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-   -   Toddler FREAKS at diaper changing (http://www.mothering.com/forum/44-case-against-circumcision/1134630-toddler-freaks-diaper-changing.html)

Tiffany_in_ga 09-09-2009 02:04 PM

I'm at my wit's end with this boy. He'll be three in November. Recently (past few months maybe? Maybe longer?) he FREAKS out anytime you try and go near his penis. During diaper changes he holds his knees together and pushes my hands away if I try and wipe some..uhm..mess off his penis. In the bath/shower, he FREAKS out if you try and wash anywhere between his legs. There's no redness, no rash, no sign of a problem. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm afraid to force the issue, for fear I'll give him some bizarre sexual issues when he's older. But for crying out loud he can't go around with poop on his penis!!

FTR, he is intact, and nowhere near interested in potty training yet, and in cloth diapers 90% of the time.

babygrant 09-09-2009 02:56 PM

Well for the washing in the bathtub, let him do it. You don't need to retract, and I'm sure he's perfectly capable of washing his penis like he washes a finger.

springbabes 09-09-2009 04:11 PM

If it were me I would potty-train him. I don't think a child needs to express interest before you make a go of it. He's old enough that it should be an easy thing to do and I think you'd both be a lot happier if he were out of diapers.

MommytoB 09-09-2009 04:31 PM

Is he your son or nephew or are you watching him for someone else ?

Intact boy in bath they don't need to be 'washed along the penis area in the bathtub because the bath will be cleaning the stuff off that's what I did when my boy had huge blow outs he would get a quick soak in the tub rinse off.

If he was somewhere else when that happen I would have a water bottle with me for this and squirt it at his dirty area then I would pour the water onto the 'washcloth ' and hen wipe like a finger .

Also, if this boy is not your son as in a relative or someone you watch there is a possiblity someone may be pulling back his foreskin if it's not you but if it is and many others that's more likely why he doesn't like diaper wiping .

Pulling back the foreskin is a big No No and it hurts the boy by pulling back the foreskin because the foreskin is stuck like glue to the shaft/glans of the penis.

If this boy been three and he had his foreskin pulled back in the bath and at diaper changes he now is aware of the No I do not like it I do not want it done because it hurt it hurt him too much.

So stop doing the pulling back his foreskin if you & make sure no one else does it either.

Maybe he will be more calmer once he knows no one is going to mess with his penis.

Tiffany_in_ga 09-09-2009 04:38 PM

He is my son.....I don't retract. Nobody else cares for him. And I do believe in waiting for readiness for potty training......

It's not like I'm trying to scrub him raw either. But I can't even "wipe like a finger"...he won't let me near it to do even that....

I just can't figure it out. He also can't STAND to be naked. He won't hardly move an inch if he's naked...He's always been that way...

MommytoB 09-09-2009 05:25 PM

Since that's the case and he's almost 3 . He needs to be distracted as in to keep his hands busy & things to keep his knees coming together as in getting his legs to relax

Have you tried changing him on the floor in front of a tv with a cartoon on ?

Tiffany_in_ga 09-09-2009 05:34 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MommytoB View Post
Since that's the case and he's almost 3 . He needs to be distracted as in to keep his hands busy & things to keep his knees coming together as in getting his legs to relax

Have you tried changing him on the floor in front of a tv with a cartoon on ?
Yep, we routinely change on the floor. It's not just playful batting my hand away. I mean, this boy FREAKS. He locks his legs and it takes every ounce of strength I have to just clean the crease of his leg. And he screams the whole time. It's not like an older infant, playing at diaper changing time. It's much much more.

Crunchy Frog 09-09-2009 05:59 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tiffany_in_ga View Post
Yep, we routinely change on the floor. It's not just playful batting my hand away. I mean, this boy FREAKS. He locks his legs and it takes every ounce of strength I have to just clean the crease of his leg. And he screams the whole time. It's not like an older infant, playing at diaper changing time. It's much much more.
Is it possible that he could have somehow been abused without your knowing about it? Is this a new thing, or has it been going on for awhile?

