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#1 of 22 Old 11-01-2010, 07:47 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My whole pregnancy after finding out we were expecting a boy, DH and i had debated whether or not to circumcise him. I didn't want it, I didn't see the point. DH wanted it, wanted him to look like him, and I could NOT change his mind. This was something I figured I could compromise on since he had compromised so much for me.

We had decided to wait until the 8th day to circ him based off our midwives recommendations. Everything seemed routine, our DS didn't cry, didn't seem bothered, etc. I was actually thinking "well, that wasn't as bad as I thought, I feel good about our decision to do this.."

Fast foward 2 weeks later, we switch him pediatricians(not based off his circ, just based off this pediatrician is more pro-parent than the old one), we do all the routine procedures first, then undress him to get him weighed, examine his circ, and do the leg exercises. As soon as we took off his diaper the pediatrician got a weird look on her face. She looked through his records and asked "Wasn't he circumcised?", I reply back that yes, he was circumcised a little over 2 weeks prior. She told us that she couldn't tell he was circumcised besides that we told her and referred us to an urologist.

We get in to the urologist that day, and the urologist said it was a horribly botched circ. The skin was growing over his urethra, and it was just not something a normal circumcision should be like. He told us he basically had to re-cut our son, and either way our son will always have a "different" looking penis. We had the option of fixing it right away, but not only would he need to re-go through the whole procedure AGAIN and he would have to go under for it, or we could wait until he was old enough to ask for it, or wait until a medical necessity came up.

We decided to wait until we had to. Our son has to go see the urologist monthly to get his penis examined and make sure all is good. He is in absolute agony during it, but as far as we can tell, the skin isn't going to grow completely over the urethra, and as long as he can pee and he doesn't seem in pain, we can go ahead and not go through with re-cutting him.

My husband is absolutely guilt ridden for putting our son through this, and regrets making this choice for our son. He (and I) want to get our sons story out there, because while yes, it is rare for a circ to go wrong, it can. Is it really worth it? Please just ....really research this before going through with it is all I can urge.

My husband regrets circumcising him totally now, and so do I.

I'm married to the love of my life and we have two beautiful children together! DD: Autumn Mackenzie and DS: Sylas Landon!
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#2 of 22 Old 11-01-2010, 08:08 AM
 
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I'm sorry your son has to go through all of this

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#3 of 22 Old 11-01-2010, 11:01 AM
 
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I am really sorry! I hope he can avoid future surgery, or at least have it be really minimal and leave him with a lot of his normal skin.

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#4 of 22 Old 11-01-2010, 11:02 AM
 
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PS - did you post on the regrets thread? Reading it might help you work through guilt and sadness.

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#5 of 22 Old 11-01-2010, 04:55 PM
 
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your poor ds I hope that you are able to let him keep what is left of his foreskin. That way if he chooses to restore it will make it a lot easier to do so in the future.

 
SAHMlady.gifread.giflovin' trekkie.giffan intactivist.gifwinner.jpg to loveeyes.gifenergy.gifDD 10/00 & superhero.gifmoon.gifDS 10/04 ribbonpb.gifIf your ds is intact, keep him safe, visit the Case Against Circ forumnocirc.gifCirc, a personal choice, Your sonsyes.gifbrokenheart.gif11/98brokenheart.gif6/99ribbonbrown.gifanti-tobaccoribbonyellow.gifThyroid cancer survivor. With cat.gif& goldfish.gif & (Boxer)dog2.gif wishing 4 whale.gif&ribbonwhite.gifsigncirc1.gifselectivevax.gifdelayedvax.gif

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#6 of 22 Old 11-01-2010, 06:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you, it's been tough and traumatic, but hopefully atleast ONE person will hear his story and decide against it.

I'm married to the love of my life and we have two beautiful children together! DD: Autumn Mackenzie and DS: Sylas Landon!
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#7 of 22 Old 11-01-2010, 06:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by buckeyedoc View Post
PS - did you post on the regrets thread? Reading it might help you work through guilt and sadness.
Not yet, I just saw that thread, I've been reading others stories on and off throughout the day and feel better not being alone on this tough time.

I'm married to the love of my life and we have two beautiful children together! DD: Autumn Mackenzie and DS: Sylas Landon!
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#8 of 22 Old 11-02-2010, 11:05 AM
 
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So sorry this happened. Thanks for sharing your story.
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#9 of 22 Old 11-02-2010, 12:50 PM
 
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Mama, I'm so sorry for your pain and for that of your son!

However, I think you've been victimized by the ignorance of your pediatrician and the urologist, and I think you need to a) stop having your son's remmant foreskin retracted every month, and b) get a second opinion.

I would start by contacting www.doctorsopposingcircumcision.org and www.nocirc.org -- the former founded by and run by doctors and the latter founded by an RN. They know a LOT about circumcision and what to do post-circumcision, not just intactness.

There is no such thing as the foreskin "regrowing." It doesn't happen, period. And it's not going to "grow over" your son's urethra. It simply won't. People don't regenerate lost organs -- once something is cut off, it stays cut off.

