year old when my mother's instinct was telling me not to. I am now hating myself over it cus there's nothing I can do.
 
#171 ·
I didn't read all the posts in this, but I'm sure I will go back and do so soon. It sucks doesn't it? I don't really ever wish that I could go back and do something over, feeling like usually what happened, happened for the best. But man, do I wish I could go back for this one. It never even occurred to me to look it up, I mean, I have family in the medical business, and all I ever heard was how great circ is and how dirty it is when you don't have it done.
I would like to say that, mama's who know, please get the word out there. If I had ever even heard once that it wasn't a good idea, maybe I would have gone with my instincts and said in the office, you know what? nevermind, I changed my mind. But I didn't even know to question.
You can feel sorry for my two circ'd boys if you want. I do too. It's so depressing, thinking about my sweet little intact boy, and then what I did to ruin it for no reason at all...
 
#172 ·
I think mamas who regret circ'ing make the very best intactivists of all. Your experience could make a really powerful impact on future parents. You have a perspective they can't help but listen to!
I'm so sorry for your heartache.
 
#173 ·
Cole is circed. At the time the only info I had seen on it talked about how it's better for hygiene and all, but not bad if it's not done... so I decided I didn't care one way or another, and left it up to DH. He said, like father like son, so it was done.

Cole was 2 days old when they did it. They came to the hospital room, took him from me. A little while later I could hear a baby crying and I knew it was Coley... I wasn't even with him. They told me they gave him shots to numb it, and I know he won't remember a thing, but I cannot forgive myself for what I did to my poor helpless little boy. I am crying right now, just thinking about it. I would give ANYTHING to be able to go back in time and not let them do that to him.

Slightly off-topic, but does anyone know whether restoration can be done now? All the sites talk about grown men doing it themselves, but I would like to fix Cole now if I can...
 
#175 ·
As a mother of two boys who are altered I do feel guilty. My oldest who is now 7 and I had a conversation the other day about his circ. I told him what they did and he held his penis tightly and said "Mom why would you let them do that!! They cut it!" and lowered my head in shame and he started to kinda laught because well he is 7 and we were talking about his penis. I knew better with my second. Read the info, saw the video, new it was wrong and not better or healthier. I did it anyhow. I k new better and didnt do better that is more shame then not knowing. Everytime I change him I think about it. My husband fought with me tooth and nail my whole pregnancy. We also fought over BFing him and I won that battle but I lost the circ one. Looking back now I should have just let him be and my husband to this day wouldnt have noticed because he rarely changes him. I should have told him go to hell and not let it happen. There would have been nothing he could have done about it. Its the mothers choice. So tell your friend that listening to others isnt helpful. Read, learn and go with your heart.
 
#176 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by ColeysMama
Slightly off-topic, but does anyone know whether restoration can be done now? All the sites talk about grown men doing it themselves, but I would like to fix Cole now if I can...
I believe that there is a foreskin restoration operation but opinion over it seems divided amongst the tuggers over whether it works or not and although it certainly has more merit as an operation than a circumcision is could still be classed as cosmetic surgery, ironically enough you might be able to remove his foreskin but not get it back...
 
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