It does seem kind of peculiar, and if it were my son it would make me kind of suspicious.

Tiffany_in_ga 09-09-2009 06:08 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Crunchy Frog View Post
Is it possible that he could have somehow been abused without your knowing about it? Is this a new thing, or has it been going on for awhile?

It does seem kind of peculiar, and if it were my son it would make me kind of suspicious.
Nope. I stay home, and he's never had any sort of baby sitter. Not even relatives.

It's only been maybe a few months, if I can remember. I thought it might be separation pain at first. It comes and goes...some times he's okay and hasn't a problem getting changed. Then we'll have a few days of this freaking out. I switched him to cloth diapers about 4-5 months ago and I'm wondering if there's a connection there? I put him in sposies just now so I'll see if there's a change....

MCatLvrMom2A&X 09-09-2009 06:12 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tiffany_in_ga View Post
Nope. I stay home, and he's never had any sort of baby sitter. Not even relatives.

It's only been maybe a few months, if I can remember. I thought it might be separation pain at first. It comes and goes...some times he's okay and hasn't a problem getting changed. Then we'll have a few days of this freaking out. I switched him to cloth diapers about 4-5 months ago and I'm wondering if there's a connection there? I put him in sposies just now so I'll see if there's a change....
When you said that he dosnt like to be nekked and never has that sounds like a sensory issue a bit. Granted I only know what I have read here about those but that was my first though.

Is he very verbal at all? I know at that age my ds really wasnt but if he is then maybe ask him what is wrong that he dosnt want touched there.

As long as he sits in the bath what needs to be washed off will be.

ChristaN 09-09-2009 06:12 PM

Does he show any other signs of sensory integration issues? My oldest is a girl so she didn't have penis issues , but she was dx with SPD/SID at age 7 (overresponsive to sensory input) and the symptoms of that can manifest as being very overresponsive to tactile input (sock seams, tags on clothes, etc. can be very irritating). Some kids with SPD don't like the way it feels to have parts of their bodies touched b/c it is overstimulating or irritating. Is it just his genital area where he seems to be bothered by touch?

Dd's issues are more related to auditory overresponsiveness. I recall her yelling at her sister to breathe more quietly a few years ago.

JacqNS 09-09-2009 06:26 PM

I'm sorry, mama. This must be frustrating.

My first thought was a sensory issue (tactile defensiveness, in particular). Assuming there isn't a medical problem behind this, is it possible that you could distract him in some way? Some things that have worked for me in the past include asking for his "help" changing the nappy (holding wipes, cream, etc.), singing songs together (I sing the song/child does the hand actions to accompany the lyrics), looking at a book, etc.

As for bathing, would he be willing to wash himself?

Tiffany_in_ga 09-09-2009 06:32 PM

Sensory issues. That's really interesting. I hadn't thought in that direction. He doesn't have any problem being touched anywhere else though. And he'll sit in a poopy diaper all darn day if I'd let him (he won't tell me when he poops). I'd think a child with sensory/tactile issues wouldn't like sitting in a dirty diaper??

He is verbal, but not like some other kids his age. He's just now putting two and three words together.

I'll look into the sensory thing a bit. Not sure though...he loves snuggles and cuddles...loves co-sleeping...he has no problems with touch. Just his penis.

ChristaN 09-09-2009 07:59 PM

This page gives you some check-lists for SPD. The ones that relate tactile issues in a toddler/preschool aged child include:
___ likes certain clothes, usually cotton

___ does not like sleeves that hit wrist, or high collars

___ does not like belts, or anything snug around waist

___ seams in clothing or socks bothersome

___ acts claustrophobic when slightly stuck in clothes

___ cannot snap, zip, buckle, or tie

___ wants tags removed

___ likes to be totally covered, or is constantly removing clothing

___ overdresses in hot weather, or under dresses in cold weather

If nothing on that checklist sounds like him (or very few items), I wouldn't be terribly worried about SPD. If they do, I also wouldn't worry about it being debilitating as it isn't always. And, although SPD can be part of a larger diagnosis (such as autism spectrum disorders), it isn't always. My dd isn't on the autism spectrum.