What has most likely happened is that your son has a loose circumcision, because whoever did it left a lot more of the foreskin on than used to be done when every single millimeter of the foreskin was removed. The reason doctors started doing looser circs was because the penis actually needs ALL of the foreskin to have a normal, natural erection with enough skin for the erection to grow into. The older style of tight circs left many men with very uncomfortable erections, with the skin super-taut, sometimes tearing, sometimes drawing scrotal skin and hairs up onto the shaft, sometimes pulling the penis really sharply to one side or another.

So now many docs do looser circs -- but there's problems with that approach, too, in that the wounded penis is trying to heal and is trying to restore the foreskin to its natural state in the infant of being bonded to the head of the penis.

In either case, the foreskin is simply not going to grow to cover up the urethra, and the urologist is likely doing much more harm than good by ripping your son's penis open every month.

I would stop that immediately and get some professional advice from someone who *actually knows what they're talking about.* Who is neither your ped (who wasn't used to seeing looser circs and freaked you out unnecessarily) and not your urologist (who is giving you the most ridiculous nonsense about this "growing over the urethra").

And what you REALLY don't want to do is to have MORE of your son's foreskin cut off -- because there is no "extra." Babies are born with exactly the right amount of foreskin, and cutting more off does not produce a better result and will leave him with a) less skin to accommodate his erection when he grows up and b) fewer nerve endings.

The best thing to do really is to leave it alone. No more messing around with it.

Also, just FYI, your story isn't rare at all, sadly -- it's very, very common for parents to think their son's circ has been botched -- it happens all the time because there's a) no magic dotted line saying "cut here" and b) no way to know how a circ will turn out. It's just a roll of the dice every time.

Hang in there, and please do contact Doctors Opposing Circumcision and NOCIRC!
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#10 of 22 Old 11-02-2010, 01:43 PM
 
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I'm so sorry that happened to your LO. Thank you for sharing your story.

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#11 of 22 Old 11-02-2010, 01:56 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Quirky View Post
Mama, I'm so sorry for your pain and for that of your son!

However, I think you've been victimized by the ignorance of your pediatrician and the urologist, and I think you need to a) stop having your son's remmant foreskin retracted every month, and b) get a second opinion.

I would start by contacting www.doctorsopposingcircumcision.org and www.nocirc.org -- the former founded by and run by doctors and the latter founded by an RN. They know a LOT about circumcision and what to do post-circumcision, not just intactness.

There is no such thing as the foreskin "regrowing." It doesn't happen, period. And it's not going to "grow over" your son's urethra. It simply won't. People don't regenerate lost organs -- once something is cut off, it stays cut off.

What has most likely happened is that your son has a loose circumcision, because whoever did it left a lot more of the foreskin on than used to be done when every single millimeter of the foreskin was removed. The reason doctors started doing looser circs was because the penis actually needs ALL of the foreskin to have a normal, natural erection with enough skin for the erection to grow into. The older style of tight circs left many men with very uncomfortable erections, with the skin super-taut, sometimes tearing, sometimes drawing scrotal skin and hairs up onto the shaft, sometimes pulling the penis really sharply to one side or another.

So now many docs do looser circs -- but there's problems with that approach, too, in that the wounded penis is trying to heal and is trying to restore the foreskin to its natural state in the infant of being bonded to the head of the penis.

In either case, the foreskin is simply not going to grow to cover up the urethra, and the urologist is likely doing much more harm than good by ripping your son's penis open every month.

I would stop that immediately and get some professional advice from someone who *actually knows what they're talking about.* Who is neither your ped (who wasn't used to seeing looser circs and freaked you out unnecessarily) and not your urologist (who is giving you the most ridiculous nonsense about this "growing over the urethra").

And what you REALLY don't want to do is to have MORE of your son's foreskin cut off -- because there is no "extra." Babies are born with exactly the right amount of foreskin, and cutting more off does not produce a better result and will leave him with a) less skin to accommodate his erection when he grows up and b) fewer nerve endings.

The best thing to do really is to leave it alone. No more messing around with it.

Also, just FYI, your story isn't rare at all, sadly -- it's very, very common for parents to think their son's circ has been botched -- it happens all the time because there's a) no magic dotted line saying "cut here" and b) no way to know how a circ will turn out. It's just a roll of the dice every time.

Hang in there, and please do contact Doctors Opposing Circumcision and NOCIRC!
My thoughts exactly!

Bring back the old MDC
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#12 of 22 Old 11-03-2010, 12:55 AM
 
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Quirky, I think by "re-growing", the doctor meant adhesions, and those are unfortunately a very real side effect of circs, botched or otherwise.

Akmommy, so sorry for your son's woes, but I'm thankful you and your husband are sharing your story in an attempt to warn others. Circumcision is a surgery. It can have unfortunate side effects.
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#13 of 22 Old 11-03-2010, 10:02 PM
 
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I am so sorry your son is having to suffer through this.

Its great that you are sharing your story, hopefully you can prevent this happening to other babies. I hope everything works out okay with your son.

Jessica, mom of Julienne (3) and Sebastian (1)
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#14 of 22 Old 11-06-2010, 11:43 AM
 
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Akmommy, thank you for having the courage to share your story. It is through stories such as yours that people will stop and think again about how they view circumcision. I suspect that you may find some healing in speaking out.
I would also encourage you to take Quirky's advice. I do hope your DS heals O.K.
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#15 of 22 Old 11-06-2010, 11:54 AM
 
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OP, thank you so much for sharing your son's story. We are expecting our 3rd baby (currently have girls) and we are trying to decide what to do if this one is a boy. My DH and I disagree for the exact reasons you and your DH did. But reading this helped my DH to see it "my" way and now he says he won't fight for our son (if it's a son) to be circ'ed. This is a big weight lifted for me, since I was really wasn't going to back down and I don't think my DH was either. So, if our baby is a boy he will be intact. I'm sorry that your son has had to go through this, and I really, sincerely thank you for sharing.

Jess, married to awesome hubby Tim, mom to DD1 (6-06), DD2 (2/08)
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#16 of 22 Old 01-09-2011, 08:49 AM
 
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Originally Posted by akmommy907 View Post

He is in absolute agony during it 
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#17 of 22 Old 01-09-2011, 08:56 AM
 
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I tried to edit my post, but nothing happened weird.

anyway, what i was saying is that it looks like the doctor keeps retracting your son (since he is in agony, as you wrote). This should never happen. Please keep that (and other's) doctor's hands away from your son's penis. retractions will lead to infections and scar tissue forming, leading to true phimosis in the future (when it fails to retract when time comes because scar tissue is not flexible). it is also very traumatic (both physically and emotionally) to your baby. There is no reason to retract. Most circumcision adhesions will retract on its own when time comes and hormonal changes occure if left alone.

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#18 of 22 Old 01-09-2011, 08:58 PM
 
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Adhesions happen a lot more than we are told in the literature.  At my moderately sized hospital, I personally know 4 nurses who's sons had adhesions.  The mother baby nurses tell me that it is a fairly common occurance.

 

My nephew almost died from his circ.  He needed 2  units of blood transfused.  Unfortunately, my SIL made an educated (thanks to me) decision.


Janel ~ wife and mother of 4, L&D RN, midwifery student
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#19 of 22 Old 01-11-2011, 08:25 AM
 
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My nephew was circ'd - and it wasn't done properly.  While his mother has the option of getting it re-done, she's not going to bother.  it's not a full circ, but it's not a fully botched job, either.

 

One more reason why I am opting not to circ my son.  Different doctors, different areas for sure - but that's besides the point.  Mommy and daddy are all-natural - why can't our children be?


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#20 of 22 Old 01-11-2011, 12:17 PM
 
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The new looser circs if left alone to heal are a "better" option because it actually leaves skin to grow into compared to the high and tight circs of the past. The problem is that many parents see it as not done right because there is so much skin left compared to what it used to be so many boys end up undergoing another circ leading to more complications. It is better to just leave it be until the boy is old enough to choose to have it redone or not. Of course the best option is to keep the boy intact to begin with.

 
SAHMlady.gifread.giflovin' trekkie.giffan intactivist.gifwinner.jpg to loveeyes.gifenergy.gifDD 10/00 & superhero.gifmoon.gifDS 10/04 ribbonpb.gifIf your ds is intact, keep him safe, visit the Case Against Circ forumnocirc.gifCirc, a personal choice, Your sonsyes.gifbrokenheart.gif11/98brokenheart.gif6/99ribbonbrown.gifanti-tobaccoribbonyellow.gifThyroid cancer survivor. With cat.gif& goldfish.gif & (Boxer)dog2.gif wishing 4 whale.gif&ribbonwhite.gifsigncirc1.gifselectivevax.gifdelayedvax.gif

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#21 of 22 Old 01-11-2011, 12:40 PM
 
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We actually have some good friends who chose to circ their son (their third child, first son), for reasons unclear/unknown to me, but I'm guessing it was either "hygiene" or "to match dad." At any rate, I had our two oldest in the tub, and their son jumped in with them, and I honestly thought he had not been circ'd!! It looked for all the world like my intact sons. Somehow, later, it came up in conversation, and the mom (a very good friend whom I really like) said, "if it was going to be done, the doctor cut too little off. it wasn't worth it, and in the end, we should've left it alone." Not exactly saying that she wouldn't have done it at all, but at least a recognition that they exposed him to something risky that didn't even show the cosmetic result they "intended."

 

I did say that I thought he (the little boy) was lucky, since he had so much skin left (and presumably the frenulum), and that I expected he'd be glad later that no more had been cut off. Not sure the parents were sold, but at least I said it.

 

Hopefully they won't let/encourage him to re-circ later on ...

 

Anyway, another anecdote about a (very) "loose" circ. If it has to be done, the very loose circ is, IMHO, "better" than the old way. Intact is still best, though!!

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#22 of 22 Old 01-11-2011, 02:07 PM
 
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To the OP: thanks for having the courage to submit your story.  Is it possible that you can elaborate on what you mentioned about your DH compromising so much for you and so he got to get his way on circ'ing?  This seems to be a common thing I have been told from the moms I know who have circ'd because Dad wanted it.  I have never understood what it meant.  What all are these DH's compromising on?


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