Dd, as I mentioned, wasn't dx until age 7 and only as part of a larger evaluation to figure out some issues we were having with her schooling. She isn't considered a special needs child by the school system and no one would peg her as having something "wrong" with her. She's very bright, and generally a really neat 7th grader now who has "quiet testing environment" written into her ALP at school. That's really the only accomodation we've needed to make for her anymore.

Tiffany_in_ga 09-09-2009 08:30 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ChristaN View Post
This page gives you some check-lists for SPD. The ones that relate tactile issues in a toddler/preschool aged child include:
___ likes certain clothes, usually cotton

___ does not like sleeves that hit wrist, or high collars

___ does not like belts, or anything snug around waist

___ seams in clothing or socks bothersome

___ acts claustrophobic when slightly stuck in clothes

___ cannot snap, zip, buckle, or tie

___ wants tags removed

___ likes to be totally covered, or is constantly removing clothing

___ overdresses in hot weather, or under dresses in cold weather

If nothing on that checklist sounds like him (or very few items), I wouldn't be terribly worried about SPD. If they do, I also wouldn't worry about it being debilitating as it isn't always. And, although SPD can be part of a larger diagnosis (such as autism spectrum disorders), it isn't always. My dd isn't on the autism spectrum.

Dd, as I mentioned, wasn't dx until age 7 and only as part of a larger evaluation to figure out some issues we were having with her schooling. She isn't considered a special needs child by the school system and no one would peg her as having something "wrong" with her. She's very bright, and generally a really neat 7th grader now who has "quiet testing environment" written into her ALP at school. That's really the only accomodation we've needed to make for her anymore.
He does demonstrate quite a lot of things on that list. Definitely food for thought. Thanks! I'm not sure it's related to the penis issue though.....but definitely something for me to look a little further into.

I've had him run naked for a bit today, and now his foreskin is red. So I'm thinking this could be separation pain after all. Maybe?

MCatLvrMom2A&X 09-09-2009 08:38 PM

Maybe or he may have just been messing with it a lot since he can get to it. That will make it very red.

Tiffany_in_ga 09-09-2009 08:43 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by MCatLvrMom2A&X View Post
Maybe or he may have just been messing with it a lot since he can get to it. That will make it very red.
No, I watched for that. He spent the whole day walking bow legged too. He definitely doesn't want his penis messed with in any capacity, poor little man. Hubby has him in a bath with baking soda now.....

MCatLvrMom2A&X 09-09-2009 09:02 PM

Poor little guy it does sound a lot like seperation. I dont know why but 3 seems to be a very common age for this kind of thing.

eepster 09-09-2009 10:01 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tiffany_in_ga View Post
It's only been maybe a few months, if I can remember. I thought it might be separation pain at first. It comes and goes...some times he's okay and hasn't a problem getting changed. Then we'll have a few days of this freaking out. I switched him to cloth diapers about 4-5 months ago and I'm wondering if there's a connection there? I put him in sposies just now so I'll see if there's a change....
Do the diapers need stripping? It might be detergent build up making him irritated, or it could be yeast. I hope switching back to sposies helps.

tutucrazy 09-10-2009 11:46 PM

The minute I read this I thought that the cloth might have something to do with it. Cloth diapers need to be stripped to get rid of detergent, yeast and other yuckies. Yeast can be a nasty bugger to get out of cloth. I recommend switching him to sposies for now. See how that goes. Your cloth should be stripped with vinegar and hung in the direct sunlight to kill all possible yeast. If you think he has yeast (usually there is a peely look to the area) you can treat him with oral diflucan and get him on a probiotic supplement. This will avoid you having to apply creams. If you aren't sure you can have a culture done, but make sure the Dr does NOT retract. Just have them swab the tip. If yeast is present it will be on the tip.

My son does not like me to touch his penis. Sometimes I have to put a little diaper rash ointment and he fights like crazy. I have to have my hubby hold his legs. Thankfully we EC so I don't have to worry about wiping poop off his penis. However we do have misses on occasion. When poop does get on the penis I just take him to the shower b/c it is too much of a fight to try to wipe it off. My son is only 1.5, I can only imagine how strong your 3 yr old is. My son does love to play with his own penis though. He is nakie quite a bit and I see him exploring quite a bit.

*Erin* 09-11-2009 02:16 AM

poor fella. you've gotten great suggestions, and besides seconding that you strip your dipes, i would only add one-have you tried to change him standing up? both my LO's, boy and girl, refused to lie down for changes after about 18 months, so i began to change them while they stood up. this is very difficult if you are using prefolds, but not bad if AIO/pockets or sposies. my ds now only mostly does stand up changes

Marsupialmom 09-11-2009 04:24 AM

My youngest daughter did this. She did it at a much younger age. She did it to exert control over her body. You need to respect it. This exerting control was the first step of potty learning. If you don't want me to touch your vulva you need to put your pee and poop in the potty. If you put poop in the potty it is easier to clean off the poop and you can learn to wipe yourself.

At 3 your child can wash his own penis at bath time....after pooping he needs help. You can start moving the responciblity and control over his body to him.

jenP 09-14-2009 10:34 PM

I feel for you, OP. My son threw huge tantrums about having his diaper changed. Even just pee diapers, so it wasn't about being wiped or washed, because for pee I simply took off the old and put on the new, no wiping involved. So it sounds like something different triggering your son's response, but just the same I feel for you going through the tantrums. For my son, I believe it was a case of he doesn't like change, period. He felt like the old diaper was a part of him and did not want it taken off. I understood his emotions, but... you just can't sit in poo or a puddle of urine. Even though I understood where he was coming from, it was incredibly frustrating and made me pretty mad sometimes. But, t was actually pretty funny sometimes, I would get him in a nice dry diaper and he would scream and rip it off and go get the wet one and try to put it back on! All the while screaming, "put it back on!! I want the old one back on!!!" Then it would defuse the frustration as I just fell down laughing at him, trying to snap back on his 5-lb soggy wet overnight diaper!
My mom said it really illustrated why "It takes a village to raise a child" - it takes the village to hold him down and get his diaper changed!
Thank goodness he started using the toilet early! But early late or in-between, your son will use the toilet one day and this will all be behind you. Try to laugh if you can!

Jen

InTheStateOfTate 09-30-2009 11:47 AM

@jenp - I thought my son was the only one who had a fit over not wanting to change his soaking wet morning diaper! Thank you for making me feel like he is not the only crazy toddler in the world. At least for this issue.

kosheng 09-30-2009 12:25 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by InTheStateOfTate View Post
@jenp - I thought my son was the only one who had a fit over not wanting to change his soaking wet morning diaper! Thank you for making me feel like he is not the only crazy toddler in the world. At least for this issue.
rofl!

homeschoolingmama 09-30-2009 01:14 PM

I think it is good that you don't want to push potty training. My son will be 4 in December and just a few weeks ago started going on his own. We never pushed it. We gently suggested it once in a while. For three wks now he has been dry, day and night. He was ready.

I have SPD. I actually didn't know that I had it until I started nursing my first. It was awful. I would scream and throw things to get my mind off of it. I talked to a friend and she told me to look up SPD. It fits me to a T. I have a hard time with light touch but if anyone goes near my nipples I go berserk. I have to wear a padded bra so my shirt doesn't rub through my bra. So I could see it being that.

mummy2jess 10-01-2009 12:25 PM

hi

have you thought about letting him wipe himself?. put a towel down give him a clean cloth and a bowl of water and ask him to wipe on his own. I do this for potty training anyway so I dont see any harm in trying it out even if he isnt intersted in the potty yet.

another thing is that my daughter had a UTI which had the same effect as ir just made her sore even though there was not very much visible change have you had his urine tested? Other symptoms (at least for my daughter) were increased wetting and thirst and general grumpiness!

sophie

jharring 03-11-2013 05:01 PM

Your post sounds exactly like my 20 month old! He is unhappy and "bow legged" when his diaper is off and pushes my hands away and screams at his diaper changing. Did you ever figure out what the problem was? I'm getting worried! Thank you!!


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